#and I meant it to be a little post going like 'haha it's gonna take a while to update'
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Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD
Heeey-ho!
I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T
Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"
Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition
As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.
They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/
Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)
(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)
As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.
Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.
Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".
I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).
All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.
When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.
I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.
That's all I can do.
You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese
So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.
Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.
Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.
I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.
You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.
I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.
Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha
THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.
(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)
Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)
youtube
That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha
I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.
So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.
Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.
Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.
I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)
kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')
That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.
Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D
*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*
***
And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:
I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN
#polaris speaks#update#life update#writing update#personal post#personal rant#ranting#rant post#and I meant it to be a little post going like 'haha it's gonna take a while to update'#but decided to be honest#I always think it's good when people I admire admit going through tough times or trauma or being broke or just overall not good#it makes me be less harsh on myself regarding everything I guess#so I thought this vulnerability from my part could do someone some good as it does for me when other people are vulnerable#I mean I'm hating it#seriously considering deleting this post once it goes live#don't know if I'm gonna do that but for now#I hope it helps someone#I really do#(don't worry Vergil is judging me from the distance the man would probably beat the shit out of me or hug me no in betweens with him)#Youtube
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IM STUPID i thought you meant we can send in a max of three number and member pairings for you to choose from for ur milestone event 🧍♀️pls ignore my first ask (ONLY IF U HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET AJDJSK)
can i have “Could he make you feel as good as i do?” + “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” For gyugyu 🥺 i still haven't recovered from the oneshot you posted yesterday 🧍♀️
FWB!MINGYU
prompt. “could he make you feel as good as i do?” + “we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”
wc. 915
warnings. fwb!gyu, fem!reader, mirror sex, jealousy, possessiveness, gyu is a bit rough, dirty talk, pet names, cumshot, tears, kinda angsty? — MINORS DNI 18+
note. god u sent this the first week of march for my THREE KAY event… now im at 4k, and i am so sorry 🤣 anyway this wasn’t proofread and it’s literally a mess, but i hope u like it anyway ;-; thank u sm for requesting (even if it did take me 8 years to get to haha)
“would you look at that?” mingyu laughs against your ear. “might wanna redo your makeup once i’m done, baby, you’ve cried it all off.”
he’s not wrong. when you open your eyes and take in the sight in front of you and nearly choke on a sob. you’re a mess– smeared eyeliner, mascara staining your cheeks and lipstick smudged around your mouth– no longer ready for your date. the one that starts 15 minutes from now.
when you’d told mingyu– a friend who you occasionally frequently fuck– you were ready to start dating again, he thought you were bluffing. how could you want to date anyone else when he was right in front of you? you and him are practically dating– you go out and do couple-y things then you go back to one of your places and you fuck– you just lack the label.
and that’s because both of you needed something sexual, but neither of you were ready for a relationship.
now that you are– now that you’re going on a date with some fucker who probably doesn’t even deserve you– he’s upset. beyond upset, actually. he’s livid.
that’s why he bent you over your bathroom’s vanity, pushed your dress up and makeup products to the ground and thought to prove himself to you.
now his hand tugs at your hair, essentially forcing you to stare at yourself while he reduces you to a mess like he does every time his cock is inside of you.
“mmh, could he make you feel as good as i do, huh? you think he knows how to make this pretty pussy feel good?” the question comes through gritted teeth and it finally clicks in your dumb little brain. “i don’t fucking think so.”
“y-you’re jealous?” you’re able to ask, though it’s choked. his reply never comes, but his thrusts get harsher– merciless– and you take it as a wordless admission, crying out your next words, “me ‘n you are jus’ friends, g-gyu!”
he tugs at your hair harder and the other hand that resides on your waist squeezes your skin gratingly. “we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” he replies, voice hushed and raw with emotion.
you do. you know it. you and mingyu are glued at the hip both figuratively and literally. there’s no one on the earth that makes you feel a quarter of what you feel for him. and you also know there isn’t a single man who could fuck you as well as mingyu does.
but when you told him you wanted to start dating, he brushed you off with a “yeah, right,” and it made you believe that there wasn’t a chance with him. you figured that the idea of you and mingyu being together was simply a dream that would never happen.
though, you’re not so sure anymore because he’s spewing out possessive words faster than you can comprehend while his cock stirs you up.
what you didn’t know was that you’ve always had mingyu in the palm of your hand. he was whipped. wrapped around your finger. he doesn’t want to share you– he never has.
“he’s never gonna make you feel this good,” he confidently states. “you’re made for me.”
“fuck!” you cry, tightening around his cock at the affirmation. “mingyu, please!”
“that’s it, pretty, say my fuckin’ name.” he moans, sloppily thrusting into you as his mind runs away from him. “look at me and tell me how much you like it.”
your eyes nearly cross as they try to find him in the mirror, but when they land on his, you feel yourself grow even hotter. “love it. i love it, gyu.”
he smiles triumphantly like he’s won the lottery. he’s sure that this is better, though. you? admitting to the fact that you love the way he fucks you? fucking priceless.
“yeah? you love my cock?” he asks, cockily, yet he knows the answer.
you give him a broken nod, “so much!”
“why don’t you cum for me, baby. cum all over this cock ‘n show me how much you love it.” he coaxes breathily, continuing to fuck you into oblivion.
you can’t stop yourself as soon as you hear his request. the tight coil in the pit of your tummy comes undone as you sob out his name. you trap his twitching cock between his spasming cunt all the while he fucks you through your blinding orgasm. every second feels more euphoric than the last, more tears running down your face at the pleasure.
mingyu isn’t far behind you with the way you grip him so heavenly. he’s quickly pulling out, the hand in your hair coming to wrap around his cock. you whine at the loss of his warmth, but you’re pleasantly surprised when you hear the lewd noise of his hand vigorously pumping himself and the sounds of his pretty groans.
he lets out a string of curses, hand moving quicker before his body jerks and his ribbons of his cum spurt out. some of it lands on your bare ass, but the majority ends up on your date outfit. he can’t help but smile at the fact that he’s ruined your pretty outfit. one meant for someone who isn’t him.
“actually, i think you should cancel your date.” he pants. “ be sure to tell him that you’re taken now.”
he watches the way you nod and he can’t help but feel proud of himself. you’re his and he’s yours.
© cheolhub — all rights reserved, please refrain from copying, reposting, modifying or translating my work on any platform.
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— I will always come to your aid (AFAB!Reader)
AMAB!Reader has also been posted!
including: Jing Yuan
cw: !!NSFW!!, afab!reader, grammar and spelling errors possible, pwp but barely, hinted that reader has a s1ze k1nk, f1ng3r1ng, reader is a little sarcastic, still spreading my Jing Yuan is a Bastard (affectionate) agenda, masturbat1on, getting caught masturbat1ng, d1rty talk, cum eat1ng, no use of y/n, reader can be interpreted as the trailblazer but they are NOT stelle/caelus, safe sane and consensual
w/c: 2k
a/n: people liked strip starchess so much so here is another one of my brainrots... i dont usually like this troupe that much but i find myself excusing anything and everything for jing yuan so here we are. for my male reader likers i got u, its being posted right after this so you guys can enjoy too :3. also just remember that this is NOT stelle/caelus, its the you haha, i dont like shipping the raccoons with anyone as a personal pref so im just making that clear :3. anyways same warning as last time this is like my third time writing smut and also english isnty my first language. enjoy!!
The crisis on the Xianzhou Luofu was mostly over.
Which meant you had to leave the man you had fallen head over heels in love with.
Well— love may be an exaggeration but you weren't fucking around when it came to him.
Jing Yuan.
Your eyes had been hooked onto him the second you two met, his pleasant smile, his calm demeanor, his body—fuck, everything about him enamored you.
You could only wish that there was some other universe where he reciprocated your feelings.
You departed with a respectful nod of the head, despite wanting to smoosh your face between his pecs and cry about never getting to see them again.
The only hope that you did have though, was the jade abacus he had gifted you and your companions.
“No matter how astronomically distant you are, The Luofu Cloud Knights will always come to the aid of the Crew, whatever your need may be.”
Of course, his next sentence was to not use it for trivial matters when he saw March’s reaction, much to your amusement.
There was a discussion on who should keep the jade abacus, March being ruled out first much to her annoyance.
It landed between you and Dan Heng and given his history with the Xianzhou Luofu, he handed it to you.
That's how you ended up here, standing in front of your locked door with the abacus in your hand.
What if you grip it— You need to rinse your brain with cold water at this point…
You flopped onto bed, letting the exhaustion of the day seep into your bones as the plush blanket and pillows surrounded you.
You threw the abacus to your side, you'll take care of it later, not like you're gonna need it right now anyway.
Your mind flooded with images of Jing Yuan, his voice and everything you had been through together.
Fuck.
Your hand drifted towards your pussy, already feeling some wetness gathering at the thought of what you were about to do.
— Touch yourself to the thought of the General of the Cloud Knights on the Xianzhou Luofu, one of the most powerful beings to ever exist in history.
You shook your doubts away, he's just Jing Yuan to you.
You took off your shorts in record speed, tossing your panties along with it.
You never really touched yourself that often so you tried to imagine your hand being his instead.
You rubbed your clit, gasping at the cold touch of your fingers on the warm flesh.
How would he touch you?
He'd take his time, surely. He's not one to rush things— He'd work you open slowly for his cock—fuck, you're sure it's in proportion with how goddamn large his body is.
You moaned as you inserted two fingers inside you. You wanted to imagine Jing Yuan doing it, really, But, you also wanted an orgasm quickly so you can sleep. So, you just decided to go with imagining his voice talking to you.
You pistoned your fingers in and out, curling them at the spot only you could reach with your much smaller hands.
It was too intense, the thought of his deep voice guiding you through was enough to get your orgasm to graze along the edges of your belly slowly, building up to be a strong one.
You grabbed the blanket next to you, gripping it tightly as you whispered Jing Yuan's name and continued thrusting your fingers inside you.
You swear the normal part of your brain recognised you gripping an object while gripping the blanket as well but you were genuinely too out of it to care in the slightest.
You're just about to orgasm when everything in your room rattles, as if there's an earthquake.
Which should be impossible considering you are literally on a massive train that travels through space.
You let go of the blanket and sit up in shock, looking around to see what happened.
…With your fingers still inside you.
“Followers of the Nameless, I am here to assist you, tell me about the situ— Oh.”
You blinked.
Jing Yuan blinked.
Oh. Fuck.
You scrambled, ripping your fingers out and slapping your lower half with a pillow.
“J-Jing Yuan I-”
You gulped, trying to calm your racing heart, you just got caught masturbating by your crush.
Life is going great.
Your cheeks and ears were beet red now, opening and closing your mouth as you tried to say something, anything to get you out of this situation.
Jing Yuan was just as surprised, if not astonished, by the scene that had unfolded in front of him.
He was finishing up some paperwork that Lady Fu had so kindly delivered to him in the Alchemy Commission when suddenly, the jade abacus he had clipped to his belt loop started vibrating.
Not one to panic, he quickly unhooked it and got it closer to his ear, so that he could hear what the Express were asking of.
What he didn't expect was to hear the voice of his crush, the one that he has acquired after decades of not entertaining any romantic relationships, whispering and calling out his name.
Okay, maybe now he should panic.
Without a second thought, Jing Yuan summoned his weapon and gripped the jade abacus back, signaling it to teleport him to your location.
Paperwork be damned he would rather lose a hundred years of his life if it mean you would be safe.
That landed him here, in front of a half-naked (and very surprised) you.
He dissolved his weapon into thin air and folded his arms against his chest.
“Well, this is a surprise.”
“Wow, you don't say.”
Jing Yuan raised an eyebrow at your tone.
“S-sorry, I don't know how you got here.”
An interesting turn of events.
“... Did you not call for me?”
“No, Why would I? Even if I did, how did you just…magically appear here?”
“Oh, dear.”
“What?”
“The jade abacus. I think you… I think you gripped it while you were…busy.”
He looked into your eyes and back down at the pillow that was barely covering your lower half.
“The jade aba—”
You cut yourself off, turning to your side to where you had thrown it, only to find the wretched object to be in the center of your crumpled blanket.
“Fuck.”
“Jing Yuan— I am so, so , so, sorry, I swear this was an honest mistake and I'll—”
Jing Yuan cut you off with the raise of his hand.
“I forgive you.”
“Really? Great let me j—”
“On one condition.”
Of course there’s a catch.
You sighed begrudgingly.
“What do you need help with?”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
Your eyes widened but before you could let out your protests, Jing Yuan spoke up again.
“You let me help you finish.”
The gall of this man.You’re still going to take the chance that he doesn’t know what you were doing.
“Finish what?”
You tried to sound innocent but your voice came out breathier than you wanted it to be.
“Dont play coy now, you know exactly what I mean.”
Your face burnt in embarrassment as you looked away.
Jing Yuan dragged your desk chair and got it to the front of your bed before sitting down and making himself comfortable, propping one leg on the other and leaning back.
“Go on, show me exactly what you were doing before I got here,hm?”
“I can’t.”
Jing Yuan paused, shit, had he misread the situation? Maybe he should—
“I can’t do it without you.”
You had covered your red face at this point, way too embarrassed to look him in the eye while speaking.
Jing Yuan just about lost it at that, abandoning all doubt and pouncing on you, grabbing your face to take you in a devouring kiss.
He threw the pillow covering your bottom half in a random direction, quickly pecking you on the cheeks before pulling your hand over his.
“Guide me.”
You nodded shyly and pushed his hand towards your dripping pussy again.
Fuck. His hands were just the way you imagined them.
Warm and big, enough to hold your own two hands.
His hand (under your guidance and insistence) cupped your pussy and grinded the heel of his palm into your sensitive clit.
“I’ve barely touched you, were you this wet while we were talking,hm? Did it turn you on to have me catch you in such an embarrassing state?”
Jing Yuan whispered in your ear as he hovered over you and you thanked every aeon known for this opportunity because fuck, your imagination did not do any justice to how good the general was.
Jing Yuan dipped the tip of his finger in your core, not entering but adding just enough stimulation for you to feel something there.
“Answer me.”
“No, I swear I didn’t, Jing Yuan, please—”
Jing Yuan smiled, he didn’t know you would be this easy to subdue.
He gently thrusted his finger inside, watching your face for any discomfort or resistance.
But, he was only met with your blissed out face, as you gasped in pleasure from his ministartions.
“Were you able to reach here?” He curled his finger upwards, hitting your sensitive spot just right.
You threw your hand over your mouth, pinching your mouth shut and praying, once again, to all the aeons you knew that the other passengers on the Express were dead asleep and couldn’t hear you. Granted, your room was the last in the carriage and had a decent amount of sound proofing but, you were still not risking it.
Your snapped out of your worries when Jing Yuan pushed in another finger alongside the one that was already in you.
“It looks like you’re getting distracted, maybe I’m not doing my job well enough?”
“N—Fuck, Its good, I’m sorry—Shit—”
Jing yuan simply kissed your head affectionately like he wasnt fingering you to hell and back right now and picked up the pace of his fingers.
Your hand was just gripping his wrist and you werent sure if it was to egg him to continue or get him to slow down and stop.
Maybe both.
Your head rolled back on the bed, exposing your bare neck to Jing Yuan as he immediately took the opportunity to cover your neck in kisses, Aeons be dammed. There's no way hes letting you walk out of this room unmarked and not carrying any proof of the evening you spent with him.
You gasped as your orgasm finally, finally overtook you. You shook in the general’s grasp as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out, drawing out the pleasure.
Taking his soaked fingers out, he popped them in his mouth, savouring the taste while you recovered from the intense bout of sensations you just went through.
You propped yourself up on your elbows again, looking at Jing Yuan owlishly as your head cleared from the horniness.
Jing Yuan only smiled at you before holding your head and kissing your forehead again before gathering you in his arms.
“Call me old fashioned or old but I do believe in the proper process of courting someone and,”
He looked into your eyes as he cupped your face in one palm and brushed the thumb along the seam of your chin.
“I think we skipped a few steps.”
“Yeah, no shit, general.”
He laughed at that, his chest shaking as the deep sound rumbled from his throat, you blushed again.
You were in the arms of the man you’ve wanted to kiss since you stepped foot on the Xianzhou ship.
You covered your burning face with your palms again as Jing Yuan’s laughter died down into little chuckles.
“We did all of that and youre getting shy now?”
“Shut up. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”
“Wanted what? To get fingered by me?”
“No! — I mean that too, I guess, but I meant being held by you! Stop playing games, Jing Yuan.”
Jing Yuan only laughed as he took his free hand and grabbed your hands, turning them towards him one after the other and kissing the palm.
“I jest, I jest. But, I must stay here for the night. I’m afraid I cant travel back to the Xianzhou Luofu seeing as we aren’t closeby.”
You smiled.
Jing Yuan’s eyes twinkled in mischief right back at you.
“Be my guest.”
#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#honkai star rail smut#honkai star rail x reader#jing yuan smut#jing yuan x you#afab reader
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phil and cellbit hcs?
VESPER YOUR MIND...
qPhil headcanons masterlist
When Phil needs answers on something, he goes straight to Cellbit (at least pre-Purgatory, he's switched to Bagi over the months bc they've gotten much closer).
Another reason he's so pissed abt the reset is bc the Feds took them the fuck away from The Order, which had all of Cellbit's tools for figuring out the weird new shit they encounter on QI
ANOTHER reason Phil hates the reset is bc there's not much weird shit going on over here? It's just?? Capitalism?? There's nothing to take pictures of for Cellbit. And he really misses dropping an entire goldmine of new pictures for theorizing on Cellbit and watching how excited he gets about it :(
See, Phil and Cellbit were close prior to Purgatory; look at the Order, Phil picking his domain (idr their formal names), etc. But Purgatory did.. something. I mean, it did something to all of Bolas, but something extra to these two's friendship. The leader role, the way Cellbit fell into a sort-of second in command & substitute when Phil wasn't around, Phil (was meant to be) rescuing Cellbit & Baghs. It was teamwork and brothers in arms shit to a degree they'd previously not reached. It's permanently intensified their bond and trust in each other. Which I can't wait to see unfold if Cellbit keeps getting worse. >:D
It's a 50/50 if Phil is concerned about Cellbit's (re)rising murderous tendencies and potentially "resurfacing" cannibal habits or if he's just like "Haha, friend is stabby, lookit him go. :)"
I have a hot take. Roier to Etoiles in Purgatory is Cellbit to Phil. Loyal attack dog more than happy to create bloodshed for their equally scary leader. The authority aspect has kinda gone away post-Purgatory but Cellbit will still kill a man if Phil says do it. Phil wouldn't ask that of him if he didn't have a good reason.
Phil is super awed and inspired by Cellbit's building skills. Idiot will be like "damn, wish I could build like that" as if he can't. Bitch you just refuse to!!! (I want these two to build something big and sick together so bad)
I don't know how things would've played out if Cellbit was present for EK possession things but I know it would've been fucked up and intense. And I can't explore it in AMFMN because Cellbit & Baghera are still missing in it. 😔
That said, Cellbit gets told Phil was possessed by some old piece of shit he used to know and is immediately like "Phil I will fight god for you, I don't give a FUCK"
Phil absolutely loves watching Richas take on more and more of Cellbit's unhinged traits. He's a bit worried he's gonna become a little ball of murder too, but Richas has like half the fucking island as parents, he'll be fiiiiiine.
I don't remember if qPhil knows about the Purgatory 2 murder spree stuff but I like to think he doesn't yet because boy would his reaction be spicy :) If he does know and I've forgotten, he 100% didn't entirely process just How fucked it was.
As close as they've become and as,, kinda chill? Phil has been about the whole murder thing?? He's still deeply worried about Cellbit in other ways post-Purgatory. Dude's seemed withdrawn, he can't remember the last time he saw him with Roier, and just overall things have been different to a degree Phil is sure isn't normal or a slow bounce-back period. But every time he has a free moment to check in, Cellbit's never around.
Actually, as Cellbit gets worse, I think Phil will go from chill with how things have been worsening to Oh Fuck because he's gonna see a lot of his Antarctic self in him. It's not like Phil isn't proud of that era or anything, but. Mentally and emotionally? Being cold and merciless like that takes a toll. One Cellbit shouldn't subject himself to.
Phil cannot for the life of him Not laugh whenever Pac brings up the whole. Leg eating thing. Pac is so out of pocket about it nowadays bc it happened so long ago and Phil gets whiplash from the casual jokes every time. I think if Cellbit made jokes about it Phil would keel over.
Just out of spite and for the sake of clarity: Phil is not Cellbit's fucking parental figure. Cellbit is not his son. They are grown ass men. They are friends. Colleagues. Confidants if we wanna stretch things a bit. There is nothing familial about their bond.
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nav | chapter XXI | masterlist | playlist | pin board
Chapter XXII: Blood Sugar Sex Magik
tags/warnings (spoilers below the cut!): MDNI 18+ ONLY! angst, drama, confession, tension, ALL YOUR FAVORITES! rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, afab!gnc!reader, mentions of reader being bisexual. dual pov
a/n: buckle up people it’s a doozy. i think you’ll like it though.
cw: unprotected p in v, oral (afab receiving), graphic content not meant for people under 18. MDNI, NSFW.
a/n: haha. hey. hi guys. sorry for all that waiting… i hope it was worth it. This chapter is a little different, no prologue flashback, one scene instead of multiple. Decided this deserved its own chapter. a nice lil mindless sex scene for your reading pleasure. thanks SO SO MUCH for reading, and for your patience!
Disclaimer: i do not give permission to repost my work, please let me know if you see my writing posted anywhere else. reblogs welcome and encouraged to support the author!
—
Your POV
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. You were drunk, but not too drunk to forget what you’d said last night.
The sunlight streams through the blinds, giving the room an orange glow. It’s early, but the bed next to you is empty. Understandably. Shit! You sit up, groaning as the movement makes your head throb. You’re in your underwear, and the shirt you’d worn to the bar last night. You can feel the underwire of your bra digging into your flesh. There was absolutely no reason to go that crazy last night, not if this is the aftermath.
As you’re gaining the courage to stand, the door swings open, and you catch Eddie’s eyes for a millisecond before he looks to the floor, face beet red, breakfast burrito clenched in his grip.
“Sorry, shit, I thought you would have left by now.” Eddie tries to leave the room, but you stop him before you know what you’re doing.
“Wait! Wait,” He stops, slowly stepping back into the room. “Eddie, I am so sorry.” You blurt the words out before you can chicken out. “That was so unfair to you. I was so wasted and I was celebrating, and I wanted to tell you about it but I-”
“Y/n,” Eddie’s voice is calm, firm. “Slow down.”
You take a deep breath, centering yourself. Your head has stopped spinning since Eddie’s appearance in front of you, but you try not to make too much of that. He’s dressed in his usual attire, a pair of black ripped jeans, beat up sneakers, and a well worn band t-shirt. Today’s choice just so happens to be the homemade, one of a kind Death Dance Approximately shirt you’d given to Eddie a lifetime ago. He’s since cropped it right above his navel, exposing his midriff, including a tattoo you’d forgotten existed: Your initials on his hip bone.
Shit!
“Okay,” You start, unsure of how you’re gonna dig yourself out of this one.”I want to apologize.”
Eddie’s face contorts, confusion carved into his features. He leans against the wall, still so far away from you.
“What for?”
You gesture loosely to the air. “Well, you know, everything. Last night.”
“Everything, huh?” If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he sounds hurt.
“It wasn’t fair. I was drunk, I shouldn’t have barged in here, put you in that position.” You trip over yourself, feeling your throat tighten. Do not fucking cry right now.
“Well,” Eddie draws the word out slowly as he pushes off the wall and towards you. “I can only accept that apology under a certain condition.” He looms over where you sit on the edge of the bed, surrounding you. He smells freshly like cigarettes and mint, clouding your brain as he fills your senses.
“And what would that condition be?” You try to sound unbothered, but your words come out meek, nervous.
“If you mean it or not.”
You gape at him, unblinking, waiting for him to crack, to say “Nah, I'm just kiddin’! We don’t have to get into this right now!” But he doesn’t. He takes another bite of his breakfast instead before tossing it on the dresser, completely unfazed by your silence.
“Do I mean that I'm sorry?” You’re playing very, very dumb right now.
Eddie isn’t willing to drop it, though. “Sweetheart, c’mon. We’re adults. I thought we were over this tiptoeing shit.” He cocks his head to the side, eyes rolling.
“I-” You huff, flustered with the way his neck flexes.. “Look. I didn’t want it to happen like that.” You look at him, determined to get through this without actually admitting anything. “I didn’t mean to say it.”
“Why not?” Eddie shrugs, like this is no big fucking deal.
–
Eddie’s POV
He really hopes you can’t tell he’s sweating. He can feel his heart in his throat, choking him with every breath. He keeps his eyes on you to focus. He can’t let you go again. Not after those words have left your mouth.
“Why not?!” You shake your head at him, frustration practically bursting out of your ears. Good, he thinks, you deserve to squirm a little. “How about, because this is what happened the first time? We moved too fast, we didn’t think, and look how that ended up! Or, how about, you’re supposed to be getting well, and the last fucking thing you need is me distracting you. Or, because if this doesn’t go well, we still have another month on the road together! And the fans, what are they gonna say when-”
“Stop.” Eddie shakes his head, kneeling on the floor in front of you. He should be pissed, but he can’t bring himself to be even a little upset. He has the upperhand now, and all he wants is to hear you say it again. Sober, this time. “Please, just tell me if you mean it.”
–
Your POV
I should lie to him. It’s not a good idea to tell him, not right now. You could take it back, this is your chance to make everything go back to that uncomfortable, tension riddled “normal” you’ve become so used to with Eddie. Things would be so much easier if you could just lie to him. But the way he’s looking at you, with a hopeful discretion, chocolate eyes wet with unfallen tears. makes every rational thought slide out of your brain, only leaving room for the way he’s pleading with you, wordlessly, as his hands grip yours tightly, hopefully.
“I mean it. Of course I fucking mean it, Eddie.” You barely get the words out before he’s climbing on top of you, hands letting go of yours to find purchase on the mattress either side of you, and you let yours fly to his hair, tangling your fingers through it like it’s second nature. You are quickly overwhelmed by him, your space completely infiltrated. The walls you’d been reinforcing to keep him out now crumble without a second thought, and he’s the one behind the wrecking ball.
“Thank fucking god.” He mumbles against your lips, and you smile into the kiss as he lays you down on the mattress.
“Eddie, wait,” You come to your senses, one final time as his mouth detaches from yours. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Eddie has moved his mouth to your jaw, and you feel him chuckle against your skin as he kisses down your throat. “Even after all these years, you still doubt that I want this? That I want you?” You can feel his hand slide up your shirt, his skin lighting yours on fire. “You are all I want. All I could ever want. In fact,” He pulls himself away from your neck to look at your face. He’s serious suddenly, all traces of sweet teasing gone. “I should be the one asking if you want this.” He moves to get off of you, but you wrap your legs around his waist, holding him down. You’re tired of pretending not to want him, of avoiding how you feel because it’s easier. “I do. I really, really do.”
Eddie groans as you pull him back to your lips, letting the kiss say everything you’ve wanted to this whole tour. You hold his face in your hands, afraid he’ll disappear if you let go. His hand finds your skin again, sliding up your back to where your bra is still clasped. You’re nodding before he can even get the question out, and you feel the relief as he unhooks the fabric. He tugs your shirt off swiftly, and you let the straps of your bra slide down your shoulders.
–
Eddie’s POV
He separates from you then, getting up to kneel in front of where you lay on the bed, mostly exposed, save for your modest pair of black cotton panties. “Fuck,” The word comes out in a heavy breath as he takes in the sight before him. Your torso is littered with tattoos he’s never seen before, including one nestled between your tits. And speaking of, he can’t help but let his eyes land on your chest, admiring how your nipples have pebbled even before he’s really touched you.
“Still beautiful as ever.” He’s mostly talking to himself, but you smile up at him, eyes crinkling around the edges, and he feels his dick throb in his too-tight pants.
“I can’t be the only one exposed here!” You exclaim through giggles, and he obliges without argument, yanking his shirt over his head before moving back towards you.
–
Your POV
He’s been shirtless in front of you a few times over the past month, but not in this context. You watch, delighted as his abdomen tightens when you run your fingers down his stomach, along his happy trail to the waistband of his pants. You rake your fingernails over his skin, trace the new ink you hadn’t yet seen up close, listening to his breath hitch when you unbutton his jeans. Before you can yank his pants down, though, Eddie grips your hand in his, moving it back to the mattress. “We’ll get to that. Let me taste you first.” If you weren’t so eager, the words would have knocked you out, but you nod again as Eddie climbs clumsily off the bed to kneel back on the floor. He takes hold of your ankles, swiftly pulling you to the end of the mattress. You feel those pesky bats in your stomach for the first time in what feels like forever, heat rushing to your face as Eddie moves further in between your legs.
He’s in no rush as he moves up your body, lingering to place soft kisses in the crevices of your knees, the plush of your thighs, the peaks of your hips. He ghosts over your clothed heat, nose grazing your mound as he watches you writhe and plead above him. He’s amused by your eagerness, you know him well enough, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You want him, need him, and you’re tired of pretending you don’t.
Eddie is about to yank your last shred of clothing from your body when there’s a knock on the door.
—
Eddie’s POV
You have got to be fucking kidding. “What?!” He shouts, irritated, relaxing only slightly when he feels you giggling underneath him.
“Have you seen Y/n?” It’s Steve, taking his morning roll call. Eddie looks to you for the answer, but you only shrug, face getting redder by the second.
He moves to get off of you, but you follow him like attracting magnets, attaching your lips to his neck as he tries to answer his friend, causing his words to get lost in the fog, only letting out a strangled “Uhh…”
“Ed?” Steve twists the doorknob, out of habit probably. You flinch, and he feels his heart crack. “Wha- yeah! Sorry, I'm a little busy right now!” He clenches his teeth to keep from moaning as you lick a stripe up the column of his throat.
“Busy? You wanna know busy?!” Eddie can picture Steve behind the door, leaning into the peephole, one hand on his hip the other gesturing wildly. As pretty as Steve may be, the image is killing Eddie’s hard-on right now.
You’re not about to let that happen, though. “Steve, go away.” A command. He shifts, dick twitching in his pants again like a fuckin’ teenager.
“I-,” Pause. “Y/n?”
“Yeah.”
Silence. Then the fading of his footsteps down the hall. Eddie wills himself to look at you again, and is rewarded with your shit eating grin. “You are such a brat.” He scoffs, no actual effort behind the insult.
You have the gall to pout at him, like you’re an innocent bystander.
“Does this mean you don’t want to fuck me anymore?”
He gapes at your question, blinking rapidly as he digests it.
—
Your POV
You’d meant it to lighten the mood, but you’ve caught him off guard. Instead of his answer, you’re greeted with another interruption beyond the door. “Hey, love birds! Steve sent me over here because it is far too awkward for him to talk to you in this position, but I, frankly, am happy to relay the information.” While Robin is talking at you, Eddie is making his way closer, lowering to the floor while you bite back laughter at the mess you've gotten yourself into.
”We check out in two hours. If you plan to live out your honeymoon a little longer, it will be on your own dime!” Eddie kisses up your leg, grazing your skin with his nose, sending chills up your spine. Robin is seemingly unaware of your state, or she genuinely does not care. “We’re all going out for dinner tonight before everyone goes home, and both of you better not skip it to cuddle up in bed, you can do that for as long as you want, starting tomorrow. Also,” Eddie’s yanking at your waistband, his body shaking with giggles that you echo despite the knot in your stomach tightening with his touch. “Why are you laughing? What are you guys even doing in there? I know you’re not still asleep.”
”Robin!” Eddie calls, voice strained against his laughter. “I’m trying to eat!”
You drop your jaw, sending a backhanded slap to his shoulder.
”Did you guys get room service? Got any extra-,”
You cut her off with an involuntary moan, caused by Eddie slipping a finger past the damp cotton barricade of your underwear to slide teasingly between your folds. You smack a hand over your mouth, but it’s too late. There’s no way she didn’t hear that.
“Are you okay in th-“ It clicks. Finally. “Oh my god. Oh my god! Are you guys fucking?!” No regard for her fellow guests, or her best friend, Robin is cackling on the other side of the door. You’re in crisis, and she’s laughing!
”We’re trying!” You shriek back, feeling the frustration build as Eddie’s finger circles around your clit, causing you to grind against his hand.
“Oh my god. Wait. Is this first time?! Am I interrupting? Holy shit, I am so sorry-“
”Robin!” Eddie shouts again, this time sternly, losing his patience.
“Yeah?”
”Leave.”
”Yup, yup. See ya!” And finally, the fading of her footsteps, scurrying down the hall.
Eddie turns his face back to your center, littering kisses on your thigh as he wiggles your underwear away from your body.
You can’t help but get in one last dig. “You think she’s going to tell Gareth?”
His smile drops from his face completely, jaw tightly clenched. “I have no problem ignoring him yelling at me on the other side of that door. I think at this point he knows I don’t listen to him. And, he’d probably be relieved to find out I grew a pair.”
You scoff, ready with a wise ass remark when he shuts you up with a slow, wet lick between your folds. He glides your panties the rest of the way down your legs, and you don’t miss him pocketing them before moving his hands back to your thighs.
“Fuck,” you whine, desperately clawing at the sheets as Eddie’s tongue latches to your clit, tracing eager patterns across the bud. You drop your head back to the mattress, willing your brain to turn off. Eddie groans into your pussy, rutting against the mattress as he slips a single ringed digit into your hole. You buck your hips, aching for more and blinded by how good it all feels, how familiar. You’d had your fair share of one night stands since leaving Eddie, enough to get used to the normalcy of bad sex. Now, you’re blinded by how Eddie reads your body, like you’re written in a language only he can understand.
His tongue moves in circles over your clit, fingers curling steadily inside of you. The sounds he causes you to make are wet and absolutely filthy, but you can’t bring yourself to feel any shame. It’s Eddie, after all. You can feel your desire ripple through you, the coil in your stomach tightening with each swipe of his tongue, every stroke of his finger. He doesn’t relent, keeping an agonizing pace while you grind your pussy against his face, desperate for release. In response to your begging, Eddie groans into your core, the vibrations sending a shock of pleasure up your spine, and your vision goes white.
“Eddie, I’m gonna, fuck I’m gonna come!” It doesn’t take you long to feel your resolve snap, sending your legs shaking on either side of Eddie’s head. He holds you in place, still lapping at your juices as he claws at your hips, a response to the desperate praise you sing for him, an unintelligible string of curses and his name through breathy sighs as you attempt to slow your heart down. Eddie only pulls away when you tap the top of his head lightly, signaling your overstimulation. He releases his mouth from your core with a wet pop, and you can see his lips and chin are shiny with your arousal.
“Good as you remember?” He hovers over you, teasing smirk on his swollen lips as you scoff, rolling your eyes.
“Even better, somehow.” You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling his body flush against yours. Your breathing is still ragged, heart still skipping around in your chest as he closes the gap between you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. You take his distracted state as an opportunity, tightening your grip around him, flipping him onto the mattress, landing on top of him a little less gracefully than you’d have liked, causing Eddie to burst into laughter. You’re quick to shut him up, grinding your sensitive cunt over his clothed cock, feeling it kick up at the contact. “You wanna help me get these off?” You ask sweetly, toying with the button of his jeans.
—
Eddie’s POV
“Jesus Christ, sweetheart.” His head falls against the mass of pillows, head foggy with the heat between his legs. “Keep doin’ that and I won’t even get the tip in.” Eddie grips your hips harshly, willing you to be still. Touching you doesn’t help in centering himself, though.
“What a shame that would be,” You tease, unclasping his belt as you speak. “Guess I’ll have to move quickly.” Eddie gets the hint, tucking his thumbs into the waistband to assist in getting his stupidly tight jeans off. He’ll curse himself about it another time, though. Right now, he’s solely focused on you, yanking his pants and underwear from his body, and tossing them to the floor carelessly before straddling him again.
You’ve always been a tease, and even all of this time apart hasn’t changed that, Eddie notices. You move slowly, sliding the length of his cock between your wet folds, head lolled to the side as you close your eyes, as if focusing into the feeling between your body and his. Eddie bites back a groan as he watches your performance, awestruck by the closeness. You infiltrate his senses, and he wills himself not to close his eyes from the pleasure.
Finally, after what feels like eternity, his swollen tip catches on your entrance, jolting him into action. He takes his cock in his hand, preparing to line up to your center the way he must have hundreds of times before. Even after these years apart, the distance both emotionally and physically between you, it is a second nature to him. You’re about an inch away when he has a moment of clarity.
“Wait,”
You huff in complaint. “Seriously?”
“I don’t have a condom.”
–
Your POV
That has never stopped him before, and you can feel the panic in your throat as you ask the question. “Have you ben fucking other people?”
He stutters, “Well, I-”
“Wait. Don’t answer that. Did you wear one when you were fucking other people?”
“Of course.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay. I’m on the pill, you’re being safe.” You shrug. Nonchalant. Not desperate at all.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“When you fuck other people, do they… ?”
“I just said I’m on the pill.”
“Yeah, okay, but you don’t know who these guys are, what diseases-”
“Okay, Eddie, stop. First of all, how do you know what genetalia the people I’m fucking have?”
That shuts him up. “Yeah. Also, if you must know, I have made all the people with penises wear a rubber. Feel better?”
Eddie is silent, and you let your brain run with your panic again. The mood is dead, Eddie is over the spontaneous, passionate confession and he’s never going to speak to you again.
“Okay.” He shrugs, and before you can respond he grips your hips, guiding you down onto his cock as you roll your hips forward, taking him deeper. Without much effort, you take his entire length, reveling in the familiar stretch of your walls. He lets you set the pace at first, a vice grip on your hips as you gain your strength, bouncing on his cock as he bucks his hips into you. You feel him growing impatient though, his thrusts growing eager, hands migrating up to grab your tits. Though you would love to draw this out, make him beg you for it, you find you’re just as desperate, watching him beneath you, mouth slack and eyes glossy, a picture you’ve missed for so long.
He finally sits up, and you let him wrap an arm around your waist, flipping you onto the mattress. Effortlessly, Eddie gains control, lifting one of your legs to wrap around his waist, allowing him even deeper inside of you. The new sensation draws a guttural moan from you, unabashed and absolutely filthy.
“Fuck, I missed that sound,” Eddie speaks between grunts, seemingly hypnotized by the way his movements cause your boobs to bounce. He continues snapping his hips, prodding that spot deep inside, that only he’s ever been able to reach. “Thought about ‘em all the time. Couldn’t let myself forget those pretty noises.” All the while, you can’t form a single coherent thought, brain foggy from the heat, coil in your stomach tightening again. He looks so beautiful above you, curly bangs stuck to his face with perspiration, eyes blown out with desire.
Eddie babbles on, ever the talker. “Missed these beauties,” He holds himself up with one hand, the other squeezing your tit again teasingly, and you giggle. “And this pussy too, so much.” the same hand travels down, ghosting over your skin until he reaches between your bodies, rubbing sweet circles on your clit. “Best I ever had, only one I ever wanted. Takin’ me so well, sweetheart. You feel so fucking good.”
“I missed you too, Eddie. You make me feel so good.” It’s a whisper, all you really have the strength for. He’s panting, resting his sweaty forehead against your own as you breathe into each other’s mouths, and his smile widens with your admission. His rhythm stutters slightly, but he doesn’t relent. “Need you to say it again, baby. Wanna hear you tell me again.”
You don’t have to ask what he means. Through your haze, you can barely get the words out, but you muster enough from the way he’s looking at you. “I love you, Eddie.”
Eddie groans at your words, throwing his head into the crook of your neck, like he’s embarrassed by his sensitivity “Fuck, I love you too. I love you so much, y/n. So. Fucking. Much.” He punctuates each word with a thrust, bringing you to peak.
And he’s right behind you. “Where should I-” He lifts his head up, and he looks at you with wide, frightened eyes.
“Inside, Eddie, please come inside me.” Your breathing is ragged, legs twitching rapidly as you cry out, white knuckles gripping the mattress.
“Shit, baby, fuck!” Eddie keeps his pace until you can’t hold on, the tether finally snapping as your walls tighten around him. You throw your arms around Eddie’s shoulders, nails digging into his skin as his cock twitches. He comes with you, spilling inside of you as a shiver runs through his body. You bring your mouth to his, swallowing his whines as you both ride out your orgasms, skin sticking to skin with sweat and spit.
Reluctantly, Eddie slips himself out of you, causing you to whine at the loss. Before you can say anything, he’s rolling out of bed and into the bathroom.
—
Eddie’s POV
He needs a minute. Maybe an hour. Realistically he’s gonna need a month. Shit. Regret isn’t the right word. Ashamed, maybe, of his lack of resolve when the subject comes to you. He’s vulnerable, exposed. He tries to shake the intrusive voice from his brain yelling in his ear that he doesn’t deserve to be loved, especially not by you.
“Eds?” Your voice pulls him from his thoughts, and he takes a deep, heavy breath before returning to you with a wet cloth.
“Sorry, got a little lost.” He chuckles, suddenly unsure how to approach this. Post sex for Eddie lately had consisted of a brief wave and a paid cab at most. Something tells him that isn’t the correct approach this time.
“Where’d you go?” You tilt your head, lending your ear like nothing’s changed since yesterday.
Eddie shakes his head. He won’t let himself ruin this again. “Nowhere more important than here.” He slips the cloth between your legs, gently wiping your inner thighs as he speaks. “Just had to pinch myself a few times.”
When you smile at him, he forgets everything he’s supposed to be worried about. He can only smile back, briefly before he kisses you again. He makes a point to be gentle, to show you he means it. Nothing is more important than here, now, with you. When your hands lace into his hair again he can’t help but sigh, as if relieved to be in your arms again.
He can’t fully shake the tension, though, and you seem to sense that. “We’ll figure this out, okay? We can talk after dinner. Just float here with me a little longer.” Your soft hand caresses his stubbled cheek, tickling him slightly as he reads your features. There is so much love in your eyes, it causes his heart to race.
Eddie nods, leaning his cheek further into your palm. You lean in again, kissing him gently as if sealing your word. He pulls you into his lap, holding you as closely as he physically can. You stay like that for awhile, before migrating to the balcony, lazily draped in t shirts as you smoke your cigarettes, enjoying each other’s presence. For now, Eddie can relax. Even for a few minutes, he is grateful for the silence.
—
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how do you feel about people getting astarion’s scars as tattoos because when i saw it i was like uh….
so i was thinking about how to answer this question for a bit and i've come to the conclusion that my struggles because i am completely gobsmacked that in 2023 we still have issues like this
i am 29 years old, which i think is very important to bring up. i've been on tumblr for over a decade, i remember when people were actually doxxed over kinning a character who did a murder once. i remember when lives were destroyed over how people chose to love a video game character. i remember when an ask like this would cause a witch hunt that ended in someone being genuinely unsafe. i think asks like this can still be dangerous, and i can't post this without making that clear. while i'd like to think this wouldn't happen anymore, i can't say for sure, i think we need to have the self awareness of what can come, when our history, as in tumblrs history, is full of things like this being actually deadly. sorry if that's a little too serious for the vibe you're putting out, but that shit was fucking traumatising and i'm not gonna pretend it wasn't, so this ask was a little scary to receive and my upcoming honesty? i'm scared to put it out there on gut instinct alone haha (insert comment about astarion kinnies here)
astarion is a video game character with intent to make you feel things, good or bad. he is designed to tell a story and attach you to that story. he is designed to make your little brain juices sizzle when he says a funny or makes you sad. i'm sure this is obvious, but your concern for what people do with these feelings makes me think it might not be.
the scars are fucking cool design. they were made to be fucking cool. you're meant to look at them the first time you do and go WHOA.... it is very easy to appreciate the work and effort that went into them by whomever designed them, they have a lot to be proud about. if someone wants the scars as a tattoo because they think it's cool, more power to them. that's a fucking expensive tattoo, it would take a long ass time to be finished and heal, it would never be an easy decision for these facts alone.. and adults can do whatever they like with their money. he doesn't exist, he isn't real, he can't be offended by this, and you shouldn't be either.
and now i have to get sensitive with it because astarions story, whether you want to think of this or not, can, and will, resonate with abused people. many kinds of people of course, but most especially abuse victims. as a victim myself, parts of his story hit just a little too close to home and hurt. now think of someone who might have it hit closer to home than it did for me, someone who finds more connection with what astarion went through and what they went through. now imagine how important astarion is to that person, his reclaiming of autonomy, his reclaiming of agency, etc. i can see someone wanting the scars as tattoos because then in their mind they can be astarion and do what astarion did. they can be closer to astarion and use that strength to survive and push through. they can feel what he felt and survive (obviously it's not the same, but it's the symbolism). unfortunately you cannot dismiss that some people may be doing it out of a place of trauma and using astarion to help them heal. i'm not arguing whether or not this is healthy, i've certainly done similar in my youth when it comes to relating to characters who have been abused, we all find our ways to cope, and we all find our places of strength.
astarion doesn't exist, he was created in a game studio with intent to make you feel shit, as established already, including intent to make you feel so strongly you want to put pieces of him on your skin forever, like, that's a compliment when it comes to making characters. if afhiri had something on her skin that signified trauma, and someone wanted to permanently put that on their skin? wow, she means that much to you? you liked her that much? that's a gods damn compliment. and i cannot see those who worked closely with astarions creation seeing it any other way.
what i can say is that when i was younger, 20-23ish, i probably would have given it an 'uh...' too, but as i grew older i realised that life is draining, it is hard, and there is no room to healthily view video game characters as any more than some code and 3d model that exist exclusively to make you feel something strong enough that you might want them with you forever, because that's the end goal, to make you feel that strongly, and if you wanna spend that hard earned money you make on putting the cool scars on your back, or the scars that make you feel so emotional that you cry on your back, do it. let the character whose made this rough existence a little easier or mean a little more do that for you, and if you wanna express it through a tattoo, do that, it's your body, your flesh.
i'm rambling on because i am so passionate in that life is too short to judge others via this. our lives are too hard already, life sucks enough as it is. the video game character doesn't give a shit if his scars are a tattoo because he's not real. who cares? why do you care? no, seriously, why do you care? does this help you? is it good for you? is judging someone else's decisions an act that brings you actual, real joy? is that how you want to spend your time? where you want to put your free thoughts? you don't know them, their reasoning, what they're going through, and it shouldn't matter. because their body has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i find it weird and uncomfortable that you cared enough about what someone else does with their body that you'd send me an anon about it.
i don't know whether you were looking for validation, or me to generally think about this critically, but i cannot encourage the mindset of caring about this more than "wow, i hope it looks good because that shit gonna be expeeeensive!!!" i cannot encourage sending people anon asks about it, it is strange to do that. this was strange! it was a strange experience and i don't like it. but i couldn't ignore it.
astarion might matter to you, personally, but he himself as a video game character, doesn't, because he isn't real, he has no feelings, he cannot be hurt or offended. but the person getting the tattoo? they're real. they're a real life person with feelings. they can be hurt, you can hurt them. you can judge them and bring them down and make them feel guilty for their choices. deciding whether you are the kind of person who'd do that to a living breathing person over a video game character is something you need to do. do you want to be that person? i know i certainly don't
#ask#Anonymous#sorry for putting this massive ask on everyones dash this morning this just really hit me in the gut#i cried writing this lol dgkdfgd#please don't send people asks like this#don't invite others to be judgemental and unkind#don't encourage that.. not ever#please do better#sorry if theres typos or smth doesnt make sense#this became very hard to look at
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MOOT GAME !!!!!!!!!
haha which idol would u ship ur moots with ??
Mooties game lesgaur!!
❛ @wondipity ༉‧₊˚✧
[Jungwon - Enhypen] During our conversation, Bell and I mainly talked about Jungwon. In my opinion, they would make the most perfect and adorable couple. I can vividly imagine them spending their time laughing, being affectionate and enjoying each other's company all day, every day. Their chemistry is so undeniable and their connection is so strong that it seems impossible for anyone or anything to come between them.
❛ @enmayz-deactivated20240331 ༉‧₊˚✧
[ Jake - Enhypen ] I know she deactivated her account but that won't stop me from adding her to my moot game 😿 ( I miss her) Okay! So, Lily and Jake would be the hottest and coolest couple 😍 Jake is hot same goes for Lily. Lily's not fond of men unless it's her man Jake 🤭 ahem, not gonna talk about the cowboy edit we talked ‼️ I want to be THEIR baby please adopt me.
❛ @chlorinecake ༉‧₊˚✧
Chloe is an absolutely endearing young girl, with a smile that can light up anyone's da (FIGHT ME THIS IS REAL) Riki, on the other hand, is a playful and charming guy, who loves to tease and have fun with his friends. It's easy to imagine that Riki would often pull Chloe's leg, but she wouldn't mind it one bit. In fact, she might even go ahead and dress him up in cute outfits, just to see him blush and pout. Despite Riki's apparent dislike for cute things, it's hard to deny that he secretly enjoys them when it comes to Chloe. The way he looks at her, with a mix of tenderness and mischief, makes it clear that he can't resist her charms. And while they may appear as just good friends in public, it's evident that their relationship goes deeper than that. Behind closed doors, they're passionate lovers, who share a bond that's both electric and intimate 😼
❛ @fakeuwus ༉‧₊˚✧
[Jay - Enhypen] Whenever Jay is mentioned, Nichi will appear. Where there is Jay, there is Nichi. I think Nichi and Jay would be the softest and calmest couple, always following each other around. I can see them staring at each other's eyes under the Moon, spending their time under the blanket cuddling like there's no tomorrow. In their own little world, isn't that cute 😭
❛ @heeslut4life ༉‧₊˚✧
[Heeseung - Enhypen] her username. Yeah, it's obvious. Aeri is a princess and of course, she's attractive and pretty (idk whatchu say about her, she's a princess) Heeseung is attractive and hot. The hottest and most attractive couple ever! I see them tease each other and giggle while kissing 👀 heeseung would probably tease the hell out of her and Aeri being cute and shy whenever he teases her. Other than that, they're also mature. THEY LITERALLY MEANT FOR EACH OTHER BRO DON'T SAY OTHERWISE.
❛ @minhosimthings ༉‧₊˚✧
[Beomgyu - Tomorrow x Together] "Mona's free-spirited nature is perfectly complemented by Beomgyu's lively personality, making them a perfect match. I can easily imagine them causing some harmless chaos, like bursting into fits of uncontrollable laughter in a library and getting kicked out, unintentionally scaring a child with their playful antics, or even sneaking away with candy from unsuspecting kids.
❛ @dear-hoon ༉‧₊˚✧
[Sunghoon - Enhypen] I perceive Lucky as someone who enjoys creating mischief and stirring up trouble. It is widely known that Sunghoon has an outgoing personality, despite being an introvert, and he often engages in impulsive and unpredictable behavior, especially when it comes to getting a rise out of Jay. I envision Lucky and Sunghoon teaming up to provoke Jay and Xyn.
❛ @moon7jay ༉‧₊˚✧
[Jay - Enhypen] Xyn radiates an elegant and expensive vibe, making her and Jay the perfect fashion icon couple. They look great together, often matching their outfits and taking photos of each other to post on social media. I can see them becoming one of those aesthetic and wealthy couples. (Literally adopt me mommy-)
❛ @wonlvkay ༉‧₊˚✧
[Jake - Enhypen] Kayla is such a sweet and charming girl, the perfect match for Jakey 🤭 they'll be the greenest flag couple ever
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Sigh... I'm gonna add my two cents about the Balloon arospec drama(I'm AroAce BTW) and by my two cents I mean I'll mention it two times and just talk about something else related. I'll also be providing some knowledge about AroAceness and all that.
For those of you who don't know,
Aro: Aromantic - Little to no romantic attraction.
Ace: Asexual - Little to no sexual attraction.
Aro+Ace are spectrums and aren't just "every Aro person doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction" or "every Ace person can't feel sexual attraction." I feel as tbough people forget that all the time so I wanted to remind you lot haha.
I'm noticed this kind of drama a few times, where people argue about a character on where they are on the AroAce spectrum. It's difficult for me to put what I think into words here, but if a character(either canon AroAce or not) doesn't have a canon placement on the spectrum then whatever, go wild.
To help with my previous statement, I'll use SakiK from... SaikiK. People generally agree he's AroAce, yet people argue about where he is on that spectrum(mainly the Aromantic part). Since it's not ever stated where he is on that spectrum(or even if he is AroAce but SHHHSHSHHSH 🤫🤫), everyone has their own interpretation of it.
I believe it should be the same for Balloon, unless Balloon comes on screen and says "I am *insert very specific thing here* " as he points to a picture of the Aro spectrum then its to to you. Obviously, don't make him a sex crazed fiend or constantly searching for love, you eejit, but it should be up to interpretation.
A little off-topic here, sorry, but I wanted to bring up umbrella terms in both the Aro and Ace spectrums(I'm included ace because eh why not! This is for my people who HC Balloon as Aro AND Ace 🙏🙏)
Here are some terms under both the aro and ace spectrums. I feel as though you guys and many, MANY others tend to forget that there are umberlla terms for AroAce. I'll define them below:
Ace umbrella:
Aceflux: someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum
Greysexual: only experience sexual attraction some of the time, and sometimes not at all.
Demisexual: An individual who does not experience sexual attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.
Aro umbrella:
Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum
Greyromantic: Some may feel a strong emotional connection with others but do not desire romantic relationships, while others may feel a weak romantic attraction to some people but not all.
Demiromantic: An individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.
Now, there are MANY more, feel free to add in the replies or the reblogs (o: !
Also, my apologies that this post was very long! Also also, my personal opinion on Balloons arospec thing? Idfk, lmao. TBH, this was kinda an excuse to just talk about stuff I like and am interested in so... 👍I've seen the tweet where one of the people who worked on II said yes, Balloon is meant to be Aro, but I couldn't tell you if they went into specifics about it. Sorry for constantly saying AroAce instead of just aro for Balloon, I felt like it was still important to include all my asexuals out there and educate others about it.
(BTW! Any inaccurate info, PLEASE, PLEASE correct in the replies)
Anyway!
TL;DR:
If a character who is just stated to be AroAce(not demi, grey, flux ETC) and never has their place on the spectrum explained whatsoever, it's okay to have a little fun experimenting with it IYKWIM. As I've stated, we all have our own interpretation of the AroAce character and there's no point arguing about it and getting mad because that's fucking stupid, unless they start actively getting rid of the AroAce rep then burn them to the stakes! /j
I know how wild you mother fuckers can be, so don't shank me please. If you disagree, take a deep breath and remain calm because getting all pissy about this isn't gonna do shit. Try to go about it calmly and reasonably. <3
I'd love to see others' opinions on this, remember to be respectful! 🩵
.
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fuck it friday
so I wasn't gonna post anything today but like, fuck it, why not lol
here's a little bit of the coffee shop au bc I finally got back to it like two days ago haha (still working on car smut and alive shannon too obvi haha)
prev snippet
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As Buck’s making the very simple order that takes way too little time, he’s racking his brain for something, anything to say, to keep the conversation going, to find out more about this man that he immediately feels some kind of pull towards. It’s probably just a silly crush, he’s just struck by that pretty face, he barely exchanged two words with him, nothing more than how his interactions with other clients look like. He doesn’t know what’s so different about Eddie, though. What he does know is that he would like to keep him here just a bit longer, talk to him, get to know him- he wants to know him. Maybe he should have a cup of coffee, actually, it’s way too early, he’s probably just tired.
As it is, he can’t think of anything not-weird to say, and the order is made quickly, so he hands it to Eddie, trying to hide how reluctant he is to see him go.
“Thanks, man.” Eddie smiles, this time a bit more genuine and effortless. As he turns to leave, Buck quickly says, his cheerful customer-voice on:
“Please visit us again!” he grins as Eddie looks at him and smiles again, taking a sip of his coffee. “Regulars get a discount.” he adds way more quietly, since, well, he’s kind of lying. He and Maddie have talked about this, but they haven’t been open long enough to implement anything like this just yet. He’d give Eddie all the discounts, though, if it meant he’d see him more often. Jesus, what is happening to him?
“I might have to come back, then. Coffee’s great.” a corner of his lips turns up slightly more, almost in a smirk, and he takes another sip. “Thanks again.” he takes a step back. He’s clearly in a hurry, probably wanting to get home and sleep, and Buck’s keeping him here. He needs to get a grip. And prey to anything and anyone who will listen that he comes back here one day.
“See you soon, hopefully!” Buck chuckles nervously, and does an awkward little wave. Eddie’s smile turns to amusement, as he says bye, turns away, and walks out.
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No pressure tags: @jeeyuns @diazass @elvensorceress @mrevanbuckley @translasso @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @eddiediaztho @thewolvesof1998 @shortsighted-owl @watchyourbuck @alyxmastershipper @transbuck @honestlydarkprincess @housewifebuck @giddyupbuck @forthewolves @hippolotamus @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @jesuisici33 @spotsandsocks @loserdiaz @diazblunt @cowboy-buck @lover-of-mine @911onabc @theotherluciferr
#fuck it friday#buddie coffee shop au#buddie wip#buddie fic#buddie#wikiangela writes#my writing#fic snippet#my wips#lowkey need some motivation and sharing my snippets always helps haha#been stuck on the car smut today so maybe I'll put it on hold for a few days and focus on this and shannon haha
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me and my friends @yuzanrath and @mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess were casually brainrotting today and we came up with a pretty funny prompt (who knows if I may eventually write it but I do really enjoy it and I don't write enough funny things) For some context, this prompt started as a joke where JC single-handedly invents non-sexual dual cultivation cuz he's so chronically single, but this is a separated idea more focused on wwx haha
(no warning cuz no real pregnancies are had, just shenanigans)
TLDR will be at the bottom.
Let's say this is like, 2 years post-canon or more. So the 'juniors' probably aren't all juniors at this point but i'm still gonna call them that.
-wwx gets cursed with some sort of bloating while on a night hunt with the juniors but it doesn't start showing until the next day. wwx teases/jokes with the juniors about various forms of innocent touches/staring and points out he and lwj were holding hands the day previous before he left on his trip and kissed him goodbye and so everyone starts to believe he really IS pregnant from such a little thing. (the juniors are ofc horrified at the prospect of such easily acquired pregnancy AND FOR A MALE, and lsz is secretly excited about the prospect of getting a sib)
-Wen Ning (as part of the night hunting party who is still around rn) is kinda doubtful, but he also ends up believing bc the juniors getting excited (mainly lsz) is infectious. And, wwx really does have abdominal swelling; so, as is the theme here, he ends up believing too despite his doubts.
-lxc is informed via a junior and wwx shows that he is in fact not stuffing his shirt and lxc is stumped, can't defute, so decides it's best to go along with it for now just in case, as to not stress out the potentially pregnant brother-in-law.
-lxc and the juniors are babying him a little bit but wwx finds it funny and enjoyable so keeps it up for now since the curse is something he can easily fix and doesn't really hurt.
-LWJ comes home and at first thinks "wei ying what have u done now" but then sees the swelling is actually attached to his body and falls for it too, cue the doting husband who becomes his shadow.
No more spicy food while he's 'expecting', no sex cuz he's too rough, no liquor bc bad for the baby.
-wwx handles this for a couple days, the super healthy food, lack of everything he likes, and a subtle pain in his gut from the swelling getting worse too quickly (skin isn't meant to stretch that fast) before he can't do it anymore and confesses that it was him teasing the kids and kept the joke going too long. (He cures the curse in front of him perhaps and lwj is just devastated but in his lwj way. That or LWJ cures it with something simple like cleansing idk)
-They tell lxc & lqr and lxc looks disappointed bc he likes children but mainly bc lwj is sad too (and of course lqr is celebrating oh thank god it was fake)
-they tell lsz & Wen Ning and that's the final straw, the sad subtle puppy-eye looking disappointment makes wwx drag the three on a journey out of the cloud recesses; They find a little bebe orphan to take in, perhaps they have a goofy journey of offering parenthood to orphaned kids who don't trust/don't want it before they find a local single mother died giving birth or something and they end up having a real connection with the baby, including lsz who gets insta attached, and so its decided one way or another that this is their baby.
-They go back to cloud recesses and the juniors are all like "WHERE DID YOU GO WHILE YOU WERE PREGNANT AND THEN LXC SAID YOU WEREN'T AN- OH" baby reveal. and thus wwx grins and the baby joke continues, says that he just had the baby etc etc and lxc was mistaken they just wanted a private birth or smth blah blah blah
-lsz immediately goes along with it because he is extra happy he has a little brother/sister now and he's feeling mischievous too, and says they need to take the baby to the nursery etc etc and wwx needs to rest (he is a bit tired tho after running around and getting rid of that curse n stuff)
-JC comes storming bc of the rumors bc even in gusu they can't shut their traps and sees baby, deflates but still has grumpy face like wtf happened (probably Jin Ling's fault that he finds out)
-wwx would probably joke a bit then tell him the truth immediately instead of trying to make him believe it too to avoid confrontation but asks for him to keep it secret for the joke, and Jc is like "..." cuz its an opportunity for the two to joke around together again even if he's grumpy™️ about it and so he doesn't dote on wwx but he does play along with the joke in his own way for a bit until maybe jc says something crazy and/or outrageous that couldn't be true to jin ling and he goes to wwx in a panic and so the jig is up but he tells all the juniors with 100% honesty that they did just adopt a baby and that part wasn't a joke but he didn't give birth himself and he was OK and then its just cute baby and junior interactions
bonus that came up later:
-lwj gets drunk and ends up going out again with wwx tailing close behind. they come home with another child, and thus when lwj is sober again he's suddenly a father of two young children. Cue cute timid wide-eyed bunny mode lwj while wwx comforts him (but laughing and teasing him like haha you made me pregnant again what a scandal! one look and I instantly gave birth! lwj you're so insatiable) and lsz not-so-secretly celebrates their suddenly growing family.
-JC is extremely pouty in his JC way about all these nephews he only gets to know about after they're already adopted.
-lxc is feeling quite a bit better getting to baby the babies and help his brother with raising children again, and thankfully with wwx also by lwj's side.
It was too wild a ride not to share 😌💖✨
TLDR; wwx tricks the juniors, the jades, lqr and even jc temporarily into believing he's pregnant as a way to beat the boredom while lwj is out of cloud recesses (and continues until he can't stand the doting/guilt because he succeeds in his joking too well.) wwx and lwj end up actually adopting bc wwx can't stand the disappointed faces.
#this was really fun and funny and i cleaned up the thing lmao#so maybe maybe i'll eventually do something for it but don't count on it i already have lots of projects#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wei wuxian#wei ying#wwx#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#lwj#lan wangji#mdzs brain rot#mdzs juniors#junior quartet#lan jingyi#jin rulan#jin ling#ouyang zizhen#lan yuan#lan sizhui#lxc#lan xichen#jc#jiang cheng#wen ning
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this isn't meant to be a "Hurry up and post it already!" ask so i'm sorry if it comes off that way, i'm asking this genuinely: is there a reason it usually takes you a couple days to upload dragon quest streams on your snapcube 2 youtube channel? i don't use twitch but i've been keeping up with your DQ streams and loving it, and i noticed that you uploaded your reaction to the direct yesterday today but not the wednesday DQ stream :O again this isn't supposed to be an ask trying to rush you, i'm asking out of honest curiosity. does it take longer to render and upload or smth?? :O
It depends! Sometimes I upload it a lot quicker but usually the reason I get a little slow with Wednesday to Thursday uploads is because after streaming two days in a row I like to take Thursdays a little easy. If I uploaded the Wednesday VOD immediately after streaming it, then I'll just post on Thursday morning no prob since that doesn't take any effort at all. But usually on Wednesdays a lot of my upload bandwidth is used getting footage up on Ellie and I's shared Google Drive so she can edit videos for the main channel, and then streaming as well, so if I upload VODs on Wednesday night it's gonna be well past midnight, assuming I even stopped streaming early enough to render before uploading which takes a lot of time in and of itself haha. Ever since moving apartments last year my upload speeds have been TANKED since I was forced to switch my internet provider from AT&T Fiber to Spectrum, which has been such a huge downgrade I can't even fully express it, so I really have to go easy on how much footage I'm uploading at a time. Sometimes if a VOD is particularly time sensitive I'll push for it to go up sooner though. The Direct reactions and Prime remaster impressions are gonna do a lot better if they have that recency/hot topic hype factor going into them, so I got up early today and pretty much IMMEDIATELY got to work getting those up as soon as I could, even going so far as to nerf the quality of the Direct reactions back down to 1080p (as opposed to my usual 1440p) so it would be up faster haha. It really just depends on priority as well as like, how my sleep schedule and general workload is at any given time. Hope this helps give you SOME idea of why it might take longer though!
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TLDR: SRB Zoom Chat
In case you missed it, Sarah did a webinar on Zoom a couple weeks ago hosted by The Sunday Morning Transport to answer questions about Tears Waiting to be Diamonds. You can get a 60-day free subscription to access both the story and the Zoom over on Sarah’s tumblr, but for those who are unable to access for any reason, I received a request to provide a little recap, so here goes! Tried to make it somewhat organized but also it is going to be a little chaotic haha.
New IOL Deets
The scene of Luke and Elliot getting together and confessing their feelings was almost only ONE SENTENCE LONG. Many thanks on behalf of the fandom to the anonymous critique partner of Sarah’s who told her that absolutely wouldn’t fly.
Elliot and Luke Post-IOL
Sarah says that Elliot doesn’t go over the border much, even though he is able to. Luke is afraid of Elliot going somewhere where he can’t follow, and even though Elliot doesn’t even think of it as a possibility, he tries to be respectful of it.
Pet names: Elliot sometimes will take classics and make them weird (like he does at the end of IOL). Luke will occasionally embarrassedly call Elliot “darling”.
Luke has fairly regular contact with the harpies. Elliot tends to spearhead their contact in terms of keeping up correspondence - he knows relatives even Luke doesn’t, and they often attend harpy festivals. According to Sarah, it’s a classic case of the in-law being the favorite kid. She jokes that he could have just gone to the harpies and lived with them when he was exiled, and they would have gladly taken him in.
WHY SARAH
TWTBD Parts 1 & 2 were initially meant to be published on consecutive Sundays. SARAH SUGGESTED THAT THERE BE A LONGER WAIT IN BETWEEN.
Why Elliot do that?
Even though Elliot has made some progress with his insecurities, he still thinks that Luke doesn’t truly know the worst that he can do, and just puts up with him. Over the years, they have worked through smaller issues, so he’s learned that he can be forgiven for these things (while before that he considered himself completely unloveable). Once he’s committed treason, he thinks that is the worst possible thing, something completely antithetical to Luke’s value system as a soldier, so he considers it inevitable that their relationship is over.
Sarah likened it to “the mortifying ordeal of being known” – Elliot never holds himself back from being completely known, because then he can be loved for who he is. But Elliot doesn’t think that Luke knows the worst he can be (even though Luke obviously does and accepts him for it).
Luke’s Letters
Luke starts with angry letters, then more worried, then back and forth between the two. Some of the letters Luke sends to Elliot are well thought out and composed (probably because Serene helped him), while others are basically drunk late night texts that he has to admit to Serene later with shame (side note from me: anyone wanna write the fic that comprises all his letters? or am I gonna have to do that myself).
Luke doesn’t even consider them broken up in the first place and was entirely unsurprised to hear what Elliot had done when he returned, while Elliot dramatically thinks they’ve been broken up for months. He doesn’t want to hurt himself by looking at the letters when he thinks he knows that they will say.
The meantime:
It had been a month since Elliot was exiled by the time Luke and Serene returned from war. By the time Luke arrives it has been almost four months. A lot of that time was spent figuring out what thad happened, possibly variously threatening people who had been planning on executing Elliot.
“A lot of Elliot’s diplomacy relies on the fact that there are people who will enact violence for him”
Peace is not a stable thing, and there isn’t an easy answer for it. As they get older, it becomes more difficult, since adults are held more accountable for their actions than children.
Serene and Luke actually were trying to figure out the diplomatic way to solve the situation: i.e., sending letters to form a plan once communication was initiated. After getting no response, they tried to get him pardoned, which was difficult considering someone apparently has a transcript of a long speech Elliot gave that essentially said “I did it and I’m not sorry”.
Luke and Serene would sometimes spontaneously decide they were going to go find him alone, and the other would talk them down from it, or they’d decide to go together, and Golden would convince them to wait.
Where’s Serene?
The story was unfortunately too long to include Serene, or even the few references to her that were initially included (such as Mark mentioning a rumor of the Sunborn Champion being involved with her).
Logistically Sarah couldn’t get Serene to the battle, since Luke would have flown to get to Elliot as fast as possible. She says that Serene definitely arrives within the day.
What happens after TWTBD?
Luke and Elliot have to have several conversations, starting with a yelling conversation, a tender conversation, and then the normal combination of yelling/tender/insults.
“If Elliot says loser, Luke knows that he’s okay and so pretty much the first words that Elliot said to Luke in the battlefield were reassuring because when he says loser, he means I still love you, which is what Luke was getting worried about.”
Elliot puts himself in tall towers and high places specifically so Luke can find him.
Sarah specifically quotes “This Ain’t a Love Song” by scouting for girls: “I know I’m lost, but I’m waiting to be found”.
More IOL
Sarah has said this before, but just in case anyone has missed it: she definitely has ideas of what happens to the characters in the future. She has said she has a strong story idea which would also need another novel in between to explain the middle events – so essentially a trilogy. TWTBD would take place in between these second and third books – the second would explain the events up to TWTBD, and the third would continue on from there. To be clear, Sarah has not confirmed whether this is actually in the works yet, or whether these would take full-length novel form or short story form.
On Trans and Nonbinary Individuals in IOL (specifically in elven culture):
Sarah says there would be some more freedoms for nonbinary/trans elves or dwarves than in human culture, but they would be restricted in other ways.
Sarah acknowledges that the IOL universe has been represented in a more binary way thus far; she plans to delve more into gender beyond the binary in the future after taking time to get the details and complexity right.
Long Live Evil Information
Sarah’s new upcoming novel! The protagonist is thrown into her favorite fantasy novel, but is unexpectedly classified as an evil sorceress and cast out with the rest of the villains. From how Sarah talks about it, the novel delves into villainy in fiction and what truly makes a villain. It also explores the joy of finding magic even if you think you’ve reached the stage of your life where you’re past it. (I AM SO EXCITED)
Hopefully this was somewhat coherent!
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I just read you post about Alex and I agree!!!! I mean I’m on his route and I like him thus far but you’re right he’s just kinda…. Inconsistent??? Like in last week’s episodes he doesn’t want to kiss the first night your back in the villa to be respectful. Sure completely understandable. I get it. But what surprised me is that he’s will to sleep with mc the next night in the hideaway???? Tbh I clicked “go all the way” expecting him to say he wanted to wait and that it was too fast for him but he was absolutely down?? And I was so confused. I was like dude didn’t you say you take it slow and now you’re gonna sleep with someone you haven’t even known a week?? I liked him initially bc he was a guy who didn’t like to rush into things but I guess what he meant was wait 10 minutes then he’ll be down for anything lol
Haha, that's the reality of Alex. Much like midwestern US weather, if you wanna watch him change completely, just wait a few minutes 😆
I really liked how he wanted to be respectful of Estelle the first night, but you're right, he changes his tune fast. I was surprised that, at the challenge the next day, he gets so hot and bothered by MC's run that he'll make out with you, to the point of you wrapping a leg around him, and it seems like there's grinding, all while Estelle is basically standing beside you both.
I just think it would have been more interesting if 1) it turned out his "take it slow" stuff was just something he did to differentiate himself from the rest of the boys, but he got so caught up in MC and being horny for her that he lost track of that false persona or 2) if the writers really played up his distress with how much he wants MC and it being counter to his values about relationships. Like if he seemed a little torn about moving too fast, but being too drawn to her to slow down. And you could add in his worry about Evan making him territorial, so he moves faster because he's worried about losing MC if he keeps slowing them down. This could lead to a really nice arc of MC reassuring him that she's happy with the pace he's set (or that she's not and she dumps him).
Either of those would be interesting and would use this singular trait of his that is beaten into us, to its fullest. But they'd both require writers who intentionally made him inconsistent so they could use it to drive the plot. And welllllll... let's just say I'm not giving Fusebox the benefit if the doubt when it comes to their writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Anon! I was kind of worried that no one was gonna agree with me 🥰
#litg fanfic#love island the game#litg fanfic writer#sparx answers asks#litg s7#litg stick or twist#litg alex#thank you anon
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— I will always come to your aid (AMAB!Reader)
AFAB!Reader has also been posted!
including: Jing Yuan
cw: !!NSFW!!, amab!reader, grammar and spelling errors possible, pwp but barely, hinted that reader has a s1ze k1nk, f1ng3r1ng, reader is a little sarcastic, still spreading my Jing Yuan is a Bastard (affectionate) agenda, masturbat1on, getting caught masturbat1ng, d1rty talk, cum eat1ng, no use of y/n, reader can be interpreted as the trailblazer but they are NOT stelle/caelus, safe sane and consensual
w/c: 2k
a/n: people liked strip starchess so much so here is another one of my brainrots... i dont usually like this troupe that much but i find myself excusing anything and everything for jing yuan so here we are. for my female reader likers i got u, its being posted right after this so you guys can enjoy too :3. also just remember that this is NOT stelle/caelus, its the you haha, i dont like shipping the raccoons with anyone as a personal pref so I'm just making that clear :3. anyways same warning as last time this is like my third time writing smut and also english isn't my first language. enjoy!!
The crisis on the Xianzhou Luofu was mostly over.
Which meant you had to leave the man you had fallen head over heels in love with.
Well— love may be an exaggeration but you weren't fucking around when it came to him.
Jing Yuan.
Your eyes had been hooked onto him the second you two met, his pleasant smile, his calm demeanor, his body—fuck, everything about him enamored you.
You could only wish that there was some other universe where he reciprocated your feelings.
You departed with a respectful nod of the head, despite wanting to smoosh your face between his pecs and cry about never getting to see them again.
The only hope that you did have though, was the jade abacus he had gifted you and your companions.
“No matter how astronomically distant you are, The Luofu Cloud Knights will always come to the aid of the Crew, whatever your need may be.”
Of course, his next sentence was to not use it for trivial matters when he saw March’s reaction, much to your amusement.
There was a discussion on who should keep the jade abacus, March being ruled out first much to her annoyance.
It landed between you and Dan Heng and given his history with the Xianzhou Luofu, he handed it to you.
That's how you ended up here, standing in front of your locked door with the abacus in your hand.
What if you grip it— You need to rinse your brain with cold water at this point…
You flopped onto bed, letting the exhaustion of the day seep into your bones as the plush blanket and pillows surrounded you.
You threw the abacus to your side, you'll take care of it later, not like you're gonna need it right now anyway.
Your mind flooded with images of Jing Yuan, his voice and everything you had been through together.
Fuck.
Your hand drifted towards your dick, already feeling some pre-cum gathering at the thought of what you were about to do.
— Touch yourself to the thought of the General of the Cloud Knights on the Xianzhou Luofu, one of the most powerful beings to ever exist in history.
You shook your doubts away, he's just Jing Yuan to you.
You took off your shorts in record speed, tossing your boxers along with it.
You never really touched yourself that often so you tried to imagine your hand being his instead.
You rubbed the head of your cock, gasping at the cold touch of your fingers on the warm flesh.
How would he touch you?
He'd take his time, surely. He's not one to rush things— He'd work you open slowly for his cock—fuck, you're sure it's in proportion with how goddamn large his body is.
You moaned as you inserted two fingers inside your asshole. You wanted to imagine Jing Yuan doing it, really, But, you also wanted an orgasm quickly so you can sleep. So, you just decided to go with imagining his voice talking to you.
You pistoned your fingers in and out, curling them at the spot only you could reach with your much smaller hands.
It was too intense, the thought of his deep voice guiding you through was enough to get your orgasm to graze along the edges of your belly slowly, building up to be a strong one.
You grabbed the blanket next to you, gripping it tightly as you whispered Jing Yuan's name and continued thrusting your fingers inside you.
You swear the normal part of your brain recognised you gripping an object while gripping the blanket as well but you were genuinely too out of it to care in the slightest.
You're just about to orgasm when everything in your room rattles, as if there's an earthquake.
Which should be impossible considering you are literally on a massive train that travels through space.
You let go of the blanket and sit up in shock, looking around to see what happened.
…With your fingers still inside you.
“Followers of the Nameless, I am here to assist you, tell me about the situ— Oh.”
You blinked.
Jing Yuan blinked.
Oh. Fuck.
You scrambled, ripping your fingers out and slapping your lower half with a pillow.
“J-Jing Yuan I-”
You gulped, trying to calm your racing heart, you just got caught masturbating by your crush.
Life is going great.
Your cheeks and ears were beet red now, opening and closing your mouth as you tried to say something, anything to get you out of this situation.
Jing Yuan was just as surprised, if not astonished, by the scene that had unfolded in front of him.
He was finishing up some paperwork that Lady Fu had so kindly delivered to him in the Alchemy Commission when suddenly, the jade abacus he had clipped to his belt loop started vibrating.
Not one to panic, he quickly unhooked it and got it closer to his ear, so that he could hear what the Express were asking of.
What he didn't expect was to hear the voice of his crush, the one that he has acquired after decades of not entertaining any romantic relationships, whispering and calling out his name.
Okay, maybe now he should panic.
Without a second thought, Jing Yuan summoned his weapon and gripped the jade abacus back, signaling it to teleport him to your location.
Paperwork be damned he would rather lose a 100 years of his life if it mean you would be safe.
That landed him here, in front of a half naked (and very surprised) you.
He dissolved his weapon into thin air and folded his arms against his chest.
“Well, this is a surprise.”
“Wow, you don't say.”
Jing Yuan raised an eyebrow at your tone.
“S-sorry, I don't know how you got here.”
An interesting turn of events.
“... Did you not call for me?”
“No, Why would I? Even if I did, how did you just…magically appear here?”
“Oh, dear.”
“What?”
“The jade abacus. I think you… I think you gripped it while you were…busy.”
He looked into your eyes and back down at the pillow that was barely covering your lower half.
“The jade aba—”
You cut yourself off, turning to your side to where you had thrown it, only to find the wretched object to be in the center of your crumpled blanket.
“Fuck.”
“Jing Yuan— I am so, so , so, sorry, I swear this was an honest mistake and I'll—”
Jing Yuan cut you off with the raise of his hand.
“I forgive you.”
“Really? Great let me j—”
“On one condition.”
Of course there’s a catch.
You sighed begrudgingly.
“What do you need help with?”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
Your eyes widened but before you could let out your protests, Jing Yuan spoke up again.
“You let me help you finish.”
The gall of this man.You’re still going to take the chance that he doesn’t know what you were doing.
“Finish what?”
You tried to sound innocent but your voice came out breathier than you wanted it to be.
“Dont play coy now, you know exactly what I mean.”
Your face burnt in embarrassment as you looked away.
Jing Yuan dragged your desk chair and got it to the front of your bed before sitting down and making himself comfortable, propping one leg on the other and leaning back.
“Go on, show me exactly what you were doing before I got here,hm?”
“I can’t.”
Jing Yuan paused, shit, had he misread the situation? Maybe he should—
“I can’t do it without you.”
You had covered your red face at this point, way too embarrassed to look him in the eye while speaking.
Jing Yuan just about lost it at that, abandoning all doubt and pouncing on you, grabbing your face to take you in a devouring kiss.
He threw the pillow covering your bottom half in a random direction, quickly pecking you on the cheeks before pulling your hand over his.
“Guide me.”
You nodded shyly and pushed his hand towards your hard cock again.
Fuck. His hands were just the way you imagined them.
Warm and big, enough to hold your own two hands.
His hand (under your guidance and insistence) wrapped around your dick.
“I’ve barely touched you, were you letting out pre while we were talking, hm? Did it turn you on to have me catch you in such an embarrassing state?”
Jing Yuan whispered in your ear as he hovered over you and you thanked every Aeon known for this opportunity because fuck, your imagination did not do any justice to how good the general was.
Jing Yuan gave your cock a few strokes before using the pre-come as lube and dipped the tip of his finger in your asshole, not entering but adding just enough stimulation for you to feel something there.
“Answer me.”
“No, I swear I didn’t, Jing Yuan, please—”
Jing Yuan smiled, he didn’t know you would be this easy to subdue.
He gently thrusted his finger inside, watching your face for any discomfort or resistance.
But, he was only met with your blissed out face, as you gasped in pleasure from his ministartions.
“Were you able to reach here?” He curled his finger upwards, hitting your sensitive spot just right.
You threw your hand over your mouth, pinching your mouth shut and praying, once again, to all the aeons you knew that the other passengers on the Express were dead asleep and couldn’t hear you. Granted, your room was the last in the carriage and had a decent amount of sound proofing but, you were still not risking it.
Your snapped out of your worries when Jing Yuan pushed in another finger alongside the one that was already in you.
“It looks like you’re getting distracted, maybe I’m not doing my job well enough?”
“N—Fuck, Its good, I’m sorry—Shit—”
Jing yuan simply kissed your head affectionately like he wasnt fingering you to hell and back right now and picked up the pace of his fingers.
Your hand was just gripping his wrist and you werent sure if it was to egg him to continue or get him to slow down and stop.
Maybe both.
Your head rolled back on the bed, exposing your bare neck to Jing Yuan as he immediately took the opportunity to cover your neck in kisses, Aeons be dammed. There's no way hes letting you walk out of this room unmarked and not carrying any proof of the evening you spent with him.
You gasped as Jing Yuan wrapped his other hand around your dick and your orgasm finally, finally overtook you. You shook in the general’s grasp as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out, drawing out the pleasure.
Taking his soaked fingers off your dick, he popped them in his mouth, savouring the taste while you recovered from the intense bout of sensations you just went through.
You propped yourself up on your elbows again, looking at Jing Yuan owlishly as your head cleared from the horniness.
Jing Yuan only smiled at you before holding your head and kissing your forehead again before gathering you in his arms.
“Call me old fashioned or old but I do believe in the proper process of courting someone and,”
He looked into your eyes as he cupped your face in one palm and brushed the thumb along the seam of your chin.
“I think we skipped a few steps.”
“Yeah, no shit, general.”
He laughed at that, his chest shaking as the deep sound rumbled from his throat, you blushed again.
You were in the arms of the man you’ve wanted to kiss since you stepped foot on the Xianzhou ship.
You covered your burning face with your palms again as Jing Yuan’s laughter died down into little chuckles.
“We did all of that and youre getting shy now?”
“Shut up. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”
“Wanted what? To get fingered by me?”
“No! — I mean that too, I guess, but I meant being held by you! Stop playing games, Jing Yuan.”
Jing Yuan only laughed as he took his free hand and grabbed your hands, turning them towards him one after the other and kissing the palm.
“I jest, I jest. But, I must stay here for the night. I’m afraid I can't travel back to the Xianzhou Luofu seeing as we aren’t closeby.”
You smiled.
Jing Yuan’s eyes twinkled in mischief right back at you.
“Be my guest.”
#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#honkai star rail smut#honkai star rail x reader#jing yuan smut#jing yuan x you#jing yuan the man that you are
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OMG YOUR ART IS SO GOOD! Gonna go on a reblog spree tomorrow or something <3<3<3
Anywho, care to share some (more) of your opinions on Wammy's House? Saw a few text posts and they caught my interest 👀
Like, how do you think L feels about his successors or something. Or just rant about why you hate Watari and Roger (omg or more BB talk LOVE that). I dunno I can just ell your opinions/takes are *chef's kiss*
i'm so sorry this took so long but!! i had no idea where to start lmao
i spend so much time just thinking about L in any capacity,, i mean it, he occupies a scary amount of my waking thoughts (blame the autism)
so for starters, as much as i shit on wammy's and its terrible negligence, i find myself putting L & the successors into little found family scenarios & i often draw them all together
(eg. here's some older sketches of L & the kids)
now i know that canonically they probably (definitely) weren't like this but,, i want them all to be loved
i can understand why/how other people would have a different interpretation of their dynamic, but portraying L as a mentor/brother/father figure is very near & dear to my heart :'))
(this is also partly projection as i'm an eldest son who loves their sibling & wants the best for them, who also deeply relates to L so do with that what you will haha)
most of my wammy family art is for comfort! and maybe it can comfort other people too :')))
maybe one day i'll come back & explain the extent of my hcs about this dynamic but i'm not confident in my ability to like. word my thoughts coherently yet so !! for now u get art & some surface level stuff :)
but anyways, sometimes i question what being at the centre of a program like that must feel like. i try not to overanalyse L's backstory and dictate what he must have thought because i know that he's a complicated character and a lot of his morality/actions are up for debate but like,,,
having your guardians look for a replacement for you while you're still alive? that's like saying 'we're just waiting for you to die/mess up/become useless to us and then when that happens, we can instantly replace you with a new & improved version'
even if they were trying to do a classic 'heir' system where a person inherits L's position and this wasn't meant to send that kind of message,, the environment that was produced is still incredibly toxic. that still isn't good. they used children. malleable, vulnerable orphans. that's no coincidence.
and idk that's a little messed up to me.
i don't really know how else to word my thoughts on this situation rn? i just acknowledge that that's no way to treat a person and move on bc,, what else can i say? :'/ it's a terrible situation for everybody involved and watari (& roger) are fucked up for creating a cycle of abuse and putting L right in the centre of it.
and a prime example of how damaging this system was is B. he wasn't born hateful and vindictive and violent, something made him that way. we are all products of our environments, and his was inhumane by definition.
this post is getting long as fuck, jesus,,, okok i'll wrap this up by saying that i'll expand on B at a later date
and reminding u that this is my interpretation and you're free to disagree! we all read into characters & their relationships differently
but yeah a lot of my thoughts about them tend to be really sad so i pad it out with sweeter stuff like above!
#asks#death note#LONG POST#so so long#im so sorry#i hope this was worth the wait haha#i might redraw those 2 imgs and post them separately#we'll see :'))#v wammyposting#wammy house found family fic recs when#let them all have some comfort in that shithole#thats what i think
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Alright! So I'm done reading through the 7seas translation of Volume 2. Overall, there were some parts I really enjoyed and found interesting, but not enough so that I'm going to read the other volumes.
Originally there was just gonna be one post, but Things I Found Really Fun/Interesting are gonna get their own post because hooo boy my explanation of Things That Didn't Work For Me got long.
The bullet point version of Things That Didn't Work For Me:
-I simply do not vibe with Wangxian.
-If WWX's narration is meant to be taken at face value, then this story lacks the nuance people ascribe to it. However, I don't think it leans hard enough into him being an unreliable narrator, especially since the narration sporadically jumps into omniscient or even into other characters' viewpoints with little transition.
-Since I already know the story, WWX's complete lack of reflection re: anything related to his past is a dealbreaker for me.
All of these are expanded on ad nauseam under the cut! I'm making this un-rebloggable because I don't really want a discussion here. None of this is meant to be taken as objective assessment. This isn't a book review or a manifesto; this just my personal reactions. If you came away thinking something completely different, cool! You're not wrong! If you came away thinking something similar, cool! You're not wrong either! I'm just typing it out to solidify my own thoughts, and maybe it'll solidify yours too, whether in agreement or objection.
~~~~
-A big part of why I liked this one more than Volume 1 (and why I got through it much more quickly once I started reading it) is that much of it focused on characters who weren't Wangxian, and even when Wangxian were together, they were usually focused on crime-solving. What I loved about their dynamic in the drama is that they were two very different men who are nonetheless work wonderfully together, learn from each other, and understand each other in a way nobody else does; I want that relationship but without the censorship constraints that prevent it from being explicitly romantic. The novel dynamic of LWJ being hopelessly devoted since they were teens while WWX genuinely doesn't even think they're friends when he returns, with all the romance development coming via Wacky Physical Intimacy Hijinks while LWJ is drunk (and thus won't remember later, meaning that there's no development beyond WWX internally going "haha that was weird! hope he's not mad at me!")... that's not doing it for me, and since that's meant to be the centerpiece of the story, no thanks.
-The narration is so WEIRD. WWX is an unreliable narrator, yes, but I don't feel that the text leans into that hard enough, though I can't vouch for how much of that is due to translation. I got through this genuinely unsure whether we were supposed to find him unreliable, because the thing he's definitely wrong about--LWJ's feelings towards him--is presented slightly differently. Incorrect conclusions about LWJ often come in WWX's inner monologue or are phrased in such a way that it's clear WWX personally thinks this, preceded with a "WWX wondered" or "WWX thought" or something like that. The statements about other characters, however, are often presented as statements of fact: "[Character] was [thing]." WWX's editorializing is never in conflict with those statements, nor does the text provide us with reasons to doubt those assessments the way we do with his takes on LWJ.
-The narration also doesn't stay with WWX. It switches into this quasi-omniscient mode to infodump information that is universally accepted as true and/or that WWX would straight-up not know. The viewpoint sometimes abruptly shifts to other characters entirely--during Yi City, we hear LSZ's inner monologue about the congee and how he feels safe around LWJ and WWX in the middle of a scene that is otherwise told by WWX. The narration's tendency to hop around rather than commit fully to WWX's third-person limited viewpoint makes it unclear what (if anything) we're supposed to doubt, IMO. This might be a personal preference, but I think unreliable narrator only works if nobody else gets interiority (so we're clearly stuck in this person's head) or if other characters get equal and competing interiority (so we can compare and contrast). I honestly can't fault readers who take the narration as objective truth, because IMO there frankly isn't much to gainsay it beyond vibes.
(I have some longer thoughts about how novels generally allow for so much more subjectivity than film, the way a script is by design far more subjective than any specific adaptation of it, but this post is already long enough!)
-I don't know how I would receive this story if I hadn't seen the drama first. Perhaps I'd like it more, because I wouldn't be comparing it to anything and all the twists would come as surprises. Perhaps I'd be totally uninterested, because I wouldn't know that cool stuff was coming; Volume 1 was a slog for me, and I mostly got Volume 2 because I knew it had Yi City and the Cultivation Conference drama. We will never know! But, as someone who has seen the drama and therefore knows where WWX has been... his lack of reaction and reflection on anything related to his past is deeply off-putting. He seems to simply not care at all about the harm he has caused the people he supposedly loves.
There's a bit during Empathy with NMJ where he sees his past self try to start shit with JZX with no provocation; JZX asks how JYL is doing, and WWX flies off the handle telling him to fuck off. Though readers haven't yet learned the exact circumstances of their deaths, we know that WWX is held responsible for JYL and JZX's deaths. We know that Jin Ling, whom WWX has been bonding with, is an orphan for reasons that have something to do with WWX. So you would expect, upon being confronted with his past self needlessly antagonizing JZX (whom he inadvertently killed), and actively discouraging his and JYL's union (which he knows now was a happy one), you'd expect SOME sort of reaction. Regret at having been so hostile towards JZX? Realization that this sort of behavior maybe contributed to everyone believing the worst of him? Acknowledgement that JZX had turned over a new leaf at that point? Defensive insistence that well, okay, maybe he was harsh then, but that peacock was soooo annoying before? Rueful amusement at similarities between JZX and JL? LITERALLY ANYTHING WOULD BE FINE.
Instead, all we get is him going "haha, wow, past me was sooooo cringe!" at the very beginning of the scene. He never responds to the altercation itself beyond going "oh yeah, I remember this." Nothing to say here, but PLENTY to say about how LWJ looks and much speculation about LXC encouraging LWJ to talk to him.
"Oh, well, WWX doesn't dwell on the past!" people said when I first complained way back when I was reading the first volume. And that's true, he doesn't! He forgets and suppresses as a defense mechanism! It's a major character trait! But this... doesn't read to me as a complicated man actively refusing to engage. This reads to me, simply, as a man who doesn't care. And yes, I know that the structure of the novel means we can't reveal too about the past much too soon, but there are ways to show a character is impacted without saying what or why. In the wildly nonlinear novel Catch-22, we don't know exactly why Yossarian refuses to fly, but we know he's fucked up about something even before we get the flashback with Snowden's death. In the middle-grade verse novella Love That Dog, Jack is angry and uncomfortable when asked to write about a pet; the target audience of 10-year-olds can already infer that something bad happened to his pet, even though it'll be quite some time before Jack is finally willing to write about his dog being hit by a car.
I don't get that from WWX at all, and whether this is a shortcoming in the writing itself, a failure of translation, or if WWX is just an asshole incapable of reflection, I'm not here for it, and it's too much for me to want to push through since he's the viewpoint character we're with for the long haul.
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