#crack | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fanaticalthings · 13 hours

Text

Give me crime lord!Jason who's actually on good terms with the batfam. Not only would it actually be helpful when it comes to missions surrounding underground/illegal operations (Jason would be able to retrieve way more insider knowledge) but also I think having a supervillain family member that you're chill with is just untapped comedic potential that needs to be taken advantage of.

---

Damian gets into a petty fight with Bruce, and the next day, instead of waiting for Bruce to pick him up from school, he calls Jason, who shows up in full Red Hood regalia and just rides off with Damian.

Of course everyone at school sees that Wayne's son just got snatched by Gotham's most notorious crime lord, so ofc when Bruce gets there, sees Damian missing, and hears a series of panicked whispers about a gun slinging, criminal biker riding off with a prince of Gotham, Bruce immediately knows what's up and just sighs, already anticipating the many publication companies he's gonna have to bribe to stay silent.

---

Sometimes, they need Jason's help with intercepting certain illegal trades within the underworld of, not just Gotham, but just common areas where shady businesses are most prevalent. And when Bruce requests that Jason brings evidence of said illegal shipments to the cave, Jason will smugly respond with "I can, but it'll cost ya"

And Bruce is all exasperated like, "Jason, please, this mission's been going on for a month, I just want to get it over with."

And Jason's just looking down at the crate of smuggled materials, recognizes that it's highly sought after by many rogues (maybe it's machinery parts or rare chemical substances, etc) and ofc Jason's about to be petty as hell when responding to Bruce:

Jason: I don't think you have any idea how valuable the stuff I have is. If I sold this myself in my part of the underground, I'd make a fortune!

Bruce: Jason

Jason: Butttt, if you're not willing to pay me for this, y'know, despite being a billionaire, I guess I could just auction this off to another willing client

Bruce: Jason

Jason: I hear Lex Luthor's been cookin' up something new for Superman. I wonder if he'd be interested?

Bruce: Son, please.

Jason:

Bruce:

Jason: I'll give you a family discount.

And it's just a back and forth of this EVERYTIME. And Jason only does it when he's collaborating with Bruce. None of the other bats have to deal with Jason demanding money.

---

There was one time, during a Wayne gala where practically ALL the kids (except Jason, dude's still legally dead), had to show up. And around halfway through, the Red Hood just crashes through the skylight and then just fucking kidnaps Bruce Wayne, in front of everyone. And of course the gala has to be cut short.

Meanwhile, Bruce, in Jason's custody: I CANNOT believe you, son. WHY of all times would you do this? You are GROUNDED, I don't care if you don't live with me anymore, this is just UNACCEPTABLE-

Jason, completely ignoring him, holding up a tablet with news article headlines about this incident: Bruce, look at this shot they got of me crashing through the ceiling, I look fuckin' badass

And then when the fam (in costume) come to "save" Bruce, in a blink and you'll miss it moment, Bruce catches Cass and Jason whispering something to eachother in the corner and them fist bumping before Jason books it out of there. He can already feel a headache brewing.

And generally speaking, I feel like the batfam could be way more efficient with this arrangement. You got the regular team of bats, investigating from above, as well as being able to infiltrate socialite environments as Waynes. Then you got Jason, who can keep an eye on all the lesser exposed and lucrative activities whilst he keeps the underground businesses under his control. I feel like it would be a win win situation that would be hella interesting to see explored.

593 notes · View notes

waytooinvested · 2 days

Text

#lena luthor #supergirl #sam arias #incorrect supergirl quotes #crack

148 notes · View notes

crybabycunt · 1 day

Text

Kate: (reading a recipe) Beat three eggs?

Yelena: It means like hand-to-hand combat.

Kate: Oh.

Clint: Both of you, get out of this kitchen.

#bishova #bishlova #yelena belova #kate bishop #clint barton #hawkeye #black widow #incorrect quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #funny #crack #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes

107 notes · View notes

iamnmbr3 · 3 days

Text

Voldemort: Nagini, I need you to-

Nagini: If you're going to put me inside another dead lady forget it.

Voldemort: That was ONE TIME! When are you going to get over that?!

Death Eaters listening to them hissing at each other: O_O

#Harry Potter crack #Harry Potter #Voldemort #Nagini #humor #gen #crack #random musings #Tom Riddle #incorrect harry potter quotes

72 notes · View notes

cilil · 2 days

Text

I get kinda scared when I imagine what would happen if I were to try writing for another fandom (aka not Tolkien/Silmarillion in particular). It's just that certain concepts don't exist for me anymore, ya feel? Men with short hair? Clothing that isn't robes or armor? Not half a dozen fictional languages I have to learn and be mindful of when naming characters? *confused screaming*

#writer woes #rants and ramblings #tolkien #silmarillion #crack #shitpost

38 notes · View notes

raileurta · 2 days

Text

Miguel acting like gen z part 4

*a tentacle monster is destroying a city*

Miguel: Hear me out.

Peter softly: No. Just no.

Hobie: Wait let the man explain himself.

Miles & Peter: NO!

--------------------------------------------------

Gwen: So this guy, I'm not pulling your leg, turns himself into a dragon made out of trash.

Miguel: Low-key gender envy.

Gwen: 😐

Miguel: .......

Gwen: .......

Gwen: Idk why I even expected anything different.

--------------------------------------------------

Miguel: Peter do you have a pet car?

Peter: Yes?????

Miguel: What are you supposed to do when it's 4:00am and they are vooming across your house breaking stuff?

Peter: The fuck kind of car do you have?!

*It took them 20 minutes of arguing to figure out the miscommunication*

--------------------------------------------------

*on a stakeout outside a Panera*

Miguel: Yo do you think if I slip the cashier a $20 they'll waterboard me with their murder lemonade?

Peter: Do I want to even know the context behind that?

Miguel: Nope.

--------------------------------------------------

#gen z humor #gen z #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #atsv #i have a part three but I can't find it #peter b parker #miles morales #gwen stacy #crack #hobie brown

29 notes · View notes

vmpirevnom · 8 hours

Text

Here’s something I made with CapCut

#crack #shitpost #meme #mcr #my chem #my chemical romance #my chemical fucking romance #mikey way #gerard way #frank iero #capcut

33 notes · View notes

wiverly · 6 hours

Text

Lucifer: This year I lost my dear husband Alastor... Alastor, making angry radio sounds: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD! Lucifer: Sometimes, I can still hear his voice…

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer magne morningstar #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #radioapple #appleradio #incorrect quotes #meme #vines #crack #sorry for my bad english

38 notes · View notes

woppsvt · 3 days

Text

SFW fake texts w/ svt hyung line

title : "can you come and pick me up?"

genre : fake texts, crack, fluff, funny

tw : curse, angst

NA : it’s my second try writing without smut, hope you’ll enjoy it ! 💋

#svt texts #fake texts #kpop #seventeen #crack #fluff #blogging #svt carat #svt #tumblr #kpop community #angst #svt hyungline

35 notes · View notes

soobwery · 2 days

Text

random yeonjun bf stories🥨

yeonjun × reader✧.*

genre: smau, crack

masterlist-‘๑’-

sigma content under the cut🔥

#kpop smau #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun #yeonjun smau #crack #txt smau #txt x reader #txt #tomorrow x together #choi yeonjun #story #instagram story #ig story #sigma

48 notes · View notes

mr-and-mr-diaz · 6 hours

Text

These Diazes out here shutting themselves in their rooms, and Buck out here like a human crowbar to fetch them...

#crack #its crack #tbh i cant wait to see this play out on screen #buddie #911 spoilers

21 notes · View notes

absolutely-esme · 1 day

Text

Silly DP AU

DP au where everything is the same except that Danny has a slightly edgier transformation sequence.

Dramatic music plays with the sound of a heartbeat as the center of the piece.

Eerie green lightning races up Danny's arm as he recoils as if from a physical blow.

An otherworldly glow overtakes his body.

A staticy, whooshy, machine sound that we later come to recognize as the sound of a portal opening plays layered over a muted, mostly drowned out, echoey sound clip of Danny screaming as the light flashes blindingly bright.

The heartbeat stops. The music swells to a climax.

Phantom stands where Fenton once stood.

"BEWARE! I AM THE BOX GHOST! WITH MY POWER OVER ALL THINGS CARDBOARD AND SQUARE I WILL..."

#Danny Phantom #AU with one change #crack #I think I used that tag correctly

21 notes · View notes

lurafita · 1 day

Text

Hide and Seek (without the seek)

Magnus, coming home to find Alec sitting back on the sofa, reading.

Magnus: "Hello Darling. Where are the kids?"

Because somehow Catarina, Izzy, Simon, Jace, and Clary all had some kind of last minute arrangement and parked their kids with Alec, who was on (enforced) sick leave due to a dislocated shoulder. Magnus had had to go to work as well.

Alec: "Playing hide and seek."

Magnus: "They are playing awfully quiet for a change. Usually the one who has to seek the others runs around and calls out for them."

Alec, turning a page: "I'm the seeker this time."

Magnus: "… and the reason you aren't looking for them is…"

Alec: "Madzie has wedged herself into the kitchen cabinet with the pans, trying very hard not to giggle. André's feet are peeking out from the curtains in the guest bedroom, but he is being very quiet. Gracie has laid down in Chairman Meow's bed and bribed him into shielding her, which might've worked better if they weren't practically the same size, and Jack has fallen asleep in the laundry hamper." (yes, I assigned random ass kids to everyone. don't mind it.)

Magnus: "Are you going to find them eventually?"

Alec: "Sure. I'll just let them think they are the best at hiding for a while longer. I'm almost done with this book."

#magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters tv #malec #malec headcanons #crack #I'm not saying I did that to my nieces when they were very young and very energetic and I needed a break #but if anyone is interested to know: it totally works.

23 notes · View notes

crybabycunt · 2 days

Text

Kate: I’m going to bed.

Clint: Is “bed” code for Yelena’s room?

Kate, avoiding eye contact: … No.

#bishova #bishlova #yelena belova #kate bishop #hawkeye #black widow #funny #crack #incorrect quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #incorrect marvel quotes #bishova incorrect quotes #bishlova incorrect quotes #yelena belova incorrect quotes #kate bishop incorrect quotes

62 notes · View notes

iamnmbr3 · 2 days