"Oh my god I love her so much! She's just the cutest war crimina-!"
And I stop reading.
It honestly kind of bothers me just how casually the term 'war criminal' is tossed around these days.
Just because they've killed people doesn't mean they're a war criminal.
Just because they're mean doesn't mean they're a war criminal.
Just because they've FOUGHT IN A WAR doesn't mean they're a war criminal.
I get that Tumblr is always looking for big, funny new phrases to chew on like dog toys, but maybe we should pick something other than the one that has extremely awful real-world implications.
War crimes are some of the most unspeakably evil things humans can do to each other, and using 'war criminal' as an ENDEARING term is just kind of pathetic. Stop. If you're going to use it, use it properly. Don't make 'war criminal'' become some stupid, cutesy, utterly meaningless term.
Because honestly, that's something TikTok would do.
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Another BG3 dialogue compilation - Elfsong Laff Riot jokes! (And associated companion approval.)
ROUND 1
Willoughby the comedian, folks! Were his jokes good, or did he just smell funny?
Elfsong Audience Approval
Approves +1: Lae'zel, Gale, Wyll, Karlach, Minthara, Minsc, Halsin
Disapproves -1: Astarion, Shadowheart, Jaheira
Say, what's the difference between a dwarf and a bulette? You can't toss the bulette!
Elfsong Audience Neutral
Disapproves -1: Everyone
Hey! I asked my wizard to cast Shatter. He said, 'Shatter? I hardly know 'er!'
Elfsong Audience Disapproval
Approves +1: Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Minthara, Minsc, Halsin
Disapproves -1: Lae'zel, Jaheira
[BARBARIAN][CHARISMA] Laugh. Now.
(on success) Elfsong Audience Approval
(on failure) Immediate Loss
Approves +1: Everyone
ROUND 2
You know why I hate vampires? They just suck.
Elfsong Audience Disapproval
Approves +1: Lae'zel, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Jaheira, Minthara, Minsc, Halsin
Disapproves -2: Astarion
I tried sleeping with a dragonborn the other night, but it didn't work out - he had a reptile dysfunction.
Elfsong Audience Approval
Approves +1: Astarion, Lae'zel, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, Jaheira, Minthara, Minsc, Halsin
Approves +2: Karlach
I asked a zombie reanimator out on a date, but she said she wasn't interested in nec-romance.
Elfsong Audience Neutral
Approves +1: Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Minsc, Halsin
Disapproves -1: Lae'zel, Jaheira, Minthara
[INTIMIDATION] What do you call a room full of people who don't applaud? Dead.
(on success) Elfsong Audience Approval
(on failure) Immediate Loss
Approves +1: Everyone
ROUND 3
The Dead Three, am I right? What losers. You know why Bane worshippers will never conquer the world? They don't have the Bhaals!
Elfsong Audience Neutral
Approves +1: Astarion, Karlach, Minthara, Minsc, Halsin
Disapproves -1: Lae'zel, Gale, Wyll, Shadowheart, Jaheira
A mind flayer's duergar slave lost his nose, so I asked the illithid, 'How does he smell?' and it said, 'I have eaten its brain.'
Elfsong Audience Disapproval
Approves +1: Minsc
Disapproves -1: Lae'zel, Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Shadowhewart, Karlach, Jaheira, Minthara, Halsin
Our cleric tried to cast Healing Word on a ham, but it was already cured.
Elfsong Audience Approval
Approves +1: Everyone
[INTIMIDATION] CLAP, OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR SPINES.
(on success) Elfsong Audience Approval
(on failure) Immediate Loss
Approves +1: Everyone
Fun Notes:
Everyone approves of you threatening the crowd.
Everyone likes making fun of vampires except Astarion, who disapproves double.
Everyone likes the sex joke and ham. Karlach likes the sex joke more than everyone else.
Everyone in the group takes a stand against dwarf-tossing.
Minsc likes every single other joke (including the terrible third-round one everyone else disapproves of).
The religion joke is the most divisive, followed by (tied) the necromancy pun and whether or not to heckle the MC.
Liked Joke Count (not including threats):
Minsc: 8
Karlach: 7
Halsin: 7
Minthara: 6
Gale: 6
Wyll: 6
Astarion: 5
Shadowheart: 5
Lae'zel: 4
Jaheira: 3
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It is my honest belief that all the romanceable companions can, do, and would absolutely eat pussy for their own personal entertainment. Just eating out, maybe masturbating lazily without really intending to come, for HOURS, and if (or when) (or however many times) their partner comes, they come- that's not really the point.
What "the point" really is is of course different for each (be it showing the depth of their devotion, exploring and having fun learning what makes their lover tick, getting off on being of service, or the opposite, having fun just being in control), but even so, I definitely love toying with the thought of... honestly just any of them having me at their mercy like that, with their face buried in my cunt until either I'm a shaking, sobbing, fucked out mess, or daybreak- whichever happens first.
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BG3 Companion Music Headcanons
whoops look at me posting fun things. Anyway this is just what I think they'd enjoy listening to and not based on the playlists their actors made for them. I also did not go to the effort of doing research beyond the music I already know for this so if I'm missing some fundamental character song sorry
Karlach: into EDM, rap, pop, and pop punk mainly. anything that gets her moving and has good vibes. lowkey she has highschool dance playlist vibes like you play party rock anthem or timber and this girly is tearing up the floor. shares a Marina playlist with Shadowheart. Delves into the edgier side of pop punk, veering into emo on occasion. Her theme song is hot to go by chapell roann bc duh
Shadowheart: opposite end of the vibes spectrum. She does not want to dance she wants to feel like a bad bitch. Into a balanced amount of mainstream and indie artists. Listens to rihanna, marina, and lady gaga as well as like halestorm and evanescence. She and Karlach have scream sung I miss the misery together at the top of their lungs more then once. Not huge into mcr but she knows all the lyrics to welcome to the black parade as is her duty as an emo
Lae'zel: if you were to walk up to Lae'zel Githyanki and ask what music she likes she would look you back in the eye and say "I do not listen to music" and she doesn't. She just. Doesn't. I feel like the only thing she listens to is like weapon sharpening asmr. The only exception to this is that she once heard some of shadowheart's edgelord music and vibed hard but doesn't care enough to look it up for herself. (I made this headcanon a while ago without knowing Devora Wilde literally made a character playlist for Lae'zel that had zero songs bc she has better things to do ehoevoeovegoeg)
Gale: caught in the strange overlap between classical music lover, theater kid and literally just listening to whatever the radio is playing. He has a piano canonly idk if he actually. Plays it but he really likes piano music anyway. Stuff that sharpens the mind for study is always welcome. The theater kid comes out to play when he is home alone and/or has Wyll over and gets to scream along to phantom of the opera. He'd be a Cats defender and I'll say that with my chest
Wyll: DAD MUSIC. Like exclusively 70s/80s rock. Crying to American Pie or Carry on Wayward Son is a borderline weekly ritual for this man. Devout Kansas listener. Listens to metal on bad days but the only metal band he knows is black sabbath. Could probably play the thunderstruck guitar solo by ear if he ever deigned to learn guitar. Queen Stan until the day he leaves this earth
Astarion: kinda all over the place. He brags about listening to classical but that's only like 50% of what he really listens to. He likes music from ballets like swan lake. For not classical it's generally chill music from like the 50s/60s and then like 80s ballads. Loves Billy Joel
Halsin: I want to say asmr guy who listens to nature sounds but I don't think he'd own a device with which to play them and he'd rather just go listen to real birds anyway. Most of the songs he knows are folk songs he's picked up and he's more then content with his own renditions being the only ones he hears. Owns an ancient record player he never uses and a bunch of old vinyls the others are constantly trying to buy off him because they're super valuable, I'm talking vintage Frank Sinatra and shit
Minthara: okay two possibilities. She is either with Lae'zel in the club of just does not listen to music, like she just does not. The alternative option is that she's really into metal culture, like she casually talks about her favorite niche black metal group that no one else has ever heard of. Probably classically trained on like 5 instruments as well
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