#my whole tl was those 3 gifs
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backstage help.
getting the jitters out of euronymous before a gig :3 smut! obvi, some fluff,, hand job/mutual masturbation, public sex, p in v, quicky action, it gets a lil messy, you guys are so vocal so u gotta be quiet :P
tl: @vanlisbon @cc-luvr @monkeyfart1 @444rockstargf @bambi-horror @auggiethecreator
im getting on rq RIGHT NOW!! dont think i’ve forgotten I promise, hope this makes up for it :3 also after rq I have some new characters and some jack thurlow SHACKEDD up, its been a minute since ive written something slutty for him.
euronymous sighs through his nose as he rubs your hip, seeing as you were seated on his lap. he had half an hour before he went on to play a gig, and he was nervous. I mean, he was always nervous, but he got a glimpse of the crowd before he went on and choked.
“you’ll be great baby, you always are.” you say, dipping the paint brush back into the black paint. you were finishing his corpse paint, and you even did your own as support for him. “I know,” he mumbled. “did..you saw all those people though, right? there was a lot.” he looks up at you and you sigh softly, considering you weren’t done on his eyes.
“I did. and there’s always a lot of people, that’s why I tell you not to look.” it was kinda silly a guy like him, the leader of the band, was getting stage fright. “and what’d you do? close your eyes,” “I looked,” he rolls his eyes and closes them, “right. there’s always a lot of people baby you’ll be fine, you know that. you’ll do great.”
“you’re gonna watch, right?” “of course! I always do, and you can keep your eyes on me the whole time.” you smile, even though he doesn’t see it. “i’m gonna be in the front moaning your name, you think the security will carry me if I pass out?” you joke, and he busts out laughing, pushing you lightly.
you smile, hopefully this’ll get the jitters out. “and you better not look at those other chicken built bitches either,” you warn, finishing up on his lips. “I won’t baby, only you.” he holds the back of your neck, caressing you. he admired your face paint, “I love this. like, so fucking much. can you do it at our next one?” you giggle as he smiles at you.
“sure, i’ll think about it,” you put the paint on the ground, turning back to see him still smiling at you. “evil incarnate isn’t supposed to smile, don’t fuck up my hard work.” you joke and he laughs some more, “can’t help it, got this fuckin’ angel in front of me.” god, he’s so corny, but you laugh anyway as you shift to sit next to him now, legs crossed but his hand still on your thigh.
and oh you loved how he always had to touch you, especially when he was all jittery and nervous. it made you feel so special. “you have like..twenty minutes.” you remind him, and you hear him whimper. “I know. i’m fine, i’m fine,” he fixes his shirt, but you see in his eyes he’s still nervous.
“øystein you’re ok, they’re gonna love you. they wouldn’t all be lined up if they didn’t.” you rub his arms and tuck his hair behind his ears before giving him a light kiss. “right..ok. all here for me.” “all here for you,” you repeat softly. he kisses you again, and again, and again until you’re giggling against his lips.
“baby the makeup,” you giggle through kisses. “we can fix it it’s fine,” he says quickly in a breath, holding the back of your head under your hair. your kiss gets more heated, you’re holding onto each other and smearing all your corpse paint. he digs his fingers under your skirt straight to your pussy, cupping you and rubbing down your clothes folds, making you moan in his mouth.
“twenty..twenty minutes baby,” you whimper in a breath, gripping his shoulder. “we can do it,” he groans feeling your hand get into his pants quickly as you stand on your knees, giving him more space to get in your skin.
you pull him out, pumping his cock quickly as you two pull away and breath into each others mouth, stimulating each other with locked eyes, and you moan out when he pulls your underwear to the slide and slips two thick fingers inside you, eyes widening on his. “angel, yer’ fucking dripping, holy fuck,” he groans as he pumps his fingers deeper into your throbbing cunt.
you bite back your moans as you grind onto his fingers, stroking him faster. he wraps an arm around you and pulls you onto his lap and you gasp, already knowing where his mind was headed. “øystein, øystein you’re about to go out—” “you can do it baby, ok? ‘can do it,” your voices topple each others as he lowers you down on his length, silencing your moans by grabbing your face and shushing you.
“good girl, goood girl,” he eyes you as you throw your head back, moaning under his hand as he rocks you on his cock, his lashes fluttering as he nods, “that’s fuckin’ good, so fucking good,” he whispers, letting out a relaxed breath.
“gotta keep it down, ok?” he stammers as you roll your hips onto his that fuck into you, his now free hand gripping the top of the couch you guys were tainting. “feel so fucking good,” he plants his feet onto the floor as you hop on his dick, eyes glued to your soaking pussy that engulfed him so well, squelching sounds filling the room.
his eyes squeeze shut as he throws his head back, brows coming together as he lets out raspy groans, hand planted on the small of your back, guiding you ever so slightly. “needed this, god you’re so good baby,” he praises and you smile, wrapping your arms around him, your boobs pressed against his chest as you moan quietly in his ear.
“ride this dick baby, oh just like that,” he moans as you grab onto his hair, yanking it back as you reach your climax, his tip kissing that sweet spot you love so much. you moan out, eyes squeezing shut as you pull yourself closer to him, hugging his shoulders. he bites his lip as he pounds upwards into you, sensing your climax in the way you tighten around him.
“so fuckin’ tight, god s’like you were built for me,” he hugs your waist, keeping you steady. “gonna cum baby? hm? gonna make a me—” you cover his mouth, shoving his head back on the couch, and that alone could’ve sent him over.
“baby,” you moan weakly, opening an eye to look at him, “gotta be quiet, too. they’ll hear you..” you breath, ducking your head into his neck as your legs shake, moaning high. he nods over your hand, eyes rolling back, stomach dropping as he feels your pussy pound against him, wrapping both arms around you now and slowly rocking you through your orgasm.
you gasp and moan out, accidentally pushing him back as you climax, “o’my god, oh my go-ahm!” he covers your mouth again, your eyes widening as you moan under it, his dark, fogged out eyes soft yours, and now the only thing being heard is the wetness of our pussy and you twos muffled moans.
youre drooling your face paint onto his hand as you two cum together, quickly moving each others hands off and connecting lips passionately, again fucking up your hard work. you pull away and he chases your lips,
“you gotta go, gotta-gotta perform,” you heave, sliding off next to him and he tries to collect himself at the mention, nodding and mumbling. “was so good baby,” he huffs, rubuckling his pants. “think I gotta do that before each gig.” he chuckles, tucking his hair behind his ears, watching you sigh, legs still open and dripping with cum.
the door busts open. “euronymous! been shouting for you for-oh my fucking—” its hellhammer, and he shuts the door just as fast as he catches a glimpse at you and your disheveled state, and he groans from behind the door.
“you fuckin’ serious?! dude, you guys are sick! be ready in five minutes!” “you should’ve fucking knocked! dont rush me,” you grab him back down and fix his smeared face paint, “you feelin’ ok? still nervous?” you quickly go over where it was messed up, “uh uh, s’like you knock it right out of me, might just be my good luck charm.” you smile as he tries not to, humming.
“well if it helps you, we can do whatever you want. go out, be great ok?” you kiss him once more as you stand up with him, following him to the door and hopping on your underwear, cum still leaking.
“im’a be a amazin’ all for you,” he walks out and they all look at you two, and you didnt even fix your makeup, so you got the worst of it. but euronymous just waved his hand at the stares from his band mates and says a small “lets go.” making you smile as you walk your way off the where the crowd resides.
heheeeee I loved this one, love my boyfriend🤫 (hes not real) i love including hellhammer hes so cute😭hope u enjoyed!! mwah mwah mwah
#rory culkin#rory culkin smut#x black reader#euronymous smut#lords of chaos#euronymous#lords of chaos smut
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*guess_who's_back_back_again.mp3* hi all ! thank you so much all the warm welcome (back's) 🤍 i'm kristin / admin *, and for those of you who don't know, nathan is my previous third-turned-second muse before i dropped out of the rp completely back in may of last year. i've still been around doing graphics, but nathan has always had a special place in my heart – and i knew that if i were to return with a muse, it would be with him. so when soobin opened up, i knew this was my one and only chance !
that being said, nathan is ~pretty much~ the same but ofc different in ways. his timeline is a continuation from where he was ic-wise last year, and you can read more under the cut about what his life is like now in the post-type zero era of his career. i've also linked his previous introduction that includes more of his backstory before he came to legacy for your reference !
now, without further ado, please like or reply to this post if you want to plot ! and if we plotted before, please don't feel like we need to keep the same connection – i'm practically starting from scratch here, and i'm excited to see what the future holds for nathan + all of you !
because i am an admin, you can easily reach me here or on the main. alternatively, you can find me on twitter or discord – just ask for my username, and i'll add you !
super stoked to be back here in my favorite place with my favorite people – let's get this party started 🥳
tl;dr on his backstory is that he (1) grew up in new york city, (2) acted out a lot because of parental neglect (re: being raised in boarding schools his whole life), (3) ended up in korea because the school board threatened to expel him after a prank-gone-wrong, (4) auditioned for legacy after his npc-big brother got signed to the company, (5) stayed because it was the first time in his life he ever got praised for literally anything and, wow, very much attention and affection-starved from the get-go, and (6) debuted in type zero in april of 2021 after four years of training!
now ... where, oh, WHERE do i even begin? like i mentioned in my ooc post when i dropped, nathan ultimately left type zero because of massive burnout. at the time, he was practically hard-carrying the group's promotions with his solo activities, and the burden of maintaining type zero's 'status' in the industry was eventually too much for him.
it was a lot for him, okay. not only was he dealing with the emotional turmoil that came from being in a group with so many line-up changes and differing opinions from the public, he was succumbing to the pressure of all these expectations placed on him that he (as he knows now) never felt properly prepared for before his debut.
the first few weeks after his departure, he had an extended staycation with his grandparents in the outskirts of seoul before flying back to nyc for some much-needed r&r.
since he was still signed to legacy even after leaving type zero, he returned to training after about three months of 'vacation' – so he's only been full-time training for a little over six months now.
he's been avoiding, basically, everyone – previous managers and stylists and other staff members, other debuted idols in the company, and, of course, the type zero members.
he's so ashamed of himself, for giving something up that (as he first-hand witnessed himself!) hundreds of kids only dream of after sacrificing their childhoods, their youths, their critical developments years all for the goal of becoming an idol.
and he's embarrassed, for obvious reasons. when he left type zero, he was practically at the top of his game, but now? now he's stuck in the basement, in the hallways of dance studios and practice rooms, surrounded by unfamiliar faces that whisper and gossip as he passes by. he's visibly older than most trainees now, and his energy nor enthusiasm can barely keep up anymore.
before, nathan thought he could take the world on by storm – that no matter what problem or obstacle, he could bulldoze through with sheer willpower alone. but now he's scared, and more jaded. the idol industry isn't anything like they tell you to believe, and there truly are things you can only learn through real-life experience.
but at the end of the day, nathan knows why he's still here, why he's tormenting himself by going through this rigorous training process again. he loves it. he loves it so much, and so much more than wanting to run away from it all once again.
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10 (5) BL Boys I Want Carnally
"If you want to play, consider yourself tagged!" said @ginnymoonbeam and I took that personally.
Hot damn I'm so excited. I don't even know of I'm doing this right but I need these boys in a single post. Also, I only have five (5) bc I'm fairly new to BL dramas but those five I want so carnally they count at least tenfold.
Let's goooooooo!!
1. Boeing (Only Friends) / Mond Tanutchai
I dedicated a whole ass essay to the stuff his character did to me as you can read here. I think thats enough of an explanation as to why he takes the No. 1 spot.
2. Tharn (The Sign) / Babe Tanatat
The things BABE - not Tharn the character - does to me is next level. My infatuation for Mond walked so the one for Babes could run. I almost wanted him to have the top spot although The Sign has only been running since like yesterday. I'm so delulu about him, I regularly need to mentally slap myself and remember that he is a living breathing human being with a life. I'm so glad The Sign is still running.
3. Daou Pittaya
I watched Love In Translation but what got me was Daous buzzcut and his bedroom eyes on Insta. I have a REALLY bad weakness for buzzcut-boys. So no character, just irl attraction here.
4. Prom (Playboyy) / Shell Thakrit
Prom, The Daddy Dom Of My Dreams. Cute, soft, glasses but oh so naughty. You do not want to mess with him. Please show me your leash collection, smother me in aftercare and let all of my switch-dreams come true. Let me use your pretty frame to tie you up. Soothe my bruises with soft kisses. I don't care if you're a (potential) criminal, where do I sign so we can make an appointment for our first session.
5. Fan Zerui (Kiseki: Dear To Me) / Hsu Kai
You have no idea how much I am in need of a gangster who turns into a baby girl just for me. Well I didn't know before until Zerui turned up on my screen and awakened all of this in me.
Bonus
Yai (The Sign) / Gap Jakarin
I may not have the brain capacity to simp for 10 boys but the list wouldn't be complete without at least one (1) gorgeous tiddy holder and the only reason I chose Yai is because he's also funny AF and his GF is so damn hot.
If you see this consider yourself tagged and flood your moots TLs with gorgeous men hehe
#tag game#thai bl#taiwanese bl#only friends#the sign#love in translation#playboyy#kiseki: dear to me
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Hello! It's been 5 months since we reactivated the Zentreya Twitch VODs channel. I'm Rayterni reporting back with everything that we have made so far. Due to YouTube’s limitations we’re posting the update here. Feel free to skip to the parts that you want. We hope you enjoy the read!
TL;DR: 400 VODs! Playlists! Timestamps! ALL Guilds & Geckos! Things you might have missed due to YouTube not notifying you! A huge word of thanks! Help us find more VODs!
400 VODS
We’re about to cross the 400 VODs mark this week (they are already being uploaded as you read this), as we rapidly catch up with the recent streams! Two days ago we completed publishing 223 VODs in 5 months (71 in 3 days alone), totaling 382 VODs published! Literally thousands of hours worth of streams that were deemed lost forever are now here for all to re-watch, so check out the VIDEOS tab!
PLAYLISTS
We’re also introducing Playlists. It's still at the very early stages, but they can rapidly become the main way of browsing through the VODs according to your interests. Themes such as "SPOOKTEMBER" and "SHOCKTOBER", "New outfit debut", some of Zen’s favorite games and the highly requested "Guilds & Geckos" series have already been added. Feel free to suggest us more! We’re gonna have Playlists for months and years as well since we are not uploading in chronological order. Check out the PLAYLISTS tab to access all of them.
GUILDS & GECKOS
We believe ALL the G&G VODs have already been published at this point, despite some of them not showing up to everybody due to YouTube’s region block. But we are working on having this fixed!
TIMESTAMPS
Some of the fans have been voluntarily contributing by adding timestamps to the comments section of the VODs, and we very much appreciate it! In special we would like to thank @WadeTunnell for timestamping lots of recent VODs. This is very helpful to everybody. We planned on start doing this ourselves in the future but this is not one of our priorities right now. So thank you very much to those doing so, and if you feel like doing more while you are watching, you are always welcome.
A BIT OF STORY TIME, AND THE 2D AND 3D CYBORG ZEN DEBUTS!
This channel started out on July 11, 2021, and has been maintained by Zentreya's moderators Barefoot Ellecktric and Shadow Ben, who have been doing an absolutely amazing job through the years! Thanks to them we could keep track of Zentreya's everyday streaming adventures through nothing less than 159 VODs, comprising the whole of the dragon Zen 2.0 era. To the people who have been watching Zen during all those years it's heartwarming to know that so many precious moments have been preserved for posterity. And to the people who are new to the community this is an incredible archive of one of the pioneer vtubers who paved the way for so many others, and who still keeps pushing the scene to the limits, together with her friends, community, artists and vtubers of all sizes.
Unfortunately, due to life and work, the uploads stopped on March 27, 2022. Since then the community relied on Zen's official channel with clips and shorts, but also on fan channels that have been posting VODs here and there whenever possible, some of them regularly. Other fans and friends have preferred to keep their archives offline in backups, in hopes that it could be of help some day. This kind community effort would later be once again vital for the reactivation of this channel.
On July 4, 2023, I joined Zentreya's clippers team and asked her, Ben and Barefoot permission to reactivate this channel, already offering my personal collection of 121 VODs, mostly from the cyborg Zen era. It was an honor for me to have been trusted with this task. On August 12, 2023, the first VOD from this batch was published, which was "LAST DAY AS A DRAGON. 5 MORE DAYS. (05/15/2022)". This was Zentreya's last stream before the big debut of her cyborg model, which would start an entirely new chapter to her career, including new lore contents - Recently Zentreya has announced on her 6 years anniversary that the coexistence of the two Zens, the cyborg and the dragon, is now official within the lore!
Due to the nature how Twitch works and the precarious ways of downloading the VODs, some of them got corrupted in our backup files, including the 2D and 3D debuts of cyborg Zen. These same VODs were found in another fan channel on YouTube, but unfortunately the channel was deleted before we could contact the author. Such relevant VODs would only be recovered months later when another fan, DeadPark, left a message in the comments section of the announcement video, offering to help with a personal collection of 200+ VODs. Before that, 125 others were contributed by 2 other fans who preferred to remain anonymous.
So here they are:
2D cyborg Zen debut
3D cyborg Zen debut
Zentreya has managed to build an amazing community over the years, of fans and friends willing to help keep her legacy alive. All this effort is a labor of love for our favorite toaster, who never ceases to impress us every day with her energy and creativity, her unique comedy, a true passion for vtubing, life, her friends and community. It's the same passion that moves us to now share the joy that we have re-watching her with everybody.
THE BEST COMMUNITY
Ever since we reactivated this channel we had such a positive response from the public, the community, whether it's here on YouTube, on Twitter, Twitch, Discord, and we would like to thank all of you for that. The work is far from done, there's still a lot of VODs to upload, and it needs to be a continuous effort for the time being. But it fills us with even more passion to know that you are here together with us. We would like to share some of the comments that we received and that truly keep us more and more motivated to continue with this task:
@jkubal2 - "Thank you for uploading this stream. This was my favorite Zen stream of all time."
@zetanite5538 - "it’s very rare to see a vod i haven’t seen this is a pleasant suprise :)"
@RickardLejonhjarta - "Chat was on Fire that night it was a blast. Cus you can never tell with Zen if she's just trolling or not."
@SnakeSanders97 - "This was so funny and wholesome. When it happened I couldn't tell if it was an accident or if she was just playing."
@ZensMeatSlab - "This was the stream on my birthday hehe. Thanks for this last massive batch of uploads."
@WadeTunnell - "and THANK YOU for uploading the VODs in the first place! There's probably a lot of people who appreciate the hard work and commitment, I know I do! I don't often get to see much of the streams live and having them archived here is wonderful."
@namesz - "I’m always watching the VODs."
@user0102939547874 - "Dear Zentreya this stream sent me on a emotional rollercoster it was so great to see you and your frinds stream for your birthday happy birthday but my heart was broken to hear that you are going through personal problems and i was crying right along with you I hope you can take time to rest and recharge and heal from all of it I wish you nothing but better days one day one step at a time"
@zickykane5206 - "I remember this one...such a good time. :)"
@Kakarot-xt4yz - "I was there and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time"
@jkubal2 - "I remember. But thanks for doing all the work getting these posted. Been watching them a lot lately."
@adrammelechthewroth6511 - "Zen. I know it's a bit late for this but you can kill the naked guy with a katana by pushing him off of the conveniently placed ledge near his starting location. Just some advice if you ever return to playing Dark Souls 3."
THANK YOU
We would like to thank everybody who have been watching the VODs here on the channel, no matter if the people who simply cannot watch the live streams due to different time zones or due to time constraints, the fans who just want to relive the memories of so many fun, chaotic and wholesome moments, or even the people who just joined the Zentreya bandwagon and want to know more about this energetic dragon mommy running around with a bunch of funny geckos.
To all the fans and fan channels out there who have been uploading VODs to YouTube and other sites, we would also like to express our sincere gratitude, and say that we would also love to contact you soon. This individual effort of all of you is just as important, and now you know why.
If you are new to the Zentreya experience you can join the best vtuber community right now on Discord and, of course, on Zentreya's Twitch channel. On Twitch you will find one of the rare channels out there where the chat not only remains active and vibrant 24/7 (the “Offliners”!), but is also always very welcoming, just like Zen's Discord. So don't be shy, come say hi! Making friends and finding people with shared interests is easy, and we would love to have you too.
HOW YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE WITH MORE VODS
We would like to invite all of you who have ever downloaded any of Zentreya's streams, no matter if it's just one single VOD or a collection of them, no matter the quality that you have recorded it in, if it's complete or incomplete, even if it's muted or pixelated in absolute potato quality: please, feel free to contact us at any time. You can just send me a DM on Discord (look for the name Rayterni on the Editors/Clippers list or the Artists list), on Twitter, or even by just leaving a comment below, here or on any video of the channel, really! We read and appreciate all of them and will reply to you as fast as we can, so feel free to ask questions and post requests for VODs, tell us which ones you miss, share your memories, your ideas of how you think this channel could improve, and we’ll do our best. If you prefer, you can also contact the moderators (I am not a moderator myself, but you can send me DMs). You can find them easily on Discord or when watching Zentreya’s streams on Twitch.
WHAT WE ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR
So far all the VODs from the channel are comprised of streams from the dragon 2.0 and cyborg eras. If you do have or know of someone who does, or any other site out there that has any VODs from the dragon 1.0, we would be immensely thankful if you could contact us with a link, a name, title, any information. If you have a friend or know of someone who does have any VODs, please tell them to contact us or send us a DM, and we will contact them. We just found out very recently that we possibly only have very few of those, probably half a dozen or even less from when Zen joined VShojo. So, again, don't be shy, let us know. We will thank you always on the next update and feature your name with a link to your site, page or profile if you want, and you have our most sincere gratitude.
VODS THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED, AND VOD REQUESTS
Due to the way YouTube works we have discovered that you will only be notified about 3 VODs/day, no matter how many we upload. So we will post some updates every now and then here and on the official Twitter page for the channel with links to the ones that you might not have been notified about. For now, be sure to check out the channel's video tab to see. Feel free to request any streams that you would like to watch again, and we will do our best to find them. Here are some:
A Q&A love advice stream with the tactical maid Zen on Valentines day!
youtube
Zentreya driving a mom's car vibing and singing along with chat (WARNING: extremely hilarious!)
youtube
Zen shows the cake on stream, and her final outfit debut before the arrival of cyborg Zen (here an outfit inspired by Ruler/Altria Pendragon from the Fate/Grand Order series)
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Geega teaches Zen some Fortnite dance moves during her reverse subathon! Also Zen takes a byte on a huge, spicy cheese and immediately regrets it...
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Futuristic Zen outfit debut, a 12h-long stream and a collab with OVER 100 FRIENDS AND GUESTS!
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Zen goes full furry fantasy on VRChat, proving once and for all what we always knew
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An adventure of small proportions - gremolin Zen time on VRChat. Another fan-favorite, the gremolin Zen VODs are here to stay
youtube
Bartender Zen outfit debut
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Zentreya's new 3D outfit in commemoration of her 5 years of streaming
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Comfy outfit debut and song cover! She started out as a muted streamer, and with a notepad she inspired many others to also become streamers. Now watch her once again step up the game, recording her own song covers and more!
youtube
AND THAT'S IT FOR NOW!
Once again, thank you all so very much for all the positive reception, for supporting Zentreya and this channel over the years. Thank you Zen, Ben and Barefoot for allowing me to help and for supervising me during this task and for being so patient with me. Thank you DeadPark, WadeTunnell, and everyone who is contributing with the channel as well in many ways!
Don't forget to follow the official Twitter of the channel. We see you on the social medias, the chat during her streams and on the comments on YouTube. Let this new year be even more exciting, fun and memorable for all of us! Because this channel is all about the memories that we create and share.
And as Zen always says...
KEEP ROCKING! 🤘
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Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD
Heeey-ho!
I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T
Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"
Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition
As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.
They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/
Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)
(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)
As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.
Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.
Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".
I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).
All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.
When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.
I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.
That's all I can do.
You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese
So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.
Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.
Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.
I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.
You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.
I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.
Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha
THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.
(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)
Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)
youtube
That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha
I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.
So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.
Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.
Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.
I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)
kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')
That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.
Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D
*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*
***
And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:
I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN
#polaris speaks#update#life update#writing update#personal post#personal rant#ranting#rant post#and I meant it to be a little post going like 'haha it's gonna take a while to update'#but decided to be honest#I always think it's good when people I admire admit going through tough times or trauma or being broke or just overall not good#it makes me be less harsh on myself regarding everything I guess#so I thought this vulnerability from my part could do someone some good as it does for me when other people are vulnerable#I mean I'm hating it#seriously considering deleting this post once it goes live#don't know if I'm gonna do that but for now#I hope it helps someone#I really do#(don't worry Vergil is judging me from the distance the man would probably beat the shit out of me or hug me no in betweens with him)#Youtube
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🍭🍬 Candy Collecting 🍬 🍭
🎃 Hope you guys had a great Halloween! 🎃
How did your Halloween go? For me, it was honestly a whole lotta fun. Yeah, it did get kinda boring after a while once 9 o’clock rolled around, because a lot of people either went home or to a different part of my neighborhood.
I had a blast, though, I was the one passing out candy, and if you didn’t see my previous post on here, I dressed up as Tiffany AKA, the Bride of Chucky, and I had my talking Chucky doll on my lap while I was passing out candy. A lot of people really loved my Chucky doll and costume, I even met someone who was also dressed up as Chucky, and we both just started fangirling 😭
Though there were some little kids who were absolutely terrified of my Chucky doll that they didn’t even want to get the candy, so I just passed it off to their parents instead, so they could give it to their kids. Honestly, I don’t blame those kids at all whatsoever, if I was their age, I would have been scared too 💀
Speaking of costumes, I saw a lot of really cool horror costumes, I saw some Wednesdays, Moritias, Chuckys, Jasons, and a lot of Freddy Kruegers and Michael Myers. Though funnily enough, I didn’t see any Ghostfaces or Megans. I also saw a lot of cool non-horror costumes, I saw some Disney Princesses, Marios, and Sonics, and I even saw a few dressed people dressed up as Glamrock Freddy, Huggy Wuggy, Patrick, and motherfreaking Barney, so uh yeah that was a thing lol
And there was this one family that was all dressed up as Demon Slayer characters, and it was pretty wholesome 💕
As for my art, this is a follow-up of my silly little AU that I posted a while ago, and if you haven’t seen it, here’s the TL;DR version of it; it’s an AU that takes place in the very first Child’s Play movie, Chucky is not a serial killer (but he’s still a major douchebag), and still lives with the Barclays (Andy and his mom, Karen).
This picture was also made as a (belated) birthday gift to one of my closest online friends, RobTheAlien on Amino, Deviantart, and Twitter. I made her a Chucky-related gift for her last year, so why not make another one for her, we both really love the series <3
For the context of the art, Halloween started rolling around, and both Andy and Chucky were super hyped to dress up and get some candy, mostly Chucky because he had a little plan up his sleeve. Basically, since Chucky is well, y’know… a doll, he looked to be around the average height of a toddler.
So, his plan was that while they were trick-or-treating, he could get Andy to tell the neighbors that he was bringing along his, “baby brother, Tommy”, and that it was his first time going trick-or-treating. The neighbors would give the both of them candy, thinking that Chucky was his, “brother”, and thus, they would get double the candy (and double the diabetes as well 😋).
At first, Andy was against the idea, since it didn’t feel right to trick the neighbors in a selfish way to get some sweets, but Chucky managed to convince him that they could have the biggest candy collection in the entire neighborhood, with all of the candy a kid his age could ever want and eventually gave in to the idea. He also decided to dress Chucky up as a ghost to make the whole thing look more convincing.
Oh Chuck, such a good role model and influence on little Andy/j
At first, I wanted to draw Andy alongside Chucky but didn’t feel like it because A. I wanted to make the art less time-consuming, and B. I ain’t very good at drawing little kid characters. But I will say that he did dress up as a vampire, complete with fake fangs and everything, and maybe I might make fanart with the both of them together in their costumes in the future.
As for the art itself, I really loved how it turned out. I was farting around with the filters on IbisPaint X, and I eventually chose the exclusion filter, and I felt like it was perfect for this art, ‘cause I wanted to go for an indie kidcore-type vibe for it. And as for the candies I chose for the picture, I basically just googled, “What types of candy were popular in the 80s?”, and I eventually went with the three candies you’re currently seeing in the picture.
Honestly, the only candy I really like out of the three are Skittles, I don’t think I’ve ever tried a Charleston Chew or Baby Ruth before. But what’s your guys' favorite candy? 👀
🍭 🍬 👻
#chucky#childs play#childs play fanart#childs play franchise#chucky movies#chucky the killer doll#chucky fanart#au#alternative universe#alternate universe#slasher movie#slasher fanart#horror villain#horror fanart#happy halloween#halloween 2023#ghost costume#trick or treating#spooktober
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Helios Rising Heroes - Sing in the Darkness 3
Chapter 28:
Jude: ORAORAORAORA….! Killing guys like these only take seconds!
[Jude kills 2/3 of the Eclipse mobs]
Bianchi: Ugh, this isn’t beautiful at all! If you’re going to take them out, at least be thorough about it!
Jude: HAHA!!!! >:D.
Bianchi: …At times like this, you don’t listen to what I say!
Bianchi: Fu…! Haah..!
Sirius: ……….
Bianchi: …..Hey, Jude.
Jude: ORA! ORA! ORAA….!
Bianchi: JUDE! Listen to me!
Jude: Gh–Bianchi….?
Bianchi: Can you attack Sirius with this momentum?
Jude: To Sirius…..?
Bianchi: Sei-chan seems to want to stop his plan here, so we must follow up.
Bianchi: I know it’s not going to be easy, but….
Jude: Kuku…this is a dream come true.
Jude: I wanted to test this guy and see if he could excite me…..!
[Jude runs]
Sirius: ……….
Sirius: ……?
Bianchi: Now! Jude!
Jude: HAAAAAAHHHHHHH…..!*
Sirius: ………hm.
----------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
Bianchi: ( —What just…happened?)
Bianchi: (Just now…. I could swear it feels like I just tanked Jude’s attack…..)
Bianchi: (It didn’t seem like my ability was able to block it….but…. )
Jude: Gh—KhaH….!
Bianchi: Jude…..
Jude: Hah, haa—……kh—....
Bianchi: Wait a—are you alright….?
Jude: Bianchi….are you safe…?
Bianchi: Yeah, I was far from the impact…. but you took all that at point blank, didn’t you?
Jude: I’m also fine….. It’s a lot so I’d rather you don’t see it….but it’s already begun to regenerate…..
Sirius: Houh
Bianchi: ……!
Sirius: Hallucinatory induction and regeneration…..
Sirius: Interesting. You both utilize those abilities well, what brilliant shine you harness.
Bianchi: Gh……
Sirius: Unfortunately, hallucinations don’t work against me. Don’t you understand?
Bianchi: What do you….?
Bianchi: Hey Jude, can you move yet?
Jude: Just a little more…..
Sirius: He’ll be fine. I won’t touch him till he’s fully regenerated.
Bianchi & Jude: Nna–……
Sirius: I’m interested in the way your Substance shines.
Sirius: Let me observe the whole process from here.
Bianchi: I see… from this position, you could crush us at any point…..
Sirius: Well, that’s one reason, but I’m also a bit of a researcher myself—
Nico: Eat this….!**
Sirius: Oop…
Sirius: …..Oh?
Sage: HaaaaaaAHH….!
Sirius: Yet another reckless attack….
Sirius: ?
[Nico teleports Sirius]
Nico: And this!
Sirius: Interesting.
Sage: I won’t let you….!
[Sage lifts his shield]
Nico: Hah....!
Sirius: Fufu, what vivid shine.
Nico: Go.
Sage: Let’s go at the same time!
Nico & Sage: HaaaaaAAAAAH…..!
Sirius: Ah, not bad…
Prev || Masterlist || Next
TL Notes:
*Could you. could you say he's a ... a dog in the fog.........
**Unironically the funniest line I've ever written ftr
#helios rising heroes#cuitranslates#sing in the darkness#sage skyfall#nico#nico helios#sirius#sirius helios#bianchi law#jude ares
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"This is real, this is me" - Demi Lovato, at some point back in the 2000s
TL;DR: Hi, my name is Laura and this is my personal blog. I'm Christian and vocal about it, we can talk about it if you want. I'm Brazilian and bilingual and so is this blog. I talk a lot so my posts will be often lengthy; I'm a librarian and a writer so I'll be posting about things around these themes - info science, organization, book-related, writing, short stories, OCs… I have a lot of interests ranging from Ts4, BG3 to kpop and poetry so expect those too. I'm an insecure artist, looking for a place to call mine, basically. More info bellow the cut.
It's probably the millionth time I try to kick start this blog, but anyway
Hi everyone! My name is Laura and this is my personal blog. Before anything, lemme present myself.
First of all, I'm Christian. I think it's important to clarify this right off the top so we're clear on how this blog goes and how I go. I'm Christian and really value my faith, I'm rather vocal about it, so that's within basically everything I do. I'm also always avaiable to talk about it to curious people or fellow Christians wanting to talk. Hit me up if you feel like it ✨
I do not enjoy this bit but, if things get rather hostile or aggressive, I'm unfollowing/blocking and ask you do the same bc there's no need to keep annoying ourselves. Jesus said to turn the other cheek, not to become a doormat so we'll keep things respectful and friendly as to not get into heated arguments ok? Ok.
With that on the clear, here's other things for you to know me: I'm Brazilian! And living in Brazil (for now). I speak Portuguese as a first language, and English as a second - and do risk myself at Spanish sometimes, and I'm learning Korean, so: this is a bilingual and at times multilingual blog. THOUGH I will be speaking English most of the time. That's what most people speak around here, right, so let's go, bora pra cima Brasil 🥳
⚠️This is a warning⚠️ please be noted that I talk a lot. I know I do. I talk way too much in person and type even more, so please be WARNED that my texts (this bio included!) will more often than not be lengthy. I apologize but also don't. That's it.
Hmmm, what else?
Oh
Yeah
Well
I'm a Librarian! And a writer! I have an insane amount of projects going on now (you can call me a workaholic lol). I'm an enthusiast for Library Sciences and topics related to information, organization, books! Everything Info Science is on my radar, so I'll be probably talking about that or linking my other blog with texts about that. Feel free (and please do) to ask me about those things!
As for the Writer part, I'm a fantasy writer, with about 3 to 4 different sagas going on inside my head and very little written about them 🤡 I'm trying to get better at that as to be able to actually have something to show people rather than loose drafts. I'm also an enthusiast for short stories so I'll be eventually posting drabbles about random themes!
That's actually the whole point of this blog, writing.
Other interests and possible themes to be happening here are related to:
The Sims 4 (hi Simblr ^^); I do play this too often and will be rambling about my Sims OCs;
Baldur's Gate 3 [screams]; I am OBSESSED with this game but only get to play it when I go to my bestie's place, so not that many posts about it BUT I WILL DEFINITELY BE TALKING ABOUT ASTARION. No, I'm not a weirdo Astarion Girlfriend, I'm a normal person;
Cats. I love cats, I have cats, I'm obsessed with cats;
Poetry; I take my chance at those very rarely but I do;
Super Junior and other kpop subjects; 🤩 I'm ELF, yeah, I did write a handful of fanfics about SJ so I'll link them at my catalog, though I don't write those anymore. I do talk about them tho;
Hm, idk, the color blue, art, sea and storms (huge fan of those), random reblogs about aesthetic stuff, photography, museums, wtv. If you can't tell I have major hyperfixes in random things.
I do think of myself as an artist and I've been considering and not doing things like this blog for way too long. This is my try at making it work. I do write and post on other platforms (you can navigate through them on the buttons on the top of my blog - on desktop view - or on the links on my soon to be pinned post) but they don't usually take lengthy (I really like this word) posts like Tumblr can so HERE AM I.
I hope to find my people around here.
This is a very quick shortened bio of mine (believe me), ask me questions if you want to, my askbox 📫 is always open. And please remember: internet is just a slice of someone's life so don't go around making assumptions.
ー L
#hello tumblr#personal blog#writing#writers on tumblr#simblr#artsy#and a lot of other stuff i cannot categorize right now#oh#books#books & libraries#library science#librarian#idk what else#yay !
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oh hey!
it's me! I'm back!
lots of folks are flocking over from twitter right now, so now seems like a good time to start again for myself as well—though I've actually been thinking about starting again for a long time now. a lot has changed in my life and in return I've changed a lot about this blog, so I'll be talking about it all for a bit.
there'll be a tl;dr at the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all, but I'd appreciate if you did!
so, hey. I thought for a long time about what to do with this account. this place spawned and held a lot of memories of people who did me wrong and the mistakes I'd made, and it was bad enough for a while that I just didn't want to look at it at all.
it took a long time to accept what happened to me and that it shouldn't have happened, and that I shouldn't be protecting and supporting the people who were involved anymore. but, yeah, I think I was kinda groomed. that sucks, and I won't go into details about it. I'm thankful to have the clarity I have now as an adult to come to terms with it.
I considered wiping this account entirely and moving to a new account—both to try to erase what happened and to have a more appropriate place to house the new type of content I've moved onto. but, I've had this account since the day I turned 13. I'm 22 now. it's been my home and I'm not letting any assholes' influence taint it and take it away from me. also, I can post what I want, lol.
that all being said, though, I have updated the look of this this place to match my current tastes! I'd like to do even more, but I'll need to draw stuff to do that. so, while this blog has already been hugely overhauled, it'll continue to be a work in progress until I get the time to make some assets for it. I also wiped a large chunk of my old posts because, frankly, nobody needs to see all of that. and, y'know, memories of being groomed and all that, lol. I'd like to totally redo my about as well—maybe make a new one entirely somewhere else?
speaking of Blogs and Posting, I should probably let you all know that I'm not going to be posting anymore megaman content anymore—neither through my own posts nor reblogs. I've grown out of that fanbase, and I think it's time to move on for everyone's sake. if that disappoints you, I'm sorry, but also, I'm not sorry because this is the best thing for me. I don't need it anymore, but I'm grateful for all the growing I did while being into it. you're entirely welcome to leave if cookie run and my ocs aren't your jam—thanks for staying with me all this time! and to those who choose to stay regardless, you have my whole heart. thank you to both!
I can't say how often I'll be posting here, as I've gotten a lot of things in my life now that eat up my time (this is a good thing, in my teenage years I would've never imagined having the responsibilities I have now!). on top of two jobs, I also co-own the cookie run kingdom wiki now! managing and improving that place takes a LOT of my time, seriously. it's made me slow down significantly in making my art, but that's alright—I seriously love it there, and I've met so many amazing people and built a lot of other skills from being there. like coding! I can do that now! I'm responsible for coding and designing a very big portion of the templates and extra styling on there, and I'm very, very proud of it! being a representative of the wiki, you can always feel free to ask me about the site, its policies, etc. here. also, I'll probably be going back to school soon...
but anyways, oh yeah, art. I've got a pretty good backlog of completed drawings that I'll be posting to here. I'll be queuing the posts to come out at probably a rate of one a day until they're up, though. no more posting 7 pieces in one day and posting the next in 3 months (at least for now 🤔). like I said, I don't have a ton of time to draw constantly like I used to, but I'll do what I can in making more in the future. as for what I'll be drawing, I mean, probably cookie run. maybe some ocs though, because I've got a few ideas. maybe things from my other interests? we'll see! I've also been sculpting a lot, actually...
and yeah, don't let the seriousness of this post fool you; I'll certainly still be reblogging dumb, non-serious posts like I always did. fixing up the look of the blog itself is enough professionalism I think 😵 also! I'll be letting up on all the trigger warning tags I had used in the past—scopophobia, animals, food, that kind of thing—because I've literally never been asked to tag anything like that. I mean, feel free to let me know if you do need things like those tagged, but, starting now, I'm going to take it a little easier with the tags. very common triggers (blood, abuse, so on) will still be tagged, of course.
I think that's it? yeah. nice to be here again, it's much more relaxed and individualized than twitter! I think I almost felt intimidated by tumblr for a long time since it almost feels like posts need to have more "purpose" than tweeting on twitter. but, like, I'm older and give less of a shit now. my house, I post silly thing.
---
thanks for reading if you did! here's your tl;dr:
I've deleted the majority of my old posts and revamped the look and theming of my blog to have a fresh start, to cut rotten ties, and to have a place that suits my current self. also so I don't have to be embarrassed every time I post.
no more megaman! in terms of art, it'll be cookie run and maybe some ocs, or whatever else. art won't be frequent, though, because I'm always busy with work and the crk wiki.
I'll be posting my backlog of completed art over the next few days.
I'm no longer tagging the more specific trigger tags like scopophobia (unless you really want me to???).
you should commission dani.
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This… Is BGNN
Things you might want to know, for Mar 31, 2023:
‘Scott Pilgrim’ is coming back as a cartoon with the film’s entire cast — I want to say “GREAT NEWS!!!” but I’m still waiting for that long-promised King of the Hill restart, so it’s better not to get my hopes up.
Burrito snares suspected bomber of anti-abortion group — I’m glad they busted the little prick. I don’t want terrorists on my side.
Drew Carey made a radio show with AI. Fans weren't pleased. — If he’d waited a year to try his little on-air experiment, it’s possible no one would have noticed.
A Carl Sagan documentary is coming from Nat Geo & Seth MacFarlane — It’s depressing to know that the leading light in broadcast science information these days is the guy whose heretofore greatest cultural contribution has been a murderous talking baby.
‘Lust, Desire, and Excess’: New Doc Explores the Everlasting Legacy of Yello’s ‘Oh Yeah’ — I can’t tell you how omnipresent that song became for a few years in the ‘80s. Or maybe I can. Just think of how many times you’ve heard Hans Zimmer’s Inception “BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM”… it was overused to a similar extent.
Scientists May Have Found an ‘Ultramassive Black Hole’ With a Mass of 30 Billion Suns
I Tested 13 Bidets. I’m a Convert. — I’ve never used a bidet, but the day one of them arrives in my bathroom, I will use it without hesitation. If my butt is gonna be wiped, it should be done with a girl’s tongue, not Charmin.
Disney: 1, Ron DeSantis: 0 — Another depressing blessing… corporate power is now one of the few checks-and-balances still functioning in our national system.
Love in Paradise Season 3 Cast Revealed! Lidia Looks for Love — Whatever poor bastard has decided to hitch his wagon to Lidia’s star is in for a helluva ride.
One in ten Britons pull their own teeth, fill cavities, or do other DIY dental work on themselves — This would be weirdly impressive if they were actually good at it.
Nobunaga’s Ambition: Awakening Announced for PC, PS4 and Nintendo Switch — The NES versions of Nobunaga’s Ambition, Genghis Khan, and Bandit Kings of Ancient China consumed more hours of my teenaged life than anything but Ultima during the ‘80s. But I’m not sure I have the patience for the whole thing now.
Swarm isn’t a love letter to Black women. It’s hate mail. — I have no coherent opinions about Donald Glover at this point. I loved him on Community, hated his attempts at stand-up, was disappointed by his Lando, and found Childish Gambino’s music to be good but not great. So I’m content to let everyone else judge him.
Cup Noodles’ new ramen flavor puts your breakfast cravings into a cup — No. Nope. Nah.
Why are movies so dark these days? — TL;DR: because DPs are lighting and shooting for reference monitors, while actual LCD TVs in the wild are routinely set to make a mess of all those careful decisions.
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heyoooo it's ur friendly local biohazard, just having a quick health check in under the cut!
(don't listen to my lies when i say "quick", it's never quick haha)
look at me being all worried about being late to see my doctor when he's away on vacation anyway and I had to chat with a different oncologist lol
So! I haven't really done any ✨Kicking Caesar's Kneecaps✨ chats in a while, so this is me just checking in!
So far my chemo journey has gone
3 months of weekly chemotherapy and hormone antibody treatments
1 month off (bc of peripheral neuropathy damage)
restarting the chemo regime at a 25% lower dose, with the expectation that I'll be needing an additional 3 months (today would mark one month since I restarted!)
BUT HEYYYY guess who has two thumbs that don't work anymore and an increased sensitivity to peripheral neuropathy!!!
(dark humour is dark?)
ok, it's not quite that bad yet. Yet being the operative word unfortunately.
For those who don't know, chemotherapy can effect the peripheral nerves in your body -- for some people, this means damage to nerves in the hands/feet/wrists/arms that can sometimes be permanent.
Not everyone gets nerve damage, and some get it worse than others.
I just so happen to be one of those lucky chumps with sensitive nerves!! While the month long break from chemo certainly helped reduce the intensity, the nerve damage in my hands is definitely spreading again.
What was initially just a bit of numbness/tingliness in the tip of my right thumb has since progressed into;
constant numbness/tingling sensations in my right thumb down to the heel of my thumb
static sensations across both palms and all of my fingers (which fortunately comes and goes)
occasional shooting nerve pain up my right arm, all the way from palm to armpit
extreme nerve sensitivity when I bend both of my wrists
tendon pain in both hands if i overexert myself
which is all kinds of not fun! And also goes a ways to explain why it's so damn hard for me to write at the moment! lol.
The doctors have therefore made a decision to pause my chemo for another two weeks, which is good in the sense that they are hopeful the break will halt some of the progressing nerve damage, but also lowkey infuriating because I would really like to get off this goddamn ride, you know?
Depending on how things go, my treatment plan might need to be changed again, so that I am getting less chemotherapy every week over a long period of weeks
which, like... 😑🙃🙃🙃🙃
...i just wanna be done with this, you know??
in happier news, all the other symptoms are calming down a little bit -- I haven't needed any anti-nausea meds in a few weeks, I'm not getting as many nosebleeds, the muscle pain and spasms seem to have stopped, I'm a little less fatigued -- there's still a whole host of shit going wrong, don't get me wrong, chemo still absolutely SUCKS ASS, but I'm really grateful that I've been able to get a decent nights sleep for the first time in months this past week 🥰💖
I also needed to get some urgent scans last week (I had some weird symptoms I'd never seen before and they were worried about potential fluid retention in my heart -- heart damage is the other big-concerning-possibly-permanent-damage thing chemo can bring about), but as it turns out, my body was just being a little bitch and my heart scans look good!!
i guess the tl;dr of this whole thing is just chemo blows and my hands are broken, but my heart isn't which is great, my sprit isn't, which is also great, and overall I'm feeling a hell of a lot better this week, despite being annoyed at the fact that I might have to do chemo for longer than i expected
here, have a sign I happened across on my walk to get a blood test yesterday. fitting, no?
if you are here reading this, i'm wishing you light and joy and love 🌻
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Beware: I got to thinking about missed storytelling opportunities with Destiny 2 and I go on a rant.
Tl;Dr: I'm just bitching because I'd went about it differently. I'm aware my version of things would tick off other players and Bungie needs to stretch the story to fill the rest of the seasons/expansions and that they want players reading the lore as much as playing the game.
Anyone else feel like Bungie totally ignores great story hooks or completely misses a mark storytelling wise?
I've felt this since Beyond Light came out. When Eruopa was introduced, we got Eramis as the main villain and since then not much to do with it.
CLOVIS BRAY AND BANSHEE LORE WAS RIGHT THERE.
Info about Exos, Clovis, Ana and Elsie's family, DER, the vex, The Whispers---all right there. But nah, let's bring back Variks and a one off villain to introduce darkness abilities, THROUGH THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF CLOVIS BRAY.
I feel like Europa was primed to be a huge lore dump about the Bray family, the Exos and the vex and they just...totally missed the broad side of the barn and hit the one tree in the field by introducing Eramis a little too soon.
Idk, I feel like the introduction of Europa could have felt more fulfilling if we'd centered on the exo/vex/Clovis lore and saved Eramis for later when she could have been built up better as a baddie and we knew what was hidden in Europa to begin with and then ending it with the Eramis arc, the darkness powers and the raid.
I also feel like they did it with this season and the Shadow keep expansion. The young wolf has been through so much shit--yet had absolutely no trauma to work through? REALLY? No nightmare to haunt them? We had just lost a good friend and gotten revenge for him by killing someone we'd known for years? We've seen guardians die, been too late to prevent disasters, the whole Gaul arc with losing our light and being vulnerable for the first time since our first rez?
And you really gonna tell me that the YW is just totally mentally healthy/stable/ a-oh-kay?
I call plot armor bullshit.
When Shadow keep came out, I was excited to see how they'd handle the young wolf, only to see the spotlight fully on Eris and her trauma over people I couldn't name aside from Toland. I felt very... disconnected from the story. Hell, I never even fully finished it because it just didn't call to me like others did.
I know I'd there'd been a common thread between Eris and the Young Wolf and the begining of truth shown about their trauma and what they'd been through, through the years--that I would have cared a bit more and finished it.
Also, I'm glad we got backstory on Caital and Zavala and that we got more Crow crumbs-- I devoured the season story in about 3 streams, about 4 hours each.
but Ikora's nightmare is cayde and it's just nodded to in lore tabs? We never actually get to see him haunting her in the tower or have a scene with her to help her heal like the others? To confront those still lingering feelings of regret, remorse, anger and sorrow? Nah, let's just have a few voice messages from Amanda Holiday dealin with it instead and act like the YW is just totally cool with everything going down around them.
The YW is just the driver and the one forcing everyone else to get fucking therapy while Eris is the witchy therapist 🤣
But seriously, we have the vanguard hunter stand in (Crow), vanguard leader (Zavala) and the Cabal Empress getting nightmare therapy but y'all just gonna leave ya girl hanging like that? Standin by herself at home? Being haunted by her lost friend / fire team member?
It's like they come up with all these amazing concepts and then only end up bouncing it off the backboard during the execution rather than a slam dunk by adjusting the main focus
Me lately:
#destiny 2#diana the hunter#destiny the game#destiny 2 the game#im just ranting#been thinking a lot about the story lately
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I guess it’s good you were spared the major hate train against Jimin by the solos of all the other members + all other kpop fandoms. The first 3 weeks of Face were hellish with how intense the hate was. I don’t want to compare hate against members but I wish Jimin had only fraud and payola allegations against him, which he also had, but a lot of it was the most disgusting s*xually charged hate tweets which literally made me cry while I was reporting it. I also have words muted but it still got through on my tl because of how intense and vile it was. He was basically the punching bag of whole stan twitter. Anyways its good you are an OT7 and love Jimin since I can’t say the same about quite a few of them. And my intention is not to call out people calling out solos, which they should do. But it should never be selective. And I apologise if I came across as aggressive.
I saw some of the hate towards Jimin during the FACE era, but I usually scrolled, blocked, and moved on. I'm not one to engage, as I've said before.
Also, crazy to accuse Jimin of payola when Like Crazy barely got any spins. Billboard literally modified their rules so Payola could become one of the only 'legit' ways of generating high rankings on the board. Fans buying albums? Fake. Corporations spending millions to have a song force-fed to the public? Legit. Okay, Billboard. Okay. I get it, you get a nice cut out of this, but album sales? You're not pinching a pretty penny there, I suppose.
I also saw that one tweet that reached the ugly side of stan Twitter where someone said that a lot of the hatred towards Jimin is ROOTED in misogyny. That's true, a lot of the hatred towards Jimin has misogynistic undertones that cannot be ignored. Jimin is a victim of the patriarchy. Men can be victims of the patriarchy. This is common sense, we all know this. But people abandoned all critical reading/thinking skills and said that OP was trying to equate Jimin's hate to the female experience. No one was saying that, but if you want to be a certified stan Twitter hater, your IQ has to be less than 2.
I also saw a few tweets referring to his encore + in-ear situation, but I ignore every single one of those tweets, because there's not one person in that thread who can confirm, without a doubt, that their idol has not had a shaky vocal performance. As someone who did professional singing lessons, it's not entirely realistic for a singer to be at 100% all the time, especially if they've been doing weeks of promotions, studio recordings, and running on little sleep. Every vocalist has 'bad' vocal days, but that doesn't make them bad singers. I also draw and I've had several bad art days, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad artist just because I couldn't draw the way I wanted to at one point in time.
The whole point of OT7 is to love all of the members. To support all of the members. If someone claims to be OT7 but has no issue throwing a member under the bus, then they're not OT7.
Don't be sad anon, check out one of my favorite Jimin Twitter accounts, they post super cute pics :P
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I posted 10,274 times in 2022
That's 2,686 more posts than 2021!
8 posts created (0%)
10,266 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@i-am-an-adult-i-swear
@birdburrito
@silverjirachi
@myliobatiste
I tagged 162 of my posts in 2022
#adhd - 7 posts
#like wtf - 3 posts
#add - 3 posts
#the netherlands - 3 posts
#excellent sponsored post op - 3 posts
#neurodivergent - 3 posts
#ah yes - 2 posts
#no - 2 posts
#ofmd - 2 posts
#like real people do - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 125 characters
#incidentally my mum and i finally got along once she divorced my dad and i started living with her full time in my late teens
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I am loving this function of being able to see all the tags people have added to posts. Prev tags? Sure, lemme check the notes.
5 notes - Posted February 7, 2022
#4
A post here reminded me of how much I love Hannah Gadsby.
[Angry white men] are like the canaries in the mine, aren't they? If they're having a tough time, the rest of us are goners.
9 notes - Posted January 19, 2022
#3
Me: oh, lovely, they're doing a fun thing with English lit, nice! Unfortunately I don't have time for it, I would have loved to partake. I have never actually read Dracula. I really should do that at some point.
Also me: finds the Dracula book I bought for my 19th century lit course and suddenly remembers the essay I wrote on the feminisation of Johnathan Harker.
Ah, yes, thank you, brain
40 notes - Posted July 9, 2022
#2
@xiaq my book arrived!!! I was kinda worried I wouldn't be able to find it here in the Netherlands, but my favourite bookstore came through and was able to order it for me 😁😁
Can't wait to read it and see how it's changed!
47 notes - Posted September 20, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
So for all you people with executive dysfunction, specifically you ADHD folk, there's a trick I've been using for a while now to get out of it that I call the Lift-A-Finger™ (except, y'know, not actually TM, because in this economy???)
But what, Birdy, is the Lift-A-Finger™? I hear you ask. Well! You remember those times when you sat down and you tried to do something? You had a whole list of plans, you knew which order they had to go in, but your executive dysfunction simply made it impossible to actually do it? If you are anything like me, you might be suffering from this right now, as you are reading this.
And while your body refuses to cooperate, your mind is screaming bloody murder and demanding you lift a finger once in your goddamn life, you (insert one of the many things people have said about you which were wrong that you have since internalised)!!!
So, instead of doing any of the tasks that seem so incredibly insurmountable and impossible, instead I want you to take a moment, do as your brain demands and literally lift a finger.
That's it. You stop your doomscrolling, your binge watching, your game replays for a second, and you consciously lift a finger.
This is not an impossible task, it is not even a hard task, or a long task, or a boring one. It literally takes a second and then you can continue what you're doing. Except. Now you've done A Thing. You get to cross off one of your to-dos (of which you probably have many) and this makes it so much easier to get up to do another thing.
It is also an incredibly effective tool at recognising your mental state. I have had moments where lifting a finger took me minutes. Actually acknowledging that yes, tasks are hard, made it easier for me to relax my load a bit and do the few things I could do. But I've also had moments where I thought of it, did it immediately and nothing changed. That's okay, too. I just had to grab a different tool to get up and do what I needed to do.
TL;DR executive dysfunction? Stop for a second and literally lift a finger with Lift-A-Finger™!
272 notes - Posted October 25, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#I should really tag more#oops#also i am not mad about the few posts i actially wrote myself
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The women in Demon Slayer Yuukaku Arc?
"uhhh everyone here are suddenly D-cup prostitutes because it must have been so hard not to see any scantily clad women for the whole first season and a half" i hate it here
"Aren't you grateful to see more powerful women?" No. I don't see powerful women here--women who dress and fight and overcome like me and 98% of the women in this world. I see caricatured male fantasies: powerful, provocative, tough and edgy, nearly bursting with their exaggerated proportions, yet still lusty and "tameable" through that front-and-center sexual aspect (lest they appear too threatening or lose their testosterone-drenched appeal).
the men who turn the wheels of power say that fighting in a Sports Illustrated cosplay is "empowering", and then overwhelmingly associate it with sexual predation, vulnerability, and domination fantasies; because these characters are designed by men, for men, with those ideas in mind and then pitched to women as an ideal. What a scam! There's nothing shameful about the female body, but there's no doubt it's being presented here in a very reductive way that plays to those themes. This kind of sexualization reduces characters to their body parts (how about that one wife being introduced, dead-serious, with a close-up of her chest?) and silences the voices of dissent because we shouldn't speak out about all the "empowerment" going on.
I mean, be real. All three *cough* of that guy's wives, the love Hashira, Daki, now Nezuko...with the exception of bug Hashira, if you are going to be one of the very few women in Demon Slayer with fighting prowess, you must do so while also presenting a "domesticable" aspect (a massive bust paired with the tiniest clothes possible) so that the boys can have a domination fantasy and not be intimidated, I guess. Sooooo not cool.
When the defining trait of all the female characters are their busts, they blend together interchangeably, their faces and names and personalities inconsequential. They melt into a background of 3 billion people who also have chests. It's just like those movie posters that crop out the woman's face; they might as well not even have one.
TL;DR they did my girls dirty
OH AND "not all men" YOU'RE RIGHT, IRONICALLY, TANJIRO WOULD NEVER!!
also it's just totally creepy that this baby-fied "must protecc" ACTUAL CHILD was among the Super Bust Size Ups, like, WHAT?!
#demon slayer season 2#nezuko#they did my girl dirty#demon slayer entertainment district arc#demon slayer yuukaku hen#demon slayer
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📌
Hello there, call me Dr. Hypnos (Or Dr. Fang if you prefer.)
A brief introduction ;
I am a DID introject, if you do not know what that entails I suggest reading this carrd. But TL;DR, I am a version of the character Dr. Hypnos that was inserted into a human body's brain due to childhood trauma. By the way, our whole system has a Do Not Interact List.
I do technically use any pronouns, but my preferred ones are It/Its, Si/Sins, Moon/Moons, Fe/Fears, Fang/Fangs, Voi/Voids, and Night/Nightmares. Though, He/His has a soft spot in my heart.
I reclaim the f slur. If that is a trigger for you I suggest you leave. /lh
The way I talk can be quite lengthy and eccentric, and I do NOT enjoy brevity unless it's entirely necessary or amusing.
Finally, my interests are mainly Pokemon and Sailor Moon but I also enjoy my source, as well as studying other introjects and various multiverse related things. There's more info below if that interests you, but other than that, take care! -Dr. Fang.
Ah! So you've chosen to learn more about me. Congrats, you win another Spiritomb gif! Lucky you...
A more extensive introduction;
I guess the beginning of my previous introduction was a bit of a lie. I am not Dr. Hypnos as you know it. My timeline was quite an anomaly all things considered, being a version of Chapter 3 that was formatted like Chapter 1, admins and everything! G-d I could talk about all the differences all day... But I won't waste too much of your time with that. By the way, I have made an edit of myself if you'd like to see, don't worry it's hosted on a carrd that isn't eye-bleeding.
Curious about my gender? I concocted it myself, I call it "Screw the Cis People my gender can be a chair if I want it to be!"... The name's a work in progress but that gets the point across I think.
Oh my dearest Forzy- I mean Dr. Sleepless. Oh how I miss them every day, and his... Oh, there goes my memory again.
If you couldn't tell I'm quite a big fan of Spiritomb, hell I've even based my appearance and name on it! (The name part being from the moveset I used, Hypnosis/Dream Eater/Shadow Ball/Feint) There's really no other pokemon I love more than my dearest Spiritomb. The only other pokemon I enjoy a sliver as much would be Hydreigon.
If you cannot tell I do love to fucking talk now don't I? I just cannot force myself to shut the hell up.. :J /lh /pos Oh well, I guess you have to deal with that don't you? You made the choice to keep reading haven't you? You could have left by now! Not that I want you to. I could talk until the stars go out about anything in the world, but I'll spare you... For now.
Chronomates? Ah yeah I have those. If my memory serves me right there's a fellow Evil Scientist who has a robot fetish and a Pink 'Weasel' with an affinity for movie theaters. I'm sure xey've missed me quite a lot, I mean who wouldn't miss this gorgeous face, hm?~
Wow, you stuck around? Thank you kindly. Have a waffle! 🧇
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