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inaconstantstateofchange · 5 months

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Halsin and Silvanus

In the course of my recent research on Bane for a lore request fill, I found myself coming across a lot of very interesting information, previously unknown to me, about the other gods of the Forgotten Realms — in particular Silvanus. There was enough there that it inspired me to direct some extra research hours into this writeup, exploring all the reasons why Halsin is a quintessential Silvanite.

If you would like any more information on anything included here, please feel free to drop a comment or an ask, as there is truly so much that I just don’t have the space to include. (I usually end up with about 12-13 pages of source quotes before I begin one of these meta posts.)

My usual note that, as ever, these writeups will align with current 5e lore, and draw from 3.5e for additional supporting information. On rarer occasions – and always noted – I will reference 1e and 2e, but with the caveats that there is much more in those editions that is tonally dissonant with the modern conception of the Forgotten Realms, and thus generally less applicable.

Silvanus is easily one of the most misunderstood gods of the Faerûnian pantheon. This is even pointed out directly within his section of the 3.5e Faiths & Pantheons (an incredible resource if you are looking for more detailed information on the gods of the Forgotten Realms!):

Nevertheless, most outsiders view the church of Chauntea, as patrons of agriculture, as being favorably inclined toward the expansion of civilization, while the church of Silvanus is the implacable foe of those who would settle new lands. Neither impression is correct, yet the church of the Oak Father is often perceived as little different from those faiths that venerate the Deities of Fury.¹ [emphasis added]

Silvanus is most often perceived as strictly and impassively neutral, and intrinsically opposed to civilization in all its forms. While the former is something close to true – he is a very neutral-aligned deity, albeit not necessarily in a way that matches the popular conception of the term – the latter is certainly not. Humanity (if you’ll forgive the use of the term to designate in broad strokes the non-animal denizens of the Material Plane) is another facet of nature, one given equal consideration to the rest – plant, animal, and other – by Silvanus.²

While as a whole followers of Silvanus have a preference for the wilds and the deep forests, this is by no means a concrete rule. In fact, Silvanite clergy – those known as druids – are not uncommonly found in enclaves in larger cities of the Sword Coast and beyond, including Waterdeep.² Typically these druids will “create gardenlike walled areas of wild forest within the city limits.”¹ Wherever they may find themselves, Silvanite druids work to maintain the Balance of nature around them, through education and direct action both.

Silvanus’s dogma has much to tell us about his philosophy, and that of his followers. I’ll be splitting notable excerpts and their relation to Halsin into sections below.

Hold your distance and take in the total situation, rather than latching on to the popular idea of what is best.¹

Halsin was, from the first moment I met him in-game, so notable for his calm self-possession, and the clear forethought he gave to his actions and those of others. He does not feel bound by the expectations or approval of others – as noted in the dialogue he shares with the player if they compliment his choice of successor – but instead makes his own path following the direction of Silvanus’s wisdom and will.

Resort to violence and open confrontation only when pressured by time or hostile action.¹

This is showcased numerous times throughout the game, but perhaps best evidenced by an in-game note, from an unlikely source: the Priestess Gut. The note that you can find from her, regarding Halsin’s capture, notes the following:

Said he thinks there's somethin' rotten inside us. Inside me. Reckons he can help get rid of the rot. I told him we don't need any help from nobody. Never did. And especially not now the Absolute's taken a shine to us.³

Despite the immediacy of his capture at their hands, and the preceding attack already lodged against himself and Nettie⁴, Halsin’s primary impulse is to attempt diplomacy, and render aid. This only changes when his length of captivity has made it clear that there will be no changing the minds of the cultists, and they must be dissuaded by stronger means.

Banish disease wherever you find it¹

The way Halsin is first introduced to the player is as a healer – and not just any healer, but a masterful one, known throughout the region, who has the best chance of being able to assist with any manner of strange ailment. It is clear in all ways, as well as in the scenario referenced in the preceding section, that this is an aspect of Silvanus that Halsin strives to embody at all times.

Seek out, serve, and befriend the dryads and learn their names.¹

Particularly if we understand the reference to dryads here to extend to all fey spirits of nature, this gives new depth to Halsin’s friendship and devotion to the nature spirit Thaniel. Halsin, as a druid generally, and as an Archdruid in particular, would have a solemn and divinely-ordained responsibility to redress the upheaval of the Balance within the Shadowcursed lands. For that reason alone, it is no surprise that it was his primary motivation and consideration for nigh on a century.

However, even above and beyond that, Halsin had an additional motivator. Even before he became a druid, potentially before he was exposed to the teachings of Silvanus in anything but the most vague and general of terms, he was living them out by befriending the local nature spirit, learning his name, and seeking to understand, serve, and protect him.

Make others see the balance and work against those that would disturb it. Watch, anticipate, and quietly manipulate.¹

The primary source text I am using to draw this connection was written neither by nor about Halsin, yet I believe it still clearly reflects on him, for reasons that will become clear. This text is from a logbook recording activities of the Emerald Grove during the year 1371, 121 years prior to the start of the game’s storyline, and some years before the defining events in the soon-to-be Shadowcursed Lands.

6 Uktar: Sent two druids, some of the newer recruits, up north. Village there has had two years of failed crops and are unlikely to survive the next winter. 9 Uktar: A group from Baldur's Gate arrived. They've set up camp on the edge of the forest. Two bears and a fox came by. Their territory has been burned out. Half the fox's cubs died. Paying this new group a visit tomorrow. 10 Uktar: Visit did not go well. After telling me where to shove it, they said they'd cut down half the forest and burn out any wildlife that dared to stick around. Claimed they were going to 'farm the land and make a new city of their own.' Time to get creative. 12 Uktar: Mudslide did the trick. Buried half their farming equipment and made the rest useless. They won't be back any time soon. Got reports of a Red Wizard in the village south of here. Sending three rangers to investigate. If they catch even a whiff of a red cloak, I'm contacting the House of Silvanus.⁵

Given the timeline, while this is unlikely to have been written by Halsin himself, it seems like a strong possibility that it was written by his master, the previous Archdruid of the Emerald Grove, who perished in the fight against Ketheric Thorm. This is supported by the clear evidence that the author was an individual in a position to give direction and command to those around them, and to make the call for how to deal with various situations. Given too what we know of the druidic leadership structure, Halsin would have been the previous Archdruid’s Second, as Kagha was his.⁶

This man, then, would have greatly influenced Halsin as a druid of Silvanus and as a leader both. We can presume that this watchful duty and deliberation was one that Halsin himself took over, charged with doing his part to maintain the Balance of the region around the grove. This last point especially becomes even more significant in light of the following information, which comes not from Silvanus’s dogma, but rather from a description of his followers and traditions of worship:

Members of the clergy work to redirect development and control populations through covert sponsorship of brigands, breeding and selective placing of predators, and other means. It is essential that such work be as secretive as possible, so that most folk view the servants of Silvanus as essentially benign lovers of trees. Wildlife breeding, nursing sick animals, and replanting trees and wild shrubs are all work that should be done as publicly as possible to support this perception – and as necessary work to redress the slipping Balance, of course.¹ [emphasis added]

It is clear from all preceding evidence, and this excerpt in particular, that the druids as a whole put far more thought and strategy into every aspect of their appearance and the perception of them than they would ever want outsiders to become aware of. Halsin himself corroborates this in-game, noting that, while druids might not like politicking, that certainly does not mean they haven’t the skill for it when called upon.

For the sake of… well. (I have been advised by my legal counsel not to use “brevity” here.) Regardless! For the sake of my sanity and your time, I will refrain from going into further detail on specific instances that show this to be true of Halsin. I will merely encourage you, the reader, to consider the value this brings to his character and druids as a whole, and hope to encourage new appreciation for their refreshing complexity.

In closing, I leave you with one final quote:

Superior patience, natural knowledge, and anticipation are the hallmarks of a worthy servant of Silvanus.¹

¹ Faiths and Pantheons. 2002. p. 63.

² Dragon Magazine #412. June 2012. pp. 22-3.

³ Rancid Note. In-Game Text.

⁴ Halsin’s Journal, Vol I. In-Game Text.

⁵ Logbook XII: 1371. In-Game Text.

⁶ Grove Annals. In-Game Text.

#voidling speaks #my meta #bg3 meta #meta #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #bg3 halsin #silvanus #realmslore #forgotten realms

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fatale-distraction · 6 months

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BG3 Companions Social Media Headcanons Part 1

I was bored at work and couldn’t stop. 🤣 I’ll make another post with Halsin, Minthara, Jaheira, Minsc, and some NPCs!

~~~

Astarion - Pre-Tav, Astarion's social media is mostly thirst-traps for some kind of nefarious, Cazador-related money-making plot. They barely scoot past the TOS on lewd content. Very little real personal content, anything that isn't a thirst trap is heavily doctored lifestyle content to make it seem like he's living a much more luxurious life than he actually is.

After meeting Tav and getting rid of Cazador, he deletes all of his old accounts and opens up new ones. They're not exactly private, but he's much more careful about who he follows and who can follow him back. The posts become much more genuine. Still a lot of selfies, but they're sexy in the way of a guy just finally living his truth and being comfortable in his own skin. There's more shots of his daily life; waking up with his partner's obnoxious pets strewn across the bed, morning coffee and his current favorite book, new outfits that make him feel more himself. Tav features heavily in most of his posts, and there are probably as many pictures of them as there are of himself.

Karlach - chaos. No rhyme or reason. Lots of parkour and Jack-ass parodies. Constant flood of pictures of her stuffed animal collection. Stupid filters abound. There's several videos of her just flexing. Lumberjack videos. Seven hundred pictures of Tav, tons of selfies together. Videos of her literally sobbing over some cute stuffy she found or a dog she got to pet. "How many times can I say the fuck word before I get suspended." Memes. Memes everywhere.

Lae'zel - She follows three accounts and never posts anything, but somehow she's constantly scrolling through. What does she even do? Her profile picture is still the default. She doesn't have any profile information filled out. It just says "No." Her screen name is just Lae_zel. Every single item in her favorites is a cat video. She has One photo and its a gym selfie. All of her comments seem really mean at first, but they're all weirdly supportive things along the lines of "your teeth are sharp and your visage terrifying".

Shadowheart - total E-girl influencer vibe. Everything is #nofilter. She doesn't need filters. She's god's most perfect princess. You can't even be mad because it's not vanity its just how she Is. Ends everything with Prayer-hands-emoji hashtag Shar'sblessings or Selune'sblessings depending on where she is in that journey. Hairstyle and makeup tutorials and she makes it look so damn easy. "Dye my hair and cut my bangs with me." "Get ready with me" videos nearly every day. Every picture has a comment from Astarion that just says "oh fuck off" because even he can never hope to be as perfect as she is. Or at least that's what her forty-five thousand followers think.

Wyll - The official Blade of the Frontier social media account(s). Fencing videos and promos. "How to polish your horns for newbies" video that's been taken down twenty-seven times for lewd content even though it's literally for polishing actual horns. Accidental thirst traps because damn. Lots of disability advocacy, especially for visual impairments. Weekly Demon/Devil PSAs. Constantly featured in Karlach's vids and vice-versa. Buddy selfies. Once in a while a pic of him with his dad. Pics with Tav are rare, but when he does post them they're the sweetest pictures and he gushes about them for paragraphs. It's a little gross how gushy they are. Astarion comments with vomit emojis and Wyll just replies with an angry face emoji. The purest content. He's so wholesome. Not a swear to be seen. Lots of gentle hype videos. "You've got this. You can do this. I believe in you."

Gale - oh my god he has the most pretentious social media accounts. He's worse than Astarion. "Well, actually" videos with multiple parts because they're too long. Tea and bookshelves. Tara. So many pics of Tara. Tara napping on a book. Tara swatting a fly. Tara in the window. Tara on the kitchen counter. Tara laying in the sun. Tara doing nothing. He has one of those fancy cat terrarium backpacks. Magic tutorials. Mystra simp. Surprisingly few selfies but the ones he has are IMMACULATE. Pretentious book reviews. His only saving grace is that he is HILARIOUS. He's the only one with a reasonable about of pics with Tav as opposed to almost none or way too many, but the captions are always really sweet.

~~~

Part 2 here!

Part 3 here!

Part 4

#baldur's gate 3 #Baldur’s gate 3 Headcanons #bg3 #bg3 headcanons #shadowheart #astarion #wyll ravengard #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #astarion ancunin #lae'zel #karlach

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coexistentialism · 3 months

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Finding Your Identities: Figuring Out Your Alters When Your Alters Aren't "Distinct" "People"

I have been wanting to make this post for a very long time now.

I have talked countless times on this blog about how a lot of the "how to figure out your alters" lists do not and cannot apply to me, or systems who may be like me, for a variety of reasons.

We do not have distinct senses of selves, we don't feel like our own distinct individuals, in any way whatsoever. There is no specific, unique, distinct "cue" or feeling or anything that tells me I've switched, or tells me that a specific, distinct alter is fronting who is different from any other alters. There is no specific, distinct THING that tells me "okay yeah that was very obviously and specifically and undeniably a different alter."

It's easy to deny you have alters when your alters are not distinct individuals who know they are their own unique, separate selves. It's easy to deny you have alters when it always feels like "you."

If you don't experience your alters as distinct 'entities' where you can obviously and distinctly refer to them as "that is (that specific alter) and that is not (these other alters)", it can be nearly impossible to figure out your alters at all.

This has been a horrible aspect of my denial since essentially the beginning. I mean, when everything online tells you that DID involves a distinct sense of "not me" to it, how can you know if you have it if it doesn't feel that way to you?

Now obviously I DO have that feeling of "not me"... It's just not described using those specific words. I was taking it all way too literally (thanks, autism NFKDSFDKJ).

It's more like "I don't really feel that way anymore" or "yeah I felt that way, but not anymore."

Or "I don't really relate to that anymore" or "I don't really like this as my identity anymore" or "I don't like this name anymore."

Or "this feels like someone else's life" (but more of a feeling, it's not like I just suddenly don't know anything in my life anymore. I know my girlfriend and love her still and I know I live in this house, etc.)

I'll feel like I am attending therapy because I have to, or I'll feel like I'm relaying information that I know factually, as if I was told a story of things that happened and I have to relay that information to someone else.

Or just generally a weird feeling that something is off.

And that's the thing - dissociation (for me personally) is less like "things aren't real" and "I'm not real" and more like just a vague feeling that something is OFF, and you don't know what, and you can't explain it.

I remember as a kid feeling like I'm the "only conscious being" or "feeling like I'm in an anime" or "acting out a dramatic scene in a movie." Now all three of those descriptions still fall under "feeling like things aren't real/etc." but I never interpreted it that way, because of how literally I take things, I didn't make the connection, because I never used the SPECIFIC wording of "feeling like I'm not real/feeling like the world isn't real/etc."

I straight-up told one of the first therapists I saw for a DID diagnosis that I "don't really dissociate at all" because I don't really experience the "nothing is real/I'm not real/etc."

This, too, brought me a lot of denial, because people only describe dissociation as "things don't feel real", "you don't feel real", "you feel like you're floating", "you're watching yourself", "you're watching the world through fog/glass", etc. And because I never really used those specific words to explain my feelings and experiences, I figured I wasn't really experiencing any dissociation, or at least just very rarely and mildly so.

That's a key thing here - the WORD CHOICES being used to describe alters, systems, CDD experiences, etc. don't really match up with my experiences at all. I take things extremely, extremely literally, and when everybody describes their alters and refers to them as distinct, different people, it's hard to feel like your experiences are the more common experience, especially when people around you might continue to reinforce that denial, by assuming you must not have alters, or you have a different disorder, etc., because you are "always awake and present no matter what alter is fronting", etc.

Your personal interpretation of your experiences matters a LOT when it comes to CDDs, figuring out if you have a CDD, and it also plays a large role into how your system might present/feel/look/what alters you have/etc.

For example, many people interpreted their alter experiences and switches as creating characters. That, then, might become a huge aspect of figuring out your alters - you might realize that many of the characters you've made (or all of them) through the years were actually alters. With that lens, you might, then, be able to have a lot of knowledge about your alters based off of that alone - those "characters" might have specific characteristics, lore, designs, etc. that you then realize were all a part of that alter.

You might also, then, find that each time you find yourself making a "new" "character", it's actually just a new alter forming/splitting (or perhaps them just finding out their own identity).

The way you personally interpret your experiences, your feelings, your life, memories, etc. all impact your alters and your system - the way your alters identify, the way it FEELS when alters front, the way your system presents, etc.

I grew up believing I was making things up and lying for seemingly no reason, for attention, because I liked being cool and special. Or that I was purposely acting out a fake, dramatic movie, just to add more drama.

In reality, I was experiencing alter switches and dissociation, but because I interpreted it in those ways, we now have a very difficult time trying to accept and believe that these are real feelings, real experiences, outside of my control, instead of me just saying things for attention and acting dramatic just because.

I also very much grew up feeling like "nothing ever sticks, so why bother taking anything seriously." Now, pretty much all of us still have this attitude, this feeling of "why bother coming up with a name, why bother taking (my feelings, etc.) seriously when it's just gonna go away and not come back."

I would feel confident in a decision or an identity or a name change and so on, only for me to change it the next day, or the next week, and so on.

This made things like questioning my gender identity and wanting to change my name extremely difficult and impossible because I could never be sure if it was going to actually STICK or just be a temporary, fleeting "phase." I became upset (and still become upset and distressed) every time everything turned out to just be a "phase" instead of a real, actual thing. I still have trouble with this. If I want to cut my hair or dye my hair or get new clothes, I will never be able to know for sure if I'll still like it in a different state. If I want a name change, I don't know if it'll be long-term or if I will change my mind the next day.

DID is more like this, and less like "I'm a totally different person with a distinctly different personality and a different name and I am not ("host")."

And if this is relatable to you, this post may very much help you figure out who your alters are.

A lot of things online that try to give suggestions and ideas for figuring out your alters in a way of "ask (your alters) these questions."

For me, I can't really do that, for a variety of different reasons - our dissociative barriers are too high, there's no inner world, and there's no kind of "distinct voices" that I "hear" speaking to me that are coming from a distinctly different "person." And since we as alters do not experience ourselves as distinct individuals where we just know who we are and know we are our own distinct individuals, it's less like asking my alters these questions, and more like asking MYSELF these questions. I want you keep that in mind going into this post.

When it comes to figuring out alters, what helps me is trying to keep track of patterns of changes in my behaviors, likes, dislikes, hobbies/interests, and more.

The following is a TEMPLATE of things you can ask yourself at different times, during different moods, modes, self-states - whatever you wanna call it.

I tried to make them as general as possible in order to hopefully make the questions apply to a general audience/a wide variety of people, instead of being too specific where they might not apply to most people.

You do not have to ask yourself all of these questions! If you don't know the answer to a question, and/or you don't want to answer a question, it can be important to write that down too! You can skip any questions or change them in any way you like.

If a question feels unhelpful to you, feel free to change it into something that might feel more helpful to you personally, and/or just remove it altogether.

Feel free to expand upon these questions! For example, if a question seems helpful to you, you might have further ideas to expand upon that question into further, more specific questions. I actually totally encourage other people to expand upon these questions and come up with more questions that could help others! Definitely share your thoughts in reblogs if you want.

I want to make it clear, first, that this post is NOT trying to make people OBSESS over this!!!! These questions are meant to help figure out alters, but don't obsess over it!

The purpose of these questions is to simply try and keep track of possible patterns of behaviors, etc., not to obsess over figuring out your alters, not to obsess over figuring out what alter you are, not to obsess over making sure your alters are "consistent all the time" or something. It doesn't matter about knowing "who" you are so much as it matters to let yourself exist as you are, at any given moment. It's to allow yourself to exist and see if there is a pattern of emotions, opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests/hobbies, behaviors, and more that crop of every so often - this is what alters are for a lot of people. Like I said, it's less like "distinct, separate person" and more like a recurring pattern of the same/similar emotions/behaviors/traits/etc. that crop up every so often, oftentimes in response to things, such as topics that you may find triggering (for example: feeling like an angry wolf every time the topic of physical abuse comes up, or feeling like a scared child when you feel like someone said something upsetting), or even positive topics, such as feeling like you become a girl whenever the topic of fashion gets brought up, or feeling like you're 13 when the topic of a childhood beloved TV show comes up.

While "feeling like (xyz) in response to (xyz)" does not necessarily mean you have a CDD, this post is specifically about those experiences under the context of having a CDD. If you relate to anything I wrote in this post, it does not necessarily mean you have a CDD! Similarly, if you DON'T relate to anything in this post, it also doesn't mean you DON'T have a CDD! I am sharing this post with the assumption that the people reading it already know they have a CDD, and/or strongly suspect it.

Questions to ask myself for figuring out alters:

Month day, year. Time (or whatever way you want to write down the month/day/year/time).

What name(s) do I like?:

This doesn't have to be names of specific alters (by that I mean, you don't have to go through your list of alters with specific names to figure out if you like one of them). You can write a vague idea of what name/names you might like (such as "a name related to plants" or "a name that reminds me of the ocean"). You can write down multiple names. You can write down no name. You can write down that you're indifferent. Anything!

What pronouns do I like?:

Again, you can write down anything. If multiple sets of pronouns vibe, write that down! If nothing vibes, write it down! If you don't have any strong feelings/if you're indifferent, write that down too! If you don't know, write that down!

Are there any particular labels I feel drawn to/feel I identify with?:

It can be an LGBTQ+ label (bisexual, demiboy, aromantic, lesbian, etc.), or a label related to something else

What kind of color(s) am I drawn to?:

Darker colors? Pastel colors? Neon colors? Light colors? Etc.

What do I want to do? What would I do if I had the resources (time, money, 'skill', motivation, energy, etc.) (for example, maybe you wish you could play guitar, but you can’t play guitar, don’t have a guitar, etc.)?:

Similarly, is there anything that I might normally be interested in that I find myself no longer wanting to do?:

-- Listening to music: What songs? Am I singing along? What are the songs about? How do I feel about the music? Are there any songs I dislike? Any particular common genre/theme with the music I find myself liking right now?

-- Art: - What kind of art (Digital art? Doing makeup? Sculpting? Knitting? Painting? Woodworking? Photography? Any art counts.) - What is my art style like/what tools am I using? (If digital art, what program am I using? What brushes am I using? Etc. (Different alters might prefer to use different art programs and different art brushes!)) - What does the artwork depict? (Vent art? Are there themes of trauma? Dissociation? Fanart? Something else?)

-- Playing a game: - What game? - What am I doing in the game? Are there different game modes? If so, what mode am I playing? Is my character customizable, and if so, how does my character look? (Some alters might prefer to change the way the character looks to match how they might feel inside!) - Are there any games I don't currently care for?

-- Watching YouTube: - What is the topic of the video? (Is it about a hobby I like? A TV series? A video essay? Something else?)

-- Playing an instrument: - What instrument? - Am I trying to learn a specific song/songs? - Am I making my own music? Are there lyrics to go along with it? - If it’s a specific song (either writing your own, or trying to learn how to play a certain song on an instrument), what is it about? Any specific themes that stick out?

-- Writing: Poetry? Working on a book/short story? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Reading: What am I reading? What is it about? What genre? (Romance? Non-fiction? Etc.) Is it fanfiction?

-- Something else…

What am I thinking about?

What am I talking about?

How am I feeling?

Did something trigger me to feel this certain way?

If something triggered me to feel a certain way, do I know the reason(s) why? (For example, if you encountered something that brings up trauma-related feelings, etc.)

You might describe your feelings in ways other than a simple “sad”, “mad”, or “happy.” You might be more specific, such as “I feel like white noise” or “I feel like a dog” or “I feel like an ocean.” This is completely valid and an important thing to keep note of as well. You can even write down that you feel tall, or you feel a different age, or you feel like a certain character.

There are many more questions that you could ask 'yourself' to get to know 'yourselves.' This list is not exhaustive, and like I said, you can simply you this template to bounce off ideas of what questions you, personally, would find most helpful!

I'd love to hear anybody's input, and I hope this post helps anyone. :] If not, feel free to share around anyway, if you want!

#my posts #actuallyDID #actuallyosdd #osdd system #did system

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eetherealgoddess · 1 month

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hellooo, welcome backkk!!! I FUCKING MISSED YOU LIKE SOOO MUCHHHHH. Girl, I thought you left tumblr because honestly the majority of the best writers I also know left:( You're my fav writer so I was really sad AND GIRL WHEN I SAW!! WHEN I SAW THAT YOU WERE ACTIVE 3 HOURS AGO??? MAN I CREAMED. I CAME. I ORGASMED-

I also have a request!! Do you write incest? It includes it, but ofc if you're uncomfortable with it you can ignore mee~ it can be stepcest or ykkk anything you're comfortable with!! the story goes with mikey's cute little sister that's rebellious (both him and the reader ain't in good terms ever since the whole bonten happened)emo mikey finally snapped and decided to punish her when she did something VEEERRYYY unforgivable. He and his men (bonten) brutally like bruuutallly punished her. it can be smut or anything you want. whatever it is I'LL EAT IT UP MHMMMM SCRUM DILLY YUM YUM MY PUR PUR POOKIE WOOKIEEEEEEE

I appreciate the love and support!! ts had me dying LMAO

i do not write biologically related incest nor half siblings but i’m fine with writing stepcest (depending on the plot) and like a foster or adoption situation (all 18+)

i kinda sort of followed the timeline so there might be scenes that are not accurate to the manga/anime, tho i did it that way to fit it in better with the plot so the scenes aren’t as long <3

ALSOOOO!!! i could’ve made this waayyy more brutal but when i was imagining different scenarios i literally made myself sick 💀💀💀

ꨄRebelꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Bonten Au

❦Was it worth it?❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

(Mostly Mikey, Kazu, and Sanzu x Reader but read to catch the vibes :)

❣︎All of Bonten are included in this story except Mochi❣︎

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR & AO3 UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Rebel

You were never one to follow rules blindly. You always questioned what you were told no matter who fed the information. How could you not when you spend most of your childhood shipped from family to family like a worn out package that's been sent to the wrong destination repeatedly? It wasn’t until you aged eight years that you were finally adopted by a man who asked you to call him ‘Grandpa Sano.’

You were unprepared for the generosity you received from the Sanos, having been in situations where your foster family wanted nothing to do with you. Your negative experiences caused you to form a barrier, an outer shell that shields you from the vulnerability your brain wanted to protect you from. You were cautious, unknown as to why you were chosen. When you first arrived, you were greeted by the oldest sibling, Shinichiro. He was kind, sort of silly as he displayed his quirkiness whenever you would spend quality time together after you had grown to see him as a proper big brother.

Emma beamed when she saw you, excited that another girl would finally be around to become her companion in a house full of boys. When you were comfortable, you gained a sense of sisterhood you never thought you’d have the privilege to experience. The last Sano you had met was none other than Sano Manjiro, otherwise known as Mikey. The first contact was interesting as you both gave blank expressions to one another. After growing alongside the boy, you could tell the kid had a sense of cockiness, though rightfully so as you learn about his incredible strength.

Watching Mikey and Baji fight when they would practice their skills made you want to become as strong as them. You would observe their moves every chance you got, failing in your attempts until you would eventually succeed, resulting in you declaring a battle against Mikey. The boy gazed at your stern appearance before releasing a light hearted laugh. You didn’t dislike him, in fact you both grew closer as time went on. If anything, you were inspired by him, even if you came off as a bratty little sister who wanted to follow him around with all his friends.

Even at a young age you could tell that he would grow to be a good person. You felt safe in his presence, knowing that he counted you as family. Knowing that he grew to love you as well as you to the Sano family. You knew that Mikey would never hurt anyone, his soul radiating a warmth you have never seen before. That is, until the day came where all you heard was Baji’s begging for Mikey to stop as you watch in horror, the blood seeping from the corners of another one of his childhood friends, Haruchiyo’s mouth.

Your hands trembled as you eye the onyx orbs that bore into the boy on his knees, a cold expression laced with nothing but a shadow of darkness. Your own eyebrows were furrowed as tears streamed down your face while you switched gazes between the two boys.

“M-Mikey…” You whispered, listening to Senju as she cried in the background. He either didn’t hear you or ignored you. Whichever was the case didn’t matter as you heard him finally speak.

“Smile, Haruchiyo.”

His voice was deep, almost as if it wasn’t his own. You covered your own mouth as Haru began laughing hysterically as his tears mixed with the blood. You knew at that moment that something had switched. You didn’t know what exactly the change was, but you knew that absolutely nothing would feel the same.

Time passed as you all hit your pre - teen years and Mikey had formed his own gang, Toman. It was early in the making though you thought it was the coolest thing. You had let go of the negative image your mind had formed when the incident with Haruchiyo happened after Mikey had given a heartfelt apology to everyone, including the boy in the hospital bed. When you visited Haruchiyo, the young boy had confirmed his forgiveness and encouraged you to give Mikey some leeway. He was once again your inspiration as you reasoned with yourself that he just had a ‘moment.’

Everything was going normally for a while, Shinichiro teaching you how to ride a motorbike as well as Mikey allowing you to hang out with him and his friends occasionally. Kazutora and Baji pulled you along to search for a gift considering Mikey’s birthday is coming up. Having had a small crush on Kazutora for a while, you followed them, sitting behind the tiger tattooed boy with your arms wrapped around his waist.

It wasn’t until the mischievous delinquent explained his plan, in which you and Baji reacted with hesitation. He waved off your worries and claimed that the best way to obtain Mikey’s gift would be to steal from the store that holds his most ideal bike. When you arrived, you couldn’t shake the familiarity. It’s as if you have seen this place before but you don’t remember stepping foot into a bike shop ever in your life. As you stand to the side while Baji tries to move the bike, a presence causes you both to look up.

“Who’s shop do you think you’re breaking into…?”

“Y/n?” Your eyes widen at Shinichiro as the realization hits you.

Although you’ve lived with the Sanos for a few years now, you’ve never once stepped foot into Shinichiro’s bike shop. You’ve only come across pictures which is why there is familiarity. It completely slipped your mind that Shinichiro owns a place that just so happened to be this one.

“Shini… I…” He turned his head to meet his orbs with Baji’s.

“You look familiar, are you Keisuke?” Baji stutters as he attempts to respond. Just as he said his name, you both gasp as you watch Kazutora come from behind with a large tool, raising his arms before slamming them down. A resounding crack echoed througout the room as the weapon made contact with Shinichiro’s head.

Your breath hitched as you watched his body fall to the ground, landing with a thud. The same trembling you felt from your hands when you watched Mikey tear Haruchiyo’s face appeared as you stared down at Shinichiro’s lifeless body, the blood seeping under his head as it stained the floor. Baji drops to his knees as he hovers above the corpse, explaining to Kazutora who the victim was. The golden eyed boy could only respond by hyperventilating.

“What do we do? What do we do?” Baji croaks out, hand meeting his forehead as Kazutora’s fingers reach his own mouth, biting them as he stares in place with wide eyes.

“I didn’t do it… I didn’t kill him.” His voice trembled. You watch in fear as you eye the hysterical boys, falling to your own knees before sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around your knees as you whimper before the tears stream freely. Your bottom lip quivers as you gaze at your oldest brother’s form. You couldn’t help but take part of the blame considering you are a witness that could’ve done something to stop this madness before it occurred.

You listen to Kazutora’s ramblings as Baji attempts to call an ambulance. It was horrific to see them so distressed, a feeling of impending doom coming on as you realize there’s no coming back from this. Your mind ran through different scenarios on what would happen once the Sano family found out about everything.

“Let’s get outta here!” Baji says to you both though you couldn’t move, watching as Kazutora seems to lose his mind by the second.

“It’s all… Mikey’s fault.” Your eyes widen as you gaze at him with concern. “I need to kill Mikey.” He claimed with a distorted smile, tears threatening to fall. You could only stare in disbelief as the cops were heard outside the building.

When you all walked out, everyone except you binded, a head of blonde hair appeared in front of you with a surprised expression.

You watched as Mikey questioned Baji, in which he cried out an apology as Kazutora chants “Kill… kill…”

You were there for it all. You were there when Kazutora spent two years in juvenile, only to come back with a vengeance. You were there when Kisaki became involved as well as this random Takemichi kid who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You were there for Valhalla's battle, witnessing Baji’s death as you held his head on your lap before Kazutora was arrested once more. You were there for the Christmas battle. You were there for the Tenjiku battle and you were there when Mikey disbanded Toman before he disappeared, followed by a few other people you had met.

There was even a time in your early adulthood when you went to visit Kazutora in jail only to find out he had been released a few years earlier than the ten years he was sentenced, seeming to have disappeared along with Sanzu and Mikey. For a while you blame yourself for not keeping in touch when everyone was initially ghosted by your brother. You wanted to give him the space you knew he needed considering he hadn’t been the same since you had first met.

Finally exhausted with your passive ways you decided to seek him out, figuring that you might be able to track the other members that disappeared as well. Although you kept in touch with Emma, Draken, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, and etc., you couldn’t ignore the yearning you felt to find your brother and friends. You missed them dearly. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to have known anything until you repeatedly bothered the dragon tattooed man to tell you the truth about Mikey’s whereabouts.

“Now that I’ve told you, forget about Mikey. Forget about the rest of em. It’s too dangerous, Y/n.”

Knowing that Draken is right, you listen. For a while you stopped your search and continued to live your life, working a 9 to 5 and coming home to your decent sized apartment. It wasn’t until you received a letter signed by the person you had been searching for. Once you reach the day that he wrote in the letter, you rush to meet him at the destination, speeding down the streets on your motorcycle.

Reaching the place, you eye the closed nightclub in awe. You wondered why he decided to meet you at this particular setting. You felt a rush of anxiety as you near the door, opening it before walking into the empty space. You walk through the dark room using the flash on your phone as you walk to the staircase, following Mikey’s instructions.

When you reach upstairs, you walk into the door he ordered. Your footsteps echo through the dark room, the sun outside illuminating through the open windows as a breeze flies across the room. Your eyes meet a head of platinum hair, indicating the back of someone’s head. The male who wears a black long sleeve shirt and pants sits with his back bent forward, arms on his lap as his head hangs low. The symbol on his neck stood out to you, reminding you of Izana’s earrings. Your eyes widen when realization finally clicks.

“Mikey?” You say, gaining momentum as you rush over to your brother. Before you could make it, a grip on your arm causes you to halt, as well as a firm pressure against the back of your head. You stare ahead as your breath hitches.

“Move at my pace.” The voice behind you demands. Having no other choice but to listen or risk an early death, you ignore your accelerated heart beat and follow alongside the body that shifted slightly to the side of you. Your eyes switch from the short man ahead to the person beside you, immediately catching the scar on the corner of the person’s mouth.

Sharp blue eyes suddenly meet yours during the observation, pink bangs swaying as his head faces you. His lips curve into a toothy smirk, eyebrows furrowing as he gives you a mischievous expression.

“T’s been a while, Y/n.” You turn away from him as you both walk closer to Mikey.

“I guess long enough to where you feel the need to have a gun against my head. As if we never knew each other.” You respond, irritation adding to your fear as you’re led to the chair in front of Mikey.

He only ignored you as his grin grew wider, guiding you to sit facing away from your brother. When your bottom meets the seat, Sanzu stood next to you with the barrel of the gun placed to your temple.

“Leave us, Sanzu.”

“Got it.” He responds before dropping his arm and walking towards the exit. “I’ll be downstairs.”

After giving you one more side glance, the pink haired man closed the door behind him as he walked out of the room.

“I heard you wanted to find me.” He says softly. Your fingers fidget in your lap as your knees are pressed together, feet spread apart. You chew on your bottom lip as you sit with a tense body, realizing the gravity of your situation and how dangerous it was to meet him with no sort of back up.

“This isn’t you. This isn’t how it was supposed to be…” You begin, shaking your head as you continue, “…I get it, Mikey. Everything that happened hurt like hell. Just because you went through something doesn’t mean you become the leader to a fucking criminal organization and kill lots of innocent people.”

When he didn’t respond, all you heard was your own breathing as you fought the tears that threatened to escape.

“You act like you’re the only one that went through anything. As if I wasn’t there experiencing as much pain as you! I didn’t run off and disappear and cause more harm to the streets, because there just wasn’t enough blood splattered!”

You had the understanding that you could be digging your own grave. The sorrow and anger hitting you all at once had your words slipping out fast. You missed him, who he was before. How could he have abandoned you like that?

“Y-you could’ve come to me. We could’ve been there and experienced it all together, Mikey. I-I know you’re just in pain, but I’m here. I’ve always been there.” You say the last sentence softly as your vision blurred from the moisture.

You listened as you heard rustling behind you, followed by footsteps leading towards your sitting figure. Your sobs went silent as a figure shadowed over you. The cold impact of the gun against your head causes goosebumps to run across your arms, a chill running up your back as you make eye contact with the man holding a weapon against your forehead.

Anyone could lose themselves in the void of his orbs. They bore into you coldly as he gazed down at you with a blank yet intense expression. Your bottom lip quivered as your eyebrows furrow angrily. His arm follows as you stand from your seat slowly.

“Is this all you know how to do now?” You almost growl, exhausted by the behavior your brother displays when you know he clearly has a hard time communicating his emotions. “Shoot whoever questions you. Murder instead of speaking on how you feel. When are you gonna grow up, Mikey?”

“Shut up.” He hissed. “You know nothing.” You only stare back in response, glaring at him as the gun cocks.

“Leave.” He states before lowering his arm. You watch the male as he makes his way to the exit. Before he walks out of the opened door, he turns his head to the side slightly, gaze still ahead.

“If we ever see each other again… I’ll kill you.” You chew the skin on the inside of your cheek as a nervous habit when he walks out, leaving you to allow the words to sink in.

In that moment, you determined that you would find a way to bring back the real Mikey. You couldn’t accept this. You would never accept this reality. You would do whatever it takes, even if that means going against your better judgment and acting on emotion, something you had a habit of doing. You don’t care what Mikey says nor have you ever listened when he told you not to do something. You don’t care that you’re risking your life by getting involved. You snatch the phone from your pocket before dialing a number.

“Naoto, I need your help.”

You didn’t know what to expect but it surely wasn’t almost succeeding in the take down of Bonten. Unfortunately, both you and Naoto missed a key detail to your plans which resulted in Bonten being free of the attention from the police. It didn’t help that some of the government officials involved were traitors to the force, having helped the criminal organization in secret.

Thick smoke polluted the building as a radiating heat caused you to sweat. You cough as your arm covers your mouth and nose, eyes squint as you see through the burning room. The alarms screeched as a warning to anyone near that a fire had been started. You heard the impact of whatever caused the flames, knowing a bomb had been planted somewhere inside which caused an explosion. You’re surprised that you’re still alive, along with some of the others who crawl and struggle towards the nearest exit, maneuvering through the limp bodies lying on the ground.

You search for your partner as you walk past broken furniture and office equipment, passing the body parts separated from the corpses who suffered the worst from the eruption. Unfortunately, you were hurt considering your limp, and the ringing in your ears definitely didn’t help. Your hearing has been out since you woke up. You search the police department, watching out for anyone familiar as you yell out, “Naoto!”

You continue through the damage, dodging any object that falls as you walk around the flames. An abrupt pressure on your back caused you to fall to the ground with a grunt, your hearing coming back just as you made impact with the floor. The platform of the bottom of someone’s shoe pushes you back to the ground when you try to pick yourself up.

The man behind you grabs a carton from out of his pocket, lifting the top before pulling a cigarette out. He set the box back in his suit’s jacket pocket before using a nearby flame to light it as he stretched his arm out. He brought the butt of the stick to his lips and sucked in as the remaining flame went out on the end of the cigarette. The man rubs the sweat off of his forehead using the sleeve of his suit, a strand of blonde hair swaying over his face as he drops the arm. He blew the smoke out as he gazed at your figure.

“I warned him about letting you go.” You could recognize that voice anywhere.

“Kazutora?” He takes another hit of his cigarette, holding his breath as he ashed it before blowing the smoke out of his mouth once more. A smirk grew on his face.

“You know, Y/n… I never took you for a snitch.”

“I never took you as a coward, but here we are. You kill people to feel a sense of control yet you’re always following someone else’s orders, seeking approval by anyone who’ll give it to you.” You state, irritated by the heat and the foot on your back.

The grin on his lips fell as he took another hit before leaning over and pressing the burning end of the cigarette against your neck. You gasp before releasing a shriek of pain, tears burning at the corners of your eyes. He holds it there for a moment as he stares down at you with a blank expression. He lifts himself back to a normal position once he removes the cigarette from your skin. A fresh bruise formed in the abused spot.

“Why did you guys become such fucking assholes?” You cry out.

“Come on, don’t start crying on me now Doll…” He chuckled, “…gotta save that for later when Mikey gets his hands on you.”

Before you could fight him off, his fingers squeezed firm against your pressure point. Your vision blurs before your head drops as you sink into darkness.

Your eyes flutter open as a spotlight shines on you. Attempting to lick your lips, you find yourself with a gag secured around your mouth. The red ball stretches your lips uncomfortably as they yearn to be moisturized. Your arms are cuffed above your head as your body is spread out completely nude on the bed. Your shrieks are muffled as the light dims, your knees pressed together as you attempt to cover yourself when you look down and eye the seven figures sitting out on a slightly lower platform, as if you’re on a small stage.

Marijuana and alcohol fills the air, along with the smell of tobacco as you watch the smoke fumes form above a few of the men. Your eyebrows furrow as your toes curl, embarrassment causing a warm face as you shut your eyes tightly, wishing to escape this moment as you’re sprawled out for a bunch of dangerous men. You hear footsteps in the quiet room, someone walking towards the bed.

Mikey appears in your vision as he looks down at you from the side. Your eyes water as you glare at him, disbelief from the fact that your own brother set you up like this. The boy you grew up with who inspired you to go past your own limits. The boy who wanted to make a new era for delinquents. No, you couldn’t believe this.

His fingers slowly traced over your stomach as they moved towards your chest, grazing around the outlining of your breasts. You couldn’t help the whimper of desperation spilling out through the gag, your body beginning to tremble as you realized the gravity of this vulnerable situation. You wanted this to stop. You wanted it all to stop before there’s no return.

“I left you alone…” His fingers dragged themselves across the middle of your breasts, slow and delicate with his touch. “…I warned you, Y/n.”

He slightly leans over as his hand moves to your lower stomach, rubbing the lining nearest to your pubis. Your breath hitched as you gaze at him with wide teary eyes.

“You’ve never been one to listen, have you?” The small smile that formed as he said the statement vanished as quickly as it came. Your stomach sucked in as he used his fingers to lightly glide back up to your chest before circling his hand around your neck, his index finger tapping your face twice. He leaned forward until he hovered right over your face.

“You’ll learn.” You release a shriek as your eyes shut tight, his fingers digging into the burnt skin against your neck, adding a painful pressure to the wound as the tears streamed down your face. When you open your eyes to a squint, his gaze is relaxed. His eyes made him look dead. He released you before walking to the end of the stage and turning to face the crowd, his hands behind his back.

“From now on you belong to me.” He turns his upper body to face you. “You’ll only get to eat, sleep, and breathe because of me. You will do as I say.” A taller figure began to walk on the stage, a familiar pair of purple eyes gazing down at your figure with his signature sly smile. The tall short haired man held a baton that rests on his shoulder as he stops next to the bed, closer to your lower body.

“You deemed yourself a traitor so you will be held accountable. Sister or not.”

You fidget with discomfort as you eye the weapon Ran holds with a concerned expression. He only gives you a mischievous smile in return as he drops his arm, awaiting instructions from his boss.

“If you disobey me…” His eyes switch to Ran before the taller man brings his other hand to the object, fingers adjusting as he lifts his arms. Your eyes widen once more as you hysterically pull against your restraints, legs moving as you attempt to move your body to the side to no avail.

You release a blood curdling scream as your eyes shut tight, the impact causing a loud smack to echo in the room as the end of the baton makes contact with the skin on your thigh. The pain is broad, big. So intense that your whole leg numbs out as your body attempts to protect you. Blood immediately makes its way through your skin as an ugly bruise begins formation. You sob in agony as your head falls back on the bed. You shake your head as you bite the gag.

A cold chill is brought to your body as heat overcomes you, sweat dripping down your forehead as Mikey walks closer to you, staring down at you with the same blank expression. Sanzu watches the display with gleaming eyes, a wide smile on his face as he licks his bottom lip, biting it after as he’s mesmerized by the show in front of him. It was a gorgeous sight, you sprawled out on the bed naked in front of them under Mikey’s control. Your face is so wet with tears and an expression of fear and distress. So vulnerable and fragile. Your skin breaking with ease as the blood dripping down made him want to lick it up. He couldn’t wait to get a hold of you. After all, he’s waited for so long under Mikey’s command. His failed attempt at protecting you. Someone so resilient and yet so weak.

Kazutora is leaned back in his seat with a leg crossed over, his hair pulled back in a messy ponytail as he eyes you with no emotion. He ignored the erection forming in his pants as you’re forced into submission, bound by the cuffs as your beautiful voice blesses the room with your cries. A red hue forms on his face as he watches Ran hit you again in a different spot on the same thigh. His cock twitched when he heard your loud scream, the gag doing you no justice. He crossed his arms as he shifted in his seat to a more comfortable position.

Takeomi sat with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he glared at the scene. He never really knew you so he couldn’t care less of your position. He just finds it hilarious to watch the rest of the men simp over Mikey’s infamous cute, bratty little sister. He’s surprised you hadn’t been killed on the spot for becoming a traitor. The leeway his boss is giving you is impeccable. Otherwise you’d be torn apart limb from limb, slaughtered and violated from the inside out. Long gone. This is nothing. He’ll admit that seeing your bitchy ass getting it in is a very sweet sight to see.

Kokonoi sighed as he turned away from the scene. Having remembered you from their delinquent days made this situation all the more sickening. He still couldn’t deny the view of you laid out the way you are having an effect on the cock sitting in his pants. It was uncomfortable, especially since he deems himself as sick as someone like Sanzu or the Haitani brothers for getting turned on by this in the first place.

Kakucho’s eyes followed Ran’s fingers, swiping some of the blood off of your leg before bringing it to his lips. You lay there, sobbing as Mikey caressed both sides of your face. He knew something like this would occur as soon as he began gaining information from the dirty cops about you involving yourself. Although he felt bad for you, he knew that you had it coming. You were warned and now you must deal with the consequences. He palmed himself before squeezing slightly to ease himself as he shifts in his seat, rock hard as he chews on his lip.

“Should I hit the other thigh, boss?” Ran’s smooth voice filled the room as he gently rubbed his thumb along the untouched thigh. You shook your head as you pleaded through the ball gag. You were so focused on switching your gaze between Mikey and Ran that you completely missed the third presence making his way to the foot of the bed.

Drool accidentally fell out of your mouth as you continued to cry and beg for Mikey to let you go and to not hurt you again. It was humiliating but you were in too much pain to care. You had to get out of there. You regret not listening. You regret not leaving him alone. You just want to escape. You just want to go home and hug yourself while you cry. You wanted to see your friends again, your sister Emma. You missed Shinichiro, Baji, your grandpa, Draken, Mitsuya, and everyone else. You missed them all and you wanted a big hug from them.

You wanted to feel safe, to feel loved again. You didn’t like this cold darkness that’s dragging you to a hell you never thought you’d experience. You wish you hadn’t been so stubborn. You just missed your brother, your friends who disappeared. Thumbs drape under your eyes as the tears are wiped away only for more to stream down your cheeks. You feel the ball gag unhook around your mouth as your chapped lips connect, licking them desperately as you continue to sob and pant.

“P-please let me go! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry Mikey I-I’ll listen! I’ll leave you alone just please…!” You rambled your apologies as he continued to gaze at you with the onyx orbs that felt as though they were forcing you to drown in his own darkness. Dragging you under with him into the void everyone so desperately tries to fill or escape from.

“I-I just wanted my big brother! I-I needed you to be who you were! I was wrong…” You sob, “…so fucking wrong. You’re too far gone!” Your hands turned to fists as your breath hitched as he climbed on top of you.

“You’re right. I am no longer your Mikey.”

Your hands tremble as you watch him reach into his pants to pull out his throbbing cock.

“No… no, no, no! Y-you can’t!” You plead as you realize what’s about to happen.

The younger Haitani grabs your ankle as he picks your leg up, along with the older brother who holds up your bruised leg. Mikey adjusts himself in between your legs as he spreads his own knees against the mattress.

“M-Mikey this is so fucked up! P-please! You fucking asshole!” You could only feel rage and despair as you watched him spit in his hand and rub his cock, moisturizing it nowhere near enough for it to easily slip through you.

“Oh shit.” Sanzu breathes out in excitement as the rest of the executives mentally sit on the edge of their seats. They watched the display, some with arousal and excitement while others with slight guilt and arousal. The air was thick in the room as Rin’s grip tightened on your ankle while moving his other hand to the bottom of your foot.

“You’ll learn.” Mikey whispers near your ear before he finally pushes in slowly. Your head falls back with your mouth wide open, nails digging in your own palms as the girth stretches you painfully. Your eyebrows furrow as you clench your teeth. He released a breathy moan as his mouth hangs open, head falling to your shoulder as your pussy squeezed him tightly. You both grunt when he finally bottoms out, base and testicles pressed firmly against you as he shifts his arms under you to hold the back of your neck with both hands.

He eyed the girl with a blank expression as she stood with her hand wrapped in Grandpa Sano’s. Even at his young age he could tell that she had been through quite a lot by the look in her eyes.

“It’s okay, Y/n.” He says as he pats your eight year old head. You sat with tears streaming down your face with your arms crossed as you pouted angrily at the fact that you lost against your fight with Baji who would help you practice your skills along with Mikey.

“You’ll learn.” He said with a smile as he gazed down at you.

You gasp as you feel his thick length pulling out of you, rubbing against the lining of your walls before he bucks his hips against you with a firmer thrust causing you to grunt in pain.

“You belong to me.” The teen growled.

“Kazutora is my friend! I’m gonna visit him whether you like it or not.” You glare at your brother before stomping away from the shrine.

Truth be told he didn’t like the way you made him feel. So out of control. So out of the loop. He knows that he’s your inspiration. He loves how worthy you deem him to be. He loves that you follow him around all the time like you're his little companion. His little sister. His.

If only you knew how hard it was to allow you on your own. To allow you to make your own decisions. To have abandoned you when he knew you were still vulnerable from everything you both went through. You don’t know how hard it is being the big brother of someone who’s just so fucking stubborn. He was afraid that he would lose you in the midst of his corruption, the dark impulse taking over day by day, so he left you.

“Fuck.” He breathes out as his pace accelerates, hips pulled back before thrusting against you as his grip tightens. His cock slides in and out of your pussy as the juice slickens the erection, making it easier to access as he presses deeper and deeper. The bed rocks as the thrusts become faster and firmer, the smacking echoing throughout the room as it becomes harder to hold back your grunts and moans.

You whimpered as you felt a pressure form against the ankle held by Rin. You make eye contact with him as his lips curl into a mischievous smile. You felt goosebumps form as the butterflies in your stomach fluttered, an impending sense of doom coming over you just as Mikey’s cock aimed for your erogenous zone, pounding your g-spot once you reacted with a shriek.

Mikey walks to the car sitting outside the club he had you meet him at after your conversation was finished. Five of his executives stood outside as he turned his attention to Kakucho.

“Watch her every move.”

He had a feeling you’d try something though he didn’t expect for you to involve the cops. Especially the detective that’s always on his ass.

“You. *Thrust* Belong. *Thrust* To me.” Mikey uses a hand to squeeze your chin, forcing your eyes to meet as you pant and sob.

All of the executives watch with dazed expressions as Mikey bitched you out. Some biting their own lips while others palmed their covered erections. Mikey eyed your face as it morphed while the pit in your stomach builds, indicating the nearing of your orgasm. He used one hand to balance himself against the headboard as he grabbed the leg Ran was holding to gain better access. He thrusts against you as his cock rubbed the inner lining of your vaginal walls, slick oozing out of your hole, a mixture of his semen and your juices forming.

The pain in your leg throbs as he pushes your leg up, causing you to whimper. You tried to hold in your moans, the feeling of the head of his cock hitting your cervix was overwhelming. Instead, grunts replaced the moans with each firm thrust against your ass. The hand on your leg tightens as you watch his eyes narrow down at you with his lips apart.

“This pussy is mine. Your cum is mine. Everything about you…” a thrust with a loud smack against your ass caused a moan to slip through his throat. “…is mine.”

Your head is pressed against the mattress as you feel the pit in your stomach release, the chemical reaction causing your mouth to open as a silent scream leaves your throat, eyes rolled back as he continues to beat into your pussy.

“Ah…” Mikey breathes, “…that’s fucking right, cum on this cock.” He said before using his fingers to press onto your wound made by the baton. You scream out in agony. The chains jingle as you pull against the restraints.

“You’ll learn. You’re gonna learn to listen to me.” He breathes out before switching his eyes to Rin.

“M-Mikey pl-!” You whimper, pleading for him to stop as you’re overstimulated, though his cock keeps its pace, assaulting your pussy as it slides through harder. Blood runs down your wrists, coming from the split skin caused by your nails. You accidentally glance at Ran who stares down at you hungrily. You could see the lust in his intense gaze, causing you to turn away.

“I don’t care how close you were or even the little crush you have on her. You will ask before touching her, got it?”

“Yes, boss.” Both Kazutora and Sanzu respond with stern expressions.

“N-No! What are you…?!” A loud crack fills the air amongst the sound of the rocking bed as your eyes shut tight, a monstrous scream escaped your lips as the pressure on your ankle created a numbing yet sharp pain that swam up your leg to your knee. You shakily look down to see your limp leg in Rin’s hand, ankle bent out of place as your foot hangs there. A swelling started to form as the skin tingled. It was surely broken.

“GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!” You’re hysterical. The pain, overstimulation, and heat. The betrayal, sickness, and depression. The sorrow, despair, and downright filthy situation. All of the eyes on you. It was all just too much.

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!” His forehead meets yours as his hands grab the sides of your face. His eyes shut as he thrusts hard, accelerating his speed before a breathy, drawn out moan escapes his mouth, just as Rin grabbed your other ankle.

Kazutora and Sanzu sit with discomfort as they angrily eye the Haitani brothers, realizing it should’ve been them holding your legs and punishing you. After all, they’ve known you the longest. They were closer to you. They were there for everything. Their erections become tighter as you thrash around and scream. Your rage fulfills them in an unexplainable way. They never knew why your rebellion always struck them in the heart. Who knew they’d be this stuck over their friend’s little bratty sister.

“I’m cumming.” Mikey whispers with his head against yours as he breathes out a moan. He grinds out his orgasm just as another crack fills the room, followed by an appalling scream from you. You cry as he pulls himself out of you. The swelling from both legs tingle as you lie there in terrible pain. Agony comes from your neck and both of your legs. As well as your vagina. You couldn’t believe what your own brother just did.

“I hate you.” You sob. You wanted to curl into yourself but the restraints made it impossible.

“Awe don’t cry so much, cookie.” A thumb caressed your forehead as Ran stared you down. “All ya gotta do is be good, now.”

“Or else…” Rin chuckled as he slightly dangled one of your broken ankles. You only sob in response, ignoring them as you try to refrain from making eye contact. You wanted to disappear.

Before he climbs off of you, Mikey leans over to plant a kiss on your lips. You don’t push him back nor respond to the peck. He pulls his pants up as he walks toward the other executives.

“Do what you will, just have her cleaned and brought to my room after.”

“I’ll always be the one to protect you, Y/n. You belong to me.”

You look into the eyes of your older brother, tears in your own as you hug him tight. You both sat on the ground in front of Shinichiro’s grave.

“You’ll learn.”

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ribread03 · 2 months

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Matt Sturniolo Head cannons

matt sturniolo x reader, use of y/n, head cannons, what I think it would be like dating Matt

warning smut talk at these bullets ◈

AN: so this is the first thing Im really putting on the internet that is from my brain lol. I've posted edits on my TikTok that's a fan page for them ri.bead03 (shameless plug here lol). But I hope you enjoy this and even if you don't I still think this is going to be fun lol.

◆ Matt really likes the outdoors so he takes you on hikes and on picnics all of them time just the two of you and nature. Taking you out to public places aren't really his thing.

◆ He loves being around you when your comfortable with who your around and seeing the true side of you. He loves hearing your true laugh and when you smile and show off your teeth.

◆ He really likes cats. All animals really-cats, dogs, fish, deer- but cats really stick out to him. you like to think it's because he relates to them and how sometimes they like to be around people and sometimes they just sleep the day away and don't see anyone at all.

◆ He loves to cuddle. He just likes to be touching or hugging you at all times. It doesn't matter what time or day or where you guys are at he's always asking you if he can hold your hand or hug you.

◆ He cant cook and you think its the cutest thing ever but he hates that he cant provide for you even tho he does in more way than one.

◆ He is always asking to talk and tell you about the way he is feeling and wanting to know what is going on in your life as well. He always wants to know why your upset or why you could be mad at him, wanting to know what he can fix about something he is doing.

◈ Matt is a switch in bed, he loves being the top and having you become a moaning mess unraveling beneath him

◈ Matt loves when you take over in bed becoming possessive and telling him what to do.

◈ Matt loves when you squirt. He loves when you make a mess with your juices praising you when you do. "you did so good for me y/n" "God you're such a good girl I could cum again just from you squirting around me"

◈ When you are the dom to Matt he loves when you ride him, he loves seeing your tits bounce as you ride him. You telling him to hold him orgasm as you ride to your high.

◈ Matt loves when you scream his name, it makes him crazy.

◆ Matt loves driving you around and taking you from store to store, even if he stays in the car he refuses to let you pay when you go out. He is always handing you his card saying "no limit" "go crazy babe". He loves to spoil you rotten.

◆ When Matt goes out to film a Friday video he always makes sure to text you when they get to the parking lot, when they start and stop filming, and when they are on the way home.

◆ (if you read) Matt loves going to the book store with you. He likes the calm atmosphere and calming smell of books. He's always buys the ones you touch even if you put them down he's asking " are you sure princess? I don't mind getting it." He will always take the books from you and carry them around the store for you and all the way out to the car as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN pt. 2: Ok I hope you guys liked that lol. also if you want any of these kinda turned into a fic I will try my best with that lol. let me know what you think, if anything could be improved and what not. OKAY BYE LOVE YOU! thank you for reading :) :)

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #smut #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #headcanon #Matt headcannon #headcannons

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verysmolnerd · 2 months

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Dating post NWH Otto

Been wanting to do a hc collection of Otto related stuff if you’ve seen my previous headcanons. But they’re really not HCs as they are more story oriented. :p

First of all, dating him appeared to be off the table. In his mind at a least… Even thought he was no longer seen as an enemy of the public, there is so much suspicion that he’s still evil. Like all reformed criminals are.

Not to mention that since he’s a supervillain, he doesn’t get privacy from the daily bugle. Not to mention finding a job that’s willing to hire him. The robotic arms welded to his back and his criminal record is enough evidence of what his previous experiments did to him.

He can only work for Oscorp which also has a reputation of cranking out scientific orientated supervillains. He’s making a living, but the judgement of others becomes more prominent.

It’s hard to tell at some point. Which is harder? Reforming and reconvening into society or fighting off the actuators and Spider-Man at the same time.

He’s pitied by the public eye or alienated entirely. Nobody takes him seriously, even if he’s never killed a person, nor attempted to. He only wanted to finish his work under the influence of his own work.

Then along came you with a company merger when Oscorp was bought by a larger company.

You never interacted with him, you were in a different department and were far too busy to talk to any of the newer Oscorp employees, which includes a lot of the supervillains.

It’s not like you wanted to talk to them. They’re still people, not zoo animals like your colleagues assume they are. So the best way of showing respect in your eyes is to give them the space they needed. If they want to talk to you, then they’d find you.

However, neither of you expected to meet outside of work.

Of all places you’d meet…. a public library. Informal, tired, and bags under your eyes. It’s almost like a college love story, while one partner sacrifices their grades in order to help another graduate with honors.

He was holding a book by Neil deGrasse Tyson and you were holding a three pines book. (Honestly, you though he was Armand with the level of exhaustion you had)

You just stared at each other, Otto even dropped his book. He apologized and then you commented on the book.

So now you’re both sitting in a lounge talking about the type of books you had. Which buds into conversation.

There’s almost a relief in his eyes that you were holding a normal conversation, as if he’s a normal person. He felt seen and purely human only for a moment.

So it’s natural for him to gravitate to you. AKA you see him near your office during work. Whether he needed something, he’d get it from your side of the building just to see you.

You’ve caught him gazing at you from your door window. For a man with four additional arms and eyes, he seemed pretty blind sighted by you and would walk into a water cooler.

So he also starts messaging you via faxes or other mundane office supplies. You’re shocked that he’s using them to lure you into his clutches.

One fax you got was just his phone number. Like that’s anything subtle. Smooth one, Otto. There was also one just asking you out for dinner… you faxed him back.

“Ask me in person and then we’ll talk.” He read aloud. The fact that you’re going to play his silly games is promising on his end. The last person he’s done that to was.. well.. it’s best not to bring up the past… for now.

So when you have him ducking under your door to get in your office with a paper rose (that he folded himself) he’s nervous, and the actuators are giving that away very well. Other than that, he’s very good at hiding emotions.

And now you find yourself sitting across from him at a nice restaurant.

Now that the professionalism line has completely evaporated, you both open up. Otto seems to loosen quite a bit the longer you two were talking.

You ended up closing down the place, and the wait staff were kind enough to remind you that they need to leave.

Then, he ended up spending the night with you. Not wanting to part with you. And you are you to deny that. He intrigues you as you do him.

Then one thing led to another and now you both are sitting on the couch, sharing a bottle of wine.

He trusts you with information that no other human being could have ever known.

Of course he tells you about Rosie. He hesitated at first, but you were quick to reassure him that he could. It was therapeutic almost. To hear about the previous light in his life.

“Oh, you’d love her. She thinks outside of the box. And she always had riddles to tell, never the same ones. She was so smart.”

He’s more vulnerable around you! He trusts you with his life, even though he’s probably protect you more than you can him.

That being, you both move into an apartment and now you’re with him almost every waking moment.

His actuators do a lot of work for him that he doesn’t like doing. The menial tasks that are just awful to him.

He carries you to rooftops to get a view of New York or any other surprise date he’d come up with.

The actuators wrap around you to show his subconscious form of admiration. Sometimes the actuator claws would clamp on your body as a form of kisses or long hugs.

He loves to cook. He knows recipes and often makes the same dinners that Rosie would make him.

You know that woman is happy to see that he’s moved on, the shadows of his past are able to be forgiven.

You also pet his actuators and sometimes use them as an extension to his hands, so you hold hands with his actuators.

He also uses the arms to pick you up for a proper kiss. He’s super affectionate if you haven’t picked that up already.

He loves to read books to you. Sitting on his lap, snuggled up against him as he reads TS Eliot.

You wear his glasses sometimes, you have no idea how he can see. He’s blind pretty much.

He’s wearing his heart on his sleeve around you, and he loves with all his being.

Treat him nicely, he’s already lost someone before and he’ll go to wits end to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

#doc ock #doc ock x reader #otto x reader #otto octavius x reader #otto octavius #the nerd’s headcannons #head canon #fanfic things #fanfic #headcannons #the nerd writes

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bipp-bopp-time-to-stop · 4 months

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Icarus

Okay, so my yandere kick may be lasting a little longer than expected. Though, I do have an idea for a series (?) now. It'll be a story focusing on each of the boys and letting them have their time to shine in their, ahem, devotion. Although he's not my fav boy of the bunch (still love him though), Sky's story came to me first and it came in swingin'. It's a little shorter than my previous posts but I hope you all enjoy!

TW: Yandere themes, blood, gore, descriptions of torture, a lot of talk about harm by fire, Sky goes off the deep end

The chunk of wood in his hands was unassuming. It was light, partly sanded, and cut from a stray piece of driftwood. Unlike logs or planks used in building houses or inns, this wood was soft. So when his knife began to scratch and peel at it, the wood offered no resistance. With nimble and trained fingers, Sky carved away at the wood. His motions were fluid and he showed no fear of nicking himself on the sharp blade of his carving knife. Even as the wood started to form into a recognizable shape, Sky did not pause. Every cut was nearly rhythmic- musical if the wood could sing.

Eventually, Sky sets down his blade and picks up a finer tool. He starts carving out a set of small eyes and then a little, pointed beak. He begins to sharpen the outlines of plumage on the carving’s chest and adds tiny details to its folded wings. The petite talons come next and are shortly followed by refining the tail feathers. Finally, Sky pauses to wipe off the carving and looks at the little bird now resting in his palm. It was a plump little finch that looked absolutely adorable.

The smile on Sky’s face when he stares at his creation is large and blissful. Gently, he brings it up to his lips and kisses the wooden figure. The kiss lasts for a few seconds before Sky pulls his newest creation away.

“My little songbird…” Sky sighs with content. He continues to give the figure doe eyes full of nothing but admiration and love as if the chunk of wood hung the very sun up in the sky. His vision is suddenly blocked as hands cover his eyes. The hands are gentle and soft as not to accidentally hurt the Skyloftian. Even before they speak, Sky knows exactly who this is.

“Guess who~”

“Hmm… did you get a new callous on your hands, Time? I though we told you to take better care of your hands?” Sky jests.

“Wha- hey! There’s no way my hands are anything like that of the Old Man’s!” You gawk as you pull away from Sky. He laughs, light and carefree as the breeze. Before you can back away any further, he grabs you and pulls you down to the ground with him. His smile is blinding as he stares at your pouting face. He resists the urge to pinch or pull at your puffed up cheeks even if he finds your mock annoyance to be irresistible.

“Ah, lighten up! Here, look at what I made!” Sky giggles as he shows you the little finch carving in his hand. The sour look is immediately replaced by something gentle and sweet that has Sky practically puffing up his chest. Like it was made of glass, you take the carving from Sky and observe his craftsmanship. You run your fingers across every notch and groove, engrossed with every detail.

“It’s so cute, Sky! It’s a finch, right?” You ask as you continue to examine the bird.

“Yup! Aaaaaaannnnndddd… it’s yours. I already have enough wooden carvings as is and I know how much you love anything related to animals,” Sky announces. He feels his heart melt as your smile widens even further. You hold it close to your chest and Sky does everything he can to not think about how his lips had just touched the carving. How the wood he had kissed was now flush against your bare skin.

“If you keep making little figurines for me, the rest of the boys will think you have a favorite among us,” You warn with a light hearted tone.

“But what if you are my favorite person? I’ve no problem with letting anyone know that, you know. If they want to be jealous, let them. I’ve no time to deal with their pettiness,” Sky counters. You roll your eyes at him, not taking the comment seriously. You lean forward and place a quick kiss to Sky’s cheek. He suddenly finds himself incapable of breathing as his cheek burns from the action.

“Anyway, Wild wanted me to stop by and tell you that lunch is almost ready. Venison and cabbage stew,” You state before walking away. Sky doesn’t respond or even react to let you know that he heard you. After a few more moments, Sky’s body finally draws breath and he’s left panting against the tree he had been sitting against. His eyes are barely open and are dilated to the fullest degree possible. His grin was loopy and loose like he was buzzed out on the best drug in all the realms. And he was.

And it was called obsession love.

The love he felt was like the sun itself. It was blinding as he registered nothing but you whenever you were around. It was full of life as everything seemed a little more lively when you were near it. It was immense as his senses were overwhelmed by you, you, you.

And by the stars above did it burn.

Any touch from you felt like it would scald his skin in the best way possible. He waited patiently for the day to come that your touch would finally leave a mark. That his body would become a tapestry for you to torch with your gentle hands and sweet words. When his patience ran thin on certain days, he considered asking the Smithy for a hot rod of iron so you could finally brand him. Brand him as yours and yours alone.

But you would never do that- not even if Sky pleaded with you to do so. Even though he and everyone else were broken and battered souls, victims of a vicious cycle he started, you handled them like they were priceless. You would hold them during rough nights as their demons clawed at their minds. You’d do your best to rock them in your grip like they were no more than babes out of the crib. Your whispered praises and hummed lullabies were sweet and addictive like honey straight from the pot. You had to know the affect you had on him and the others.

And if you didn’t, Sky would have to remedy that immediately.

He would sing songs of your kindness until his lips went dry and his throat bled and cracked. He would write pages of poetry in your name until his hands gave out and even then he wouldn’t stop. He would slay monsters and men alike and serve you only the best pieces of them on a silver platter as tribute. He’d parade through the streets of towns and settlements with nothing but word of you on his tongue so others may know of true divinity and not the falsehoods that were practiced in their churches. He’d get down to the very ground like a worm, a maggot, a bug and kiss the soles of your feet with more reverence than Hylia herself has ever seen. Whatever it took, he would do.

“Oi, Airhead. You done spacing out?” Legend jabs as he pokes Sky’s side. Sky blinks a little and realizes that he’s back at camp. When did he get here? For how long has he been zoning out? He hadn’t made a fool of himself in front of you, had he? Would you like that, if he did? Would you want that?

“I’m here,” Sky coughs as he goes back to eating the soup served to him by Wild. He looks around the camp for you and finds that you’re sitting in between Wind and Hyrule. From what he can hear, you’re telling them a story about something that once happened to you. Just a random and wacky tale about an event in your life, but Wind is absolutely enraptured by it and Sky believes Hyrule’s eyes are a blink away from turning into hearts. He smiles at the sight, happy that his brothers know to look at you with nothing less than pure devotion and admiration at your every word and action.

He didn’t bother to butt in, though. He was perfectly content with observing your brilliance from where he was sitting. Your exaggerated movements, your lopsided grin, your inability to stop yourself from chuckling before any punchlines were delivered- it was all so divine. Even with the noon sun shining down on the group, you shined brighter. It was as if you were the Goddess of Light, not Hylia. And you were, he knew you were. She was little more than a fraud compared to you. Her light was cold and unwelcoming. Your light was warm and comfortable and gentle and beautiful and addicting and so much more than Sky could ever hope to describe.

But there were also times Sky believed you were a divine being of fire.

While Sky wanted to keep you away from the battlefield at all times, he couldn’t deny the presence you had on the field. You were quick to find out you had a stronger arm than you realized and wanted to put it to good use. Unlike the rest of them, you preferred the blunt and brutals ways of a mace over a blade any day. Slowly, you began to armor yourself in metal plate and padding. It wasn’t long until you looked nothing less than knightly when on the field. Sky had to praise Four for crafting the armor you wore as it did its job and did it well. Stars above, did you wear it well.

He would never not be in awe of you when you took to the field. You never bothered to hesitate when faced with monsters- not anymore, at least. You were fast, accurate, and deadly. Your silver armor would always be quick to be coated in red and black ichor. Despite the gore that would surround you or cling to you, you never stopped being in the spotlight. Even when the days were cloudy or dark, Sky could always see you shining and shimmering amidst all the chaos. It was only more proof that you really were the light in his life.

And when the battle was done? He’d stay back and let Hyrule heal you before letting someone shortly scold you for your “reckless” behavior. When the crowd would let up, Sky would swoop in and sing his poetic praises until you and he were red in the face. Even if your hands were still armored and bloody from battle, he would still seek out their touch- to feel that burn he was addicted to. There was something about them, fresh from the violence and gore, still taut and heavy from adrenaline, that made him feel like he’d be scorched into cinders. He loved it, adored it, yearned for it, needed it, and couldn’t survive without it.

He would do anything for it.

“Sky… what did you do?”

But he never stopped to realize how you could make him freeze.

It was supposed to be a fun night at the town. Maybe enjoy a few rounds of cards with his brothers or a mug or two of warm ale. For once, he wasn’t glued by your side as you had gone out window shopping for some new clothes with some extra rupees you had. You had taken Wind with you for company and so the adults could be, well, adults. Sky didn’t realize how badly he needed to unwind until he was laughing and joking with his brothers at the table. He was also happy that his bad luck wasn’t his bad luck anymore.

“For fuck’s sake…” Wild grumbled as he nearly threw his rupees at Sky. Sky only laughed at him as Time began to collect the cards and shuffle them.

“If you want, we can play a different game,” Wars offers as he slings an arm over Wild’s shoulders. “How about… Old Maid or Go Fish?”

“How about you choke on your own dick and die?” Wild growls as he takes a swig from his mug. Instead of being reprimanded for his crude words, everyone at the table simply laughs at tonight’s sore loser. To rub salt in the wound, Sky loudly kisses one of the rupees Wild had coughed up. Wild’s glowering stare made it clear that Sky’s days were on the thin line of being numbered.

The picture of an ideal night was shattered when the doors to the inn flew open. Your feet seemed to barely touch the ground as you sprinted up to your room. While Sky stumbled to get out of his seat, the rest of his brothers were quick to follow you. As he hurried to catch up, his heart twisted and shattered as he heard your muffled cries. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t get past Time and Twilight as they guarded your room. Sky could vaguely see Hyrule, Wars, and Wild comforting you. You were frazzled and hiding your face with your hands. His sun was hiding behind clouds of gray and he desperately wanted to know what he could do to make you shine again.

He listened as you blubbered about being harassed by a handful of hooligans on some street corner. How they had nitpicked everything about you from your looks to what you were wearing. At how they had followed you around and called you every name under the sun even as both you and Wind told them to stop. The nail in the coffin- their coffins- was when you said that they had attempted to hit you during their verbal assault.

Sky suddenly found himself thinking clearer than he had in awhile.

It wasn’t hard to track down the vermin wenches. They were loud and obnoxious as they stumbled around town. It was clear they were all intoxicated to hell and back. He himself wanted to laugh, but not because of their drunken state. No, it was laughable as to how easy this was about to be.

“Weeellll heeelllooo there, good looking. Out for some fun tonight?” One of the ladies asked with a loopy smile. The alcohol on her breath combined with her abundant use of perfume made her positively pungent. Sky hid the curl of his nose under pretending to wipe it before giving the trio his best smile.

“Well, it depends on your version of fun,” Sky chuckled as he took her hand. It was thin and weak. Breaking it wouldn’t take much force, but that could come later. Sky needed to corner these heretics before he could punish them.

“Oh, we can give you some great fun, mister~. Far greater than whatever that thing is that you were traveling with,” another chimes in as she wraps her arms around his torso. It takes every ounce of willpower Sky has not to tear them all in two right then and there as he knows she’s referring to you. That means that they had seen you and the group walk into town earlier. That means that they’ve likely been waiting to pounce on you for the past few hours now. Oh, their punishment was surely going to be rough for their wicked planning.

It didn’t take much to herd them into a quieter part of town. He nearly pushed them all into the first abandoned building he found. He lead them further and further into the building until he was sure than not even the loudest scream would be heard by any guard or citizen. Now, all that needed to be done was bring these sheep to the slaughter.

He was quick to take away their chances of escaping as he swung the Master Sword at their legs. He hacked at them until not a single one of the swine before him could stand. His sudden assault was quick to sober them up as they all started to shriek in a horrible symphony of noise. Sky thought of going for the throat to shut them up but that would kill them and he didn’t want to grant them that relief just yet.

His next target was their hands. The very hands that had attempted to harm you earlier. Had they been reaching for you in admiration, he may have been a little bit more gentle as he understood the desire well. But no- they wanted to hurt you. Perfect, divine you. Such blatant heresy made his mouth bitter.

Lastly, he carved into their flesh. His letters were shaky as the sinners thrashed around under his grip and that he wasn’t used to carving with his trusty sword. He wished that he had the foresight to bring his tools with him so that the words would look a little neater. Oh well, as long as their sins were visible, it was enough for him.

“May you plead for forgiveness on your judgment day. Pray to whatever gods and goddesses that you believe in for mercy as I am fresh out,” Sky growled at the bodies at his feet. With precision, Sky plunged the tip of his sword into each of their chests. For a moment, he was tempted to carve out their hearts and present them to you. Would you take his bloody offering? It was something all gods and goddesses were accustomed to, so surely you’d praise Sky for his devotion. You always did light up when he handed you his wood carvings, so perhaps you’d love these carvings all the same?

It was a shame, then, that Sky’s anger didn’t die down once your aggressors were dead. He continued to maim the bodies until they were but mush and sinew surrounding him. Their blood seemed even more putrid than that of the black blooded monsters he and his brothers would slay beside you. He couldn’t be seen near you in his current state- no, not at all. He was a mess and positively filthy. You had dealt with those sinners enough tonight so he wouldn’t dare make you even see the sight of their rotten blood.

If only luck continued to remain on his side, in that matter.

“Sky… What. Did. You. Do,” You repeat as you stare down the man before you. How had you known he was here? How did you sneak away from his brothers? What were you thinking of him, at the moment? Were you disgusted with him? He could understand that, this was easily the dirtiest he’s been all his life. Were you angry with him? That’s okay, if you were- you could take it out on him. And don’t worry about holding back, he could take it. But… were you scared of him? Oh please, please don’t be scared of him. He couldn’t fathom what he would do if you were to view or even think of him in terror. Don’t think of him as a monster, please don’t. He’s your knight! Your hero! Your ever loyal follower!

The emotion in your eyes was something Sky couldn’t place. It wasn’t warm, it wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t sour, it wasn’t anything he had seen before. All he could call it was cold. Cold, cold, cold, cold. The blood in his veins slowed as it seemed to freeze into slush. The sweat and gore on his body was cold as ice and Sky found himself shivering. With a shaking hand, he sheathed the Master Sword and fell to the ground.

And he prayed.

“Please, (Name), please forgive me. Forgive me for my actions and transgressions. Know that what I did tonight was to defend your honor. Know that everything I do is for you and never against you. Please, have mercy on my soul and forgive me of my sins. Only through you can I ever be cleansed. Please… please… I’m sorry, so… so sorry…” Sky sobbed against the stone floor. His hands were clasped before him as he pleaded for your forgiveness. Would you be kind and forgive him? Wash away his sins with your sweet words? Or would you be rough with him? Deny him of salvation and leave him to languish in his mess? Make him plead and pray just like those he fell moments ago.

“Link, look at me.”

Sky snapped to attention as you used his name. You got on your knees before him and acted slowly as if he were a feral animal. You brought a handkerchief to his face as you wiped off all the grime and the tears.

“I’ve never seen you make such a mess before, Sky. This isn’t like you,” You sigh as you continue to wipe down his face. Whatever chill that had been in your eyes and tone was gone now- slowly melting away. Sky was thankful as he was sure he was about to be frozen solid.

“They were sinners. Heretics. Vermin. They made you cry, made you doubt yourself. I hate seeing you cry so I had to deal with what made you upset. If they were taken care of, then… then you’d be happy again, right? Now that they’re gone?” Sky whimpers as he looks at you for even a hair of acceptance. Even a sliver of praise that made it clear he had done right. Just… anything.

“While I would have used different methods, there’s no use in crying over it. I can’t change what’s been done- not this,” You mumble as you pull away. Fear grips Sky again and he grabs onto your retreating hands. In an act of selfishness, he presses them against his face and feels. Feels that tell tale burn he craves as it penetrates his skin. Feels you instinctively flex your fingers and barely dig your nails into his face. Feels your very pulse pump through your veins.

You free a hand from his grasp and dig it into his hair. He whines as you tug at his locks and he finds it in himself crawls towards you. He lays his head against your lap and pants from the heat they give off. Your touch is nothing short of blazing as you run your fingers through his hair and down his neck. He hopes you leave red in your wake as you rub his shoulders. He hopes that finally, finally, he’s done enough to earn your mark.

“My sun… oh my sun. Burn me, please. Scald me, burn me, torch me, melt me… please oh please. Burn your handprints into my skin and brand me with you lips. Let me know the fire of your touch for now and forever more. Melt away my legs so that I may forever kneel at your feet. Turn me to ash in the pyre of your soul so that I may know what it’s like to live,” Sky confesses as he clings to your lap. He smiles as his shoulders seem to be relieved of a burden he was unaware he was carrying. His every want and desire that’s festered in him since he saw you for the deity you are has finally been laid bare.

Soft and featherlight was the kiss you planted on his ear. It twitched and fluttered as your hot breath fanned across it. Sky whimpered as he felt your teeth graze the fragile flesh, as if looking for the best spot to bite. He did his best to muffle his whines and pleas but he couldn’t help his excitement- not when he was so certain he would finally be awarded with your claim on him.

His joy falters when you pull away and leave his ear aching. You help him stand and begin to walk him away from the bloody scene. He apologizes profusely for getting blood on your clothes but you tell him to shut it or else. He listens without further complaint.

Getting him into the bath house without being noticed is far from easy but you were never one to turn away a challenge. Once inside, you strip Sky of his linens and discard them. Where, he doesn’t know. He does know you though and knows that the blood soaked clothing will be well hidden enough to not be found for a few days. Long enough for you all to pack up your things and leave before the stench gets bad enough that they’re discovered. And even longer still until what’s left of the sinners is found. Though, Sky believes scavengers will sooner be attracted to the feast before any guard is.

Sky scrubs himself down and tints the bath water pink while you fetch him new clothes. He scrubs until he’s sure his skin will fall off as he knows you’ll scold him if you see even a single drop of blood left on his person. As quickly as he’s in the water, he’s out and getting dressed. You offer a quick and believable excuse to the innkeeper as you drag the stumbling man up the stairs and to his room. Wars raises a brow when you bring Sky to the room and nearly shoves the knight into the captain’s face.

“Keep any eye on him- please. I’ve had enough trouble tonight,” You groan before promptly leaving and shutting the door behind you. Sky ignores Wars’ stare and gets into his bed.

“Do I want to know?” Wars eventually asks as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m forgiven and the sinners are dead. Nothing more to tell,” Sky states cryptically. He settles in and doesn’t even care that his damp mop of hair wets the pillow beneath his head. Even with the lackluster response, Wars understands the scenario well enough.

“Never imagined you to be the one to get sloppy…” Wars mumbles as he gets back in his own bed. “I’m sure the Old Man will tan your hide come tomorrow, but that’s, well, for tomorrow. Though… I gotta ask; What did you get out of it?”

“I got to confess my sins and I was forgiven for them. Even if it were not done to me physically, I’ve finally been branded by our deity,” Sky sighs dreamily as he hugs his pillow tightly.

“Finally got close enough to get burned?”

“Yes. And I can’t describe how much I enjoyed the fall.”

#yandere linked universe #yandere linked universe x reader #Yandere lu sky #Yandere lu sky x reader #yandere lu #yandere lu x reader

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peapodsinspace · 1 month

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Hiiii :3

do you have any jojo headcanons?? It can be for any character :]

oooh absolutely!!! I’ve never made a post about my head cannons before!!!

These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head!! And a lot of my head cannons are like, au specific anyway hehe

Also a lot of these will be post cannon :]

-Diamond is Unbreakable-

-jotaro taught josuke and okuyasu how to do eyeliner

-tomoko listens to Britney Spears when she cleans her house

-tonio sends okuyasu “left over” (freshly cooked, made expressly for this purpose) meals a few times a week

-koichi’s mom invites Rohan over for dinner fairly often (he accepts occasionally)

-Golden Wind-

-narancia’s favorite thing to do is listen to music with his friends and just chill

-he has playlist for all of them

-he likes to sit upside down in chairs (supposedly helps him focus ((he just does it because he can)))

-nara ikes to have other people read to him because he’s better at remembering it that way (usually fugo reads to him)

-giorno isn’t super good at video games, but he gets very serious and into them regardless

-fugo and trish used to not get along very well, but now they just bicker at each other for fun

-they read crappy YA novels together!!!!

-fugo has a copy of divergent he added commentary in the margins of, and long rants at the end of the book (he stuck extra paper in)

-he did this to try and get mista to read divergent (it worked ((mista hated it)))

-that copy was passed around the whole group so it has a bunch of notes from everyone

-fugo keeps all his books in stacks and low bookshelves because he dislikes the way ceiling-high bookshelves loom over him

-fugo genuinely had it out for abbachio when he first joined Bruno’s gang, to the point that he would try and get him in trouble with bruno for no reason

-abbachio lets Trish do his makeup sometimes

-abbachio will sleep in all day, and if he’s ever up early it’s because he never went to bed at all

-Stone ocean-

-weather and anasui will usually try and get extra breakfast (or save some of theirs) to give to emporio

-emporio likes FNAF

-he makes his friends play horror games with him (jolyne and anasui mostly, because jolyne is good at them, and anasui screams like a little girl)

-Steel Ball Run-

-diego is effected by cold and heat more since he developed his stand

-he occasionally gets the extreme urge to chew on something (or more specifically to eat a rock), however save the times he is fully in his dinosaur form or close to it, his teeth aren’t strong enough to eat them :[

-which is why his gloves have many pinprick holes in them from where he chews on the extra fabric around his fingers

-diego is a total nerd about anything animal related and will happily info dump at any opportunity, but somehow still be prissy about it

-gyro is consistently baffled by at least half of the phrases that Johnny says, because he doesn’t know what they mean

-gyro saws some serious logs in his sleep (he snores very loudly)

-he has a journal he’s really secretive about

-one time Johnny read the journal and it was just dumb joke ideas and a really weird bucket list

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demetris-cocksleeve · 9 months

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Now, hear me out....

I just can't get this idea out of my head:

It's a mini smut series. Each part is for a different underrated 1A boy, but interconnected. There will be two different endings, each with two different outcomes.

As I was getting ready to post this, I realized that the idea was akin to Aberration by @bakuhoes-dumbass , so to be on the safe side, I reached out and got permission. Aberration is so attention grabbing and (personally) keeps the you on the edge of your seat. It's 10x better than anything I'm gonna write for this, so check it out! Thanks again to @bakuhoes-dumbass for giving me the green light!

**Y/n is the new psychiatrist for the Yuei Institute for Dangerous Individuals (YIDI). But she's also the warden's niece -giving her more loopholes to wiggle through than your average psychotherapist. Cue the jailbird shenanigans when they get a whiff of their new toy.

Warnings: Contains slight passive hybristophillia, various talk of criminal behavior and non consensual/dubiously consented to actions and scenarios, do not read if you are sensitive to said topics!

Age Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Prologue: A deeper introduction to the jailbirds

Let's get to know the inmates, shall we?

Chapter 1: Shoji Mezo- Convicted on multiple counts of gang-related torture; currently serving 3 life sentences with no chance of parole. Time incarcerated: 6 years, 4 months.

In which your first session with the sadist derails an a way you never expected. As it turns out, the jailbirds are missing more than just their freedom.

Chapter 2: Ojiro Mashirao- Convicted on 1 count of 1st degree murder following a confession refusal; currently serving 20 years with no chance of parole. Time incarcerated: 2 years, 9 months.

You survived your first day. What more could go wrong? A lot, apparently. After the surprisingly saucey session (ooh alliteration) with Shoji, you can confidently say you're better prepared for the type of inmates you're dealing with. Or so you thought...

Chapter 3: Tokoyami Fumikage- Convicted for the attempted murder of his best friend, claiming "the shadows told him to do it"; currently serving 15 years with a chance of parole after 5 years. Time incarcerated: 4 years, 8 months.

Your new deal is firmly in place, and you're prepared to do what you agreed to. You just didn't expect your end of the deal to be enforced again so soon. It's all in the name of helping... Right?

Chapter 4: Koji Koda- Convicted of arson, assault, and non-peaceful protesting of multiple animal testing facilities; currently serving 40 years with a chance of parole for $15,000 bond. Time incarcerated: 3 years, 7 months.

Animal rights activists can't be too scary... can they? You're a little less than a month into your new job, and it's going relatively smooth. The deal is going as planned, and you seem to be making progress. Turns out this activist isn't scary after all... He's downright terrifying.

Chapter 5 : Rikidou Sato- Convicted for drug trafficking and the assault of 5 police officers; currently serving 90 years with a chance of parole after 40 years. Time incarcerated: 1 month, 3 weeks, 2 days.

Marking the last day of your first month is your final first session. After today, you can confidently say that you know what to expect with your assigned inmates. That doesn't mean what you're to expect will be easy. Withdrawal really brings out the worst in people, doesn't it?

Epilogue 1: Every action has consequences... Unfortunately, Y/n engaged in the same action with 5 different people. So, which one is the reason for this consequence?

Mentions pregnancy and abortion, if you are sensitive to either of those topics, I'd advise you to redirect to Epilogue 2 for the second ending. Open ended/up to interpretation of the reader. Can be read for any of the inmates

Epilogue 2: Every action has consequences...Unfortunately, Y/n's bleeding heart is her consequence. But for whom does it bleed?

Contains an individual ending for each inmate. 'Pick your own ending' style

"Jailbirds" Coming Soon

Full Masterlist:

Navigation

#ojiro mashirao x reader #mezo shoji x reader #tokoyami fumikage x reader #koji koda x reader #satou rikidou x reader

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divineerdrick · 2 months

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Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for 413

Happy 413 everyone! We knew we were getting something today, as James announced that earlier. This time, it's an extensive news posts with notes from the whole team. Looks like we've got a few comic pages as well. Let's see what we got!

James: I can definitely relate to what James is saying. Homestuck and its community helped me keep going when it seemed like there genuinely wasn't a path forward. Obviously it hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows, but I do still feel there is a lot of genuine goodness and greatness in our little corner of the internet.

And yay! James is an Aradia fan!

Kim:

Kim is one of the people who grew up with this comic. I honestly can't imagine what that must be like. Although I had a lot of media I enjoyed at 13, I don't feel like any of it had the kind of impact on me then that Homestuck had now. It's not like there wasn't anything good on, either! It was 1993 when I was 13, and WB and Disney were at their apex. But Homestuck hit different. I honestly can't imagine what it was like being able to relate to those kids like they could be your friends in another life, growing up along side them.

Miles:

A beautiful mindfuck is a great way to describe it. Honestly the somewhat over the top, trollish, insincere seeming way that Miles is writing shows a great love for Homestuck and the project in and of itself. The love honestly does come through.

Chumi:

Chumi appears to be even younger than Kim, though I could be wrong there. And she also grew up with it, if maybe starting a couple of years into its run. But it goes a step further for her. Homestuck is her formative fandom. And again, I can't imagine what that must be like, let alone now creating art for it.

Andi:

Andi is another member of the team to have grown up alongside Homestuck. It makes sense that this would create the most talented and passionate people to work on the project. Like many fans, though, they also had Homestuck influence their identity and help them feel safe in discovering who they were. It will always be important we have people like them keeping this fandom alive.

floralmarsupial:

While the way Homestuck inspired me was different, she too was drawn in and influenced by the very artistic questions Homestuck posed. Looks like James has managed to put together a team that has all been impacted by Homestuck in subtly different ways. And I'm totally here for it!

Haven:

Oh wow! Coming in on Murderstuck! Ouch! Still, the effect Homestuck has had on them is very obvious!

It's nice to hear more from each voice behind the project. I'm glad they took the time to make this celebration a bit more personal. But with all that said and done, it's time to read an Upd8!

There is so much to talk about just from this image.

First off, this is the most like Bro that Dirk has ever looked. And it's not just the fact that we've just got a plain white silhouette with shades. There is a lot of chaos in this panel reminiscent of Bro's apartment. That outfit has absolutely never looked wackier. The anime ninja aesthetics combined with the pooffiness of those shorts is already crazy. But the Kamina cape in this looks more cliché villain than anime hero.

While we can't currently see one of the monitors, we absolutely can see that Dirk has been keeping track of our Meat crew. My guess is that the other monitor is Deltritus.

Also we get a throwback with some orange drinks floating about.

Dirk is, of course, being suitably condescending here. After all, in his mind this is the only way to make the narrative matter, to make anything that we'll give a shit about. He probably knows we still enjoy the "narrative kiddy pool" but he's counting on us truly getting invested in what he has planned.

Wow! Nice frame break! Also this art slaps!

Apparently Rose and Terezi are still a thing. Dirk only seems to partially approve of this. From his perspective, the relationship is a very Rose thing to do. And Rose doing Rose things is important to him and his plans. He also appreciates that Rose doesn't have infinite patience for the finetuning that Dirk could spend a literal eternity on. It keeps him on something resembling a schedule.

So are we going to see these "scions" of theirs?

I like that there's an obvious sea horse in that test tube. Also, outside of Hero mode Dirk is still sporting his character features at least. He hasn't slipped into being a full guardian yet.

Well fuck. That might just be the hardest anyone has ever "spoken too soon."

Hell yes! Adult Terezi is awesome! Also, she's not getting rid of her facial features any time soon!

I hope I didn't jinx that . . .

I'd forgotten Terezi can hear Dirk's narrative. She's also very much on the "Get on with it!" train. Dirk was planning to skip ahead anyway, but of course he wants to unveil his creation first.

So Terezi will be the one that actually makes sure the new session happens. I'm surprised Dirk is allowing that. I can definitely get why he doesn't want it automated.

I can honestly believe that Dirk really does care about his creation.

And I can honestly see Terezi playing the long game. I'm honestly curious why she wouldn't, beside Dirk's fuckery.

Ouch.

Also, damn this art is so fucking good!

We've seen the way Terezi can let what she sees as a mistake eat at her. We've seen how far she'll go to fix it. Is John's death doing that to her? Is even this older, seemingly more jaded Terezi unable to let something like that go even with what's at stake?

Or could she possibly be letting Dirk think that's what's going on? I really kinda hope that's it.

Now that's just being mean pretending you don't know what she meant by being in her "CH4MB3RS", Dirk.

Apparently Dirk still has a mouth when he needs to.

FUCKING!!!

DAMN!!!

That's an interesting way of showing them speaking at the same time. Kinda like it.

Okay. That is some legitimate Bullshit. I like that even Dirk calls it out as such. That is a ton of power to just flex like that. His reasoning is sound, but even he knows he's partly doing it because he can.

Wow.

There is so much to potentially read into this moment. On the one had, this might be a genuine Rose moment. Even if Dirk has been manipulating her a lot, this version of Rose might genuinely be appreciative of what they're trying to do.

The other possibility is that Rose is manipulating Dirk this time. There've been hints, and I find it hard to believe otherwise, the Rose is aware Dirk has been manipulating her somehow. She may not have figured out how he's doing it, but I feel she knows. As an ascended Seer of Light, her ability to read the most fortuitous path is literally godlike. I can't imagine that definition of fortune including one where she keeps losing more and more agency. So this might be a moment where she's telling Dirk what he needs to hear to stop him from stealing more from her.

The worst part is he genuine believes that.

#homestuck liveblog #live blog #live blogging #liveblog #liveblogging #upd8 spoilers #homestuck upd8 #update spoilers #upd8 #update #homestuck 2 #homestuck spoilers #homestuck #hsbc upd8 #hs spoilers #hsbc #hs #homestuck beyond canon spoilers #homestuck beyond canon

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words-of-wolf · 3 months

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Content warning: this post contains mentions of wolves hunting other animals, and some thoughts on the subject. Nothing I'd consider graphic, but I know it can be sensitive for some folks so I thought I'd warn beforehand!

Hhh, it's a bit hard to know where to start with getting back into writing about my experiences.

It's not that I don't have anything to say - it's the opposite! There's so much I'd like to share. I've always loved talking about my experiences... maybe a bit self-indulgent, but I like to think it can help other folks too, and I've gotten many interesting conversations out of it in the past, so no regrets!

Can't imagine I'll be posting big things like this frequently, but I'll happily answer questions and chat too. ^u^

So... right now, what I've decided I'd like to write about is some of the, I guess kinda fundamental aspects of my identity as a wolf therian.

It's interesting in a way, because there are so many wolves around - there's a lot of people to compare experiences against! I guess, if you have a rare kintype, or a kintype that's varied enough that your individual variation of it is rare (like dragons) - it might be hard to imagine that a wolf would struggle to find other people they relate to. But then, well: there's me.

I don't think anyone's nonhuman experiences are wrong. I don't think anyones' are "superior" either; it's just about who you are as an individual, what feels right and comfortable to you. I just wanted to get that across! Cause what I'd like to talk about does involve some comparison between my feelings and the things I've seen expressed by other wolf therians, and I wouldn't want it to be read as me saying my way of being as any better than anyone elses' (it's not).

During my time in the kin and therian communities (which, I first encountered over ten years ago now, but my activity has been very on-and-off since I reached adulthood) I've met so, so many wolf therians. It's... hmm, complicated for me, in a way? Because I felt very isolated, especially when I was younger, and I felt like wolf therians were supposed to be "my people". But really, I could count on both hands how many wolves I've met that I really related to on any level.

And the reason for that is the same now as it's always been: for a lot of wolf therians, being a wolf seems to be a kind of violent, bloodthirsty identity. The "predator" feeling is strong; there's some affinity for the thrill of the kill, the violence of it all.

That's not a bad thing. It's not wrong! But my experience has been... very different from that.

My perception of wolfhood isn't really "red in tooth and claw" like that. It's more... simple. Not peaceful really - life as a wolf is full of trials and strife - but the violence never felt defining for me. In terms of personal importance, the feelings of wanting to hunt, to fight, to bite and maim... I'd be lying if I said they were entirely absent, but they were always tertiary to things that seemed far more present and central.

I think a big part of that is... well, for context, I believe my wolf identity is linked to a past life. Yeah, stereotypical, I know! But it's genuinely what I experience; I do remember that life, or at least aspects of it. And those memories influence a lot of my experiences in my current life as a wolf-person.

The thing that strikes me most when I compare my own perspective on wolfhood to the ideas often expressed by other wolf therians, is that to me, hunting wasn't violence. It couldn't be violence.

Why? Because I just plain didn't realise that the deer and other animals we killed were living things.

There was no... room to even consider that idea. I didn't know that the deer I drove to exhaustion felt pain and terror, same as I did. I just knew I was hungry and it was food.

It's a strange thing to consider, isn't it? People talk a lot about "what makes us human". I don't think there's any one thing that does. But if I were to point to one of the most jarring, and one of the most utterly sacred parts of being human to me, it would be the ability to connect emotionally with other species.

Humans are not unique for doing that. And maybe there's some animals a wolf could come to see as an individual, in the way I would've seen another wolf. But a deer would never be that. Which contrasts strangely with me, now, as a human: where I can love pigs, and care about their welfare and treatment, but still enjoy some bacon or a porkchop. That can conflict, sometimes, yeah - but from a wolf perspective, that would be incomprehensible. At least, from my experiences it would be.

And if you remove the idea of violence from hunting, suddenly a wolf's life doesn't seem very violent at all. The act of hunting and killing prey animals felt no more violent to me, than when I cook up a steak for myself now. To someone, that would be violent, but to me it's just a steak - y'know? I know the steak comes from a cow, but that fact brings me neither grief nor pleasure. It's just kinda how the world is and I'm mostly okay with that.

The act of hunting was, I'd say, something I enjoyed as a wolf. I loved the chase. It was fun. Taking down prey could be scary; even a deer is dangerous when cornered and desperate. But the thing with nature is that it makes what you have to do to survive feel desirable: so risking my life for a meal felt thrilling, in a way, and a full belly afterwards was satisfying, and comforting, and a relief from the usual gnaw of hunger.

Hunting's only a small part of being a wolf, though. Even setting aside all the attempted hunts that fall through before you even get into a full sprint.

A lot of wolf life focuses on territory. In some places, it's a very intense, almost war-like conflict; constant, bloody, often fatal. Not always, though. It depends a lot on the intensity of the ecosystem you live in: a place with lots of prey attracts lots of wolves, who then compete for access. If the prey's more spread out, the wolves are more spread out too... and an area of land feels less worth dying for when you've got so many others to search.

Me and my pack were one of the latter varieties. Territorial conflicts were rare, for us; I don't recall any specifically. We patrolled, we marked our space. Territorial disputes were something I was aware of, I think - if I saw a trespasser I certainly would've acted with aggression - but it just wasn't a common occurrence.

So my experience of being a wolf didn't feel like it was defined by violence much. It didn't feel bloody and raw. I could see myself in the image of a wolf that snarls, maybe, but moreso I see myself in the image of the wolf that sleeps, or - perhaps most of all - the wolf that wanders.

And that's what existence as a wolf was, and is for me! It's wandering. It is the neverending search. Even when you find what you need, the relief can't last long - you need to move on soon, you need to seek again soon, because it won't be long before your empty belly's gnawing at your insides again. It wasn't ever a life of violence, it was a life of travel, for the good and the bad of it: for the new sights and new smells and new opportunities; for the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the sore paws and aching muscles.

And the restlessness. The need to keep moving. Keep going. Keep searching, always searching.

But, of course, that's still not the centre piece of the puzzle. Because that could only ever, of course, be the pack.

This is something I'll probably dedicate time to writing about all on its own, because I have such deep feelings about "the pack" as a concept, and also about my pack, who I lived for in my last life.

But I will say that all of my deepest, most vivid, and most impactful memories... they're not of the hunt, they're not about territory or conflict or hunger. What I remember most richly is the love I felt for my pack. It's a feeling I can't quite find it in me to explain; sometimes I wonder if the reason I identify as loveless in this life, is simply because no love I've ever felt as a human could compare to what I felt as a wolf.

I think there's a kind of synergy between the simple mind of a wolf, and the feelings a wolf experiences: in the quiet of an animal's mind, emotions seem so much stronger, so much more vivid somehow. I feel that even now, when I have a mental shift, and the logic and reason falls away - all that's left is emotion and physical senses, and they paint a picture so, so bright.

And those past life memories that I hold dearest, they have a similar quality to them... to curl up with my family after a long day of travel. Or listen to their happy snores as we all sleep off a full belly. And playing with the pups... I was a very fun wolf-uncle. And those pups were my joy, light of my whole life! <3

So... yeah. That's what being a wolf is to me.

It's not the only way to be a wolf. It's not the "right" was vs anyone else's "wrong". This is just what wolfhood is to me personally. Maybe other wolves will see something of themselves in this, maybe not! Either way, I appreciate the time you took to read my rambling. It feels nice to carve out a place in my life again where I can really talk about this stuff. c:

#therianthropy #wolf therian #wolfkin #past life #spiritual therian #spiritual kin #tw animal death

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