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itallcomesfromhoney · 2 days

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just friends | kirishima eijirou x bakugo katsuki x reader

synopsis: friends to lovers ft. fake dating

note: ahh! thank you so much for all the love on the teaser, this is the first fic i’ve actually written, not entirely sure where it’s going yet but we’ll figure that one out. i wanted some context to these three so we're starting with a first year throwback before we go straight in, let me know if you'd like more of their friendship years sprinkled in. i'm so sorry for the delay, feedback is always appreciated and feel free to pop into my inbox any time ✨

wordcount: 1.6k

chapter one

“Outta my way, nerds!”

You feel pressure between your shoulder blades and you stumble forward into the freshly red headed boy in front of you. Eijirou Kirishima catches you by your forearms and raises his dark eyebrows at whoever it was that pushed you, “That wasn’t very manly.” You follow his gaze to see a blonde figure, almost out of sight across the cement plaza already and a small black cloud appeared above your head at the sight. “What is his issue” You scowled, tiny drops of rain spit out into your immediate area, accompanied by low grumbles of thunder and Kirishima waves his hand through the thick cloud, dispersing it back into the atmosphere. “C’mon, Stormcloud, let’s find our class before you flood us all.”

You and Kirishima had gone to middle school together, quickly becoming friends and applying for UA together alongside Mina Ashido, your mutual pink friend. The three of you had managed to get not only onto the same course but into the same class, by some miracle. The pair of you walk side by side, attempting to navigate the corridors of the new school, but mostly just taking everything in. You marvel at the upperclassmen loitering near their classrooms, you can’t help but to daydream about that being you someday. Your face heats as a pretty girl with long lavender hair waves a hand at you and you quickly face the floor as she giggles to her friends, “First years are just so cute”

Eventually you both find the room marked '1-A' and slide into the class behind a small freckled boy with green curls that you vaguely recognised from the entrance exam, “…put a stick up your ass?” Your ears pricked as you recognised the voice from earlier and the room darkened as another storm cloud formed above your own head. “You’re totally joking” you grumbled at Kirishima, eyes locking onto the blonde head of hair that had shoved you earlier, at least it looked like it wasn’t just you he had beef with. Kirishima shook his head and tugged you away by your shoulders, “What are the odds”

“Whoa sick cloud” You snapped your eyes off of the angry looking boy, now arguing with a tall dark haired boy to look at yet another blonde, this time with black stripes near his eyes and a wide friendly smile. “Do you, like, make that?” He asked you, staring at the grey mass rolling above you head. You shook your head to clear my previous thoughts and the cloud dissipated, replacing itself with a warm breeze that ruffled your hair before stilling. “Oh! Um yeah, kind of?” You stammered, rubbing the back of your neck, “I can’t control it very well yet though” “Kaminari Denki, your quirk is so cool!” You introduced yourself to the ball of sunshine in front of you and Kirishima did the same. “So, what’s your quirk?” Kirishima asked the new boy and you half listened to the pair chatting as you scanned the rest of the classroom.

You recognised a fair few people from the exams, you realised, not just the small green boy, who now seemed to be locked in a tense conversation with the scary blonde. There was a small brunette girl, bouncing slightly on her toes who you were sure had some sort of levitation quirk, maybe? And oh god, there was a tiny boy with shiny purple spheres attached to his head with a spooky looking smile on his face who you distinctly remember harassing a group of girls at the exams. You spotted Mina, already making friends with a tall brunette girl a few rows down and sent her a wave before a huge yellow tube seemingly appeared at the front of the room, “Welcome, to UA’s hero course.”

— Months Later —

The Class A dorms were buzzing with activity, chatter bouncing around the hallways as everyone got ready for the school dance. “I can’t believe you actually convinced me to wear this stupid thing!” Bakugo scoffed, looking down at his suit and tugging roughly on his tie. Kirishima eyed him and laughed, “Bakubro, c’mon! It’s a dance! You can’t wear a suit without a tie.” “I’ll do what I want, shitty hair”

The boys’ banter was interrupted as the elevator opened, revealing you wrapped in a baby blue silk slip and fiddling with a small piece of hair that wouldn’t quite sit in place. “Wow! You look great Y/N!” Eijirou gasped, running a hand through his red hair. You smile at the red head and smooth down the fabric of your dress, “Thanks, Eijirou! You boys look nice” “Thanks!” Eijirou beamed, looking over at Katsuki for his opinion, only to be met with a frown. “Tsk” Katsuki made a noise of dissatisfaction. “Suit’s too tight…” Eijirou rolled his eyes at the blonde boy, “I doubt it is. It looks the same as it always-” “Shut up!” Katsuki’s scowl deepened, muttering under his breath.

You frown at Bakugo, “Is it the tie?” You ask the blonde, concerned. You knew he’d apparently been sensitive to tight clothes around his neck since his encounter with the sludge villain, not that he’d ever really admit it. “Don't get why these damn things have to be so tight.” Katsuki looked away and grunted to himself. “Hey man. You sure you're alright?” Kirishima asked, “I’m fine. Just shut up.” You stepped forward to tug on Bakugo’s tie, loosening it slightly and popping his top button open, “Is that a bit better?” Katsuki was caught off-guard by the sudden tug, but let out a small breath when he felt the tie loosen up. He turned around to face you. “Thanks or whatever” He nodded his head once, his scowl softening just a bit. You smile at him and step backwards, checking yourself over in the reflection of the large window in the common area, “Let’s go then, we can’t keep everyone else waiting” You joke, moving to leave the dorms.

The two boys fell in line behind you as your trio made their way towards the main hall, Kirishima nudged Bakugo once as they stepped into the crowd of students. “Looks like your mood is better.” Katsuki huffed in response, crossing his arms. “Whatever. I just wanna get this crap over with already” “Lighten up, Katsuki, you might even have fun” You tease, Kirishima snickered “She’s right, y'know? You’re just stubborn” “Whatever, shitty hair. I’m not having fun.” Bakugo looked away, but couldn’t hide the small smile on his face. Eijirou sighed, shaking his head but smiling back at his friend. “Eijirou and I will just have fun without you then!” You joke, grabbing Kirishima’s hand and tugging him behind you into the hall. Eijirou barked a signature laugh and let you drag him forward as Bakugo rolled his eyes. “Hey! Wait up, nerds!” Katsuki stepped forward and began following the two of you at a leisurely pace, trying his best to act stony.

As soon as you stepped into the hall you smiled, looking at all the decorations and scanning the crowd for some of your other friends and classmates. Spotting them across the room, you tug Eijirou over, you knew Katsuki would catch up eventually. The theme of the year was 'Under the Sea', the room swathed in blues and bright corals, sunny spotlights dancing around the walls and briefly you wondered if Gang Orca or Selkie had had anything to do with it. You hear a pitched squeal as you and Kirishima make your way to your classmates and you let go of his hand as Mina tackles you into a hug, “Hi! You look so gorgeous!” You feel your face warm as you thank her, repeating the comment back to her. Mina was decked out in a soft green dress, the fabric shimmering against her pink skin.

Bakugo had chosen this moment to catch up to the group, an unimpressed look on his tanned face. “You know, you could’ve waited for me you two…” He grumbles and you shoot a wink to him over your shoulder, “Where’s the fun in that?” The blonde huffs but otherwise doesn’t respond and Kirishima shoulders the other boy lightly, “You could smile, you know” he teases. Bakugo grits his teeth and looks away, fully intending to ignore his friend, but he eyes the crowd of classmates forming around you, watching carefully.

“Hi! You all look great!” You smile, spotting some of the other boys heading over. Mina, forever the gossip, lights up as she spots a particular classmate and pulls him over, Todoroki’s own baby blue tie shines on his chest, “Todoroki! You two totally match!” It was a complete accident, but his tie matched your dress perfectly, the fabrics looking as if they were pulled from the same reel, you doubted it though; it was likely that his tie cost at least triple what your dress did. The half and half boy blushes and agrees, smiling a little “Y/N, you look nice” he compliments.

Bakugo rolled his eyes at the interaction, “Blue for under the sea? How original.” You turn and frown at the blonde, “Don’t be rude, Bakugo.” You hiss glaring at him. Bakugo scoffs but says nothing else and Kirishima looks at the taller boy with his eyebrows pinched, “Why didn’t we think to wear blue” he whines; Bakugo glares at him.

You chat with the group for a while before pulling away from the group, moving off to be with Kirishima and Bakugo. “What’s wrong with you?” You raise an eyebrow at the blonde boy’s scowl. “Nothing.” He frowned, not looking at you as he crossed his arms again. “Were we supposed to wear blue?” Kirishima asks you, still pouting, you tilt your head in confusion “Why would you?” “Don’t be a dumbass” Bakugo mutters, and you’re not entirely sure if it’s directed at you or Eijirou. You shake the weird comment off, “Well if you’re going to be grumpy all night, I’ll just dance with, Eijirou.” For the second time that evening, you wind your hand into Kirishima’s and tug him towards the dancefloor and for the second time that evening, the muscular boy lets you.

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✨taglist: @abadbitchblogs @/sixxze (i haven't been able to tag you!) @/I0ren12 (I can't tag you either, I'm so sorry!)✨

#mha #my hero academia #just friends kiribaku #kiribaku x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugo x reader #kirishima eijirou #katsuki bakugou #bnha #boku no hero academia

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peachypinkygloss · 2 days

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Could you recommend any dark blogs like yours. I'm following a couple. But I want more. Sorry for bothering you 🤍🩵

you're not bothering me at all, love!!

sorry in advance if you know all of them, but I honestly don't read much here, apart from my mutuals ^^ be sure to read all the warnings!!

ᡣ𐭩 @crybabychim (my side blog :D) where I write dark content about jimin, mostly non-con

ᡣ𐭩 @blueberryarchive lots of super original concepts <3, non-con and horror

ᡣ𐭩 @aft3rhrs beautiful writing, soft and hard yandere (she has a list too of recs in case you want more!)

ᡣ𐭩 @watashijeon entertaining and interesting concepts!! yandere

ᡣ𐭩 @ctrlhope very original concepts too, soft yandere, dub-con

ᡣ𐭩 @justanotherarmyfangirl great writing, yandere, non-con

#💌 [asks]#📖 [fic recs]

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lady-october · 1 day

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Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 22: I'm sorry, this directory is encrypted

Chapter title is lyrics from "DIg It"

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Drip.

While registering that something had just connected with my face, I only felt annoyance – the urge to continue sleeping overriding any coherent thoughts about it, or the ability to question why something wet was running down my cheek out of nowhere.

Drip, drip.

My features shifted into a frown as even more droplets began smacking against my skin, causing my consciousness to swim back to me. Suddenly, the warm and solid body next to me was in motion, a hissing noise surrounding us, growing louder, more intense.

“Fucking hell.” Oli uttered, as the very abrupt downpour pelted us mercilessly, rudely interrupting my deep sleep.

While snuggled up last night in silence, we must have drifted off under the stars on the rooftop of the hotel. And now the weather had decided it was time for us to wake up.

We shot up quickly with a yelp, legging it towards the exit, trying to avoid getting completely drenched in the process.

But it was too late; we were soaking.

Our mutual panting echoed in the stairwell after Oli slammed the door shut behind us.

Eyes wide as saucers met mine as he leaned against the door, clearly also pumped full of adrenaline from being awoken so unexpectedly by the icy shower.

I couldn’t help but laugh as I shivered, and he quickly joined in.

“That’s one way to wake up.” He said before taking my hand and pulling me up against him, his arms wrapping around my waist. All of which would have been heavenly if it wasn’t for our cold and soaked clothes, plastered uncomfortably to our bodies.

Smiling down at me, his eyes had softened, and his wet locks had taken on a darker shade as they clung to his temple in little circlets.

“I had a nice time last night.” I said without thinking, feeling rather stupid, knowing the date hadn’t gone according to plan whatsoever. Yet despite starting off rocky, the sex and the long talk afterwards had been nothing short of incredible, leaving me with an odd sense of hope for the future. Which was strange considering the gloomy and uncomfortable topics.

Thankfully it seemed the man holding me agreed with my statement.

“Me too.” He whispered before leaning in for an unusually chaste and short-lived kiss. Pulling away he uttered what had been on my mind as well, “I don’t know about you but I’d really like to get changed, this feels fucking horrendous.”

I huffed out a laugh, fighting my shivers, “Yes please, let’s go.”

Taking Oli’s hand I started descending the steps.

But he didn’t follow.

“Shit, my phone’s still out there,” he looked towards the fire door then back to me, “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Disappointment settled in me, having expected us to spend the morning together for some reason.

Which surprised me. Not just because of the expectation, but because I wasn’t overcome with panic at the mere thought of casually spending so many hours in a row with a man who had a romantic interest in me.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” I responded after a moment, trying not to let the disappointment be evident in my tone of voice. But when I attempted to let go of his hand, he held onto me.

“One more thing,” he said, appearing slightly nervous, “can you start wearing underwear again?”

For some reason his question made me uneasy.

I couldn’t tell if it was because of Mat – because of everything we talked about last night – or because he was trying to abstain from sex with me. It also made me worried that I’d done something wrong, similarly to how I felt last night when he’d been reluctant to open up about his nightmares – something I’d asked about twice now.

“Sure.” I finally settled on, not wanting to pry, not wanting to push him.

He visibly relaxed. Whatever the reason for his request, it was clearly important to him.

“Thank you.”

Letting go of my hand he took a deep breath before disappearing back out into the loud rain. I sighed deeply, trying my best to let go of the uncertainty our short morning interaction had brought on. Hoping it was just my anxious thinking patterns playing tricks on me.

Descending the steps, I made my way back to mine and Liam's room where a robed Liam was snuggled up in bed with a large sandwich in hand.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in–” He started teasingly, smiling from ear to ear, but confusion quickly claimed his features when he took in my appearance, “What the fuck happened to you, love?”

Laughing, I pointed towards the window, at the downpour outside, “We fell asleep on the roof.”

“With… Oli, I presume?”

“Yes, with Oli.”

“Sorry it’s hard to keep track of all your lovers.”

The grin was back on his lips, but I just glared at him.

“I’ve only been on one date with Mat– and we only kissed,” I started but quickly remembered that’s not quite true, “Oh, wait, I guess I may have maybe also seen him cum...” I continued under my breath as I began digging around for my toiletries in a rush so I could disappear into the bathroom, feeling both embarrassment at my admission and surprised I had somehow momentarily forgotten all about that incident.

Liam, who had previously been lounging – relaxed as could be – shot up into a sitting position, looking stunned, “Listen, I was just joking around– you what!?”

“I’m gonna go shower.” I quickly mumbled before running off.

“Okay, but you better tell me everything afterwards!” I heard him yell as soon as I shut the door behind me.

When I came back out I was also wrapped up in one of the lush robes the hotel had to offer. Liam scooted over as soon as he saw me, patting the space next to him on the mattress, indicating for me to join him.

I paused, wanting to talk about everything that’s happened – maybe even get some advice. But I was nervous, still not used to talking about my feelings with others, and only really having opened up to Oli so far.

Only Oli, huh? Sounds like I’m getting pretty invested in him already.

Shaking the unpleasant and unnecessary thought out of my head, I instead walked over to the large tray of room service, filled with breakfast foods, attempting to avoid both my own mind, and Liam, all at the same time.

“Yay, you got bagels!” I said with a bit more enthusiasm than the ordinary food warranted, but Liam was having none of it.

“For the love of god, Alice. You can’t leave me hanging like this.”

I took a deep breath.

Okay, I can do this.

Abandoning the plethora of foods for now, I made my way over to Liam and joined him on the bed, feeling like a pair of gossiping teens at a sleepover.

While I left out most of the explicit details, Liam’s jaw was still on the floor for most of it. Once I came to the part about Fay I learned that Liam already knew of the love triangle, which made sense as he started working with them right after it all happened – right after Oli’s recovery.

When I got near the end of the story, in the middle of telling him that I’d developed feelings for Oli – that I craved the emotional connection with him despite my commitment issues – I realised how effortlessly everything had flowed out of me, how easy it had been to talk to Liam, and I wondered distantly if it was because Oli had inspired me, pushed me, opened up whatever part of me that I’d sealed shut so tightly for everyone else in my past.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Liam asked once I was done naming all the reasons I felt pressured into dating Oli and Mat at the same time; how all of this was happening too fast, at a time in my life when I felt so very lost.

“I think I have to see both of them until I can figure things out. It’s all just horrible timing though, isn’t it?”

“You don’t have to do anything, love – you don’t have to date either of them, but I’ll tell you this much; there’s no such thing as the right time.”

I frowned, knowing damn well this couldn’t be happening at a worse period in my life, “What do you mean?”

He paused, considering his words, “I think the universe has a way of pushing us when we need it most. So a lot of the time the right people will enter your life at the worst possible time, but if it’s meant to be then you will still manage to keep them around. Mostly because you will feel the urge to fight for it, to make it happen even when everything goes against you.” His sympathetic eyes grew questioning, “Do you feel any of that?”

I thought about it for a beat, recapping all the discomforts I had put myself through – and continued to put myself through – in order to cling onto the things I wasn’t ready to let go of, “I guess I do. I think I would’ve gone home by now if I didn’t.”

He smiled at me, “Well I’m very happy you’re still around, regardless of the reason.”

The talk had left me feeling lighter than expected, and with a lot less panic about the situation. Which thankfully made the prospect of running into Mat today a lot less daunting.

Or so I’d thought, until it actually happened.

A couple of hours passed and it was time to set off; to drive the two hours back to the venue and begin all the preparations for tonight's show. But once we were done packing the van up with the essentials for the gig, I realised I’d forgotten my bag in my room, so I ran along to quickly retrieve it.

I was locking the door behind me, holding my previously missing bag, when I saw the elevator doors starting to glide shut in the distance.

“Wait!” I yelled, sprinting down the corridor. I was incredibly grateful to see a hand appear on the door, holding it open for me. Once I got to the open elevator I was wearing a smile, ready to thank the kind stranger, but my smiling lips were quickly joined by wide eyes.

“Hi.” Mat said calmly, grinning at me as he held the elevator doors.

I knew I’d have to face him any moment now, but I’d been hoping it would’ve been in the van, surrounded by everyone else, effectively removing any pressure to hold a conversation. Instead it had to be in a claustrophobically small metal box, with just me and him.

“Hi.” I eventually responded before coming to stand next to him, facing the door, finding it nearly impossible to maintain eye contact after what happened last night; after he watched me melt from Oli’s fingers moving over my pussy, after spanking me.

I guess it’s only fair that we’ve both seen each other's expression when we’re deep in uncontrollable pleasure.

The tension between us was unbearable as the elevator moved from floor to floor, at a pace that convinced me the passing of time had been tampered with – now very clearly moving in slow motion.

When there was only one floor left, Mat launched forward to press the Stop button, causing the elevator to halt with a jolt.

My heartbeat was already in my throat when he turned around to face me, giving me a stare that felt intimate despite the distance between us.

“I don’t want things to be awkward between us.” He sounded nervous.

“Me neither.” I quickly responded, even though I didn’t have a single clue how to make things any less awkward.

My response caused all of the evident nerves to promptly fade away from him.

He took a step closer to me, some of the unreadable emotion from last night now on his features, “Spend tonight with me, at the club.”

Since we all had tomorrow off, the VIP section of a local club had been booked for all the bands that were performing tonight, as well as their entourage. Considering what happened at the last afterparty we went to, I had my reservations about even attending now when the Mat spanner had been thrown into the works. But since I was the designated driver I didn’t have much choice.

“I don’t know.” An involuntary smile tugged at the corners of my lips, feeling quite intrigued by this unexplored version of him.

He took another step towards me, slowly stepping into my personal space, “Cause of Oli?”

Something was different about him, he wasn’t usually this demanding, this intense – no, that was Oli’s domain. Mat was always the laid back one, the patient and polite one.

“Yeah.” I breathed, looking up at him as he pinned me with his unreadable eyes.

“You can spend time with him too.” His voice came lower, quieter, due to our close proximity.

The eye contact that had seemed hopelessly awkward just moments ago, was suddenly unbreakable, the tension between us growing more magnetic, surrounding us with a sense of desire.

“Your friendship is odd.” I said distantly, feeling equal parts nervous and excited.

“Can’t argue there– what do you say?”

A smile spread across his lips as my expression gave away my intentions before speaking. I already knew I wanted to agree to his proposal, wanting to spend more time with him in hopes that it would help sort out the tangled mess inside me.

“Alright.”

“Looking forward to it.”

His smile grew momentarily before his gaze fell to my lips, his demeanour shifting, growing dirty, determined.

I felt myself hold my breath as he leaned in, so convinced he was about to kiss me that my mouth fell open. But instead he stepped back and reached for the elevator controls, ready to end our intimate moment. I was about to exhale, to relax and fight the sense of disappointment I was experiencing, when I noticed his fingers hovering, never actually connecting with the button.

I swallowed.

Suddenly fiery, filthy eyes shot back to mine before he grabbed me, crushing my lips to his, pulling me flush against him.

I dropped the bag in the process, struggling to form any type of coherent thought as his hands raked over my body – until he got to my very sore behind, which pulled me back to myself enough to feel torn in half, both finding this morally wrong – like I somehow belonged to Oli, like I’m already his girl... Yet the other half of me wanted nothing more than for his rough hands to touch my bare skin, hating the layers between us.

But my moral dilemma was short lived. Paying more attention to how he was handling me I noticed the sharp sense of urgency in his kiss, in the way he tensed beneath my fingers that were digging into his shoulders, how tightly he was pressing me against him, how his hands were studying my shape as if trying to almost memorise it for later.

As if he might not get another chance to feel me in this way.

Whatever the reason for his desperation, it felt like more than lust, more than being rushed due to having stopped the establishment's only elevator.

Oli had told me he falls too hard, too fast – was Mat the same? Was this an emotionally indulgent moment?

He let go of me as quickly as he had grabbed me, and there was suddenly several feets worth of space between us. I hadn’t realised, but he’d pushed me up against the back of the elevator during our brief yet passionate embrace. Which I was now thankfully leaning against, feeling disoriented and incredibly overheated.

Mat wiped his bottom lip with the back of his hand, appearing barely contained as he started the elevator again, his dark eyes eating me up, clearly wanting a lot more than these short, stolen moments between us.

I was speechless, merely a receiver of the energy he was aiming my direction like a laser beam before the doors opened. Wordlessly, he broke our eye contact and stepped out of the elevator, leaving me to gather myself.

But sadly I never got a chance to.

Only seconds after leaving me, an elderly couple joined me in the small metal box, forcing me to use my legs prematurely, which now felt more like spaghetti than flesh and bone.

Another unfortunate consequence of not getting a chance to pull myself together, was the fact that the first person to lay eyes upon me as I stepped out of the hotel was Oli.

I knew he could see it on me, how flustered I was. He’d seen it on me an endless amount of times.

The only difference being that this time he hadn't been the one to cause it. And since I had been right on Mat’s heels, it was pretty obvious something had just transpired between us.

I wanted to disappear, to simply run away. Maybe just dash into the woods behind them to never be heard from again. I could find a cabin somewhere and just enjoy life as a hermit, forage for berries and learn to catch fish in the lake.

While it was just a wild fantasy, it felt infinitely more compelling than spending the next two hours stuck in a van with the two of them.

Kicking myself mentally I lowered my head and quickly made my way to the driver's seat, which Liam was already occupying.

“Get out, I’m driving.” I muttered before essentially pulling him out of the van.

He stepped out, slapping my hands away, “Alright, alright– I just thought I’d drive since you drove us here yesterday.”

“No worries, I’m fine to drive.” I shot him pleading eyes, hoping he’d catch the hint.

He squinted at me, “Okay, but if you think this will get you out of driving us back tonight after the club you’re mad – I was promised I could have a drink.”

I hesitated for a moment, looking over to the passenger seat which was already taken by Matty, knowing that if I didn’t drive I’d have to sit in the back with the others. At the same time I knew how much driving this route had exhausted me yesterday, and doing it twice in the same day would be pushing it, especially considering how much work we had ahead of us.

I felt myself deflate.

“Fine, you drive.”

Dread filled me as I walked back around the van, trying my best to not catch anyone's eye when I opened the van door, only to find that I was faced with yet another problem.

There were two rows worth of seats in front of me; in the front row Lee was sitting near the window furthest away, with Mat in the middle who was watching me with anticipation, clearly hoping I’d take the seat next to him.

In the back row however, Oli sat all alone, staring distantly out the window.

And while the energy from the front row was warm and welcoming, I knew I’d have to pick the back seat.

I told myself that it simply made more sense this way – there was so much more room in the back row after all. But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew my subconscious was calling out to Oli. I just couldn’t tell if it was due to guilt, or because I wanted to be closer to him, having missed him this morning.

As soon as I shut the van door behind me, Oli looked in my direction. His large eyes locked with mine and I could tell he was happy I was back here with him, despite the sadness in them, despite the defeat in his posture. And while there was an entire empty seat separating us, I felt the comfort from his presence, confirming I’d made the right choice.

It scared me, terrified me even, how attached I was growing, how much I seemed to crave his presence around me in more and more ways each passing day. How quickly it was happening, and mostly how powerless I felt against it.

It struck me that I’d never let myself get this attached to anyone before, having chronically kept everyone at arm's length my entire life. Even my mother.

I was so uncomfortable with the idea that I started regretting coming back here, wishing I’d just taken the driver’s seat and dealt with the exhaustion afterwards. All of which was made infinitely worse as I realised the sheer amount of ‘firsts’ Oli had been for me; first to open up to about all my fears, all my struggles; first to explore my kinks with; first to pull me in like a magnet, occupying my mind and heart so many hours of the day.

First person I couldn’t seem to get enough of.

Suddenly I was feeling nauseous as we drove along the winding road, and I knew it wasn’t because of the road, or the amount of bagels I’d had this morning, but because of all the inner demons I couldn’t seem to fight off any longer.

Terror began to press in from every direction, and before I knew it a panic attack was building inside me. I could tell it was going to be an unusually bad one when my breathing sped up, rapidly turning into hyperventilation.

That’s when I saw Oli’s open hand resting in the middle seat, reaching for mine.

My wide eyes shot to his worried ones; they were so tender, filled with the softness I craved, my heart ached at the sight.

He shoved his hand closer to me, pleading for me to take it, to let him comfort me.

Somehow it felt like a trust-fall to take it, like jumping out of an aeroplane with Oli being my untested parachute. All I could do was hope his touch would settle me, when I knew it had the potential of making me infinitely worse.

I didn’t even consider if anyone could see us as my fingers intertwined with his, too preoccupied by my narrowing vision, my speeding pulse, how I felt like I couldn’t get a full lungs worth of air.

Once he had a good grip on my hand, he squeezed it, rubbing his thumb on my skin slowly, silently letting me know he was there for me.

I focused on his touch, his presence, as I began taking deeper and deeper breaths, my heart rate dropping slowly.

It was working, I felt the parachute open before my face hit the ground. Ironically the man that had caused the sudden and severe onset panic was now the one to ease it away from me.

We held eye contact as my body slowly returned to normal, a glowing, affectionate smile making an appearance on him as he noticed how I was calming down, coming back to myself.

I was bewildered, amazed at how well such a simple gesture had completely disarmed the bomb inside me. Looking down at the hand still tenderly holding mine, brushing my skin lovingly, I had to fight back tears for what felt like the hundredth time around the man next to me.

He must have noticed my struggle, uncertainty making an appearance on him. Squirming in his seat, his eyes darted to check what the others were doing, then began untangling our fingers. But I stopped him, holding his hand tighter, determined to not break whatever spell that had managed to stop my panic attack dead in its tracks. I had never been able to stop one myself once it had reached that stage, neither did I know it was possible.

The vulnerability on his face once he realised what I was doing should have startled me, should have sent me right back into my spiral of panic, but instead I just smiled at him, feeling rather calm as his gaze flickered between me and our hands.

I don’t know if anyone noticed what we were doing in the back of the van, but we continued to hold hands for the rest of the journey.

It was such a simple gesture, yet it somehow felt like the most intimate thing we’d done so far.

So why am I not terrified all of a sudden?

My mind kept attempting to race with these thoughts, touching on the things that usually triggered me, but every time I felt the pressure build inside me, I would just squeeze his fingers, and they’d squeeze me right back, pumping my veins full of his comforting energy. Making me feel safe.

Once we got to the venue, parking up next to the tour bus we’d left here overnight, we let go of each other. My fingers had completely cramped up, hurting as I stretched them, but I hadn’t even noticed during the long drive.

We wordlessly parted ways for the day, right as Liam showered me in the usual tasks. And before I knew it, my feet were hurting almost as much as my butt did.

When all the opening bands had performed for the night, I was with Liam backstage, making sure all the props were in the correct places for the stagehands, when Mat tapped on my shoulder.

“Are you alright to stand a bit further out than usual? I’d like to see you during the show.”

He was bouncing on the spot, clearly pumped up for the impending performance. Yet the laid back demeanour still somehow remained.

How odd.

I considered his request, still a bit taken aback from what happened in the elevator earlier, but also unsure how to respond considering there was a reason I kept to the shadows when I could; I don’t particularly enjoy the public attention.

“Maybe.” I responded teasingly, trying to keep the mood light.

He just smiled at me, knowing there was no time to argue.

“I’ll take it.” He said before walking up on stage with the rest of the guys.

Well, everyone except the lead singer, who entered the stage last, on a later cue.

I was looking around for the man in question in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him before his performance, knowing he’d be close, but I wasn’t expecting him to appear right in front of me as I turned around.

“You look lovely.” He purred, coming to stand only inches away from me.

I was about to thank him, compliment him back, but he spoke almost immediately, clearly rushed – which made sense considering we only had about 30 seconds before it was his turn to run up on stage.

“You sticking with me later tonight?”

My heart sank.

“Some of the time.” The face I wore was apologetic to say the least, not wanting to admit I’d already agreed to spend time with Mat at the club – not after the expression Oli wore when he saw me leaving the hotel this morning.

His hand reached for mine, holding it in his with a surprising tenderness considering the high energy that was radiating off of him, also clearly ready to expel a high amount of it for the crowd in a moment.

Distantly I wondered how much energy he had when not on tour, when he didn’t spend so much of it on performing.

“Am I bad company?” His eyebrow raised, turning his grin more questioning, yet flirty.

“No, you’re great company.” Even though I really didn’t want to tell him, I knew there was no point in trying to hide it, especially since he’d see us together tonight anyway, “Mat’s already asked me.”

The smile fell away from him completely, almost as if it had been a facade entirely, and whatever urgency there had been in Mat’s behaviour earlier completely paled in comparison to whatever had just taken hold of Oli.

Regret washed over me for not waiting till after the show to tell him, made worse by the music starting – meaning we only had around 15 seconds left together.

Throwing a quick glance towards the stage, he pinned me with all-too serious eyes and let his hands rest on my arms, as if wanting to hold me in place, causing worry and confusion to rush over me at the immediate shift in behaviour. For a brief moment he appeared uncertain, questioning whether he should speak or not, but his decision was made clear by the rant that followed.

“The nightmares, they started when I was a teenager; my girlfriend at the time killed herself, slashed her wrists one night,” he spoke so very fast, saying things I didn’t have a chance to even begin unpacking. All I could focus on was the fact that he needed to be on stage in mere seconds, yet he was opening up to me out of nowhere, not leaving any room for me to react or respond, “I know it wasn’t my fault, but it messed me up, made me real scared of some things – made me real hard on myself in many ways.”

“Oli!” A stagehand yelled next to us, interrupting him.

“Wait!” He barked, then immediately threw him an apologetic look before returning his intense attention to me, “I’ve dreamt about you for a month now, most nights you torture me, try to kill me–” He shook his head in distress, seemingly out of frustration due to the time constraints, “I know I’m not making a lot of sense – I can explain much better later, but my point is–”

“You really gotta get on the stage man.” The poor stagehand continued, only trying to do his job, but Oli’s attention remained on me, talking over him entirely.

“I don’t open up to people a lot, and I know you don’t either,” he searched my face for a split second, his eyes darting all over it, sheer panic in his stare before he gently shook me in his hands, “You’re very special to me too.”

He let go of me and shot up the steps leading to the stage so fast I barely had time to realise he was gone.

I was left standing alone in the dark, completely stunned, as the man that had just dumped a ton-of-bricks worth of intimate and bewildering information on me, started singing the words of the first song in the setlist.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

#oli sykes #oli sykes x reader #bring me the horizon #oli sykes fic #mat nicholls #mat nicholls x reader #oli sykes fan fiction #you got a taste now

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squishious · 2 days

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ok i'd apologize to you & everyone else for only blogging about myself and my friends tonight but actually that would be un-sincere because i love my friends so so so much and all of life is about love. anyway here's a long summary of css :

-1. the context: luna @hanjoonhwi got to know mika through me and @ramonapest and so she'd discover old stuff progressively and one day she found css and made it her whole personality (read: blog) because she did that often (for a while she was tomorrowlive because she loved live performances of tomorrow, etc etc etc) and so she saved the url cokestudiostardust or i did. and then we had the fantastic idea of both changing our urls to something super similar to each other for a little while just to confuse the 12 mika blogs here (a small group of which are commonly referred to as "the rodents" due to the existance of an almost-dead discord server that i would like to bring back alive and that you could probably be added to, where we discuss mika) ANYWAY sorry for the slight detour. so yes that was the plan. and then we were like wait we need to include rory (because we had a tiny groupchat called "mouaylor tshirts" <- more lore there but basically luna wanted a mika x taylor x louis collab and rory made a fake poster that i put on redbubble models and so we made a groupchat to discuss business and then ended up being besties). so yes back to the main story. we text rory and we're like hey do you wanna join us in this wild scheme? she was like what scheme? we said say yes or no because we cant tell you unless you're joining. she said yes and we told her everything and also she was moving that same weekend... so it was insane of her to contribute. but yes that's the end of this part

0. the prep: so we saved css url, and 2 typo css urls. picked an icon header and background colour for the blog (#facade pink) and then the point was to confuse people so we didn't want them to be able to scroll adn figure out easily which one is rory vs luna vs me. so what we did is we made rory (?) i think (?) post a link to the css yt video. then we each reblogged it privately to our blogs about 100 times in preparation and then didn't blog until the day of. the day of we unprivated all the posts, so basically if you wanted to see any posts before you'd need to scroll for so long. and we changed our urls (i dont remember who was which url) and icons and headers and colours and made our blogs only available on phone so you couldnt go to archive to figure out who was who. also we had the same blog titles (coke studio stardust) and bios.

1. phase 1: we basically went around blogging normally as if nothing happened, but also sending asks to common mutuals and each others mutuals (ex: "hiii squish!! how are you???") and all of us sending them, to create confusion. did that for about 24 hours. but the thing is we sent the exact same asks and reblogged all the same posts with the same tags. luna and i even managed to confuse rory's sibling and like long-time friend on here. a mika blog @grayskelly we didnt know at the time (but v knows) just joined us (same blog appearance etc) and became our immediate bestie, hence creating the famous and iconic @h-isforhome "big day in mika fandom" post (the first one in the image post you reblogged). also we followed any mutuals that we mutuals with 2 but not 3 of us (pretending we accidentally unfollowed) in prep for phase 2

2. phase 2: (my favourite phase) we "apologized" etc for our behaviour and said we are switching back. BUT we lied (celebrity apology video style), and what we did is switch to each other's!! blogs. so i was luna and luna was rory and rory was me. and it actually fooled people due to all the followings in phase 1 and it being practically impossible to go to posts pre may 15. this phase particularly drove people insane (luna and i were competing over who would lose the most followers, rory somehow was gaining followers). but yes basically we blogged exactly lik each other, tagging systems etc, spoke like each other (hashtag true bestiehood), and sent even more asks. the middle 2 pics are examples of such interactions after we finally switched back to the real us, making all the posts hilariously funny. one common mutual thought that was was going on was that we had logged into each other's accounts. another was like ahh i got you. x is pretending to be y and y is [etc etc], getting it all wrong and we were like ah yes! you got us! so true!. i think @thirteens-earring still hates us for may 16.... we were sending each other messages being like hi v this is rory! etc and v eventually figured out who was who but the whole time was sending us murderous threats + at one point luna was like hi rory this is v! to v, which was funny. anyway i think lizzie @dionysuswearsanorangetracksuit was the first one to catch on what was going on (like super early that day) and texted me and h about it but i made them promise they wouldn't explain to everyone what was going on.

everyone was like ah hahah ha hilarious right. you guys are done right. no really. you are done right. please please say you're done. and so, this is what we did after:

3. phase 3 prep: rory and luna collected the best posts through screenshots, i opened photoshop with a normal canvas size and started adding them and making the canvas bigger and bigger, ending up with a photoshop file of 16359x22200 pixels, it took me and rory 2 computers, 3 photoshop versions, and about 1 hour to export that as 4 pngs.

4. phase 3: on may 17 we changed all our blog titles to "phase 3", posted that image, and everyone was like hey guys. whats phase 3 whats going on pls explain. and to this day no one knows what phase 3 is <3 we will not say unless someone guesses

anyway if you've read all this thank you so much in indulging me and listening to me talk nonsense about friendship shenanigans (<- idk how to spell in english but i might have gotten it right). it was truly a wild time where rory was normal and luna and i were unhinged and drove rory into our unhingeness. i miss it incredibly and i wanna do more of that with you and them and all my little computer friends. or maybe we could jsut have a sleepover. idk but all i know is that if i knew you all in real life we would have the best laughs and the best times of our lifes and we'd just have so much fun. like if all of you bring this much joy in my life just by resharing the same posts as each other and replying to each other, imagine what it would feel like if we could all have a picnic or a roadtrip or just a day out at the mall even.... anyway this is getting sappy and i need to go to bed. ty for reading or sorry!!!!! now that we're friends i'll invite you next time we plan an international cyber-prank

HELLO OKAY !!!! apologies 2 my followers in advance but i need to immortalise this bc truly. this is the pinnacle of careful throughtful tomfoolery i'm very impressed

first off i'm all for the resuscitation of mika discord there really are sooo few of us on here !! mouaylor collab would be incredible and i need to see this shirts if they exist lmfao. also doing this while moving u are SO STRONG thats incredible !!!

anyways again the amount of thought that went into this.....the reblogged posts the turning off web view the following each others mutuals.....i would trust u to pull of a heist i think. sounds like a wild day and yesss would love to participate in international cyber pranks or sleepovers (or both simultaneously) w u all !!! truly i think that we'd have the most wonderful time if we knew each other irl the shenanigans and vibes would be unmatched <3 (i am living in constant fear of phase 3 now. its gonna haunt my every click on this site)

#maria🧃#ask #squish speaks

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burntblueberrywaffles · 1 year

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#to all of my mutuals and follower: ...sorry #greatest hits #adhd #adhd meme #adhd memes #adhd problems #autism #autism meme #autism memes #autist #autistic meme #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodivergent meme #neurodivergence meme #neurodivergent memes #burntblueberrywaffles

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electric-rabbits · 2 years

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So, that fucking poster, hm?

#Good Omens #To all my mutual who started following me kind of recently: I am so sorry. I'm gonna be unbearable once s2 comes out #You didn't see me in 2017 when they announced the show. You didn't see me as bts pictures started to come out #Worse yet. You didn't see me when I was a teen and decided to read this fucking book for the first time #Those two motherfuckers are the reason why I started reading fanfic. They're the reason why I draw. Sorry for the person I'll become

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figsandphiltatos · 3 months

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okay i've started watching fantasy high: junior year and it's . So Good so far. but i just have to take a moment to gush about how exciting riz is as aro rep???

like this is junior year, all his friends are applying to colleges, and he wants to make sure they stick together. i really hope they develop this further (and i'm kinda sure they will, given the way they've handled riz's romantic orientation in seasons past) but already this is leagues above any aro rep i've ever seen?? like yeah, a really common fear for aro folks is that their friends will get into relationships and move on.

amatonormativity kind of demands that people prioritize romantic relationships, and also sets getting married as an actual step someone has to take to fully grow up. and, ofc, once people are married it's the expectation that they spend most of their time with their partner. and i've had aro friends who have said that this societal expectation is so upsetting and anxiety inducing, because it essentially means that eventually they'll be left behind by friends as they get married and move onto the next arbitrary developmental stage of life. and the fact that riz is already grappling with that fear makes him feel so fucking real. he's not just a guy who happens to be aro, his aromanticism affects his fears and priorities, etc.

which is so real!! being aro and/or ace absolutely separates you from some huge societal assumptions many people take for granted and it feels refreshing to see people approach an aro character with that understanding

#this is. absolute nonsense sorry it's 8 in the morning and i'm still so eepy gleepy sleepy #but i'm gonna be insane about this dnd show for a bit sorry to all who follow me :)#anyway this is all coming from a guy who probably isn't aro 😬👍#(<- guy who is not as certain about that as they'd like to be tbh)#please enjoy my early morning caffeine brain musings #and also please please someone talk to me about fantasy high i am not being normal enough about it for a guy who doesn't have fh mutuals #figs sillies #fantasy high #fantasy high: junior year #riz gukgak

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cloud-hymn · 14 days

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Nobody talks about the double meaning of:

“Everything I have today, I fought for! I will fight for what I don’t have. I will change my fortune if fate denies me! My fate is up to me and not the heavens!”

Because yeah swd is talking about switching sqx’s fate all those years ago but he’s also talking about the fact that he knows he has just successfully goaded hx into killing him. hx gave swd two choices and swd said fuck that and manipulated hx into choosing the third option that he wanted. Literally the last thing he ever did was change his and sqx’s fate and that is so sexy of him.

#mxtx the writer that you have to be to creat the black water arc #it literally lives in my mind rent free #and I have so many thoughts I can’t contain them #sorry to all my mutuals/followers that have to deal with me and my swd posting #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #mxtx #shi wudu #shi qingxuan #he xuan #shiblings #black water arc #briar.txt

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what-do-bunyips-look-like · 11 months

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This crab day thing has gotten so frustrating so fast. The person who suggested it is an anti-abortion anti-feminist right wing christian transphobe. Many of the people spreading additional posts and info are ALSO anti-abortion right wing christian transphobes. Seriously. Start clicking their blogs when you see these posts. Search "abortion" and "feminism" and "trans" and "gender" and "groomer." This is really easy to confirm. But people don't give a shit because "crabs fun." okay.

And its not like people aren't aware of it at this point. Search "crab day" on tumblr and a good chunk of the results are asks saying "hey btw crab day was started by a transphobe/right wing christian." and most of those people have responded with something along the lines of "Um okay but like its a good idea though??? You guys can't even collaborate with conservatives for like a second to achieve a political goal? UGH this is why nothing ever gets done 🙄." or "Um okay but like that post had nothing to do with their political beliefs. so like its fine lol. Crab fun." Or "oh no omg im so sorry thats so gross i deleted the post but im still gonna keep reblogging all the other posts by the conservative transphobic anti abortion right wing christians whos blogs i wont check because we need to save tumblr!!!!"

Let me make this really fucking clear for those who don't get it: it doesn't matter if the post is not about their political beliefs. You and all your mutuals are reblogging them. You are making it easier for them to network and find each other. You are bringing them new followers, a bigger audience, a bigger platform and a bigger pool of people who will spread their oh so relatable non-political posts. Which will bring in more followers. And some of those new followers are going to be young dumbasses who are going to see all their posts about "groomers" and "mutilation" and the evils of porn and the horrors of abortion and how feminism actually harms women and do i need to tell you how that story ends?

You are showing that "crab fun" is way more important to you than the safety of trans tumblr users. You are giving them a bigger platform and a wider net with which to potentially harm trans people. By saying that you're not going to let their political beliefs ruin your fun, you're making it very clear that trans people are less important than your fun. And you're making it VERY fucking clear that you'd RATHER tumblr become a safe and welcoming place for anti-feminist anti-abortion right wing transphobes than give up fun crab.

You are showing that your need to throw money at a corporation is more important to you than trans tumblr users. I get where you are coming from. I do. You want tumblr to keep existing. I want tumblr to keep existing. I also want the other trans people who use this fucking platform to keep existing because frankly, they are the only reason i'm here. and if they aren't safe here and if you will throw us away just to keep tumblr shambling along a little longer then I have no fucking interest in tumblr.

"Okay but we need to save tumblr uwu!!!!" Look I'm just some dumbass and I don't know shit (and to be PERFECTLY honest, so are you), but I think this is a little more complicated than "if we raise enough money we can save the school/family farm/community centre/(insert cozy heartwarming thing that needs to be saved)!" As other smarter people have said, tumblr is operating at a yearly $30 million deficit. Thats $30 million just to break even. For one year. not become profitable. Its not a bail them out once and its all good forever situation. Tumblr is not a small message board run by volunteers who actually use donations to stay afloat. They are not a non-profit. They are not running a pledge drive. Throwing money at a corporation does not a nonprofit make. It makes you a consumer.

Your response to "tumblr making bad changes" is "give them money for making the bad changes to show that we don't like bad changes!! A reverse boycott'll show 'em!!" You sure about that??? (And some of you are calling this """""unionizing?"""" Put that word back on the shelf.) You don't know what you're doing and you're not listening to the smarter people who have tried to explain it to you. And once again, you're showing that this half baked scheme is more important to you than trans tumblr users. because crab fun.

And @everyone whos clambering over each other to "collaborate with conservatives for a good cause," we already fucking know that you love to do this shit. You are the same people who will say "yeah but theres bad people on both sides!!!" and who wont give up your Harry Potter or your Chick-Fil-A. You will throw us under the bus the SECOND it gets you something you want. Even something as stupid and small as pickle brine or a shitty videogame or fucking "crab day." And guess what. The second all your "shared goals" are accomplished and the conservatives get what they want FROM YOU??? You're going straight under that bus too.

And also, isn't it maybe a little hmmmm. SUSPICIOUS that CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS want to throw money at the site that we've been bitching and screaming at for how unfairly it censors any display of queer sexuality????? They don't have the same problems with tumblr that you do. You think that collaborating with THEM is gonna stop that? Gonna get the porn ban reversed? Gonna turn tumblr into a co-op? Gonna "unionize this bitch?" Hello????

If you must. MUST participate in this because crab oh so fun and tumblr is oh so in need of saving then for the LOVE of FUCK make your OWN POST and STOP PLATFORMING THESE PEOPLE. i don't want to hear "Oh but its a good idea it doesn't matter if a bad person came up with it separate art from the artist lol" if you're not MAKING AN ACTUAL EFFORT TO EXCLUDE THEM FROM THIS. BLOCK THEM. CHECK THEIR BLOGS. BLACKLIST THEIR URLS. ITS EASY.

and then maybe go give your $3 to an actual non-profit. or to an actual leftist independent organization. Or wikipedia. Or inaturalist. Or to one of the many hyperspecific message boards out there who are struggling along on donations from like 5 people. Or maybe, maybe, give your fucking $3 to an abortion fund or to a trans person's go fund me so they can buy food. Or to a womens shelter or a fucking homeless person or to any of the other people who anti-abotion anti-feminist right wing christian transphobes want to stop existing.

My partner is afraid to leave the house alone because people with these exact same political beliefs are in power. People are getting their HRT ripped away from them because people with these exact same political beliefs are in power. People are being forced to give birth because people with these exact same political beliefs are in power. Every day I'm ready to get the news that the state my partner is in is no longer safe and we have to figure out an escape plan. These people do REAL HARM in the REAL WORLD and their beliefs are, tbh, way more fucking insidious and mainstream and tolerated than those of TERFs.

But fun crabs are more important. okay.

#I have almost no followers here like 3 people will see this but i can't not say anything #prob gonna lose a few beloved mutuals over this screed tbh well so it goes #I'm sorry this is so aggressive i realize that some people still dont know but im VERY frustrated by the response here #I'm pinning this post and everyone who clicks on my blog to look at a cute bug has to see it #being trans on tumblr is infuriating #being trans in THE WORLD is infuriating #crab day #the crabbening #july 29 #crab week #save tumblr #anti crab day #etc etc etc #DO YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKING DISAPPOINTING IT IS TO SEE ALL THESE TAGS AND SEE HOW BIG THIS THIS HAS GOTTEN AND STILL NOONE GIVES A SHIT

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