#growing up autistic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thirteens-pocket-watch · 3 months

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Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #growing up autistic

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neurodivergent-brain · 6 days

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Society: be yourself!

Me as a child: *be’s myself*

Society: ewww omg what is wrong with you! We said to be yourself not weird! We’re gonna reject you and make you an outsider!

Me: but I followed your rule of being myself? Why don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else get the rules that need to be followed but I don’t?

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kyahcomic · 2 months

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Growing up autistic

#growing up autistic #autistic adult #autistic #neurodivergent #autistic artist

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lachiennearoo · 9 months

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How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

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imkrisyoung · 2 years

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When I was in middle and high school I was ridiculed by my peers for watching shows that they considered to be “immature” for my age.

It was the early-to-mid 2000s, and my classmates were watching shows like American Idol, The OC and Grey’s Anatomy. I was watching kids’ cartoons like SpongeBob, Fairly OddParents and Jimmy Neutron. These kids often bullied and pressured me into watching the shows they liked. Even my school counselor said that I had to watch the shows my peers were watching if I wanted to have friends, and I mentioned to her that I was lonely and wanted some friends.

My mom didn’t allow me to watch The OC, so I started watching Grey’s Anatomy and American Idol instead. I was starting to fit in with my peers at school, but it severely cost me my mental health. In my sophomore year, I became even more depressed than I already was. It was like my personality just completely changed in just a year.

To this day, it’s still hard to enjoy an episode of SpongeBob or any of the other shows I liked back then without being reminded of the times where I was ostracized for liking those shows.

I hate that neurodivergent kids are always being pressured into acting as close to neurotypical as possible by not only their peers, but the adults around them.

Leave. Neurodivergent. Kids. Alone.

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism #autistic #growing up autistic

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nightbunnyusagi · 1 year

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Autism and tactlessness

I don't know if this is part of the general autistic experience or is more specific to people who grew undiagnosed — I can only speak for myself — but something that really bothers me and makes social situations far more exhaustive than I think they could be, is policing everything I say.

I was diagnosed with ASD after adulthood, but I didn't need a paper to see, throughout my whole life, that I struggled and suffer the effects from it. And one thing is that I am aware, as my loved ones like to point out, that I am "tactless" a lot of the times, which can mean I don't realize when I'm being rude, annoying or inconvenient, specially when I can't understand why that'd be.

Because of that, I was often corrected while growing up. Things that I said that were plainly honest, spontaneous or curious were pointed out as bad, usually without a good explanation on why it was bad, just that it was. After that, I'd usually be punished in a way or another, being not getting an explanation, receiving silent treatment and being ignored, having people mad at me, shouting at me, blaming me for a myriad of things or accusing me of things, laughing at me. All that came off as a punishment for being and talking the way I was.

Years ahead, now that I am an adult, I realized I learned something. Instead of learning why saying certain things is bad, I learned to be scared of what I say. I feel tense and constantly try to analyze what I'm gonna say even when that is meaningless because I can't find what could be bad about it in my memories. If I get too relaxed and let the words slip away, I get anxious I might've offended someone. I'm constantly scared to be offensive and be punished again.

That also means I am always scared of being abandoned by the people I love, and my first assumption will always be that I did something offensive without realizing. I know I'm an overall grumpy person, but I tend to be scared of people when they're mad, I tend to get anxious that they'll never want to talk to me again and I'll be alone.

I am exhausted of fights that I don't understand why even happen. Of not understanding why people get mad at me. Of feeling rejected by people I trusted and loved. Of overanalyzing everything I say and still being scared of going through all that again.

Disclaimer: I am one autistic person, late diagnosed and mid-low support needs, talking about my experiences and opinions that I believe are related to autism. I do not speak for other autistic people, only for myself.

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esrah-rah-rasputin · 8 months

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You know I think why a lot of autistic kids come off as condescending/bossy is because they spend their lives being corrected by adults as to what is the "right" way of doing things, and expected to take it as genuine advice and without offense. So why would someone assume that's *not* how others are expected to take it?

#Esrah talks #actuallyautistic #growing up autistic

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snakeautistic · 1 month

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I’ve always refused to take ‘because I said so’ for an answer. My parents learned this about me early on. It’s the kind of response that makes me angrier than almost anything can. I guess it’s the restrictions being imposed, choices being made ect for completely arbitrary reasons. That’s what frustrates me. It feels so patently irrational, in a world that claims to run on a rational basis (note: it’s okay that people don’t act purely on rationality, I know I don’t. My issue is more the hypocrisy of claiming to do so when you don’t.)

And the worst thing is if you push back against this, you’re met with a firmer shut down. It’s an unstoppable force (little autistic me) meeting an immovable object (my parents).

And the thing is I’m not just being contrarian for the sake of it! If a decision I don’t like on its face is made, if there is a genuinely good reason behind it I will be satisfied with that. Even if I don’t entirely agree with the reasoning, I will at least understand where you came from. But if there simply is not reason- if it’s simply an appeal to one’s own authority, I think I’m justified in being upset by that.

#growing up autistic #actually autistic #autism #neurodivergent #autistic #autistic things #autistic experiences #neurodivergent things

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duaghterofstories · 5 months

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You know, as someone who is autistic, I will never understand the hatred of small talk.

Like, a lot of the autistics I've seen complain about there not being a script for social interactions and they never know how to respond, but there is one.

Are you at a party standing next to someone and it's awkward? Simple. Small talk.

No you don't respond to 'How are you?' with a breakdown of your medical history. You say 'Fine, and you?'. You discuss the weather, because you both know what the weather is. You ask how they know the host and nod politley as they explain.

Boom, awkwardness gone.

You cannot complain about there not being a social script and complain about the one that is still there.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autistic #actually neurodivergent #growing up autistic #small talk #social skills

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themaskedlady · 1 year

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not-scared-of-microwaves · 6 months

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something about autism i don’t think is talked about enough: not being able to let little inaccuracies go

i once had a fight with my sister about whether her sweater was a sweater or a shirt (i was right, it’s a sweater) that resulted in us not speaking for three days. the idea that she believed it was something else felt HUGE to me, this huge wrongness in the world

my dad thought something (it’s so small i don’t even remember what now), and i knew it was wrong. i spent six hours essentially writing an essay no one asked for on why it was wrong, spent multiple days angry at him every time we spoke. i was 17, not six.

i’m currently in tears because my friend thinks you need to wash your chicken. this may well end our friendship. it’s the stupidest thing ever, but i can’t bring myself to let it go. i wish i could. i’m literally nauseous, sobbing, resisting the urge to bang my head against the wall in a destructive stim meltdown state. typing this is the only thing keeping me from hurting myself.

these are just the instances i could come up with rn, but i know there were others. people used to (and still will) dig in either things just to fuck with me, and it would always turn out like this. it just feels like something is fundamentally wrong with the world and i need to fix it, no matter how insignificant it seems.

#actually autistic #autism #growing up autistic #meltdown #autistic meltdown #autistic inflexibility

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neurodivergent-brain · 23 days

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My “friend” was asking me about my adhd and autism and he was jokingly saying “oh why can’t you just be normal” …

I don’t think he realises how deep that cuts… I grew up constantly getting ridiculed by other for not being normal.

I won’t ever be normal. My brain isn’t wired that way and I’ve come to love and accept myself for that but that one comment…

It made me feel like I was 5yrs old again and getting called autistic as an insult, older kids asking what was wrong with me, and asking me why I couldn’t just be normal.

#autism #actually autistic #autistic things #actually adhd #adhd brain #adhd things #actually neurodiverse #autistic experiences #neurodiversity #adhd memes #growing up autistic #childhood autism #autism in girls #i’m not normal #bullying #understanding autism #ableism

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kyahcomic · 2 years

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Autistic Special Interests: Misconceptions

#growing up autistic #fashion #autism awareness #autistic spectrum #Autistic Artist

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reesespieces-andotherfood · 4 months

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When you start relating to the autistic coded characters just a little too much

#this is about star trek #if you couldn't tell #spock #autistic things #autism #growing up autistic #data tng

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kleinergeist · 3 months

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Any other autistic people here who were obsessed with masks growing up? Not masking, literal masks. I used to make them out of cardboard and stuff or cut eyeholes in old T-shirts and wear them around the house (luckily, even 8-year-old me had the common sense not to go in public like that, haha). I still collect and make masks and occasionally wear them when I'm alone in my room. Trying to figure out if this is a 'tism thing or just Me Being A Weird Kid.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #growing up autistic

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bifflesnitch · 11 months

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The undiagnosed neurodivergent experience of being the only friend to all the obvious/non-masking neurodiverse kids who used to get bullied by everyone else at school because you didn't see anything wrong with them.

#undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed autistic #growing up autistic #female autism #adult autistic #autistic masking #autistic adult #autism #neurodivergent culture #neurodivergent masking #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurospicy #how did i miss this

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