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#idk why ill never be able to explain it to you
loud-whistling-yes · 2 months
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bird :))))
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problemswithbooks · 11 months
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It all feels like a retcon starting from the first look at toga’s backstory because it doesn’t sync up when you put all her actions together. I thought maybe hori was trying to say toga’s quirk became unfortunately linked to arousal after years of suppressing it and it being triggered by her feeling of admiration for her crushes. But yeah that would have been too mature to tackle for my hero though I could maybe see it with chainsaw man. So I don’t know get what’s going on right now except toga’s mentally ill because of her parents and society and he keeps trying to make last minute parallels between toga and touya.
I think the issue is that Hori never spent as much time or effort on Toga as he did with Shigaraki and Touya. Even now her backstory is rather limited in comparison. We got full chapters worth to explore what happened to Touya and Tenko but Toga's is a couple pages or panels here or there with everything being rather vague.
Hori likes using her for sexy pictures and drawing suggestive stuff with Ochako, but she ultimately isn't given as much thought as her male counter parts. Which given the already bad implications of her character has only made her even worse.
Take this latest chapter. We get this page for Quirk counseling.
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It's just 2 panels that are honestly really vague. It also comes after her drinking blood from a bird her parents think she killed. Toga says it fell on the ground but that doesn't mean she didn't kill it (baby birds are often on the ground until they fully can fly, or it could have been injured), so that's not helpful either. On top of that it makes sense her parents would find the behavior bad regardless because it either means she killed an animal or picked up an already dead one and proceeded to eat it. Neither of those are great and both are harmful to her.
We just don't really get a good look at how the Quirk counseling worked. They say that they'll make her 'normal' but that doesn't mean they abused her. They could have just explained why it was wrong for her drink blood, like the health issues it could cause. On top of that Hori drops the 'it happens all the time in our current society' line, but we have never seen anyone else like Toga. Not even Stain was ever hinted at being like Toga despite their similar blood based powers.
This is like if we reduced the Touya chapters to a black screen with Enji commenting that he can't train him anymore and we didn't get to see how much Touya struggled with what he perceived as rejection, or how Enji completely ignored him afterwards. Or if we cut Shigaraki's father's abuse to just him yelling at him in black panels before he accidentally killed his family.
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Then we get this. This honestly makes Toga look worse, not better in my opinion. We see that she drank blood from someone before she snapped at school. She says they got hurt so she kissed it better, but if you look at her, she is covered in quite a bit of blood. Maybe her friend did get hurt but they were either really badly hurt and bleeding a lot and Toga did not help them and instead started licking them, or she might have even made their injuries worse to get the blood she wants.
If Hori cared more about her character he would have been shown what happened here. Or in the very least put less blood if any on Toga, which would show she didn't hurt this person or ignore helping them with a serious injury because she can't think of anything but blood.
As it is we have no idea if her friend got really badly injured and Toga ignored helping to just feast on them, or if her friend told her to stop, or if she made the person's injures worse. Yes, her parents are wrong for saying Toga's not human, but if she's attacking injured friends that's a huge problem.
One of the biggest issues with Toga is that she is both portrayed as so obsessed and desperate for blood she can't comprehend why anyone might not like her shoving a straw in their neck, but at the same time she was and is at times able to be perfectly fine. She can't understand why Ochako or Izuku, in desperate situations caused in part by her might not be happy with her, but can also turn around and comfort Twice and understand that he feels responsible for the death of a team mate.
It's impossible for me to feel bad for her because when I read her chapters I just see a drawing of an offensive stereotype that does what ever the author wants them to do. Toga just doesn't feel like a person at all. She's nothing but the sexy shell of a teenage girl that Hori doesn't seem all that invested in past her being cute and giving him an excuse to have two girls being all touchy and hot.
#ask#thanks for the ask!#bnha spoilers#bnha#mha#anti himiko toga#anti villain#bnha critical#shes just impossible to take seriously#cuz idk how she can be the most emotionally mature of the LoV#but somehow not get consent#like girl have you ever tried asking to drink someones blood before using them as a juice box?#did it really not occur to you that maybe people don't like being stabbed#i mean she never tries to attack any of her friends despite saying she loves them now#the only time she pulled a knife on Shigaraki was to threaten him#which means she does get that knives are threatening#yet she still throws a shit fit when Ochacko and Izuku are not happy with almost getting stabbed#like im sorry but that makes no sense even if she is really mentally ill#and if she was that mentally ill she never would have been able to pass as 'normal' until she was 14 or 15#i also don't believe that neither her parents of the councilor ever explained why she shouldn't attack people#and just told her don't do that#even the abusive horrible gay conversion camps give people reasons they shouldn't be gay--even if they're all wrong#i just don't believe that they didn't tell her that it was at least dangerous for her after the bird#or say don't drink blood from people because they won't like it or that it hurts them#idk her character just drives me insane#and i legit don't get how there are people who think shes great#both as bi rep and as a well thought out character#she doesn't have a brain half the time and makes zero sense#and complains about people not liking her for very valid reasons#like shes just a whiny incel whose upset she can't attack people whenever she feels like it
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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#diary#personal#...i got myself worked up on accident. so idk if ill be able to sleep anytime soon.#im just so tired of all the effort im putting in all the time. im just really tired and frustrated#i feel like im doing this all to myself but also not. like this feels like its all in my head and well i mean im not wrong but not right.#its just. why am i so fucking tired. why cant i do anything. and just. ive tried to do everything i can and in the end im so so tired.#and idk. i guess thats sorta why i gave up? like. im tired of figuring stuff out on my own. and everything upsets me.#haaah. i wonder what i can really do. it feels like nothing. im just really frustrated#like. its too tiring to try anymore. so ive just sorta given up on everything in a way?#idk its not good to do but. i cant keep going on like how i have.#ill make a routine. ill stick to it. and then ill burn out or get depressed or something! and then i cant anymore!!!#and just. nothing feels like its working. and no! i cannot do that thing that i should be able to!#and no!!! i cannot explain why i hate your idea so much!!!!#and people!!!! im so fucking tired of people!!!! i can handle limited interaction but this is too much...#like! i hate i have memories of the last few days or weeks! i hate this all bobing around in my head!!!#i like it better when i never leave my house!!!! i dont wanna leave my house.#like. a few people are okay. very few. the people i know and am comfortable with are fine. but i hate everyone else.#you all make me so tired and feel so judged and stressed all the fucking time!!!! im so tired of it!!!!!#its exhausting. and whats more frustating is idk how i can even study or do anything anymore and im tired of making things work#it isnt working!!!! none of this is!!!!!! and i dont know what to do! and i dont have any solution!#im so so so tired. of this all. god i wish i could lay in bed forever. im so sick of all of this. i dont wanna no more.#...i really hate myself sometimes. its hard not to. with the way i act. with how i behave. my literal inability to do FUCKING ANYTHING#drugs tw#im so tired. thats why ive been high all the time lately. it just makes things slow. it makes it tollerable to exist.#really. ive just let everything get sorta out of hand. and now im too tired to do with these thoughts and emotions#im exhausted. and im not quite sure what to do about it. like if i could get someone to help me figure out what to do id be okay.#but thats sorta hard to find. and im headstrong.... haaah. i dont even wanna talk about shit bc how do i fucking explain this.#LIKE HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT NO I WONT EAT BC THERES TOO MANY OPTIONS AND I WANT THEM ALL BUT CANT HAVE THEM ALL SO I GAVE UP.#BUT NOW THATS DISTRESSING ME BC WHAT IF I STOP EATING AGAIN. so instead i basically just. break inside and it hurts just a bit more.#idk man. im so sick of this shit. i have so many things i wanna do n stuff but i cant see it happening bc im always falling apart.
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dr3c0mix · 7 months
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I immediately apologize for the bad English!
How does Caspian plan to keep the fem!reader underwater? Or does he have another plan? thank you, your work is very nice🛐
ill be making this gn since its a part 2 but if you want a one-off thing with a fem!reader, just request it! :3
Also sorry for the long hiatus again but here's the long awaited part 2 ! yaay you're not dead !! :D
Yandere!Siren x GN Reader Pt. 2
CW: Kidnapping, Slight Stockholm Syndrome, Non-con licking (reader is asleep), idk Caspian being a delulu icon
🌊 You wake up with a throbbing headache and a vague memory of what transpired before you blacked out.
🌊 The feeling of overwhelming pressure and deepness comes back to you, memories start to come back as you see a red mark on your arm.
🌊 You remember now, the screams and cries of your classmates ring in your ears before the memory of being dragged down to the depths hit you like a wave.
🌊 a splash of water pulled you out of your thoughts, it was then you looked around at the place you were in.
🌊 It looked like you were in a cave illuminated by algae and glowing sea creatures. the cavernous area was sandy and a bit wet with a deep pool which led to an underwater tunnel, it was the only entrance and exit to the cave from what you can see.
🌊 Behind you was a house built out of a shipwreck, the broken boards of the deck repaired with random planks and cloths.
🌊 "Honey~ I know you're a bit out of sorts right now but uhm..could you help me out a bit~?" a familiar voice echoed throughout the cave.
🌊 You gasp and instinctively stand up and back away from where the voice came from. Caspian was lying on the shore, a net full of what seems to be canned food and fish tied around his waist like a satchel.
🌊 "My treasure~! I know you're excited to explore your new home, but can you help me get to shore first~" Caspian coos as he smiles at you awkwardly, his large tail flopping on the sand.
🌊 You grab a piece of driftwood and hold it like a weapon. "D-Don't come any closer!" you yell at him nervously, afraid of what he might do after you saw his capabilities, and his sharp teeth..
🌊 "My sweet, you have nothing to worry about~! Why would I ever hurt you~? Those mean humans tried to hurt us! You'd never do that to me now would you~?" He tries to calm you down.
🌊 It takes a while for you to calm down considering how confused and scared you were, but with no way out and Caspians lack of intention to hurt you, the only thing left to do was to just sit and try to think logically about the situation.
🌊 Caspian tries to help you make sense of your little predicament, it was mostly him making an excuse to hold you close because "Am I not able to help you relax my treasure~?"
🌊 So you're in a cave after getting kidnapped brought to safety by a mermaid, how fun...
🌊 You has no choice but to accept your new lifestyle, after all, the only out was an underwater cavern, and you had no idea how deep or long it was. Caspian might not be the best at moving on land, but without him, you'd drown if you attempt to leave.
🌊 Once you told the siren that you weren't going anywhere soon unfortunately, He lit up and gave you a big, soaking wet hug. "Oh my treasure! You'll be happy here, I promise~!" He peppers your face with kisses, some making you shiver at the thought of his sharp teeth being so close to your flesh.
🌊 He'd go out every day to get food for you and him, sometimes surprising you with gifts!
🌊 He knows you like reading, so any book or parchment that he finds is immediately brought to you so you won't be so bored <3
🌊 More often than not they're too wet to actually read, but you appreciate the effort you suppose.
🌊 You also had to explain what cooking is to Caspian and that humans can't eat fish raw...and alive..
🌊 Get ready to be showered with pearls and pretty shells and treasure! Caspian is a bit picky when it comes to his own horde so anything that he considers nice but not on par with his tastes goes to you~!
🌊 He would always ask to sleep with you in your bed, and he doesn't take no for an answer.
🌊 "It's cold my treasure~! Could you warm me up~?"
🌊 "It gets so lonely in the water~ May I stay in bed with you my love~?"
🌊 "But I got all those nice things for you~!"
🌊 He would keep whining and fussing until you agree. He doesn't care at all that your sheets are all now soaked.
🌊 If you tell him to dry off first, he will! But you'll have to pay him with a kiss~
🌊 He may or may not sniff your hair while you sleep...and maybe lick your neck..
🌊 He can't get himself to sleep sometimes, he'd just watch you sleep the whole time. What can he say? You're too irresistible~!
🌊 Sometimes he'd even whisper sweet things into your ear, promising you the world if you'd let him.
🌊 More often than not, he sings you to sleep. The anxieties of never seeing your family again and living off of just fish and other sea creatures was getting to you, not to mention the many hours of being alone in a cave.
🌊 His siren song lulled you to bed every night. No matter how much you distanced yourself away from him, he was always able to calm you down with his voice.
🌊 "Hush now my dear~...You'll learn to like it here~ And one day, we'll be married and live happily ever after~ Just like in your stories~ Just you wait~..."
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anonymouscheeses · 1 month
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Big fckn redesigns here. Well mostly Charlie but Vaggie somewhat too 🥰🥰
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Blue fits Charlie soooo much and I cease to see that many redesigns with this color. I still want red to be used in most of their designs because well. They are in hell, but not too present so to make way for other unique colors. Charlie has several physical traits from her parents but also she has some details in her clothes that match with them. When I uhh, introduce their designs you'll see lmao. I also tried to make her have a more roundish design, I jst LOVE those typ of designs omg. I just want the characters with not too many sharp corners pls Viv bro... 😔 oh yeah she's mixed cuz her mom's are darker in their redesigns. Alot of their genetics went down to Charlie so she doesn't look like an exact copy of Lucifer, I kind of hate that trend with hh and hb characters, like did the moxxies dad give birth to him bro 😭 also I kept her bow because it looks so cute and silly on her it just fits, I wish they made it bigger in her show design because it would fit her silliness so much. She has a cape with stars because morningSTAR smh why didnt they do something fun with that, missed potential but whatevs yknow I still love og designs no matter what anyone sayss. Did you know I love Charlie, I could ramble for days. I think I love Charlie guys. Maybe jst a hunch idk... also... s-snake fangs.. jeepers anddd..... snake tongue.... shiver me timberz
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The wife ever. I had animation in mind more when I designed her, not like in a "How easy or hard would this be to animate" way. But I like to imagine when she's shocked her hair kind of fluffs out plus her actual fluff, when she's mad her bow turns into kind of horns and then her jacket expands like wings. Gave her a more hotel like outfit, she likes to work for fun (ew). Her socks are socks but she has some fluff under them she just tries to cover it up because she hates herself 🤪 (she doesn't hate her bigger body she actually feels much more comfortable chubby than when she was skinny with Adam. She was burdened with the weight of Adam's image of women... In this sorta rewrite she gained weight when she goes to the hotel because she's more happy. I'm dying I love chub Vaggie so much guys please) headcanon: she kind of likes fashion, it's like a fun hobby of hers to stitch together clothing and go out and buy clothes she'll never wear. She taught Charlie how to stitch and she SUCKS so you can jst see it on Charlie's pants.
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Second outfits! Charlie's hotel uniform for. Well. Hotel stuff. She usually only wears it when new people come to the hotel, which.... isn't often, if at all. She still likes to keep it just in case. Also she goes really cartoonish when it happens, she does the looney tunes run and changes into her clothes in like 2 seconds. Can you see my vision? 😭😭
Vaggie's is in her armor. She has several pairs of armor lying around in the hotel in completely hidden spots. It's kind of surprising uhh. Yeah she wears it alot more than Charlie wears her alt uniform but still rare to find her in it. I don't get the whole thing with the exterminators and them not being able to fight according to Carmilla. Which is kinda stupid, I'm not gonna lie. So, instead of that, Vaggie has just let her guard down and has gotten much more comfortable in her surroundings so she feels like she doesn't need to fight anymore, she's just gotten rusty 's what I'm sayin. I have no idea how to draw armor. You can tell...
Extra below cut vvvv
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BABY CHARLIE!!! With the heads of my redesigns for Luci, Eve, and Lillith. Haha you still cant see them. Uhh, ill definitely finish the thing one day. Its not even that big of a project thing, i think i jst keep going to other drawings so im like not focusing on one thing lmao. Lucifer has heterochromia because he was cursed to forever be reminded of his betrayal. I only explained that because Charlie has it too, it's kind of a curse on the entire blood line where at least one eye is red. This is like. Slightly older Charlie than the baby Charlie in show? I jst wanted to put her in overalls cuz omg that's jst so cute ughhh 😭😭
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ominiscorridors · 1 year
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DROWNING
sebastian sallow x fem!reader
request - omg what if fem!reader and sebastian are trapped in like a room by a bad person and the room starts flooding with water. reader is scared and sebastian tries to reassure her. when they are about to go under they confess their love but then reader saves the day like always. maybe she almost dies in the process and he does like cpr or something. idk i want it to be angstyyy
tw - cursing, mentions of death, drowning, cpr
not edited or proofread cause i’m lazy😟
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anne needed help. her curse was getting worse and sebastian demanded answers. even if it meant going somewhere dangerous.
“y/n.” he sat next to you in the great hall.
“yes?” you responded and looked at him.
“i heard there is someone who has answers to anne’s illness.” he informed determined.
“that’s great!” you replied smiling. “where is this person?”
he got closer to her and whispered.
“azkaban.”
“sebastian!” you said shocked.
“shhh.” he hushed you. “i know it’s crazy but this is my last chance.”
you stared at him concerned. azkaban? there was no way. that was way too dangerous.
“i know what you’re thinking.” sebastian said breaking your thoughts. “this is way too dangerous. i know it is, but i need your help.”
you were even more concerned.
“but i’ll lead the way. i don’t want you to get hurt.” he said.
“sebastian…” you said.
“you can’t stop me y/n.” sebastian said. “either come with me or don’t.”
you thought about it. there was no way to stop him. but if he went and died you would blame yourself. you would never forgive yourself for letting him go by himself.
“fine.” you said. “i’ll come with you.”
he face turned into a happy smile.
“you’re the best y/n.” he said. “what would i do without you.”
-
you guys sneaked out of hogwarts after hours and made it to azkaban. it took days but it didn’t matter to sebastian.
“we’re here.” he looked at the building. “finally.”
you stared at the building as well. a pit in your stomach was telling you this wasn’t a good idea. nonetheless you followed him anyways.
you two walked into the building. the walls were tall and a chill went up both your spines.
as the two walked through the cells the prisoners were scary.
some of them looked like they were going crazy. some of them were laughing manically and some of them were devastated.
“look what the cat dragged in…” one prisoner said.
“two little students don’t know what they’re getting themselves into to.” one laughed.
“get out while you can.” another one said.
you nervously grabbed onto sebastian’s arm.
“i don’t have a good feeling about this.” you said to him.
“don’t worry. we’ll be out as soon as possible.”
the two of you continued to wander around until sebastian found the man he was looking for.
“are you richard caddel?” he asked the man in the cell.
“what’s it to you boy?” his voice was low and raspy.
“i believed my sister was cursed with the same curse as you.yet you were able to cure it.” sebastian approached the cell. “tell me how.”
“i’m not just going to tell some little boy anything.”
“please sir, we’ll do anything.” you said.
“anything?” he smirked.
you realized you probably shouldn’t have said that.
“anything.” sebastian said.
“i’ll tell you if you let me out.” richard replied. “free me from this hellhole.”
“how?” sebastian asked.
“theres this strong door opening spell that you can use on that side of the door. it doesn’t work inside the cell because the cells are magic proof.” richard explained.
“what’s the spell?” sebastian asked.
“accesso dehiscent.”
“accesso dehiscent…” you mumbled.
“alright.” sebastian said.
“wait, sebastian.” you stopped him. “i’ll do it.”
he nodded and stepped aside.
the only reason why you were going to do it was because you knew the spell.
you pointed your wand at the cell door.
“accesso dehiscent.” you said and the door unlocked.
richard stood in disbelief as he slowly walked out of the cell.
“freedom…” he smirked.
“now tell us how you were healed.” sebastian demanded.
“of course.” he said. “but first…”
he pulled out an object from behind him.
“reducto!” he yelled, pointing a wand at the two.
“protego!” you said, protecting you and sebastian.
“well played.” richard laughed.
“we should have never let you out.” you said. “how do you even have a wand?”
“stupid kids.” richard spat. “i’ve been in this hellhole for years! i’ve been planning my escape and a friend of mine snuck me a wand in a hole i made.”
“we just wanted answers! not a fight!” sebastian pulled out his wand.
“that’s too bad.”
the three of you continued to hit spells at each other non stop.
until richard caught you off guard.
“depulso!” he hit you which caused you to fly back onto sebastian which caused him to fly into the cell richard was in.
“are you okay?” you asked sebastian which he nodded to.
richard scoffed.
“thanks for letting me out.”
the pointed his wand at the door.
“colloportus!” he shut the door and locked it.
“no!” you were too late. as soon as you reached the door it closed.
“the cell is magic proof.” richard said. “there is no way to get out. have fun dying!” then he apparated outside of the prison.
he then pointed his wand as the island holding the prison up.
“confringo!” he destroyed the island which caused the building to start sinking.
there was no way to use magic anywhere in the cell. you can’t open the door or even break down the wall.
theres a reason why this prison was used for the darkest wizards who were guilty.
sebastian slammed his side onto the door.
“hey!” he yelled. “let us out! let us out, you bastard!” he continued to try to bust the door down. “hey!”
“sebastian…”
“what?!”
“the water…”
the water was slowly seeping in.
“damn it…!”
the room was small and soon enough they would drown.
“the water…” you panicked.
“hey listen.” sebastian grabbed your arms. “we’re not going to die.”
you were still scared but he shook you harshly.
“hey! we’re not dying okay?” he said. “i won’t let us.” he cupped your cheeks.
“i promise.”
you nodded.
the two of you kept trying to break the door down.
“damn it!” sebastian yelled.
the water initially was slowly coming in, but now the cell was beginning to flood.
“shit!” sebastian said.
the water was flooding to your ankles, then to your knees, then to your hips and now flooding to your chests. soon enough, you will die.
“sebastian…” the water was coming up to your chin.
the two of you were trying to stay afloat.
“sebastian!” you got his attention. he was still trying to get out.
“what?!”
“if we don’t make it…” you said keeping your chin up to say your last words.
“i need to tell you-”
“don’t talk like that!” sebastian said. “i said i wouldn’t let you get hurt and i always keep my word.”
“just listen to me!” you said.
“i love you. i always have. i loved your determination and ambition. the way you would do anything to save your sister made me love you even more.”
you were stopped from talking as he kissed you.
“i love you too.” he said. “i promise this isn’t our last moments. when we get out of here we can go on dates to the three broomsticks and sneak into the undercroft and do whatever couples do, okay?”
you nodded as the tears started to flow out.
“okay…”
then you two went under the water.
the water was cold and was dense. the ocean water was burning your eyes and you didn’t know what to do.
you knew sebastian made a promise he couldn’t keep but you were glad you would hear it before you died.
you two were under the water for a while and your air supply was running out.
this was it. you’re dying.
that’s what you believed until you saw something.
the hole that richard had used to sneak the wand in was still there.
and the way was cracked slowly from the water.
you had an idea.
you swam to the wall and inspected it.
sebastian stared at you confused.
then you stared to kick it. punch it. hit it. do whatever you could to get it bigger. in the process breaking your hand but because of adrenaline you couldn’t feel it.
then as soon as it was big enough you stuck your hand through and aimed your wand at the wall.
since your wand was out of the cell, magic would work.
“confringo.” you said and the wall exploded.
your energy was going down from using a spell and your air supply was gone.
your vision was slowly going black.
before you blacked out, you felt an arm grab you and pull you towards them.
sebastian gasped for air as he emerged out of the water.
he held you close as he swam to a piece of land.
“y/n!”
he laid you down carefully and pressed his head to your chest.
the he stared cpr.
he wasn’t going to let you die. not after he promised you.
he pressed his mouth against yours and gave you his air.
“y/n come on!” he said. “please!”
he kept trying until he stopped.
he began to cry and he cradled you in his arms.
“y/n…” he cried. “please don’t do this to me.”
fortunately for you, the ancient magic was not going to let you die. not yet at least.
he held you tight and pressed his forehead against yours.
that was until your eyes shot open and gasped for air.
“y/n!”
you coughed and gasped for air again.
when you calmed down, he hugged you.
“i thought i lost you…” he said against your shoulder.
“i’m still…i’m still here.” you said.
he then kissed you deeply.
when you two pulled apart, he pressed his forehead against yours.
“i’m never letting you get hurt again.” he said.
then you went home, to hogwarts. richard was out there somwhere but who cares.
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Note
Hey can u try to be more inclusive within your fics not all of us are blonde white and blue eyed (at least for the pics u use)
so…i got this ask a few days and i took some time to think about it and talked to some friends of mine as to best approach this situation. i want to answer this is poise and the delicacy that this requires.
bc inclusivity is EXTREMELY important, especially within fandoms. (a wonderful example is the pjo show and all the ‘controversy’ with the casting (which was just disguised racism but whatever))
but i don’t think i’m the girl for the job. and ill explain why.
first and foremost, i do not feel comfortable just deciding one day to write from the perspective of race xyz and then doing another race another day. (unless explicitly stated in the request and even then i tread lightly bc it feels a little wrong to me to be writing from a perspective i haven’t personally lived. bc stereotypes ARE harmful even in a space as silly as fanfic writing)
secondly, i feel the need to point out that this felt a tad…passive aggressive. the tone of this message, as perceived by me, felt jabbing and left me shaking for the rest of the night as i felt i had done something completely disrespectful and completely morally wrong. i never want someone to feel excluded and that was never my intention when selecting pictures off of pinterest.
(while i’m white passing, i grew up in a hispanic household and i do not have blonde hair, or blue eyes either. and the thought of, even accidentally, excluding my little cousins, my beautiful nieces and nephews has me sick to my stomach. EVERYONE deserves to be seen, ya know??)
as far as the pics go, that is something i’d be willing to give a shot in trying to adjust, but it also goes back to my first point. it’ll feel even more, dare i say racist, to just switch around races constantly when it comes to different fics. but idk idk. maybe im reading too much into the situation??
(the ap gov kid in me is screaming for yall to look into the case of shaw v reno bc the whole problem with that case was OVERCORRECTING. due to previous racist precedent, those who redistricted the state made an overly conscious effort to enforce a few largely africans american districts which would later be deemed unconstitutional. it was seen as overcorrecting of past issues which would just cause more issues) (my ap teacher would be proud lmao)
anyways, if anyone has anything they’d like to say, please don’t be shy in the comments, but do be kind. this is a serious conversation i want to have and if we start throwing anger around, we’re gonna get nowhere fast.
if yall really want this, i could make it happen with some research and your help, but i dont want to just start doing this unprompted, ya know???
i guess i hope you have a good day and that this was a productive conversation and that you are able to see my side of the story?? if not, i’m sorry.
actually, either way, i’m sorry.
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hirazuki · 1 year
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Hush, child, the darkness will rise from the deep And carry you down into sleep, Child, the darkness will rise from the deep And carry you down into sleep. (Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty Loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me.) -- Mordred's Lullaby
Personal preferred interpretation of *gestures to everything* under the cut! Warning for blatant and shameless conflation of multiple versions of the text with pure, self-indulgent headcanons.
I've gone back and forth on this a lot, but I think I've finally settled on preferring Eol to be both a Dark Elf (i.e. never went to Aman) and a "darkened elf" (i.e. former thrall of Angband/corrupted by Melkor). I know Tolkien changed his mind on both of these later, but I don't find it repetitive at all to have Maeglin also suffer the same fate; I think the cycle is meaningful and adds another layer of complexity to these characters. Also, it would give Eol's "ill at ease" within Melian's girdle and seeking to stay away additional meaning, making it a physical consequence of his circumstances and not only a predilection of his personality. Idk, the more layers and reasons something has behind it, the more enjoyment I draw from it :)
I do like Eol being Sindar and Thingol's kin, but also more alike in spirit and behavior to the Avari than anything else. Witch of the Wilds aesthetic, and more in tune with nature and the land than the Sindar in Doriath. He and Maeglin have always given me a Morgana and Mordred vibe. (fun fact: the mirror is supposed to be obsidian, which is used for scrying.)
He truly loved his son, and his relationship with Maeglin was no more and no less positive/negative than your average father-son relationship -- some minor disagreements as any parent and child are bound to have -- until Maeglin started expressing a desire to see the Noldor; and it was all downhill from there. He still loved his son, however, despite everything, and his attempt to choose death over Gondolin for him was done out of love as well. Perhaps not a healthy love, but a genuine one all the same.
Eol being a darkened elf + Maeglin being born in Beleriand + the "Melkor ingredient" present in all matter outside of the Blessed Realm = a compounded (x3) tendency towards Melkor within Maeglin's spirit that was there since he was conceived. If everyone who has a body that is nourished by Arda (outside of Aman) has an inclination towards Melkor that they can't be free of in their incarnate forms, how much stronger might that be if one of your parents is a former thrall who -- going off of his behavior and tendencies -- still bears the marks of that bond? I like to think that the way Melkor affects his thralls can carry down genetically, even for elves that remain elves and weren't turned into orcs.
I personally prefer Maeglin to not be under an enchantment as a way to explain why he betrayed Gondolin -- I like him being responsible for his own actions! Even if he also never had a chance and was doomed from before he was born. I like the interplay of those two concepts and generally don't find them mutually exclusive -- but I do love the idea of compulsion. Of his pre-existing link to Melkor through Eol and through Arda being used (I prefer this to be Mairon's work, but it certainly can be done by Melkor instead) to sway him. Like, not Mairon actually spelling him and making him not be in control of his body or not being able to warn people in Gondolin because his speech is bound, etc., but like. Mairon slipping certain elements into the fabric of his voice -- he is Ainur; underscoring his speech with Music is no big deal -- to manipulate that Melkor ingredient within Maeglin and make him be more receptive. Compliant. Add to that some carefully crafted understanding as one talented smith who knows what it is like to feel ill-suited to his surroundings to another, a little bribery, and, of course, the ever-present and very real threat of torture -- in delicately balanced respective quantities -- and done.
This is totally entirely self-indulgent headcanon territory here, especially since Mairon is never actually present for Maeglin's imprisonment in any version of the text (to my knowledge) BUT: I like to think that, just as with Maedhros in my headcanons, Mairon formed a kind of reluctant attachment to Maeglin. But whereas with Maedhros it was more of an equal footing type of thing, a grudging acknowledgement of a worthy opponent being cut from the same cloth, with Maeglin it's more of a foster situation. Like: "Here is this very valuable prisoner who we can work with, who -- with a only a small amount of effort -- is amenable to working together and he's the son of a former thrall so there's already a connection there and, oh, he's also a smith? Oh, he's actually pretty good. Wait, he's only 189 years old, idk because I've never cared much for elves but isn't that ridiculously young wtf, he's clearly ambitious and reeling for approval and acknowledgement and will easily take to a guiding hand. Well, there's no one else around but me, I guess I'll take one for the team and the war effort and all that" *accidentally transfers all the instructing instincts he possesses that had previously gone to his wolves now all long dead, he doesn't keep wolves anymore since losing Tol-in-Guarhoth, it's too painful to this strange elf* Again, not healthy, but complicated and messy and invested.
... I did not mean to make it all about Mairon again lmao I am so sorry XD
I'm sure I'll have additional thoughts as I keep re-reading the Silmarillion, or my opinions/preferences may somewhat alter (I still have to sit down and read HoME and Nature of Middle Earth properly, I've only read snippets), but. an overwhelming number of you voted that you enjoyed reading stuff like this so. There you go. This is where I'm currently at lol.
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tubbytarchia · 4 months
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I completely forgot about the whole ordeal Pearl and Jimmy had in SL when Jimmy was telling her to "toughen up!!" as he instructed her to attack Skizz, and the reluctant Pearl did everything he wanted but still left Jimmy severely disappointed when she apologized to Skizz right afterward, and it reminds me so much of her interaction with Jimmy in DL when rather than stealing his horse, she went to return it (no I will never shut up about this lmao) trying to explain "this isn't me, I felt bad", just as she tried to hurriedly assure Skizz that she didn't want to hit him. The way she keeps being put into these situations, and her trying to maintain that she doesn't have ill intent because she doesn't. It's a constant reluctance to embrace these acts even as she was forced to embrace her "crazy ex" label in DL. And now Jimmy himself projecting onto her (though not meaning to be malicious to her, this isn't unwarranted behavior seeing what he's been through), probably moreso because of her previous association with Scott... sigh Pearl deserves the World. why this
I so desperately want them to just sit and have a talk one day (and if you want idk you can add Tango to nod along for moral support lol) cause as much as I love shinyduo, no one would be able to understand her like Jimmy. Pearl is bad at opening up etc so there's only so much Gem (or anyone else) can do, although that's part of the appeal of shinyduo that Gem is a newcomer who sees Pearl for someone that the others don't but anyway shinyduo thoughts are for another day or post
I really desperately need to watch Pearl's LimL POV because I need that lore so bad but I swore I'd watch BigB 3L first
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r1ddly · 10 months
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Why don't you care for/dislike Rogues the Postcast? /gen /nm
Sorry for the late answer bestie, been busy with work LMAO
I'll give a bit of a general trigger warning, there's gonna be mentions of abelism as well as sexual assault and homophobia.
It's really hard for me to really begin and where to start with my issues with the series, I'm very passionate on the topic of mental illness and abelism and I have close friends who just HATE this series with how it promote these abelist ideas and jokes and it makes me very emotional. It's very personal for me, it devastates me to see that codot (hopefully unknowingly) promotes these stigmas that effect my friends, myself (self diagnosed though mind you) and other people who suffer from illnesses like DID, psychosis, schizophrenia, ect.
Let's look at scarecrow first. Obviously, he's portrayed to have an 'evil alter' that in it of itself is an abelist stereotype towards DID. You can have villains have DID of course i mean you can literally look at twoface or the ventriloquist! But what separates those two from scarecrow is that those two have always been bad people, excluding their illnesses. (Of course ventriloquist is questionable as an example as in some continuities he's shown to be possessed but I'm not getting into that)
Oh but that's just the thing- apparently Jon doesn't have DID (I was told this by a friend) and so that automatically fixes that issue right? It's not like there's been other illnesses that's been villainised to have 'evil alters' or 'evil personalities' right? /s /lh /nm
Ok but no like seriously, that doesn't fix the issue like at all. You can't just blatantly write an abelist stereotype and turn around and say "actually he doesn't have that" like you still wrote it. You wrote that into your canon you can't just go back and rewrite that to be better.
I also have issues with Jon's character in general. He's incredibly out of character but I'll get to that in a lil bit.
Another character that has abelist writing is Jervis. From what I've read of transcripts and what I've heard from Friends who've read the transcripts/listened to the podcast it's clear that Jervis is written to have (or implied to have) something along the lines of psychosis or schizophrenia (or something similar) and while that's not inherently bad the fact it's written that he constantly hears 'the voices' and that he's constantly dissociating to think properly (think like how you see 'insane' people swing back and forth on the floor mumbling nonsense) and bestie that's not how that shit works! If I remember right to he literally admits to shitting and pissing in his cell in arkham and???? That's just gross????? Don't get me wrong arkham has continously been a horrible place so I'm not exactly surprised but also like??? That's still so gross and incredibly out of character??
And listen, I'm not trying to dictate on how people suffer from their own illnesses and stuff. But I just, I find it so horribly written? I'll use myself as an example. Personally (which I genuinely hate having to talk about) I do occasionally hear voices to varying degrees and idk bestie. I just, it's hard to explain and again this is personal but its just gross for me. And I acknowledge my situation is different from other people, but it's still weird to see in my opinion. I have a friend who can vocalize these issues way better to me but tldr it just pushes abelist ideas.
There's a two other things about Jervis I feel is important to point out. One I'm way more able to vocalize my issues on.
Theres a moment in the podcast where Jon and Jervis question whether harley is a natural blonde and Jon suggest that Jervis goes and check Harleys pubic hair while she's sleeping, and that she'll never know if their quiet enough. (to which Jervis gets his ass handed to him after a failed attempt if I remember right) which, I don't think I need to emphasize that sexual assault isn't funny. I'm positive it was written as a joke because I can't even fathom the idea that codot would have been serious on writing that. I can't in my right mind see how this is funny to begin with, as someone who has been sexually assaulted I just. I genuinely don't understand how people can just sideline this- how codot thought it was ok to joke about. I just don't understand I genuinely don't understand. And this goes back to how out of character everyone is (including jon), how unnecessarily mean Edward is to Jervis is genuinely uncomfortable, especially with how Jervis is written to be constantly dissociated (or that's how it feels) which makes that whole joke even worse as it slips in abelism!
I also don't understand why in the hell Jervis tetch is homophobic- of course I've only heard this second hand but considering how Jervis's written in this series I wouldn't be surprised if I'm right. But nonetheless, the decision to make Jervis homophobic is an extremely bold decision considering Jervis is canonically a queer character in DC. For YEARS it's been established that he's either queer or bisexual/pansexual of some sort and has even been in some of the recent DC pride collections! If I remember right he even has his own story! So it's so disheartening to see that he's written to be so out of character and to he so hateful when he isn't! And what's crazy is that I'm not even a big hatter fan!
I'm sure there's more issues to be pointed out but right now I've been dissociating really hard and I'm very emotional and I'm just finding it hard to to continue this tangent really and it doesn't help I'm at work. And even excluding this I just have issues from the whole scarecrow sexyman poll thing and ive already stated about my medical issue. I feel like that in it of itself is a valid reason to not like it LMAO.
Also I apologize that this is over the place, again at work and completely dissociating throughout this so a HORRIBLE combo LMAOOO
I'm sure codot is fine person and I'm not at all trying to cancel or start anything. It's just disheartening to see so much abelism go unchecked! Honestly if codot just did his research on these topics (and stopped joking about sexual assault) then I wouldn't have such a huge issue. But he hasn't, and it doesn't feel like he's gonna.
Feel free to correct me if anything I've stated has been wrong though! I don't at all mean to spread any misinformation!
P.s. don't give me the whole "oh he's just one guy and this is just a simple fan project" bullshit when that doesn't excuse anything. I'm literally one person making my fan story and I'm over here reading medical textbooks and doing my research because I understand a lot of my interpretations NEED that research and it's so easy to put in abelist ideas. It's genuinely not hard to do research.
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i-heart-hxh · 6 months
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Hiiii! You're probably absolutely sick of these asks by now regarding the leaked ending, but as a relatively new fan, I have a possibly dumb question: what is the point of them revealing this scrapped ending? Just to get fans up in arms? Like obviously it's not being used, hence it's no good, but then what's the point of revealing it to us when the real ending is seemingly so far away? I personally feel it would make more sense, after the series actually ends, to say "well, here's all the other endings we considered! Haha glad we didn't use these!" and then it would be more lighthearted. Idk, it makes me ill at ease, but I'm more confused than anything?
I'm still trying to process what to do with this information as well, and discussing it with people and explaining what I think about it helps, so I'm definitely not sick of talking about it for now! It'll probably take me a while to reach that point, though I may need to space it out with other topics after a bit, haha.
So, I'm sure the main reason Togashi revealed this rejected ending is to leave his fans with something in case he dies suddenly or is otherwise incapacitated. While (as far as we know) his health issues don't seem to be life-threatening, they do seem to be excruciatingly painful, and after the sudden death of Kentaro Miura (the author of Berserk, an extremely famous and well-regarded manga) a few years ago, many people started discussing Togashi's health and the very real possibility he'll never get to finish HxH.
I think the bind he was put in was that he doesn't want to reveal how he plans to end the series or even give us good hints/insight into what he has planned, so he's providing this rejected ending as last resort option--just anything people can look at and say, "Well, at least we have one idea of how it could have gone," (at one point, anyway) if it comes down to it. As I've said in other posts, I think this ending fits a bunch of criteria that are delicate to balance, and so if he wants to provide something, this is all he can give us. Because this is an epilogue that's disconnected from the main plot and reveals essentially nothing, and because he doesn't plan to use it (or anything like it, I'm guessing), it's "safe" to put out there. That's probably why it's clichéd and boring, he can't give us anything juicy without putting himself in a tough situation writing-wise.
There is in fact a lot of uncertainty about whether Togashi will be able to finish HxH--the current arc is tremendously complex, Togashi goes on long hiatuses for his health often, who knows how much more of the series he has planned. The current arc is ambitious, to say the least. Togashi himself has said he doesn't know if he or HxH will perish first, but he still has things he wants to explore in it.
While I don't like this rejected ending he released at all, I do think it comes from his concern for his fans and guilt at his slow progress in the manga, and fear that he won't actually be able to finish. So, he wanted to leave something, anything, while still keeping as many of his writing avenues open as he can and not tipping his hand to any elements that are still in play. For instance, I think he didn't include Killua at all because he knows there's a lot of suspense among the audience about whether he and Gon will reunite, so by leaving him out, that's still completely ambiguous. Same with no Kurapika--will Kurapika live or not? Well, if he doesn't appear and just vaguely describes "this character's relative," etc., there's no hints about the outcome of that, either.
While I would have preferred he reveal other potential endings after the end of the series, like you said, he sadly may not ever have that luxury.
I haven't seen anyone else say this, but I'm also sure the letter itself and this reveal are PR--the last round of Puzzle, the Togashi Exhibition, just opened in Fukuoka the other day, and releasing this shocking ending now is guaranteed to generate buzz and publicity. So, that's an additional factor to keep in mind! I'm sure the timing isn't a coincidence.
I hope that answers some of your questions! It's an odd turn of events, but I think I at least understand the reasoning behind the reveal, if not all the choices made in the rejected ending itself.
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maidofdarkness23 · 6 months
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Omen for the character things? Val too, if you want.
Omen Darkly
sexual orientation headcanon I reckon he's pan to be honest, he seems like the kind of guy who'd be more bothered on personality than just looks.
gender headcanon I think he was born he/him and stayed that way? I haven't really thought about it.
mental illness / neurodivergent headcanon Oh boy: he has anxiety, depression and probably survivors guilt as well, looking at him as Sebastian. He has PTSD from, well, everything. I could honestly go on and on about Omen and all of this, so ima leave it there.
3 random headcanons His parents haven't really changed much, in fact now they've gotten worse for Omen, expecting more from him. So when they get really overwhelming, he calls Never or occasionally Valkyrie to go and get some kind of food with him so he can chill out. Valkyrie and Skulduggery rewarded his time-travel mission with food afterwards because he hasn't been able to eat in years. Auger and him use their bond to tell each other goodnight every night.
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Valkyrie Cain
sexual orientation headcanon
She a Bi girl
gender headcanon
I think she's always been a she/her. (IDK man, the Gender of characters isn't the first thing I think about.)
mental illness / neurodivergent headcanon
Should I just list these out? So depression, PTSD, anxiety (towards seeing her family mostly, during the first half of phase 2). I think she has ADHD, and I can't explain why? I might be projecting.
3 random headcanons 1) She's coffee buddies with Nefarian, they go and get it whenever she has free time. 2) When Skulduggery was with the Faceless Ones, she went to his house and grabbed one of his hats to keep with her at all times. 3) She has a habit of randomly appearing in either Fletcher's or Militsa's classrooms and leaving just as the students come in. Some aren't even sure if she's actually there, someone started a rumour that Darquesse was haunting the school. Fletcher fed this rumour until he was caught by Never and Omen, who reported him to Militsa.
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caspersickfanfics · 1 month
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Oops I thought of more
Sickie is handed a bowl of soup or cup of tea, or is trying to get up and get something and take it back to the room or bed. But then the sickie drops it and it spills everywhere or all over them. The sickie cries, cuz one ouch that was hot- and two they have made a huge mess now, and have given the caretaker so much more work to do and it’s just the end of the world.
the phrases that echo the theme of “breath love if you keep crying you’re going to make yourself sick again” something in that world.
AND imagine, it was GOING to be tcg night. Like, idk how long this fic will be but if it’s a two shot, the second chapter nari completely forgets that it’s the night kaveh and alhaithem are meant to come by to play cards. Cyno, fucking, LOVES, tcg nights. And he’s just, a ball of pout over the fact that they have to cancel. Maybe they forget so much that the other two show up and nari has to apologetically send them away? Or maybe he writes to them a head of time to let them know that Cyno is really sick and there’s just no shot. Cyno feels guilt, and sick, and just oh so sad. (Forgetting that rescheduling is a thing and his friends don’t mind completely)
Oh.... my gosh.............. all of this is such absolute gold *-*
The dropping something bit... I wanna do that to Cyno so bad TTvTT Not only does he drop it but he tries to clean up the mess. Tighnari is out trying to gather medicinal herbs for him or something and gets caught up with a minor forest ranger emergency that he thought would be a much quicker ordeal than it turned out to be. When he gets back, he finds Cyno on the ground, cuts all over his hands, trying to clean up shards of glass. He's having an especially tough time because he keeps getting lightheaded/having coughing fits/etc., and he was so determined to get it all cleaned before Nari got back, not wanting to cause him more trouble. Instead, Tighnari is so shocked that he gets a bit too loud, "Cyno! What are you doing? Stop that!"
And that's when Cyno starts crying ;;-;; because 1) he broke Tighnari's glass/bowl/thing whatever idk 2) he failed to do this one simple task to help Tighnari out 3) he's bleeding and it hurts 4) he's bleeding and it's making the mess even worse and 5) he's managed to upset Tighnari on top of it all and he's so out of it that he doesn't even know why. Is it because he made a mess? Because he didn't clean it? Because he's sick? Because he's bleeding? Because he can't figure out what he's done wrong and he should just know? Because he's crying?
Tighnari sees him tearing up and immediately apologizes, scooping him up into his arms. Cyno goes limp and lets go of the glass and cleaning supplies, sobs wracking his whole body and he's just really confused. Nari explains that he was just worried but he shouldn't have raised his voice, Cyno did nothing wrong, etc. etc. Maybe merge this into the next bit about the crying making him nauseous again. He starts hiccuping and Nari hates it but he knows at that point there's no going back, so he offers the puke basin at the risk of upsetting Cyno again, because the alternative is an even bigger mess.
TCG night being cancelled is so genius - never would've thought of that, but like. YEAH. Of course, this is Cyno, he's gonna be distraught. And. Gosh a part of me is tempted to add that to this fic specifically because Cyno's brain will immediately go back to Nari telling him he's ill because he didn't take care of himself, and so not only is he upset about not being able to play his favorite game, he's blaming himself and his "poor self care" for ruining everyone's fun. Even worse if Alhaitham and Kaveh came all the way out to Gandharva Ville ;;-;;
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ssreeder · 2 months
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HELLO
I didnt see that there was an update until now and i dont feel like discording and i just read the new chapter so here i am with my few main points bc i dont feel like doing a full live reaction👍👍🫶
Seeing Jeeto come into play in any capacity at all makes me feel like a proud parent watching their children grow. Its always wonderful like those are my emotional support middle aged fictional men. I watched them go from conspiracy to getting crumbs to now their "dates" and gossiping together. Youve gotta love it. Those are my children. Im so proud of them. But im also scared because you killed shen so obviously my feeligns mean nothing to you 🙄😒😒. (Im never going to get over that, im going to be 80 years old in some pst apocolypic enviroment with horrors all around me, but im going to be having nightmares about shen. Ill send you my therapy bill) (im going to get a tattoo in his memory istg)
Also its always really subtle but its funny to see your specific linguistical patterns in liab esp because i can never really explain it. Like ill read a random sentence and be like 'yeah that seems like sreeder wrote it' i just think its neat.
I also really loved zukka this chapter. But i always lovr zukka so its not a surprise. But espesially this chapter because its mostly soft zukka.
"Do you think we will stay together" NO Zukko divorce 🔫🔫. 🙅🏻🔥🔥🔥🙅🏾
The 'moving forward' ness of zukka in liab is so nicely written. Like ive been reading liab since (almost) the beginning and it has been a ride and its starting to feel more conclusive and that is SCARY but its also nice because you write it very well and i adore the way you write trauma and the healing of it and the ups and downs and the two steps forward two steps backness. Its very lovely.
I knew ara was going to have a suicide attempt (esque situation (idk if that counts)) i called it i win.
Idc what others say ara will always be amazing. I love her character SO MUCH
i feel like you can always tell the strengths of a writer in the way they write complicated characters and the way you write ara is very telling of that. Like the fragility and also harshness used for her is very realistic and i always enjoy her parts so much.
Like her deciding to move on independant of how zuko or sokka feel about it is and regardless of whether people thinks she 'deserves it' is immaculate.
And thats a good example on your specific strengths as the author of liab (being able to handle delicate situations well, and realistically and make them very thought out and not rushed, stuff like that).
But her 'i need to start getting along with other girls' is great because like,, RHATS SO TRUE. she is genuienlly one of my favorite characters of all time, i could write essays on why i love her. Exquisite.
REHO MENTION 🥳🥳💪💪💪💪
Thats my emotional support woobified early 20 something year old man. I adore him. If 30 people love reho i am one of them, if one person loves reho i am them if 0 people love reho i am dead (rip rehoes 😔) i will defend his (and aras) good names until i die.
Amazing chapter as always 10/10 *chefs kiss* im so excited for the series to finish and see what you do with everyone and the rest of the storylines and such.
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Every time I think of Shen’s death I think of your utter devastation & how I wasn’t expecting you to be so distraught over it. I will say I had another commenter lately who was talking about how much they liked Shen & wanted an Iroh/Shen/Zuko dynamic and I kept thinking…. Damn it buddy, you’re going to be soooo mad at me in a few chapter haha…. oops.
ugh my linguistic patterns haunt me and I specifically ask my betas to check for them because I feel sooooo repetitive sometimes especially when there’s a lot of introspection lol. So it’s funny you mentioned that lol.
Omg I remember when I was still on RIA & someone in the server was like “dude I’m rooting for some jeeto.” & I was like oh no how do they know??? I created this fun divide between hakoda and bato just to push Bato into Jees arm!! Don’t spoil it haha, but whatever at least Dentys dead
Awwww thanks for the compliments it means a lot coming from you <3 but also yeah Ara is my delicate dumpster fire who says she going to make her existence everyone’s problem (most importantly sokka because damn girl could just LEAVE but she refuses lol) I love it. She’s fun, and any scene with her expect utter chaos haha.
every time I write Reho in a scene my mind says and the crowd goes wild,,, he’s annoying but I’m glad you like him.
thanks for this amazing ask you’re awesome
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cupcraft · 9 months
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I think why it's important to support victims too is the reality of being a victim is that not everyone is going to have collected the evidence that ppl always ask for (and even then people always say the evidence is fake/not good enough).
Like I wont get too personal on details bc im not comfortable with that, but I want to use myself as example for my point because I don't want to speak for other people's experiences.
I was a victim of emotional abuse from a friend group for years that i only very recently went no contact with 1 year ago just about (2 ppl in the group specifically the most). And I didn't collect screenshots. I didn't collect video/recording (and even if i planned to thats illegal in my state without their consent). And for a lot of that relationship though I suffered and was in a bad place I never really quite realized it was abuse until I got out and had someone some else give me a wakeup call. And I currently still have no plans to report it or go through legal trouble with it personally (for reasons not important to this post's point.
And why I say this is because when I share my story with people I'm close to all I have is my word. My word of the things they did to me. My word on how the abuse was subtle, how I knew from a tone of voice if I'd get in trouble with them. How they'd belittle me under the guise of jokes and "game lobby culture". Etc.
And so when you think all victims need to come with you with a mountain of evidence you're really saying you won't believe people at their word which is my reality and many other people's realities for any type of abuse and harm. At the end of the day you're going to trust me or not if you're someone I'm comfortable enough telling my story to. At the end of the day you're going to see the post and decide if I'm making shit up or not.
Of course I wish I had scs of things for many reasons, but even then a lot of my experiences were verbally related with no recording (some of which is subtle anyway ill get into that in a second) The angry comments on Instagram I got were quickly changed while I was too panicked to sc them at the time. A lot of my texts were over kik of which never saved the history.
Sometimes people's words are going to have to be enough for people because that's all you're going to have. Because when you say evidence is important you're really saying that I expect every person in a situation to: know they're a victim, and once knowing theyre a victim collect evidence (even if that evidence collection could harm the victim/or isnt possible) and to somehow make sure that evidence is enough for people, plus be able to have evidence for abuse that is publicly subtle.
And on another point this expectation doesn't really cover how abuse can sometimes be so fucking subtle. You know? How can you explain to people how a tone of voice is a part of the abuse? How can you explain something that could be a joke between friends wasnt a joke in that situation and a part of the torment? How canyou explain to someone when they say something normal its the smile that tells you its belittling/anger? Like even if I had a believable recording of the interaction for the smile example, like it may not be noticeable to you because thats the pt in why its so fucking subtle! you're just gonna have to trust ppl when they know something is sinister or not idk how to explain this. How do we collect evidence for the things that are so subtle and innocuous and meant to fly under the radar in public?
So when people tell you to check your victim blaming rhetoric this is part of the reason why.
You may reblog this btw and you free to rb with additions of your own too this is an important and open conversation. And before it's said this is not specifically about any one situation it's something I've wanted to write about for a while based on both fandom experiences, irl experiences, and just witnessing how abuse victims are treated in various situations. So it's not a vague.
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Nyctophobia (fear of the dark) // e.m x gn!reader
Summary: Eddie finds out that you're scared of the dark. You have a main nightlight, back-up fairylights, you need music too and you have a room circuit which must be completed or you cannot and will not sleep. Though you hide it well, all it takes is one careless moment to take you down. Lucky for you, Eddie is incredibly understanding, easily adaptable and immediately accepting.
Soft, fluff, self-indulgent (because yes, adults with nyctophobia exist and I refuse to be ashamed of it but sometimes a bit of validation is needed). Opens with discussions of nyctophobia - the hows, the whys, etc., and comes from my own personal experiences so what's relevant to me may not be to you, and that's okay! I hope you enjoy either way.����💖
Word count: 4, 106.
Warnings/content features: nyctophobia, crying (reader), swearing, anxiety so intense reader feels sick (but isn't physically ill), Fear of the Dark by Iron Maiden came out in 1992 but we're gonna pretend it came out in '86 because it's perfect for this scenario and it's the song which taught me to not be ashamed of my nyctophobia, so it gets a special mention! Established relationship, fluff, comfort, reader is early/mid 20s, reader initially keeps their nyctophobia a secret from Eddie (this fic is about him finding out about it), pet names (sweetheart, love, maybe some others), alcohol (they cracked some beers open then forgot about them, I guess? I just needed some connective exposition idk), mentions of being kissed so hard you can feel teeth through skin.
Fic specific tags: @the-slasher-madame @munsonsmel0dy @dumb-gemini @akwzilla @stephanie-lkj @thruheavenandhighwater @heavnswrld @devilcherryhot @alliecheer007-88 @dreaming-of-fictional-characters @seidenbros @livslifeonline @eddiemunsonshoney @aliceraered @moonlighting87 @wroteclassicaly
General e.m tags: @eddiebunson @hersweetrevenge @sweetpeapod @sabbathsworld @hawkinsroyaloutcast @alliecheer007-88
(SEND AN ASK TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST - I ONLY WRITE FOR EDDIE)
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You had always been afraid of the dark.
Always.
There had never been a day, as far back as you could remember, during which you hadn't dreaded with every fibre of your being the inevitable descent of the night. The sunlight hours made you itchy, the knowledge that it would be dark soon hanging over you and making you feel like you couldn't relax. Making you feel like you were in danger, because in just a few hours, all those familiar corners in all those familiar rooms would be filled with shadows, and the monsters inside your head would come out to play.
You never joined in with their games, because you had multiple ways to keep the darkness at bay.
Mainly, you made sure you were never exposed to darkness.
Before the sky had a chance to bleed into darker hues of purples and blues, you already had your curtains shut and the lights turned on. It was easier for you to acclimatise to the night time if you weren't able to see it get dark. Over the course of the evening, you would swap out the overhead light for slightly dimmer fairylights, and half an hour before bed, you exchanged those for your nightlight, which was dimmer still but the perfect level for you.
Light enough to see, dark enough to sleep.
Was how you explained it to yourself, and to anyone who asked - though there were few, for you protected this secret fiercely. You weren't ashamed of it any more - you had learned better than that years ago - but you also didn't see the need to advertise it. It was just something you dealt with alone every night. You knew what worked for you, what scared you, what soothed you, and you didn't stray from those intimate pieces of knowledge about yourself. You wouldn't - couldn't. You'd been too scared for too long now and you knew that this fear wasn't going anywhere; you had tried and failed many a time over the years to 'rid' yourself of it.
You had always been afraid of the dark and you would always be afraid of the dark.
So why not accommodate it every step of the way?
That had been your mentality since you were a teenager and you were sticking to it. Life was easier when you were on your own side. You had managed to avoid Eddie finding out so far; you always went home from his place before it got dark, you never stayed the night, you never went anywhere with him late in the evening. You spent hours with Eddie during the day but the moment the sky showed signs of getting dark, you were leaving. If he managed to convince you to stay just for a while longer, then you made sure to stay where there was light, and to stay as physically close to him as you could, your every nerve alight with tension. Eddie had picked up on certain things ever since you had gotten together but he didn't have enough information to really assemble the puzzle pieces, and that was just how you had wanted it to be. It wasn't that you didn't want to tell him, it's just that it had never come up in a natural conversation, and you didn't want to make a deal out of it by mentioning it yourself.
Unfortunately for you, that decision was taken out of your own hands due to a split second of carelessness. You had gotten 'too' relaxed around Eddie, because not only had you neglected to consider the time but you had also completely forgotten that Eddie didn't know. It wasn't until he began to turn on the small lights in his room and shut his curtains that you were forced to remember where you were, what the time was, and the situation you were now in. You didn't fully grasp the circumstances until half an hour later when you had almost forgotten yourself again - Eddie had a wonderful knack for being able to pull you out of your own head with such subtlety that you didn't even realise he was reaching inside until he already had you beside him on the outside.
"Hey, uh, wanna go grab us some beers to go with Ozzy? They're ~ , " Eddie trailed off, scratching the back of his head sheepishly, "I think second shelf?" The upward lilt of his voice turned it into a question and you smiled.
"Sure, I got it."
You swung the door open, took a step, and stopped dead halfway through the doorway, your body frozen in place, your mind racing. "Oh. Oh, fuck."
There was something in your voice which caught Eddie's attention - it was breathy, not at all how you normally sounded. He had never heard you like that. He almost dropped the Black Sabbath vinyl he was cradling reverently in his hands as he snapped his head around to look at you. "Y/N?"
"Mm-mm. Nope." You shook your head fiercely, already feeling the hot sting of tears. "No, no no - " You stepped back once, twice, three times, and shrieked when your back met a solid warm wall.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, hey," Eddie's words left him in one breath, "easy, Y/N," his hands gripped your upper arms as he pulled you to stand flush against his chest. His hands slid down your arms until they wound around your waist; Eddie hugging you to him. "Didn't mean to scare you. You okay?"
You tried to nod, to lie, you did, but you had already exposed this much of yourself. What was a little more? You shook your head and turned your face away from the scariest sight of that day: pitch blackness outside of Eddie's bedroom door.
"What's wrong?" Eddie turned you in his arms, his dark brows creased.
"It's - i-it's... Eddie, I can't go out there. Won't." You were shaking your head, crying harder now, and Eddie tilted his head at you. Dark curls lightly brushed across the strong slopes of his shoulders as he examined your body language, your extreme physical response to the open door, the late hour, your general avoidance of being anywhere other than in your own bedroom once it got dark...
Oh.
Oh.
"Oh, sweetheart," Eddie almost cooed, "you nyctophobic or something like that?"
All you had left in you was a nod. You looked over your shoulder, your breath caught in your throat and you jammed your eyes shut. "Don't like it." Your voice was thick with tears and you whimpered, turned away from the open door. You couldn't even bring yourself to open your eyes, your forehead growing so hot from the inside that it felt like you were going to be sick.
"All right, easy," Eddie's hands cradled your face, "keep those eyes closed, yeah? If they're shut, you can't see it's dark so you won't get scared, right?"
There was, admittedly, some logic in that idea, and it made you smile.
"Trusting you, Eddie."
A kiss was pressed to your forehead. A solemn oath.
"You're safe here, I promise," Two hands moved down your neck, down your arms, down, down, until Eddie could take your hands with his. His fingers interlocked with yours, intent on walking with you to turn on the hallway light. You held your ground, your arm yanking in its socket as Eddie was already a few paces closer to the door. When he looked back at you, he didn't force you to move by tugging or by showing impatience. He came back to your side, his thumb stroking slowly across the back of your hand, and smiled gently, "Trusting me, right?" His dark eyes roamed over your body, reading you as best as he could.
You nodded. Your breath hitched in your throat and Eddie held your eyes with his as you breathed in, out, finding safety in Eddie. He always had a way of making you feel so alive, so comfortable within yourself as he guided you into your place in the world, his hands over yours as you held the knife with which you carved it out. Beside him was where you felt most at home. "Wh-where's the light switch?"
Eddie smiled softly. "Just down the hall, Y/N. Only a couple steps. Keep those eyes closed and your hand in mine, yeah? Don't wanna take you out there," his admission was sheepish, dark eyes fixed on you, "and m'sorry but I also don't wanna leave you all alone when you're so scared."
Your lips twitched into a fond smile as the way he enunciated but made it sound as he had that day in the cafeteria as you said, "I'm following you into Mordor, Eddie." Even with the imposing darkness looming right behind him, in your direct line of vision, Eddie seemed like an angel to you. You were scared, your body trembling, heart racing, palms a little sweaty, mind racing, nausea settling over you like a cloak, but you wanted to be brave. You wanted to step out there for Eddie, because of Eddie, even though every nerve in your body screamed to shut down, to curl up in a ball on the bed and not move until morning.
"Sweetheart, I'd follow you anywhere."
You realised distantly that Eddie was distracting you with light conversation (though his words were steeped in truth), but you let him. As you both crossed the threshold, a whimper escaped you, but Eddie didn't shush you. He let you express yourself, his hand tight in yours, fingers squeezing as his other hand trailed along the wall, searching for the light. It reminded him of the Iron Maiden song Fear of the Dark, which was ironically one of your favourites. You often sung along to it when it came on the radio, though it struck Eddie then that you never listened to it after the sun went down... You really had been telling on yourself this whole time, but no one had put the pieces together.
At the threshold of the living room, Eddie found the switch. "I got it, sweetheart. Got those eyes closed still?" His thumb rubbed over the back of your hand and you shuffled forward to press your forehead to the back of Eddie's Dio vest, needing him closer than close.
"Yep. Like I said, trusting you, Munson."
Your voice vibrated against his back and something in Eddie's chest ached at all the trust, all the vulnerability, you were displaying. He wondered if you realised how loudly your actions were showing your love for him. He hoped his own were saying the same. You were both screaming it at each other. "Good," he hummed, then more dramatically as he drew out the word, "Good."
His antics made you giggle; you could almost see the tilt of his head, the smirk playing at the corner of his plush lips, his intense stare. He flicked up the light, casting a warm glow across the hallway and chasing your fears away, though some anxiety still lingered. Sometimes it took you hours to calm down.
"Oh, would you look at that," Eddie chuckled, "you're lighting up my world."
You groaned, laughing. "That was so bad, Eddie, even for you."
"But it's true." Eddie used his hold on your hand to pull you into his body, wrapping his arms tight around you. "You can open your eyes now, Y/N. I got you." Gentle sways from side to side were accompanied with humming. He switched between songs so quickly that you couldn't pin one down before the tune changed, and you revelled in the chaos that was Eddie Munson, even when all the world was still and quiet. Oh, but he was so himself that it hurt.
Now that you were back in the light, you took a few steadying breaths, feeling your heart begin to slow down, and made your way to the fridge, grabbing the two cans which were, in fact, right where Eddie had said they would be. He had more beer than food in the fridge and you resolved to fix that issue. Tomorrow. When it was light again. When it was safe again.
But tonight... how were you going to get home? It would be dark, so dark, not just out on the streets but at home, and you didn't have a torch you could use to guide your way. Eddie could drive you but there was still the question of it being pitch black at home, and what about -
"Y/N?"
You blinked, snapped out of it.
"Hey, hi," Eddie's smile was tight around the edges, "where did you go, sweetheart?"
You shook your head, focusing on Eddie. He always chased it all away. "I just... I'm worried about getting home. It's dark, Eddie, and I - I don't have a torch or a ride, I don't know what - "
The look on Eddie's face shut you up. It wasn't a stare, but it wasn't just a look, either. It was... contemplative. Putting what he knew of you against the situation at hand, mind whirring to come up with a solution you would be comfortable with. "So stay here."
"I would, but I need - "
Eddie laughed, ecstatic to be uncovering one more section of the tapestry that was you, crossing his arms over his chest. "You got a whole routine, don't you, sweetheart?" He made his way over to the sofa and sat down, patting his lap. "C'mon then, lay it on me."
You hesitated but something in Eddie's eyes was reassuring and you went to him gladly, letting his arms wrap tightly around you. He rested his chin on your shoulder, hands locked around your waist, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt.
"What makes you feel the safest at night?" Kisses were pressed to the side of your face, the back of your head, your neck, fingers pulled at the collar of your shirt so Eddie's lips could find purchase there, too. You could hear how sincere he was; Eddie wanted to know. Straight away, he accepted your fears, he grounded you with touch and then started a conversation to get to understand you better... no one had ever done that for you before, and it made your heart ache with love for the man beneath you.
You told Eddie everything - about your nightlight, and the fairy lights you rarely used but they were your emergency light source for if the nightlight didn't work properly. You told him about the music you preferred to fall asleep to, and the albums from those bands which you cycled through depending on that night's mood. You told him about your comfort items, and you finished up with, "but, honestly, you make me feel safest. If you hadn't been here tonight, I would've just... curled up in bed and not moved until morning. But you made me want to be brave and I feel so safe here with you and you're..." Don't say it, Y/N, let it be.
You should have remembered that Eddie was like a dog with a bone when he wanted to say something. His arms squeezed around you in encouragement and he nosed at the hollow underneath your ear; he always knew when you needed a little extra something.
"You're..." You sighed, closed your eyes, leaned back into Eddie. You knew he'd stabilise you against him. "The amount of times I've had all my comforts, but something hasn't felt right because you're missing from my space. And even your room is one of my favourite places to be, but it's not... it's not right unless you're there too." You paused, considering, and took one more plunge. Why not? "I just..." You stood up from Eddie's lap and ignored his protests as you turned around and plopped yourself down so that you were facing him. You felt like he needed to see you as you said what was on your mind. His arms were back around you so fast it was like you had never left his embrace. "You're my ultimate comfort, Eddie."
I only feel safe when I'm with you was at the core of what you were saying but you knew, you knew that Eddie would hear what you said, listen to what you didn't, and it was those things he would respond to. If anyone else had said even half the things you had tonight, Eddie would have initially assumed that they were joking or embellishing the truth. He never meant that much to anyone... except you. He took your words at face value, found himself not questioning a single word. Eddie trusted you as much as you trusted him and he tried to meet you vulnerability for vulnerability as he pressed into you until you wrapped your arms around him and squeezed.
"You always find new ways to tell me you love me, Y/N." A hushed awe in Eddie's voice as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours. You pressed into the way you were sat on his lap, hugging him to you so tight that you could feel his heart pounding against your chest. "Do you want to stay the night? I don't want to make you uncomfortable but it is pretty late now and I have some small lights we can use, I've got pillows you can hug, I've got..." Eddie chuckled, "You've got me, so, uh - " he shrugged as he trailed off as if to say, 'it's not much' but he was wrong.
It - he - was everything.
"I..." Tell him about the room check. "Please, if it's no bot - "
"Don't even think about finishing that sentence, sweetheart." A dark look crossed over Eddie's eyes and you took the warning for what it was. He had done so much work with you to get you to stop apologising for every little thing - including apologising too much - and at this stage of your relationship, it should have been something you long stopped saying. It slipped through sometimes, but Eddie was always there to firmly remind you that you were wanted, loved, and certainly no bother. Not to him, not to Wayne, nor to anyone else who mattered.
"Then, yes please!"
As you and Eddie got ready for bed - with Eddie finding you a Hellfire Club shirt to sleep in (not his shirt, but a shirt which you were comfortable in) - you did your best to complete a room check without giving it away. You had omitted this part of your night time routine; you felt embarrassed doing it alone in your room every night, so with Eddie there too? No, you didn't want him to know. You kept glancing at his back as you ducked down to look under the desk, swept a hand under the bed to check for anything which shouldn't be there - demons, corporeal ghosts, your mind helpfully supplied itself. You bit down on the rising panic as you continued, checking ceiling corners for spiders or other insects, eyes examining the walls for anything which hadn't been there earlier on...
"Room safe enough, sweetheart?"
You jumped, spun around to see Eddie leaning against the closed doorway with his arms folded over his chest, dark eyes soft under the low lighting of his bedroom. You could tell by the look on his face that he knew what you were doing, and he had been stood waiting for you to finish to your satisfaction, even without having his thoughts officially confirmed. Fuck, he was so beautiful, inside and out, and for what? "I - yeah, it's - I didn't mean anything by it, Eddie, I swear, I was just - "
"Scoping it out." He nodded, smiling at you softly. "It's okay, Y/N. I want you to be comfortable and if that means doing a scare-sweep," his hands spoke for him as they usually did, "then by all means. Just know you're safe here. I promise."
You held your hand out. Eddie stepped forward to take it instantly, his fingers interlocking with yours, and the two of you got into his bed. "I know, Eddie, I know." And then, "You're safe with me, too. Wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt you."
"I know." Eddie hummed, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he pulled you into his arms. He didn't tell you that the lights outside the bedroom were switched off apart from one in the kitchen, which he happened to know was the brightest in the entire trailer. You had been more absorbed in your room circuit than Eddie knew you were aware of, and it had been quite endearing to watch you take all the steps you needed to feel safe in your environment. It meant that you felt comfortable enough to be scared, in a strange way, and to show and then soothe that fear at the same time. Eddie thought it brave of you. His brave Y/N.
Eddie the Banished and Y/N the Brave... it had a nice ring to it.
"So, uh," you and Eddie laid with your foreheads pressed together, legs tangled up under the sheets, wearing matching Hellfire Club shirts, and arms around each other, "can I ask what you're so afraid of? Like, was it a horror film which got you good, or...?" Eddie trailed off, looking at you with affection so blatant that you had to remind yourself to breathe.
"I've... never really figured out why. I just... don't like it." Eddie snorted at the understatement - it was the second time you'd said that about your phobia and Eddie wondered if he needed to speak with you about the way you always minimised your own emotions. Perhaps tomorrow. You smiled, "I never have. I used to force myself to sleep in total black, thinking I'd 'get over it'," you nodded in agreement at Eddie's frown, offended on your past self's behalf, "but it only got worse the older I got. So I figured, why not lean into it and give myself whatever comfort helps me sleep?"
"So that's why the... the lights, the music, the room sweep, the comfort pillow..." Eddie's hands announced each new item and you watched them, mesmerised.
"Exactly. I know there's no demons under the bed, but I still feel the need to check, you know?"
"There's knowing, right, and then there's knowing."
You groaned in appreciation. "Yes, Eddie. God, you get me so well."
"I should hope so." He laughed, booped your nose. "It's pretty fuckin' metal of you, to face your fears every night."
"Metal?"
"Yeah," Eddie's nod was fierce as he tried to push closer into you; close was never enough. "You know you're gonna be scared but you face it because there's no choice, right? That's so metal."
"Sounds like someone else I know... always doing things he doesn't want to, just because he knows he should... He's braver than he gives himself credit for."
Eddie had no real response to that. He only held you tighter, tipped his head back so his lips could find purchase on your forehead, feathering lightly and then so hard that you could feel the outline of his teeth through his skin. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Eddie." A pause, wondering how to say it. But then, all you had done tonight was expose yourself to Eddie, so it seemed pointless to rehearse now. "Thank you for protecting me. For letting me check out the room and for keeping on a light. For being here, for being you."
Eddie wondered what you had eaten that day to make you so talkative, so open, but he refused to question it. He longed to be close to you, in all things and in all ways, and tonight could not have gone better if he had planned it. You had opened up so beautifully and Eddie was desperate to find the opportunity to do the same with you, to show you pieces of him he had never shown to anyone. It would be a quiet thank you for tonight; you really were so brave.
Eddie kissed your forehead again, settling down to go to sleep. Your eyes drifted closed for the final time that night as Eddie said, "Anytime, sweetheart." It was another solemn oath, forged in the fires of a love that burned so hot all either of you could do was let yourselves experience it. After all, a flame shared is a flame doubled.
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