Hiui it is 8am and I'm on the zcholl bus and my broam has not shut up about them

There's a lot of discourse about the achilles portrayal in the song of achilles which I agree with for the most part because the sanitization I feel erases the suffering of women and slaves the period was built on by minimizing the raping and violent nature of war hero achilles that Homer wrote - - however, I don't think tsoa ought to be read as a stand alone; tsoa is entirely written from patroclus' pov and I think that idealisation of the man is brilliant because of how grossly codependent they were

I think I really liked one redditors take on it, being [in context of 'the silence of girls'; a breseis pov of the iliad, where in achilles participated in the culture which used her as a bed slave of war] The tsoa protector achilles which defended women who mattered to him and was endlessly devoted, and the achilles that was complacent in the ritualistic abuse of the women he enslaved by pillaging their homes are both coexisting, and possibly one and the same

I personally view the Greek cast as sort of vocaloids, they're tools by which we understand the culture of the ancients, the way we envision their interactions is just a means for our practicing the pragmatics of how we come to understand the period

Okay frankly I'm not the best person to discuss this because I've only read like half of tsoa, but there's two disagreements I have I guess, based on what I Have read

One, as much it's not meant to be a standalone or something like that (to me, it is meant to be a standalone), because of its popularity in contemporary media it is being taken as one, and many people will have Achilles and Patroclus' image forever frozen as tsoa' portrayal. God knows how many comments I've gotten on my videos treating tsoa as fact. I can't really blame the author for that, but it is what it is.

Two, the idealization of man through patroclus' eyes would hold more weight if himself was not changed for the narrative either. Patroclus was a soldier, he was a healer, and he also had his fair share of women (who he slept with). Both of them did. Violence was not shied from, and slave women were war prizes. There are these insidious little rewrites throughout the story to further the narrative of Achilles and Patroclus' only loving each other, and in turn erasing what they've done to the other women in the story. (Taking in slave women because they wanted to save them is. A choice.) Deidamia in the myths, they range from at best her and Achilles falling in love to the point of intimacy, and at worst Achilles raping her. In tsoa, Thetis forced Achilles to sleep with her. Deidamia also forced Patroclus to sleep with her. That flip in the narrative is kind of fucked up, seeing as how both in the myths and in tsoa Peleus raped Thetis.

Trying to make a statement that it is written through the idealized eyes of man, well it doesn't really work here. If anything, it feels more like an author writing with the intent of not having her MCs be morally reprehensible. So Patroclus cares when the plot demands it (saving briseis, outrage when she is taken away. Asking Achilles to save the other slave girls) and not when it doesn't affect him (talking about his mother nonchalantly, questioning why thetis hated Peleus when he also acknowledged how Peleus was involved in her rape).

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

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Ignore

Lie to me and tell me I'm not ugly lol I made the mistake of using tiktok and got harassed by the Sephora children. I swear to god I would make them need skincare if I happened to meet these cunts in the world lol terminally online brats

It felt awful though because online you can't defend yourself and I am never defended anyway. I was all because of nothing tbh and they started being transphobic and calling me ugly and commenting about my androgyny and alopecia like god as if i don't already know I'm ugly and gross looking

So yea, lie to me.

Attempting some tablet weaving for the first time. I have essentially no idea what im doing--i did watch a few videos which mostly went in one ear and out the other, as well as look for some written guides which were completely indecipherable if for no other reason than Reading Hard.

The warping was fiddly but straightforward, and the first several inches are totally botched bc i wasnt really creating a clean warp shed bc i had no idea what belonged to what half, but after i figured that out it got way neater ! I'm not really concerned about how it looks though. This first attempt will serve its purpose either way, which is to be a bag handle so that i don't have to crochet or knit one. Yes i did finally try tablet weaving just to avoid knitting or crocheting more straps.

Also wow, these cards really arent going to last very long. I pulled them out of the 5 deck hand and foot set (hence why they're all 3s, since thats the worst card to get and i figured removing a few wouldnt be missed), but if id realized they deteriorate so fast i definitely would have just used something else. Oh well though.

Also, i had a feeling this would hurt my back, and indeed it does. I lasted about 10 minutes before it was too much. Might need to use a chair next time.

man i WISH having a fp was just "haha i really like you :)" like so many ppl seem to think of it

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

okay so with a in 9th grade i was her only close friend and she was also a really close friend of mine and after just our first meeting outside and she told me that she liked k-pop (especially blackpink) i went through my drawers to try to find the balckpink magazine that i bought at 7th grade and gave her everything, the posters, the cards and my love with them to her just the next day at school. then we started getting more and more close and she even invited me to her house to study it was so fucking perfect until summer and even in the summer i invited her family to stay over at our summer house but they couldnt come because they were very busy but then 10th grade came and she started talking with e and d and she started to ignore me and also in 9th grade i had a fight with ş and at that time e and d were also my friends but not really close but friend friends yk but after that fight they also ignored me so they didnt really saw me as their friends after all but at least at that time i had a and A with me so i wasn't that bad at least i actually had geniune friends now that were on my side but with starting 10th grade i have lost a to them and i just feel so betrayed like what did i do for her to not even celebrate my birthday and i never done a bad thing to her or said somthing bad about her behind her back even now when i talk about her i say how nice of a person she was even if i am talking about her leaving me for other people.she didnt celebrate my birthday this year but last year i made my mom crochet her a bag that matched with mine as a birthday present but we never got to use it to match because our friendship feel apart, and the fucking pathetic thing is i still fucking celebrated her birthday this yeari knew that it was her birthday from the start of the day and i fought myself to not celebrate it the whole day because she was the one that put a ending to our friendship because i still tried to get back in touch with her after not seeing each other the whole summer but no she decides to ignore me but at 23.30 i still celebrated her birthday with also apologising that i celebrated it too late and i just feel so and so pathetic and i dont know i dont regret loving her but i regret letting myself get this much affected i dont know i just dont want to celebrate her birthday at least next year. at least me hurting this much proves that i actually really and genuinly loved her, i mean if you didnt truly love someone how could you not grieve over them when tney are gone, at least this pain is an incidation of the truthness my love her.

watched mp✌️😗✌️

anyone else get a little sad when they see old photos of themselves?

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head in hands

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on a completely different note. i hate air conditioning so much.