Jason Todd Fanfiction

Tw: death, religious trauma, mentions of drugs, violence and homelessness

So yeah, I had a rough week, and on easter my religious trauma have the time of life, and I remembered that Jason canonicaly grew up catholic. So did I. It was easy from there. It's rough, not edited, and that's why it's for now only here, I'll get it on ao3 later, after some smoothing over.

When Catherine fell ill, she said 'it's a part of God's plan'.

Jason didn't really understood it then, he was 6, but he knew his mom was strong and smart and knew everything, so he agreed, and went play with his neighbours.

When the mony was tight, she took him to church and prayed. He kneelt beside her, but didn't really know what to do. He knew the Lord's Prayer, but it never felt right. It was hard to belive there was some big guy up there, that loved them, and yet made them live in an apartment with mold and non-airthight windows. It just seemd counterproductive. If you love someone, you should wsnt the best for them. Like his mom wanted the best for him. But his mom prayed, and his mom knew best, so he knelt beside her and prayed along.

When Willis got arrested, his mom said that god will help them. She said they should prey, and so they did. Jason thought it was stupid, but didn't said anything.

When Willis went to prison, his mom took him to the church, again, and told him to pray to god for help. He knelt beside her, but didn't prey. He knew there wasn't anyone there listening to him. And even if there was, he for sure didn't care for them.

When his mom got worse, and her medicine was too expensive, so she had to take the other 'medicine', she often sent him to aunty Mei next door. Jason knew what drugs were, and he wasn't stupid. He knew it didn't really help his mom, but so did her prayers, and drugs were at least real. And she wasn't in pain so much. That had to be enough. When his mom was too weak to get up on sunday, aunty Mei took him to the mass instead of her. He didn't tell his aunty that it was bullshit, because she would get angry and tell his mom, and his mom would be sad, because she still believed. So he went silently and on their way out he picked up a few dollars from the collection. If he had to be there, he would at least do something useful. It was always a little more to their budget, a little less of his mom's worry.

When his mom died, he cursed god out. He screamed and cried and sweared and he hated god, hated the world, hated his dad, hated his mom, hated all his aunties and uncles, and above all, he hated himself. When he was done, he packed up all the money left, his warmest clothes, a few photos he hidden in his favourite book, everything that looked like it was worth something, so he could sell it, soap, all the food that was left, a pack of cigarettes, his dad's old pocketknife and a tire iron. He stuffed it all in a dufflebag, and then knocked on aunty Mai's door. He told her that there was something wrong with mom. When she came into their apartment, he took off. She would call 911. He wasn't going to wait on CPS so he could be sold out or packed into some awful foster-home. He was better off alone. He always was.

In winter, he found himself in the church. It was warm, and he could be ther a whole hour of the mass. He got all the money from offerings, and later got himself a warm meal. Church wasn't that bad after all.

He was hiding from some thugs that didn't like him taking their tires. They shouldn't have left their van alone if they had a problem, Jason thought. They didn't like his argument and started to beat him up. He menaged to run away, and was hiding behind a dumpster. They were close. He could hear them. He started to pray. They didn't find him.

The next time he was hiding and started to pray, they found him and beat the shit out of him. He, once again, got reminder of why he could only rely on himself.

When he met Batman, and then Bruce, and then Batman as Bruce, he was happy. Fate finally smiled at him. He found out Bruce also belived on god, but it wasn't (or was? It was confusing) the same god his mom had. He didn't tell him that it was bullshit, because he wasn't stupid, thank you very much, but told him that he wasn't gonna belive in him. Bruce said it was alright, and that was it.

When he was laying on that werehouse's floor, watching the numbers fall, he heard Sheila praying. He didn't call her out on that bullshit, because honestly, he wanted to pray himself. Only she prayed to god, and he wanted to pray to Bruce. He knew it would mean jack shit, but it would be nice to believe someone was coming. He didn't pray. I stead, he got up and dragged his broken body towar Sheila. He positioned himself so he would take to most of the bomb's blow. It propably wouldn't save her, but he wanted to at least die doing something good. She didn't paid him any mind. She was still praying. When numbers on the display wen 3, 2, 1, she was still praying. She died with pray on her lips. He died with the bitter flavor of dissapointment, pain, resignation and hate on his lips. He never heard the batmobile's engine so close to him. He never heard the broken-hearted scream of a grieving father.

When he woke up in his coffin six feet under, he thought two things. First, that if god really exist, he must really hate Jason. Second, he also has a sick sense of humor. To be honest, if he wasn't already screaming, maybe he would laugh too.

Pit Madness? No, it's science!

My take on effects that the lazarus pit had on Jason, because I don't really like the concept of pit madness.

So I was on that lecture about neurology of aggression and empathy, and they talked about one experiment, when they took a group of prisoners with agressive tendencies, mostly about physical attacks, and a control group of normies and made a test of hormones and neurotransmitters and while normies had GABA and seratonis on the same level as dopamine and noradrenaline, with prisoners there was a big non-equilibrium between them, with dopamine and NA on higher levels. So, people with dopamine and NA on higher levels are more likely to be agressive and temperamental.

And it got me thinking.

Lazarus pit is damn weird, right? What if it was messing with biology of a person? Bc we all love hc of Jason with glowing eyes.

And I don't really like pit madness trope, or I like it as just in moments of real anger it can activate or whatever. But Jason was a sweet child. Sure, he was agressive sometimes, but that's normal. So I think, that Jason's anger is righteous, and all the trauma absolutely destabilitised him mentally, but Lazarus Pit also could mess with his brain chemistry, and it's so interesting to me.

It's also not like the pit madness in fanon. He has free will, he's just more worked up biologically, and more likely to get agressive and physical.

I think it could be fun to explore, bc without it he maybe would do the same, or maybe not, and it's not that big of a change, but it would make it a little bit sadder thinking about him as a Robin and him as Red Hood.

Maybe part of that agression was written into him with the healing waters of the Lazarus Pit.

He can heal from trauma, but it would be something that's always there, another thing that changed in him when he was dead.

Maybe it doesn't make sense, and maybe it's just me, but it kinda make Jason more tragic - and he's tragic enough, but who doesn't like projecting onto fictional characters and make them hurt.

would anyone care to match any of my donations from today?

£5 to renad and her family to evacuate gaza. £1,095 raised of £25,000 goal as of now. you can reblog a post to support her here.

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my receipts:

if you can’t donate, please reblog.

Why Bruce and Jason can't have a relationship we all want them to have

The thing about relationship between Jason and Bruce is that their upbringings were so different, and they both are so stubborn, they never could've agreed on some things.

Bc let's be real. Bruce went through a traumatic even as a child, and that was terrible. But before, he had two loving parents, and even after, he is a white, rich man. He is the definition of privilage and that's what made him Batman. I assure you, if he was poor, or even in middle class or whatever, he would never become Batman. Not only for a lack of funds.

On the other hand, we have Jason. From comics, even if fandom kinda streches it, his parents did everything they could. Jason for sure loved them, taking from his reaction at Willis's death, and everything about Catherine. We know he loved them, and they loved him. There is no hint for abuse in his early life, even if classist beliefs make us assume that. They had many problems, not much money, and Catherine was sick, and later an addict. So even in their poor financial status we can assume Jason's childhood was as good as it could be. He never complained about it, at least. Also, I personally headcanoned it earlier, and in the Hill it was pretty much confirmed, that Jason's latino.

That leaves us with two differences between them already, that gives them opposed perspectives on life. Bruce could never understand Jason's life no matter how he tried. Then, we have Catherine's death. It's a similiarity. Traumatic even where they lost their parent/s. But it's also very different. Even in their reactions we can see how they're not the same. Because as Dick's and Bruce's were similiar, Jason was complitely different.

Jason knew he doesn't have time for grief. He did what he had to keep himself alive, and took care for himself, that he in some way did already. He even menaged to do well for himself. We know that he survived on the streets alone for at least few years, and didn't really need Bruce's help for that. Although survival is not the same as life.

The other, propably more important thing: there was noone to blame for Catherine's death. He could blame her dealer, but he didn't really murder her. Dick and Bruce had the person that murdered their parents. They wanted revenge and they worked for it. Jason hadn't had anyone to take revenge on. He had no one to avenge.

Then, Jason got adopted, and could taste Bruce's life in some way. He learned how it is to have money to throw everywhere, and be priviliged for high quality education, food and entertainment. His poin of wiev on it was of course screwed up, but he got to expirienced it. Also saving people. Because saving people is a privilage.

If you struggle to keep yourself alive, you can't keep the others alive, unless you have a martyr complex. We, as animals, are programmed to keep ourselfs going no matter what. We have to be our own priorities, and if you can prioritiez others it's because you no longer need it for yourself.

Anyway, Jason saw how it is to be Bruce. To be a hero. But Bruce bever knew how it is to be Jason. How to be anyone that's not him. He can have empathy, he can try everything, but he could never understand. Some things you can know only if you expirienced. The same way I know I, however I want to, I will never really understand some things.

Also the whole thing with dying. That's important to. Jason knows how it is to die. He knows how it is to kill. Bruce doesn't know either.

Anyway, it's all kinda messy, but the point is - they could never see eye to eye in some matters. They can try, but especially after Jay's ressurection, they can never have a relationship we wants them to have, not in canon, at least.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

So like I'm a firm believer that if someone in dc has a right to kill it's Jason Todd. Sure, he's not the only one that died, but his death is one of the kind. He was on the end no one from his close acquinces were. He was tortured, brutally murdered, was in literal heaven. He had every right to kill Joker, and that wasn't even the point of utrh. Was wanting B to kill Joker kinda stupid? Yeah. But he had every right to want it. Parents killing the people that hurt their children aren't that rare.

Batman and Catwoman are making out on a rooftop - again. Jason Robin lands near them.

Robin: Ew, gross!

Batman: Robin.

Robin: Did you got rid of me only to chew face with Catwoman? And forgot about me?

Catwoman: Isn't he just terrible?

Robin: He is just that! And a hypocryte at it!

Catwoman: Oh?

Batman: Robin...

Robin: Yeah! Because it's seeminglu okay for him to fuck you-

Batman: Robin!

Robin: TO FUCK YOU, when I cant hang out with Nocturna! And she's legally my mom! Or not. I'm not sure, to be honest.

Catwoman: That's just unfair. I'll organise some tea with her. Step by my apartament any time.

Robin: *happy little dance*

~Later~

Bruce: Selina, stop trying to steal my child. One woman already tried it already.

Selina: I can't I'm afraid. It would destroy my street cred of the world greatest thief.

It wasn't the bomb that killed Robin. It was the fact that his last sacrifice, his last act of heroism that was trying to save Sheila Haywood, failed. With her death, Robin died.

Without Robin, it was only Jason that was left. And Jason wasn't merciful and good enough for Batman.

In the last minute of his life, Jason tried to save Sheila Haywood, a mother that betrayed him. He was beaten up, and he wanted her to live. So when he came back and saw that the Joker was still alive, murdering people, there was a new Robin, and Sheila was dead, he realised his death ment nothing. His life ment nothing.

I love when fics tell about Jason's room being left untpuched after his death. An unfinished homework on the desk, the bookmark on the page he left it.

But imagine Jason coming back to the manor only to find that his room looks like any other unused bedroom. Any photos, certificates, little trinklets that were displayed on the walls and on Bruce's workdesk gone. Every gift he ever gave him disappeared. Like he never existed. The only tell he ever was at the manor before is that damn memorial. 'A good solider'. Was he ever a son to Bruce?

I take from this comic panels:

(It's Bruce's bedroom, but the point is that there is no sign of Jason)

Fic prompt

Since the day Jason emerged from the Lazarus waters, his every step is followed by a child in green, yellow and red. So much red...

"I'm not saying the world isn't better without him..."

"But?" Jason gruffs as he kicks away dead body of a scumbag.

"-but, don't you think it's a little excessive?"

Jason looked at Robin as if saying 'seriously?'.

"Okay, look, it's just not nice to go murdering people on every step!" Little Jay squawked.

If they ignore our screams, we need to scream louder. There will be time our screams will prevent them from sleeping.

If you scream loud enough, they won't be able to ignore you.

Scream about Palestine, scream about Congo, scream about Sudan, scream about rapists and murderers and abusers. Scream and scream and scream, until we're all they can hear.

Duke is Bruce's favourite Robin solely bc of that kick in the face of Hal Jordan.

He's protective of the cave, what can he say.

Essence meets Batfam

Essence: I'm Essence, Jason's partner.

Jason: My ex.

Dick: So... partner or ex?

Jason: Both.

Dick: How does that work?

Essence: My mother likes him. More than me. And we murder people together.

Thinking about Jason's outward expression of emotions. He tends to only get angry as a response to perceived injustice (the same way Bruce, Dick and most of the others do). But unlike some other characters, Jason rarely every gets wound up in it, nor does he get angry even when he sees injustice if the situation doesn't call for it. Some characters get angry first and then manage their response to whatever's more appropriate, but my interpretation has always been than Jason doesn't need to because he doesn't often begin with the rage. It's not a default, instinctual response for him in most situations. It seems to be that he becomes angry when there is a perpetrator (and specifically, of a crime that hurt people with less power than the perpetrator has, in some way) towards whom he can direct that righteous anger (righteous as in the cause is his drive for justice. I'm not discussing the rightfulness right now). Can he hurt the man who was about to hurt a woman enough that he doesn't dare to try imposing his power over another woman again? Can he do something, anything to stop a serial rapist who has already caused the suicide of at least one woman? But he doesn't possess the sort of blinding anger that could become a driving motivator for his actions outside of someone in front of him to punish. He doesn't need the anger (mostly because he will instead fixate on the crime without rage to fuel him).

The notable exception to this being his behaviour preceding his death (which is explicitly referred to as atypical for Jason by both Bruce and Alfred. The whole reason he's forced to take a break from Robin is because that anger is so unusual for Jason that Bruce and Alfred are worried about Jason's mental wellbeing).

We see in Lost Days that Jason’s default state has become (to the concern of Talia and Ra’s) seemingly unfeeling, and he shows signs of a persistent flat affect throughout Lost Days, with exceptions for when he sees injustice (which is responsive, as compared to the aloofness he uses as a constant state of defence -> see: his and Talia’s conversation after he killed for the first time, Talia being glad that his sense of empathy and justice were able to overcome his general coldness). Jason's aloofness was entirely a conscious defence, but at times he was consciously exercising it (his reaction to Tim in front of Talia vs alone).

We see him cry for himself a few times, which tends to be how Jason first reacts to what hurts him deeply. Then there's his cold hatred for Bruce, which can be taken as anger in the face of heartbreak and perceived betrayal. But that anger never goes very far: Jason couldn't even make himself blow up the batmobile. In the end, it's Jason's belief that he hates Bruce and must make demands of Bruce to force him to redeem himself in Jason's esteem that fuels him. Because Jason wants Bruce to redeem himself, even if it's unlikely that he will.

All throughout Lost Days and UTRH, Jason uses teasing/biting humour in a very Robin manner to direct attention to whatever he pleases, whether that be pulling attention away from vulnerabilities or drawing attention to distortions of the truth. This habit returns to Jason strongly around times when he breaks out of his apathetic state (when he’s killing people who hurt others, pretty much), but the undertones of coldness and derision even with that humour don’t leave. We can see in this habit especially how Jason's become a distortion of who he was as Robin. He's still witty and he still teases people and you can hear the humour in his voice. But now he's using that wit to say cruel things to Batman, deceiving him constantly, and his voice no longer has a youthful kindness to it.

One of the most Helena-esque character traits that Jason’s picked up (in fanon and reboot canon) is anger as an initial defence and reaction, actually. It’s nearly the opposite of Jason’s pre-flashpoint defensive state but is essential to Helena’s. It’s actually not surprising that this happened (even ignoring reboot kicking Jason’s character into a closet and superimposing much of Helena onto him) because of how DC pushed “angry” as Jason’s defining trait, and how fans have believed it for so long. It seems almost natural for a misconception this severe to happen, even in the face of evidence to the contrary, because every action of Jason’s is misconstrued as proof for an angry temperament.

One day, Robin Jason joked about his dead parents. Dick and Bruce are orphans with tragic backstories too, just in a different way, are horrified.

Later, because Jay don't give a shit, he starts to joke about their dead parents too.

Dick is offended the first time. Bruce is laughing. Dick is terrified that B's laughing.

Robin!Jay also crack 'ur mom' jokes all the time. To villains, to Batman, to Dick, to everyone. Besides Alfred. If he said 'ur mom' to Alfie, Catherine would turn in her grave with a second-hand emberresment.

Dick: if I ever go to rehab-

*points dramatically at bruce*

Dick: it'd be from your bullshit!

Bruce: ):

Medium(?) Jason AU

So I just wanted to talk about my Jason being a medium(?) AU.

This whole au was inspired by how Jason wanted to be avanged, and how he couldn't influence what was happening. If anyone, he can understand how it is to feel mistreated by law/someone else/fate. So, when he can, he asks the victims what punishment they seems fit for their agressor. That way, he can serve justice the way he always wanted. From victims.

He was always a victim, his whole life, practically, so he gets how frustrating it can be. He isn't the judge, the jury and the executioner - he does what is right in his opinion, and in opinion of everyone he comes in contact with. Anyway, let's jump into it.

The main concept is that, even when resurrection isn't unusual, Jason being dead for whole 6 months is. And, we canonically know that Jason was in heaven (look up Green Arrow #7).

Anyways. In this au, when he's in training with the All Caste, Ducra feels out his connection to that place and teach him how to go there without dying. So, when he's in deep meditation, he can go back there and talk with the dead.

I also kicked canon as long as it took it to shape as I please, so mechanisms of heaven in this au are not how it is in dc comics, but who cares. It's angst, man.

I've got 3 fics of that already, first two in the series are one-shots under 1k words, the third part, when I get more into the world building, side effects and family drama, is 6k+.

Is it a shameless self-ad? A little. But I just really wanted to ramble about it.