Aro/ace people can be otherly orientated too, so aro/aces can be pan, bi, gay, whatever.

And if you don't understand that, then that's fine. But please respect others and not make it your personal mission in life to make it your problem.

Aro/Ace tags trending on Valentine’s Day!! Please!!!! We can do this!!!!!

me: so there's this character

brain: mhm

me: he's aroace, but i keep searching for ships with him in them

brain: yessir

me: but i've been thinking about it, and i don't actually ship him with any of them

me: so... why?

brain: well, how do you feel about this character?

me: i'm obsessed with him, might be hyperfixating. i related to him a lot, and i think his design is really really cool. whenever i rewatch the show he's from, i always pay extra close attention to the parts that he's in, because he's one of the most interesting characters i've seen in a while

brain: uh huh. sounds to me like you just want to consume more content featuring him-

me: well, duh-

brain: -and one of the only sources of new content is the fandom. and in fandoms, typically the only times you'll find good content featuring your favorite characters is when they're being shipped with someone else

brain: not to mention how you want to see your character interacting in a dynamic with others

brain: AND your favorite genre is hurt/comfort, because you love seeing characters receiving comfort to soothe your own trauma

brain: maybe the reason why you keep shipping him, as well as your other comfort characters, is because it's the only way you know how to consume a dynamic without it being pushed aside into the background to make room for romance

me: ...

me: ...holy fuck

moral of the story? um. romance is a lie. i just want my favorite characters to be cherished and cuddled. i'm also considering whether i myself am aro, but that's a whole other holy fuck moment that i. don't have the emotional energy for right now. i'm already busy enough with school and shit

(btw this post was about alastor from hazbin hotel <333 yes my comfort character is a cannibalistic serial killer, leave me alone, i have fucking issues)

I think what a lot of people ignore/ have forgotten is that being queer means deviating from the expected path. Going against the gender/sexuality social norms. Ace/Aro people are always going to be a part of that deviation.

Sometimes people ask if I'm sad that I'm ace

Thankyou Brennen Lee Mulligan and Brian Murphy for pinning down one of the great isolating fears of being ace/aro. And turning that into an amazing horror plot line.

I dont get to see aro/ace charecters in media often. And mostly they arnt the heros, or if they are the heros they are either childlike to a fault, so old as to seam androgynous, or a perfect bastion who is above all this silly romance.

I don't get to see people dealing with my fears that my friends and family will end up prioritizing thier romantic relationships above thier friendship with me.

I've seen love work. My parents and grandparents all seamed to have married thier best friends. But I never will. And I've tried to.date.and I hated it. And I've tried to describe what I think might be attractive and just stuck my foot in my mouth.

And its sad and makes me feel petty worrying about it. But it's also true.

So to have Riz Gukgak in the forest of the nightmare king face the fear of being alone because he is ace/aro and to.face the consequences of his own lies and insecurities.

Well it doesn't feel good to watch but it feels so good to be seen

Okay. So. Hot take? Ig? But. I keep seeing people on here talking abt how kazuki and rei can't be seen as a QPR, that they act too explixitly romantic and are definitely dating married and fucking. They wear each others clothes, slept in the same bed, and are raising a child together. Etc etc.

And, look, I'll be the first to say, I do adore those two as a couple-i think they're adorable and personally do wanna believe they'll get together at the end, but like. It's not guaranteed thats how the shows gonna end. And also-there's no reason they can't be a QPR?

Like, yall do realize QPRs can be just as close and loving as a romantic relationship, right? It isn't just "bro" stuff, it's different than if you were just friends, you would even call the person your partner, just platonic partner not romantic partner?

QPRs can and do get married, adopt children, and yes even in some cases have sex. Like there's very little difference between a QPR and a romantic relationship. And as an ace/aro person I think the concept that platonic relationships are less loving or less valuable is just a very amatonormative/heteronormative idea.

Again, I love them as a romantic couple, but if someone views them as platonic that doesn't make the relationship they have any less caring or loving, just a different kind of caring and loving. And this romantic elitism is rlly annoying ngl. Like bro it's a headcanon. Let people see them how they want. Its not queer erasure if the characters aren't even canonically together. Also they'd still be queer. That's what the Q in QPR stands for. Also bc it's usually for aromantic headcanons. Which is still very queer.

Idk, I just needed to say this bc I keep seeing ppl get mad at QPR headcanons bc they don't know QPRs are different than friendships. And I just wanted to say my piece. K thnx that's it lmao--

Okay me angy here I go getting riled up again! If I see any more pisscourse about ace/aro not being part of the queer community, queer is a slur, men are inherently evil monsters, I’m just gonna assume you’re a TERF. Ace discourse back in the 10’s is exactly how TERFs started their rise to power.

Start out by drawing a line in the sand that (awful) people agree with. Now there’s proof that you can start boxing in certain identities. That means (general) you can start making specific definitions for things.

Queer is now a slur again. Queer actually hasn’t been reclaimed. People agree with that. You’ve just torn down an umbrella identity that everyone was able to gather under and unite behind.

LGBTQIA+ is actually the Correct Way to talk about the queer community. Actually we need to drop QIA+ because queer is a slur, intersex isn’t a sexuality/gender and is just a weird medical condition, and A stands for allies (instead of aro/ace bc we already decided that they aren’t part of the community) and we don’t want those sick CisHets infiltrating our community.

LGBT is now the proper accepted term. That means you must be Gay Lesbian Bisexual and/or Transgender to be part of the community. If you aren’t doing LGBT correctly then you are trying to infiltrate the community and steal resources (and those resources are never defined). Only LGBT people are safe.

Oh, except bisexuals. They’re dirty cheaters bc they get to pass as straight and thus aren’t Oppressed Enough like us Pure Gays. How dare they be into men. Only Good Gays get to be into men. If a lesbian ever thought about a man in any vague romantic/sexual way then they are Impure. Men are the true evil of the world bc patriarchy. The only type of man you’ll be safe with is a gay man bc they don’t want to SA you when they see your shoulders/ankles.

All men are the root of all evil, except our good example gay men, who coincidentally are usually white and follow the good gay stereotypes, which are feminine in nature. Femininity is Good and Safe. You can trust anyone who is Feminine, and you can distrust anyone who is Masculine. Men only exist to take advantage of women. Women must be protected at all costs.

Wait. We allow transgender people in the community. That means either a Dirty Evil Man is cosplaying as a woman, or a Pure Innocent Girl got taken in by the evils of masculinity and patriarchy. Trans people are bad since they are being taken over by Evil Men, and/or trying to infiltrate the community, which we already decided is bad. Trans people aren’t Pure. The T in LGBT gets dropped.

Also if you’re nonbinary someone pulled the wool over your eyes. It’s just a phase and you’ll fall into Woman Lite soon enough. There’s no such thing as an amab nonbinary person. Men are evil, and nonbinary is Woman Lite. If you dress in any way that’s not feminine or androgynous then you are doing it wrong.

Congrats, you are now a TERF.

And before you say “that’s not what happened!” I saw every single one of these talking points come out in real time. It was slow. It wasn’t sudden. It was pushing the boundary little by little until you boiled the frog. And now with acecourse coming up again I can all but guarantee that this cycle will happen again. So! Some things to look out for and deprogram.

All men are not inherently evil. All women are not inherently good. Masculinity isn’t inherently evil. Femininity isn’t inherently good. Queer is not a slur and is an extremely useful umbrella term for those who don’t know which label they fit under, or who don’t want a specific label. Yes, queer can still be used as a slur (I have been called queer in a derogatory way) but it is one the community has reclaimed. Trans people aren’t trying to trick you. Amab nonbinary people aren’t “lesser” than afab nonbinary people. Nonbinary is not Woman Lite. There is no such thing as a morally pure sexuality. The queer community is welcome for all who identify as queer; yes, even that person. Policing and oppression olympics is not a litmus test for “pure enough” for joining the queer community. The queer community is for Everyone. That’s it. That’s all.

I need more ace/aro characters and their platonic love/relationships on media.

Every character from every work of fiction is aro/ace until proven otherwise.

I think Fandoms are Horrible with ace and aromantic. I mean if thay are not romanticly involved with a female thay are assumed to be gay but aro/ace people need representation. That is why i sport ace enjoras. Let people love each other as freands.

I just ran into a despicable side of Tumblr

A side of Tumblr who called aromantic asexuals 'autistic virgins'

A side of Tumblr who sexualised age regression and said it was nothing but a diaper fetish and 'everyone knows this', then told an age regressor to 'kys'

And I blocked everyone I saw who shared those beliefs

Just a little something for aro/aces and age regressors:

You guys are valid and I love you. You don't deserve this harassment. Be you <3

And to call aro/aces 'autistic virgins' is incredibly ableist. Not every aro/ace is autistic, and to use that language on autistic and/or aro/aces is fucking stupid. As an aro/ace audhd person, autistic people aren't what these people think they are. They never will be.

We're all people here, despite what others say.

Some tips for Ace/Aro characters in fandom

I've been seeing this discourse again and I dunno I kinda wanna scream my opinions into the void as an older asexual who just tired of this.

There's this weird thought that if a character is Ace/Aro its like you can't ship the character or do sexy things with them and thats not really true, its entirely dependent on the character and you just need to offer them some more thought/care than you would an Allo character/relationship.

(Also you people saying you can't ship this cause one character is ace/aro and totally not cause it directly competes with your preferred ship I see you you ain't sneaky, trying to act holier than thou nonsense)

So you got an Ace/Aro cannon character and are wondering if it's ok to ship them, well here's a question has the character expressed a strong desire to NOT be in a relationship? If yes then yeah don't ship them. IF however their opinion has not been revealed or if they just seem passive then go right ahead you aren't going against the character and plenty of Ace/Aro people do want partnerships.

Now you might be thinking "Oh so I can just do what I normally do with my ships right?" Mhhmmmmm maybe there are aspects to Ace/Aro relationships that don't differ from Allo relationships but there are more that do. You need to really look at your character and how they approach things much more carefully than you would an Allo if you don't want to erase their Ace/Aro-ness. Example say the character is rather touch adverse you shouldn't then depict them clinging to another character instead show affection in tinier ways or show that they are doing this despite their discomfort for the other character.

Another thing to avoid is focusing too much on the relationship, if you go too hard on the not having an interest before this person it can come off like they "Fixed" their ace/aro-ness and kinda borderlines a fetishy area. Avoid statements like "I never felt this way until you" and go for something more casual like "It doesn't matter to me but you do"

And here's the part people really care about ughhhhh sex. Yes Ace/Aro people can have sex some even want sex so depicting an Ace/Aro character doing sexy things isn't necessarily erasure again so long as you depict it with CARE. Again if the character in question has directly stated they are sex repulsed for all that is holy do NOT have them have sex unless you put in a LOT of work into (aka not for those new to this) But if the character is more disinterested then you can have them do sexy things so long as it doesn't cause like a seismic shift in how they view sex, don't make it "Wow this is amazing I never knew" and lean more towards "It wasn't so bad with you" Again it all comes down to the character themselves so like pay attention.

Also try to avoid the who innocent bean thing like they aren't interested therefor they know NOTHING about sex, like yes it depends on the character but if you do this too much and too like cutesy it can come off like a virgin fetish or infantilizing.

Finally yes you can depict Ace/Aro characters in sexy ways (this is more for Ace characters but I wanna cover my bases with people) but again it depends on the character some aces like to look and feel sexy they just don't like sex and others don't want to be sexualized at all, for others its a case by case bases, again if it is something the character would do or hasn't said anything its fair game.

There's no way this covers everything really what important is just learning about Ace/Aro people and putting just a little more effort in when handling them. You can still have fun with them, still ship them, being Ace/Aro is not the death sentence some in fandom make it out to be, it can even lead to different and fun dynamics you hadn't considered or explored before.

Ace/Aro Identities in Media and Fandom

Alrighty I am jumping on the choo choo train of discussing this topic because OH BOY do I have little big thoughts. As someone who identifies as both asexual and aromanitic I would like to say that that is the perspective I am speaking from. I experience no sexual or romantic attraction and while being open to being in a queer platonic relationship sex would never be a part of it and neither would many aspects of romance. All the words after the cut!

Now to the fun and funky part!! OH MY GOD laddies, lassies, lairds please when something is canonized respect that. You know the joy you felt when your identity was seen on screen for the first time and you felt seen and heard? It's the same for me and for many who identify similarly. Those are big steps in inclusion and allow a lot of people to understand themselves sooner and with less stress and fear. Representation is IMPORTANT regardless of if it's something you identify with or not. Because when it comes to be your turn to see yourself in something I would hope everyone affords you the same courtesy to allow you that joy. Now on to talking about wronguns. As much as I wish to give everyone the benefit of the doubt I have seen aspec people pushed down the metaphorical stairs more times than I can count. This isn't to compare to other identities this is not the oppression olympics and nor will it ever be frankly we're all in this together to create a better world for all of us. If you are comfortable with ignoring ace/aro identities when it comes to shipping and speaking about their character but WOULD NOT do so for other identities that is something that you should deeply think about. In addition to this every person is allowed to experience their identity differently. Some asexual people have sex, some aromantic people date etc. etc. but that doesn't mean that can be taken and applied to every person to make them more palpable for the masses. Some people DON'T want to have sex or be in relationships and that is something that should also be respected. People need to understand that using the "oh well some people are ok with those things!!" is not the win you think it is. Because also some people ARE NOT and that is a core part of who they are and is not something that can be changed. Do better to understand both sides of this coin and if the creators and character in the media has stated that they are ace/aro work to understand that. To the Ace/Aro people and the people who got this far congratulations! I wrote lots of words in a fit of thoughts to place on my little blog and sometimes that is hard to read so thank you! To the aspec crew particularly you are all so incredibly wonderful where ever you fall and you deserve to see yourself in media without it being ignored and pushed aside! I genuinely am so happy to be able to be a part of the community and hope to be able to see so much more of us in the future.

Just going to officially throw it out here, since people don't seem to know about this. Both Peridot from Steven Universe and Lilith Clawthorne from The Owl House are intended to be canonically asexual and aromantic. This has been established by the crews of both shows. Spread this around if you can! Not enough people know about this. Links to the wikis (the notes cited can be found near the bottom of both pages): https://steven-universe.fandom.com/wiki/Peridot https://theowlhouse.fandom.com/wiki/Lilith_Clawthorne

GENTLECLOWNS MAY I PRESENT TO YOU AROACE DARK META KNIGHT

(alternate aroace flag below the cut, thought it looked worse hence it being hidden)