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#fic batman
mylifeisfruk4ever · 2 months
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“A werewolf cub?!” Dick blurted out, surprised.
“Dickhead, it could be a real wolf!”
“A wolf here? In Gotham?”
“Okay, it seems unlikely put like that…but if another werewolf coughed up, how did it get here?”
"Good question…"
Bruce wasn't interested in talking now: he had to take the cub to the den and keep it safe.
So he went to a corner that he usually used to rest when he returned from his hunt, he lay down and began to clean up the new member of the pack and give him his scent, so that no one would have strange ideas of claiming something that was already he.
The cub had stopped wriggling, looking disconcerted by all the care, and oh, it made his heart ache.
Had the cub's parents never taken the time to be with him? Had they never cared for him and kept his enemies away from him?
It was unacceptable, and Bruce was increasingly sure that he had done the right thing by bringing him along.
He heard a chuckle, "Aww, it's adorable in a way."
Read more Pack's bond
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haveihitanerve · 22 days
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I love how people are like Jason Todd was a demon child and all the other robins were angels compared to him like lmao robin!Jason was a fucking delight what do you mean
Dick showed up at the manor with a blue stuffed animal elephant and the rage of 100 men and the only thing thats changed is that the elephant is grey now
Tim showed up with blackmail on the fucking Batman and bullied him into accepting him as robin
Damian popped up on the doorstep holding a fucking katanna
Meanwhile robin!jason was jumping from building to building squealing robin magic! and would spontaneously hug Batman. he loved reading shakepeare knowledge and literally screamed golly jee willickers as the highest curse word in his vocabulary.
Robin!Jason was a goddamned fucking delight and all the other ones were the little demon children lmaooo
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frownyalfred · 2 months
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okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.
Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."
Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red
Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."
J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"
Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"
Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."
*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*
Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."
Ollie: "For ice cream?"
Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."
Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."
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audhd-nightwing · 1 month
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13 y/o dick grayson, holding 9 y/o jason todd like a stray cat: bruce, i got a little brother!
bruce, doing paperwork for WE, not paying attention: that’s great, chum
. . .
bruce, several hours later: wait, what?!
dick: it’s okay, alfred said we can keep him!
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adreamfromnevermore · 2 months
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AU Where the Justice League forms as usual except for one slight difference where Bruce just so happens to have been the one superheroing for the longest. (Excluding Diana, who got up to it in World War 1 and then mostly didn't while she learned about Man's World)
Bruce helps form the Justice League, ignoring all of the comments as they come to the sudden realization that Gotham's baby cryptid story is actually a man in a very intimidating armored suit who can and will break your arm if you cause problems for him. They are unaware that this is not the first team he's led, and actually he's used to teams full of mostly teenagers who also happen to be his children. This should be easier, this team is primarily adults.
He realizes rapidly that he doesn't understand these people.
His kids take bonding activities to mean learning a dozen different ways to break someones leg. That doesn't fly with these people. And that is most of Bruce's ideas, hell when he was a kid Alfred took every opportunity to get him out of his room and mostly that was with the agreement that Alfred would teach him how to defend himself. He's come by it honestly.
This team is not easier. They have more drama than when his house was actually full of kids. It's insane. He doesn't know what to do with it, usually he just sent the kids to their rooms or grounded them from patrol. That doesn't work here.
He comes to a strange crossroads. That falls apart when he forgets who he's working with and snaps at Hal with a full room of heroes that the next person to throw a punch or an insult without a reason too will be sparring with him.
A long standing rule in the batcave that worked two fold to prevent infighting between the kids and too ensure that they were well and truly trained.
It works wonders. No one says a word out of line for the rest of the debrief. Bruce becomes the unofficial mediator of the league over Clark because anytime he walked in on a fight it suddenly became 10 times more civil out of sheer terror of what he'd do to them in a sparring match.
Eventually they actually meet his kids. Well, one kid.
Half way through a mission (one of the rare ones in Gotham) the Bat comes to a complete stop at the edge of an alley. Every single league member on the team comes to a stop behind him. Slowly from the shadows of the alley a man in a red helmet stalks out to greet them.
"You don't call, you don't write"
"Red Hood."
"Don't Red Hood me! We've been worried sick!"
"I was at the cave last night."
"You didn't answer my texts B. You always answer my texts."
Somehow it ends with big and scary following them through the rest of the mission with a running commentary of how much Bats has let him down in his failure to respond in a timely manner to a text send less than an hour before he ran into them in the alley. It only ends when Red Robin shows up.
And even then it only ends because Hood can't keep himself from throwing a punch and Bruce has to snap at him that if he throws another one they're sparring when they get home.
And by god is Jason giving up the chance to punch his brothers.
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imma-dragon53 · 1 month
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You’ve heard of “justice league doesn’t know Batman has kids”
Now prepare for “the Team doesn’t know Batman is Robins dad”
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reineydraws · 10 months
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jason is a grandpa's boy and u cant take this away from me!!! they cook together, they discuss literature together, and when jay comes back, they clean their guns together haha. ofc they celebrate their birthday together too! 😌
✨️🎂 hbd jay & alfie 🎂✨️
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yuwigqi · 3 months
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HC an actual real forensic psychologist interviews Joker, and realizes he does not meet the legal requirements for being mentally unfit to stand trial (TRUE), and the jury finds he does not meet the requirements for criminal insanity (TRUE) and he is sentenced to death and just like actually successfully executed by Belle Reve Penitentiary.
Batman's official statement "I do not kill. However, I do not give formal statements in political issues, such as the death penalty. If Joker escapes, I will send him back to Belle Reve, regardless of whatever sentencing he receives. I am a Vanguard. I am not a New Jersey Apex Court Justice. Sentencing is outside my jurisdiction or personal interests. Thank you."
Orphan's statement is "I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity of life. However, I am not opposed to euthanasia."
Red Hood gets hired as a literal Seasonal Summer Worker for Belle Reve, and stands guard.
Barbara Gordon gets hired as Belle Reve Archivist.
Duke Thomas speaks publicly about the Justice System's constant ignorance of the realities of Mental Illness, and the pathologization of acts of violence as mental illness, as well as how white men are frequently given passes for violence by the justice system.
The Joker is executed on April 1st. He is cremated, and his ashes are used in compost alongside goat and pig manure.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel is tried as well, and actually found criminally insane, and after 1 year in psychiatric hospital, and triweekly therapy, she has shown proof of improvement and rehabilitation, 2 years after that, her licensure is reinstated. Instead of going into patient practice, she does psychiatric research, and publishes several papers on the interactions of PTSD and psychotic disorders, as well as developing counseling treatments for domestic abuse and cult survivors.
"Jokes on You Day" becomes a national holiday.
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logicallyblind · 24 days
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you don’t understand l. i need batman to be weirdly good with babies. i mean, objectively when in a group of people the one dressed in an entirely military level reinforced fighting suit with a bat cowl should objectively be the last peroson someone should hand a baby to and yet. batman was the only one in an entire unit of 17 people who could calm the hysteric infant while waiting for child services to arrive on the scene and take the responsibility off the bat.
but it keeps happening. any incident which involveds a child in any form it is sent batmans way if the means allow it. and batman just,, let’s it happen. you’re not going to see him complaining in participating an experience like that was prior, inheritely one that one would be saved for couples only but,,, idk batman just chilling with a small army of toddlers and infants who fear no god so why would they fear the man that just emits safety and care yk?
the adults in the room are both terrified and impressed by their gaul lmfaoo
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dclovesdanny · 3 months
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DcxDp prompt
Teen dad Danny Fenton moving into Crime Alley and getting a reputation for helping. Street kids willing to babysit Ellie and Dan while he’s job hunting can spend the night, have a meal, get cash, whichever they choose. Sec workers who do Ellie’s hair/nails/babysit some nights also get the same benefits. He will treat anyone with injuries for the low price of showing Ellie and Dan their guns/taking them to the observatory/getting him job opportunities.
All of the people in Crime Alley know the single meta dad with two kids, who has helped half the alley at least. Everyone is also aware of how Ellie calls her other parent ‘The Bastard’, and how bad their nightmares are, the ones they have to call Danny for(A few of his repeat guests have seen the scars and burns on his arms. Some of the older street kids recognize that hunted look he gets when people touch him when he doesn’t know they are there. Some of the sec workers notice how protective he is of his kids, and the younger workers. No matter who they are, they all notice how Dan gets quiet and angry when asked about his ‘other dad’. They all have sworn never to let those kids go back to the other dad, Danny included. They are a part of Crime Alley now, and they protect their own)
Danny doesn’t realize how far his reputation goes/how much everyone trusts him until two of his regulars bring in an injured Red Hood, promising him whatever he wants in exchange for him helping their boss.
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sully-s · 2 months
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Clark: Why do I always miss the gossip missions?
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violent138 · 2 months
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Stephanie: "Did you get it?"
Tim, scoffing: "Of course I did. *unwraps the vase from bubble wrap* It's the exact same, one of the three original vases made."
Stephanie: "Wait. The old one had a nick, right there on the shoulder. *uses a Batarang to recreate it* There."
Tim, setting it down carefully and smiling: "Perfect. I think we just got away with it."
Jason, reading on the couch: "He'll know."
Stephanie: "How? You'd have to--"
Alfred: "Is there anything you guys want for dinner?"
Tim and Stephanie, immediately: "No."
Alfred, frowning slightly: "Very well." He walked over, both Tim and Stephanie trying to play it cool as the butler adjusted the vase on the table.
Jason looked up from his book.
Alfred: "I'll remind you again, Master Timothy that skateboards are not permitted inside the house."
Jason cackled at the expression that Tim and Stephanie made.
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Bruce: "How did you know? Technically speaking, it's the same vase."
Alfred: "I have a contact at the auction house where you bought the second one years ago."
Bruce, clearing his throat: "Yeah, Jason accidentally kicked a ball into it."
Alfred, raising an eyebrow: "He threw a Batarang at it because you wanted to make him more comfortable."
Bruce:
Alfred: "I do wish you'd all stop adding that nick back."
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frownyalfred · 7 months
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"I'm gonna fuck your mom" "I'm going to get my adoptive billionaire dad to sleep with both of your parents and they're both going to fall in love with him and write you out of their will, fuckhead."
(Schoolyard threat from an unknown Wayne child, provided to the Gazette in March 2013. Bruce Wayne, responding via email, denied all allegations of an improper relationship and declared it "entirely spontaneous and consensual."
Mr. and Mrs. [redacted] could not be reached for comment, but court records indicate that Mr. [redacted] began divorce proceedings in April of 2013.)
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ghost-bxrd · 6 months
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Prompt:
After Jason’s resurrection he finds that his body works… wrong somehow.
Some days he forgets to breathe until he wants to say something and finds there’s no air in lungs. Other days his body goes eerily cold until someone points out that his lips are blue and he needs to warm up.
And some days his heart stops beating in his sleeps.
It’s fine, really. It always starts again eventually a short while after he wakes up. And yeah, of course it was a bit scary the first couple times it happened but it’s not like his resurrection and Pit-dip came with an instruction manual, so this is probably pretty normal stuff, all things considered. He is kind of the definition of “undead”.
The real trouble starts when he forgets to mention those little details to the Batfamily when he stays over for the night.
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ky-landfill · 3 months
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redrosebug · 2 months
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I think it would be very funny if the Batfam and Tim had two drastically different reactions to the Teen Titans Incident.
Like Bruce is super concerned about Tim's safety, and Dick is tearing himself apart because on one hand, the perpetrator is his little brother and Dick remembers him as tiny little Jason who loves classic stories and on the other hand, his new little brother has just been brutalized and possibly traumatized. Jason pretends that he is okay with having beaten up a child, but he is drowning in guilt and can barely look Tim in the eye.
Meanwhile, Tim just... does not care. It was literally another Wednesday for him. He is so delusional, he looks at the Red Hood and thinks "Yeah, I can take him." There is no fear in those eyes, just revenge.
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