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internalsealpanic · 4 years

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Dick Grayson x Mercenary Reader HCs Part 1

a/n: This is basically a Dick Grayson/ Reader thingy that has been stuck in my head for months but I haven’t plotted out an actual fic for. Basically, I have the relationship mapped out in my head but I have no scenarios. I was hoping someone could suggest a plot I can play with. This part is mostly platonic with hints of a future relationship. This is pretty much in a weird version of canon running around in my head.

masterlist

You’re Deathstroke’s apprentice. (This version is the version from the Knights and Dragons movie so he isn't a complete and utter asshole. Look, I just really like that version.) Let's just say you had more moxie than self preservation. It also helps that you’re a meta with a pretty unique power. Anything drawn on your skin turns into a physical object. (You basically have a bunch of permanent markers on you in addition to your usual equipment.)

Dick doesn't like you because of your profession but has a grudging respect for your skill. You think Dick is annoying for getting in the way but you understand that he's just trying to do his best to help the city in his own useless way.

YOU LORDING YOUR HEIGHT OVER DICK WHEN YOU'RE KIDS AND YOU QUIETLY CURSING WHEN YOU STOP GROWING.

You and Dick never set out to be friends. You honestly had no clue when this even started. Maybe it was because you keep accidentally saving each other or maybe because you two have a lot to bond over such as murdered parents and emotionally inept mentors.

When it actually started: You, in full costume, recognize your least favourite bird and see that he's crying and that he not only has an ugly bruise in his face but also a bunch of other injuries. you simply sit with him and throw your arms around him letting your muscles relax as if to tell him ‘it's ok and that you’ve got him’. You let him cry into your shoulder. You understand that you have a little more in common than he's willing to admit. You use one of your motion tattoo wings as a cover from the rain and the other to keep Dick warm. When Dick finally calms down enough to think, he's jarred by how nice you are acting. your general demeanor loosened at this point you let your offense show and the very petulant look on your face draws a tired laugh out of Dick. your angry look melts to give way to something resembling relief. You stay there for a while not speaking before Dick decides he needs to leave. Without a fuss you let him go.

After that, instead of fighting each other during encounters, you two kind of just sit together and start talking about what happened since your last encounter. Or you two play rock, paper, scissors to see who ‘won’.

Dick realizes that your personality is hilariously incompatible with your chosen profession. You rant about how Slade lectures you about learning how to lie better and when they tested how bad you were at it Dick was sure Alfred would politely word it as wooden. you had good control over your body language but you had a look caught between pain and annoyance etched on your face.

Mini scenario:

Dick is really stressed out with school and vigilanteing and with Bruce that he just starts wandering around Gotham.

It was a bad idea. Wandering around Gotham is generally a bad idea especially if your head isn't on straight but there is something relaxing about just wandering around.

Dick ends up at one of Gotham's old movie theatres. One of those businesses that you're pretty sure is a front for something because you can't wrap your head around how they could possibly still be in business.

Then there you were a foot from the ticketing windows. His mind instantly recognizes you. You, in turn, recognize him instantly.

When neither of you launch into an attack, you decide to watch a movie together. After bickering for 15 minutes about what movie you should watch, you decide on a coin toss. Because you won, Dick was subjected to your love of terrible movies.

You go out for burgers afterwards and joke about the movie. You complain about the bad acting and the ridiculous story line. You even come up with how they should have done it.

Your lunch was spent outside in the parking lot of the burger joint.

You walk around some more after you explain that you haven't been to this part of Gotham and Dick gives you a mini tour.

You talk about a mix of mundane teenager things and some complaints about their occupations.

You check your watch and explain that you need to go to the grocery store for ingredients.

Dick goes with you just because. He won't admit that he's having a lot of fun.

Being teenagers they fuck around. Being exceptionally athletic and intelligent teenagers you fuck around entertainingly.

At first, you play 'the price is right' because Dick wants to prove he isn't a spoiled rich kid. He doesn't prove jack. You don't do much better but it's on the opposite end.

You get bored and frustrated so you start a scavenger hunt much to the terror of the other customers. How would you feel about 2 terrors zooming around screaming about butter and backflipping over you?

Dick is busy gloating about his victory when the store gets robbed. Dick can't do anything because right now he is a rich boy extraordinaire and should not be capable of fighting. you on the other hand is sore from losing and just yeets a can into one of the robbers faces.

Everyone's attention pans to your as you ready to lob another can at them. The robbers run leaving their unconscious friend on the floor bleeding.

You still pay for the can but ask Dick to get another one.

Walking down the street, Dick notices how many take out places are on the way and asks why you don't just eat from there. you simply tell him you like home cooking more. He notes that for next time.

You exchange phone numbers so you can plan a next time.

The next time they hang out you both bring homemade snacks to sneak into the theater.

They start hanging out in civvies and do really mundane civilian stuff you want to try and that Dick doesn't get to do enough.

You become a sort of hub of normality for Dick. He can talk to you about all the weird stuff without worrying about your not getting it or your judging him while also doing the most mind numbingly human things.

What do they usually talk about:

Casual nerdy stuff

Weird history shit you reads about

Vigilante stuff

Funny henchman stories from the perspective of a vigilante and a higher level henchman

Sometimes they talk about trauma but they only vaguely mention it

They debate over dumb things like whether there's too much variety in cereal. Guess who's on which side.

Sometimes they discuss fighting techniques.

Dick teaches you Romani and about the Romani culture

You sometimes explains various myths and superstitions from your own culture

Dick sometimes talks about school and galas and you end up making fun of weird rich people. They also end up making fun of the various rich people who hire you.

You'll talk about almost everything with each other

You bring him to one of your safe houses for a home cooked meal after he tells you how he lives off of cereal. You were horrified.

The Titans, Batman, and Alfred get really suspicious about Dick's new civilian friend.

Slade gets suspicious of you frequently visiting certain cities.

Somehow they figure out that you are the wraith.

They all lecture Dick about it.

Slade just finds the whole thing amusing and debates on whether he can actually convince you to give up some of Grayson's secrets.

I just love the image of them casually hanging out in civvies with Batman questioning Dick's life decisions and what your has been influenced by his relationship with Catwoman while Deathstroke and Wintergreen are just quietly amused by the situation at some point they were worried about you discussing merc stuff but neither talk about current business unless it's safe to.

Wintergreen isn't particularly worried since Grayson is a good kid. Wintergreen once joked that you should convince him to join their side. You said that Dick didn't have the right personality to be a merc. The irony of this was completely lost on your.

You spending a ton of your hard earned mercenary money to win a stuffed toy that you think little Rose would want. Dick making fun of you for not getting it then he ends up spending too much money but he eventually gets it. You and Dick pass by a shop and you see the exact same stuffed toy in the shop window for a sixteenth of the fortune you spent at the arcade. Good news though, Rose still has the stuffed toy.

Both of you being petty at dance dance revolution.

When you rant to each other in less than private areas, you rapidly switch languages.

Unbeknownst to Slade, Dick actually knows a bunch of his safe houses and unbeknownst to Dick, those are Deathstroke's safe houses. You are technically not lying when you say it's yours.

You have a silent pact not to blow each other's covers unless they deem it completely necessary (when people's lives are at stake). The only person who knows this pact is Jason and they have bought his silence.

You will both go out of their way to help each other out of a bind.

Sometimes when Bruce and Alfred are out of town and the stars align to have you visiting for a job, you end up helping Dick babysit. Jason gets confused and defensive at first. You have dealt with distrustful youngins. Neither Rose nor Joey wanted anything to do with you at first. You, however, grew up wanting siblings so you tried your darndest to look after them and it is really fucking hard to not let this munchkin grown on you.

When you're old enough to hit the club they often go drinking together. You once tried to have you wingman for Dick. Using the ‘fantastic’ negotiating skills you got from mercenary work, you ended up getting the number for yourself. You once told Rose and Joey about it and both of them made lighthearted jokes about it.

Dick gets confronted by Slade at sword point and asks what his intentions are with his kid (He honestly isn't at all serious but he likes how scared Dick got because the man is terrifying.)

Dick also gets interrogated by Joey and Rose because, you know, this is their big sister.

You often insist on family dinners at least once every 2 weeks with your siblings, sometimes with their mom (Adeline is kind of not ok with you and Rose being present but is trying her best for Joey's sake), sometimes with their dad, occasionally with their uncle Wintergreen.

You usually just casually call Slade 'pops' and you drawls 'dad' when you’re pissed and 'papa' when you’re emotional. You try your damndest to only call him Slade or Deathstroke on the field but sometimes you slip up and calls him pops in the field

You have batnapped each batkid at least once. Batnapping meaning seeing a baby bat and throwing them over your shoulder when you’re pretty sure they’re going to get killed. This isn’t limited to kids. You still do this when they’re adults. The image of you throwing Dick over your shoulder when you two were tiny gives me life but you throwing Dick and/or Jason over your shoulder when they’re huge has me cackling.

You basically accidentally become a de facto big sister/ mom friend to the batkids purely through your friendship with Dick.

Images from this scenario I can’t get out of my head:

Stargazing

Teaching Dick how to cook. He just ends up going to your place for a meal though.

Running around during a rain storm huddled under a jacket with Dick because neither of you checked the weather

Casual affection you two share because you’re both tactile people. Casual affection as in just sitting on the couch in each other’s space, bumping shoulders to communicate, leaning on each other, hugging each other when greeting each other, and all that good stuff.

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Thanks for reading! I’m really sorry for the grammar and disorganization.

If you guys are interested in the more bickering dialogue heavy part 2 either comment here or send an ask or pm me. *shrugs* This is just really self indulgent on my part.

taglist:

@idkmanicantenglish

@birdy-bat-writes (I will stop tagging you when you run out of good ideas for me.)

#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x you #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson #Deathstroke #parental #Slade Wilson #BatFam #batfamily headcanon #rant #my writing #merc!reader #batboys #batkids

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jasontoddshoe · 4 years

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Strictly Business // Jason Todd

Chapter 6 - Family Game Night

Warnings: Language, sexual themes, hangovers

Master List

You woke up with a start. Your skin felt like ice, it was absolutely freezing. You slowly sat up and took in your surroundings, wincing at the sharp pain in your head as you did so. You placed a hand on your forehead as you noticed you were in the living room of the manor, on the floor. Jason laid passes out next to you in his clothes from the night before. Glancing down, you noticed you were also in the same clothes as last night.

You groaned mentally before standing to your feet. Your head was pounding so hard it felt like someone was playing the drums on the inside of your skull. Slowly, you made you way up to Jason’s room, heading straight for the shower. You hoped a nice hot shower would soothe your headache, but really the water falling sounded like bullets being fired every second.

Since you’d already gotten in the shower you tried making quick work of getting out, trying to relieve your headache as fast as possible. You snatched up your bottle of body wash and went to squeeze some out, but nothing came out but air.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You whispered annoyedly. You spun around and grabbed Jason’s bottle and poured some into your hand. “Hope he doesn’t mind” you stated before washing yourself. “Might as well just go all in” you shrugged picking up his bottle of shampoo. “Thank god he doesn’t use 2 in 1” you mumbled.

It didn’t take long for you to get finished after that. You dried off and put on some leggings and a red hood tee shirt. It was hard to come by, but as soon as you found some merch of Jason’s you had to buy it. You made your way back down stairs to be welcomed by a heavenly smell. You rounded the corner to see Jason standing at the stove, cooking breakfast. You walked up behind him and laid your head on his shoulder blades.

“Hungover?” He asked knowingly. You nodded against him, making him chuckle. You winced and weakly hit his hip. “Figured you would be, that’s why I prepared, Jason’s magic hangover juice” he stated, pointing to the counter next to him.

“There’s just a bottle of extra strength Tylenol and a shit ton of Gatorade” you commented quietly, staring at the things in front of you.

“But it works absolute wonders” he retorted. “Take a lot of Tylenol but not too much you OD, and drink all of that Gatorade within about two hours and boom. Good as new” he instructed. You nodded and took a couple Tylenol.

“What’s that?” You asked, glancing into the pan in front of him.

“Omlets” he answered.

“How are you not hungover?” You asked. “You were drunk too weren’t you?”

“Oh definitely. I was wasted. But I don’t hangovers that badly anymore, which thank god because they suck” he replied.

“You’re telling me” you mumbled, taking a drink from the Gatorade he got you. “My head is pounding”

“I hope you’re not nauseous because I made this one especially for you” he smirked, holding a plate with a delicious looking omlet out for you.

“Seriously?” You asked happily, taking the plate slowly from his hands. He nodded making you gasp jokingly. “What? Jason being nice to me?” You sarcastically smiled at him while sitting at the island behind him.

“You act like it’s a rare thing” he rolled his eyes at you and went back to what he was doing.

“You never know what you’re gonna get these days” you shrugged, digging into your omlet. You hummed, laying your head down on your arm as the delicious bite melted in your mouth. “Fuck this is good”

“Glad you like it” he chuckled softly, shaking his head slightly at your audible reaction.

“It’s exactly how I like my omlets too” you commented, examining the ingredients that he put in it. He got absolutely everything, to a tee, correct.

“I know” he smirked to himself. You rolled your eyes playfully at his smugness while pulling out your phone. You had a ton of text messages for Gar and Rachel about last night. You winced before opening it. They’d each sent a bunch of pictures and videos from the night before.

“Jason please tell me why there’s a video of you grinding on me?” You asked, looking up from the video to look at him.

“I think you mean you grinding on me” he tried to correct, but you shook your head. You flipped your phone around for him to see the video of him very clearly twerking on you. “Like I said, I was wasted” he chuckled, shaking his head. You laughed with him and saved the video to your camera roll.

Some of the pictures they’d sent you were honestly really cute. There were a lot of you and Rachel, a pretty good amount of ones with you and Gar, but surprisingly there weren’t many of you and Jason. Your personal favorite had to be a picture Rachel sent you of you and Jason. Both of you had drinks in hand and eyes shut tight, as you both cheesed extra hard with you cheeks pressed together. You smiled lightly and saved that one as well.

Tim walked into the kitchen to get some coffee, and ran into the two of you going through the pictures and videos. He stopped in his tracks, shook his head, and then went about his business.

“What’s that look for, replacement?” Jason piped up, noticing Tim’s actions. You shut your phone off and say it on the counter.

“Oh I was just thanking god that you two are normal again” Tim retorted, making you snort quietly. Both men looked over at you making you raise your eyebrows.

“We’re we that bad?” You asked, afraid of the answer. You knew drunk you was bad, and drunk Jason was bad. But drunk you and Jason together was a whole different beast.

“Yes” was all he said before walking back upstairs with his cup of coffee.

************

Hip hop music played at a nice volume through the whole bat cave(it was Jason’s day to pick). Damien was currently practicing his batarang skills, Tim was doing something on the bat computer, and Dick and Jason were lifting weights. You’d decided on the more chill route and were doing some yoga near where Tim was sat. You kept up some nice small talk with him the whole time.

Every once and a while your eyes would drift over to Jason. You couldn’t help it. With him being shirtless, covered in a thin layer of sweat that made his body glisten whenever he moved, and his muscles flexing and unflexing as he worked them out was just a sight you had to see. You wouldn’t deny how attractive he was to you, but you wouldn’t let yourself act on it.

After a while of weight training, Dick grabbed a yoga mat and cane over to join you. Jason shook his head at him and continued on.

“You know you should come do some yoga too Jay, you could stand to be a little more flexible” you called teasingly, making him roll his eyes.

“I’m plenty flexible thank you very much” he retorted. You shook your head at him and relaxed yourself.

“Brute strength won’t get you everywhere” you sing-songed, getting comfortable in your yoga pose. “You were never able to beat me with it” you added as an extra little jab. He scoffed and stood up, walking over into the sparring area.

“Prove it” he challenged, holding his arms out. You smirked to yourself, your plan had worked. You sighed and sprung up to your feet.

“I mean do I really have to? My completely clean prison record clearly states this fact” you commented, walking over to him confidently. He shook his head at you and crossed his arms over his chest. His pecs has slightly squeezed together at this motion, and you’d never realized how attracted to cleavage you were.

“Trust me doll, if I had wanted to catch you, then that record wouldn’t be so clean” he played right into you. You sighed as you stepped into the ring. You adjusted the straps on your sports bra to make sure it wouldn’t fall and pulled up your leggings a little bit.

“So you didn’t want to catch me? You’re doing kinda shitty at your job then” you stated, rolling your shoulders back while staring at him.

“Oh shit they’re about to fight” Dick commented, making Tim glance back and Damien stop throwing batarangs.

“You really wanna do this doll?” Jason asked with a sigh, dropping his arms to his sides and getting himself ready.

“Just like the old days Jaybird” you answered with a smirk. He took in a deep breath before nodding. A few seconds later Jason was coming at you. You easily slipped under his arm and elbowed him between his shoulder blades. He swiped a foot at your legs unexpectedly, making you stumble.

You grunted annoyedly and turned back to face him. There was a smug smirk on his face, making you roll your eyes. You cartwheeled toward his in classic Catwoman fashion, as you were taught, but he caught your right ankle and held you upside down. You smirked and swung a little bit to build momentum before whipping around to sit on his shoulders. You quickly turned on top of him and used his lost balance to slam him to the ground, his head in a head lock from your knee. You held one of his arms behind his back and he was laid on the other one. You sat there for a minute, glancing at your nails.

“You’re boring me Jason” you teased. Not even a few seconds later he’d thrown you off of him by rolling over extremely quickly. He straddled your hips and slammed your arms up above your head. “Now that’s what I’m talking about” you drawled with a smirk. His cheeks tinted red, throwing him off guard. This gave you opportunity to bring your legs up. You locked your ankles at the front of his chest and slammed his back against the ground.

His hands grabbed your ankles and pulled them apart. You sat up and with your now free hands you tried to pry his hands from your legs. He smirked and squeezed them tighter.

“Now tell me how brute strength doesn’t beat flexiblity?” He asked cockily, sitting up to put mere inches between the two of you.

“Ok and this seems to have turned sexual. Damien please refrain from watching any further” Dick called making both you and Jason roll your eyes, snapping yourselves out of the somewhat trances you’d been in.

“Grayson you were the only one watching them in the first place” Damien retorted making you laugh a little bit.

“You really want it to be like old times doll?” Jason asked, merely above a whisper. You felt a small shiver run down your spine at the thought but you shook your head.

“We had an agreement Jay, you were the one who suggested it. Remember?” You asked at the same volume. He sighed but nodded.

“Yeah, I do. Sorry if I overstepped” he answered, starting to walk back over to the weights.

“If anyone overstepped it was me. I also over did it a bit. Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you did I?” You asked concernedly. He chuckled lightly and shook his head at you.

“No I’m fine, are you ok?” He asked. You nodded and tightened your ponytail a little.

“Yeah I’m fine” you replied, giving him a small smile. “Hey um, do you think we should practice dancing together? Since this mission is at a gala” you suggested and he shrugged. He thought for a moment as he toweled off his sweat.

“Probably” he answered, tossing a plain black shirt over his head. You nodded and grabbed his phone which was blue toothed to the speakers in the cave. He watched over your shoulder as you typed in the name of a song. When it started playing he backed away from you and walked to the open area between the bat computer and everything else.

He held his hand out for you and you smiled slightly as you took it. He pulled you toward him, stopping you a mere few inches away from him, gently placing his hand on your hip. You reached up and softly placed a hand on his broad shoulder. His other hand met yours as he started a simple waltz.

“Is this really how rich people dance at these things?” You asked curiously, tilting your head as you gazed up at him.

“Haven’t you been to one of these before?” He asked back, making you shake your head.

“No, and by the way all of my dancing experience comes from homecoming in high school so..” you trailed off making him chuckle.

“Yeah, I know. The amount of time you stepped on my feet was almost comical” he whispered so only you could hear. You giggled, thinking back at the memory of that night. It was true, you’d stepped on Jason’s feet too many times to count that at that point he just had you stand on them while he danced.

“Sorry about that” you smiled. He smiled back down at you and shrugged.

“Eh, it’s not a big deal. You can’t be good at everything” he stated making you smirk.

“What do you mean?” You asked, tilting your head. His beautiful blue eyes met yours, making your cheeks start to feel warm.

“I mean you’re good at everything, there had to be something you were bad at” he replied, letting go of your hip to spin you once. When you made it back around to face him, he brought you all the way pressed against him this time, now the only thing separating you being height difference.

“Yeah I’m still looking for your thing” you sighed, making him chuckle. “Seriously, you’re good at everything”

“Not driving, I’m not great at that” he said honestly, making you nod quickly in agreement.

“God yes, I don’t know how they haven’t taken your license yet” you laughed, making him roll his eyes and shake his head.

“Shut up” he grumbled. “You still let me drive everywhere”

“Because I hate driving” you retorted.

“Then don’t hate on the driver” he fired back, making you laugh again.

“My bad Jay” you lifted your one hand on his shoulder slightly in ‘surrender’ which brought a smile to his face. “I guess were just bad at things that start with ‘d’” you joked making him chuckle. “Dancing, driving...” you trailed off.

“Not dick game though” he stated matter of factly. You rolled your eyes and lightly hit his shoulder.

“You’re so sexual” you commented.

“And you act like you hate but you’re the same way” he retorted, making you shake your head with a sigh. “Exactly” he smirked victoriously.

“Whatever Jason” you breathed out a small laugh. A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as you finished dancing through the song. When the next song came on neither of you really noticed, just kept up the simple few steps you had going, and maybe adding a twirl here or there.

Jason slowly slipped his hand from yours and placed around your waist, locking his fingers together behind your back. You placed your hand up in his shoulder and glanced up at him. He was staring off at something behind you, he looked completely content. You smiled slightly to yourself and decided to test the waters. You gently laid your head against him, and instinctively he tightened his grip to bring you closer until there was no space left.

“Are we just gonna ignore this people?” Dick called exasperatedly, tossing his hands out in your direction.

“Again, Grayson, you’re the only one who cares” Damien retorted with a sigh. “I don’t understand what is so important about them dancing”

“You’re just jealous because you don’t know how to dance” Tim snorted, not removing his eyes from his screen.

“No body asked you Drake” Damien’s cheeks slightly tinted pink as he turned away. You pulled back from Jason and turned your head to face him.

“Damien do you really not know how to dance?” You asked curiously.

“No. What of it (L/n)?” He asked defensively, making you sigh. You patted Jason’s chest before pulling away from him completely and turning around.

“I am not going to have that. Come here” you stated, gesturing for him to walk toward you.

“(Y/n) I don’t think you’re in any position to be teaching people to dance” Jason chuckled, emitting a snort from Dick. You shot Dick a quick glare before giving Jason a thin lipped smile.

“I’m not teaching him, you are. I’m just here so he has someone to dance with. You’re explaining everything mister” you retorted. “Damien, come on” Damien turned around defeatedly and started walking toward you.

“This is pointless (L/n), I’m never going to need this skill” He grumbled as he stood in front of you.

“Yes you will Dams, what if one day, you wanna take someone to dance at school? Or bring someone to one of your dad’s galas? I bet you’ll thank me for this then” you replied, making him tinkle his nose but sigh.

“What do I do?” He asked begrudgingly, turning to look at his brothers who had grouped up to watch this.

************

A confused look came onto Jason’s face as you pushed him into the dining room of the manor. Dick, Tim, and Damien were all sat near each other toward the head of the table. You pushed Jason lightly into the seat by Damien before standing in front of the open chair at the head of the table. The way you’d seated them, Tim and Dick were on your left and Jason and Damien were on your right.

“I gathered you all here because I think you need a little bit of family time, so I grabbed a bunch of games and things and we’re gonna have game night before you guys go out for patrol” you explained, nodding over to the stack of a couple board games you’d found. They all started to protest about not having time for this and things of that nature, making you shake your head and wave them off. Dick even stood up to leave after saying he had to go and get ready to go out for patrol. “Richard, sit your pretty ass back down” You stated firmly, making him clam up slightly as he walked back to his seat. “I already talked to Bruce and he thinks this would be good for you. Besides he said him and the girls have got this, so we’re playing games”

“You think I’m pretty” Dick said as you stood up to grab a game.

“No, I think you have a pretty ass” You retorted, making the other boys laugh, even managing a smirk from Damien. Dick smiled, seemingly happy with that response.

“I’m just scared because she called him Richard” Jason said after you sat back down. “She means business” he added, making you roll your eyes.

“Sorry I want you to love each other” You commented.

What you hadn’t anticipated from Wayne family game night, was complete and utter chaos. All of the Wayne boys were extremely competitive, and pairing that with making them all compete with each other? It was like hell had broken loose and Satan himself had risen in that dining room. You never knew a game of Clue could cause the mass amount of issues that it was.

“No, Jason you’re a fucking idiot. Why the hell would you even say it was Plum at this point everyone knows Damien has his card dipshit. He showed it to all of us, even you” Tim ranted loudly as Jason made him assumption.

“Well maybe plum wasn’t what I was trying to figure out Timothy” Jason snapped back. “Now does anyone have either the revolver, Plum or the fucking billard room?” Jason’s voice raised, making you giggle quietly.

“Todd, I have Plum, you know this” Damien sighed from next to him.

“Shut the fuck up demon spawn, no one fucking asked you!” He snapped his head toward the younger boy who rolled his eyes.

“You literally asked him asshat, quit whining” Dick retorted at the man sitting across from him.

“You know what you flying monkey, you can take your sassy little comments and shove them up your ass” Jason was yelling at this point. They all were. It was chaos, that you hadn’t meant for, but was entertaining nonetheless. “You know what, fuck all of you I don’t even wanna know anymore”

“Ok then, my turn” you stated immediately reaching foreword and grabbing the dice. You moved yourself into a room and glanced at your sheet. “Mustard, library, rope” you stated, leaning back in your chair.

“Here we go again, another stupid guess. Why would you say rope?” Tim asked exasperatedly, staring over at you.

“Oh my god Tim can you shut up and just let people play the damn game?” Dick asked, placing his forehead on the table.

“When people stop being dumb and acting like we’re all not literally detectives, then yes” Tim sassed, rolling his eyes.

“(L/n), I have one of those cards” Damien stated civilly, passing it over to you face down. You gave a small smile and glanced at it.

“Thank you” you mumbled, handing it back to him. “Ok, go Tim”

“Finally someone will make an educated guess” he grumbled, staring at his sheet. “Peacock, in the observatory, with the candlestick”

“Oh my god what a stupid guess” Jason mocked, making Tim roll his eyes. “Yo dumbass, I have one of those cards” he added, slipping him a card.

“You guys know in the rules it says you’re supposed to go in a cir-“ Jason city Dick off with a scoff.

“Fuck the rules” he grunted. You let out a breath and slid down in your seat. This what definitely not the night you’d expected.

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#jason todd #dc #red hood x reader #batbros #jason todd x y/n #robin #red hood x reader imagine #red hood x y/n #jason todd x you #jason todd x reader imagine #jason todd x reader #red hood x you #red hood #batfamily #batfam #batboys x reader #batboys

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elyreywrites · 4 years

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singing here’s to never growing up

more batkids shenanigans - this time inspired by a comment on a YouTube video of Avril Lavigne’s “My Happy Ending”. thank you so much to the Capes & Coffee Discord for brainstorming this fic with me, and helping me figure out ages! and an especially huge thank you to Bumpkin and Oceans on that server for being my betas for this fic!!

this fic is set in 2020. the character ages & years born are: Bruce: 37 - born 1983 Dick: 25 - born 1995 Jason: 20 - born 2000 Tim: 17 - born 2003 Damian: 11 - born 2009

title is from Avril Lavigne’s “Here’s to Never Growing Up”!

please REBLOG - DO NOT REPOST

AO3 Link

Teen 1,276 words Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne & Bruce Wayne part of my batkids shenanigans series

Summary:

Dick is just trying to get in touch with his inner angsty teenage girl. He didn’t ask for an existential crisis. Tim is making him have one anyway.

- - - - -

“…and it’s not like most plot-driven things – movies, books, shows, whatever – where the side stories might be briefly referenced but you don’t have to read them to understand what’s going on. The side games are absolutely crucial to understanding the plot.”

Jason snickered as Tim ranted about the Kingdom Hearts series. Sure, all Jason said was that he had only played the second game and was thinking about playing the first to understand the plot better, but that was ridiculous!

“If you play the first game and then go straight to the second, you’ll end up completely lost,” Tim huffed. “It starts with totally different characters and very little explanation of where they came from. That’s why you play ‘Days’ and ‘Re:Chain of Memories’—”

“Shhh,” Jason hissed, covering Tim’s mouth. “Do you hear Avril Lavigne?”

Tim paused just before he bit Jason’s hand and listened. Down the hall, he could faintly hear music.

“’All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending.’” Okay, that was definitely Avril Lavigne. With a tilt of his head, Tim gestured for them to investigate.

Down the hall, one of the lesser used sitting rooms had its door cracked open as the music spilled from inside. Tim slowly pushed the door open more and poked his head in. From the line of heat along his back, he knew Jason was leaning over him. That, and the chin that rested on his head because Jason was an asshole that took every opportunity to remind Tim that he’s shorter.

Tim blinked. Above him, Jason turned a near-silent snicker into a cough. Laying upside-down on the couch – feet dangling over the back and hair brushing the floor – was Dick, lip-syncing the words as dramatically as possible without changing position.

“Dick? What are you doing?” Tim asked, giving up the pretense of being sneaky and just walking in. The quiet curse behind him told him that Jason hadn’t been prepared to suddenly lose his support.

Either their older brother knew they were there or he was too good to visibly startle – each as equally likely – but it meant that Dick didn’t jump or even bother looking at them. “I’m getting in touch with my inner angsty teenage girl,” he explained.

Jason sprawled on the other end of the couch, leaving Tim to sit on the coffee table. “Any particular reason, Dickiebird?”

Dick spread his hands in an approximation of a shrug. “It be like that sometimes.”

Here’s the thing: Tim had gone through a bit of a phase years ago, and during that phase he was curious about when Avril Lavigne’s songs were released – he was a weird kid, okay? He never expected that information to come in handy, but it was his job as a little brother to torment his siblings. “Hey Dick,” Tim grinned, “guess how old I was when this song came out?”

“Why?” Dick asked, already sounding suspicious.

“I was about a year old, depending on the month,” Tim told him cheerfully.

“Nooo,” Dick whined, “Tim, why? Oh my god, you were a baby! And now you’re a teenager that’s nearly an adult and I’m old!”

“I was twenty-one,” Bruce scoffed, leaning against the doorway and drawing everyone’s attention. “I’m thirty-seven now. Please Dick, tell me about being old.”

“You don’t understand, B! At least you were already an adult, and now you’re just a more adult-adult. Tim was a tiny little baby and now he’s practically all grown up! I was a kid, and now I’m an actual adult! With a job! I’m having a crisis right now!”

Tim hummed. “Then I probably shouldn’t mention that her song ‘Sk8er Boi’ is older than I am.”

Dick wailed as Jason started howling with laughter so much that he grabbed his ribs.

“Tim! Why would you say that?!”

Damian walked in right then, scowling. “What idiotic nonsense is Drake spewing now that has you in a fit, Grayson?” Before anyone could answer, his brows furrowed and he added, “And why are all of you listening to such old music?”

That set Jason off again and Tim joined in. Their combined laughter wasn’t nearly enough to drown out Dick’s small, quiet sob as he slid off the couch to be a human puddle of existential crisis on the floor. “Babies,” he whispered. “I’m surrounded by babies. All of you are children. Oh my god.”

“Hey! I’m not a fuckin’ child, I’m twenty goddamn years old!” Jason argued.

Dick shrieked, “You can’t even legally drink!”

“Did you know you’re older than Google by three years, Dick?” Tim said. Dick whimpered.

Rolling his eyes, Bruce lightly cuffed Tim on the back of the head. “Give him a break, kiddo.”

“I have yet to have an answer as to why you all are listening to this infernal racket,” Damian demanded.

Within a couple seconds, Jason went from wheezing for air to completely solemn as he looked at Damian. “Sometime, kid, you just fuckin’ need to get in touch with your inner angsty teenage girl, and Avril Lavigne is the shit for that.” His faux-serious expression shattered with a smirk as he tacked on, “Also, I’m pretty sure Jon’s got this album.”

Damian scoffed and stormed out, muttering about being surrounded by idiots – Dick must have shown him Lion King then – and Tim snickered again. On the floor, Dick was still muttering and moaning about children and babies and “I’m so old, I’m like the Crypt Keeper”.

Tim bit his lip to stop himself from telling Dick that Freaky Friday – which was already apparently a remake – came out about a month after he was born. That could be saved for the next time Dick had a crisis about his age.

- - -

Two weeks later, Tim stopped halfway through ranting at Dick for only playing the main titles of Kingdom Hearts to stare down the hall. Much like the last time he was on a tangent about the game series, he could hear Avril Lavigne playing from somewhere. Except the only rooms down that hall were their bedrooms, and Jason and Dick stood on either side of him. The three glanced at each other, and Dick immediately grinned and bounced down the hall. Jason was smirking as he followed, and Tim trailed after hoping this wouldn’t end with Damian trying to stab him again.

Dick burst in as soon as he reached Damian’s room, where the music was definitely blaring from behind the door. “Dami, you’re listening to Avril Lavigne!”

When Tim peaked in, Damian was face-planted on his bed with his face towards the foot of the bed.

“I do not wish to talk about it,” he snapped, muffled as it was.

“Aw,” Dick pouted, “do you want a hug?”

Snarling, Damian lifted his head up enough to glare at all three of them. “I would prefer for you to leave my room at once!”

“Alright Dickie,” Jason said, grabbing and hauling Dick out, “leave the brat to fuckin’ wallow in his anti-social, pre-teen angst. Sometimes you just need to angst it out alone, as you damn well know.”

“Aren’t you the literature nerd? I mean, really, Little Wing, ‘angst it out’?” Dick snarked.

Tim pulled Damian’s door closed and followed after. “Hey, language is fluid and always changing,” he added.

Gesturing at him for emphasis, Jason declared, “Fuckin’ exactly! All words were made up at some point, and English is already a fucking mess of words from different languages smashed together! And at least a shit ton of the rules have exceptions!”

Tim nodded, “Like the ‘I before E except after C’ rule.”

“Here we go again,” Dick muttered.

“You fuckin’ started it!”

#batfam #batfamily shenanigans #batkids shenanigans series #fanfiction #crack fic #elyrey writes things #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #bruce wayne #damian wayne #dcu #batman #red robin #red hood #nightwing #robin #avril lavigne songs referenced #tim drake is a little shit

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tripsonflatground · 4 years

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Is it just me, or is it kinda capitalist that in order to get new superheroes, people kill off or age up the old ones and then put the new heroes in the same role/identity? Like, they killed Peter Parker to have Miles Morales. Bucky Barnes and Falcon/Sam Wilson both became Captain America after the death or age & retirement of Steve Rogers, depending on whether you’re looking at the comics or the MCU. Batman goes through Robins and Batgirls like it’s going out of style (and seriously, why does Dick Grayson let other people be Robin? That was a personal nickname from his birth family, right? Why would he give something so intimate away?). Replacing someone else and living up to their legacy rather than making your own path was a whole plot point/theme in Spider-man: Far From Home!

There are exceptions to this, like X-23 and Wolverine, who have managed to have some form of a father-daughter relationship in the comics (although, if memory serves, I believe he’s been killed in recent comics and she replaced him as Wolverine - though I haven’t read anything recent, so I might be wrong, and in the film Logan they killed him off). And things like Conner/Superboy from Young Justice being created with the idea to replace Superman doesn’t count in the same way because it was a villainous plot and Con didn’t end up following through. And there’s a new Ms. Marvel now that Carol Danvers is Captain Marvel, which is a much better alternative considering that Carol wasn’t using that identity anymore.

The idea I’m trying to get at, if it isn’t clear, is that the costume identity, AKA Spider-man, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc. seems to me the thing that’s given value while the person behind the mask is more recently being treated as expendable/dispensable. Which doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, because the person created the mask, and so much of themselves and who they are and what their goals are drove the reasons behind the creation of the identity and the way they behave in that identity. It’s like being a kid and trying on your parents’ clothes or getting hand-me-downs, even if it fits, you didn’t exactly choose it, and you look different wearing it. And I’m calling this capitalist because it feels like capitalism. If we equate being a superhero to a job, which in many ways it really is, especially if you are employed by an organization to do it like SHIELD, then the value is being placed on the role/job, and not with the labor. Capitalism doesn’t give a shit who’s doing the job and how they’re being treated as long as it’s getting done. Employees in the service/retail industry get treated like shit and don’t get paid enough but that will never change unless people have other options and aren’t desperate enough to accept those conditions and get something better. Recently, with the deaths and/or replacements of superheroes in order to have someone else fill the identity in comics and films, the individuals behind the mask, who are the real source of emotional connection and relatability, not the mask, seem to have become dispensable in the eyes of the creators.

And I do get that it’s a shortcut and an attempt to bring in new audiences by putting more modern characters into recognizable roles. But why does the original character have to *die*?

Yeah, superhero-ism is a dangerous occupation, sure, but doesn’t death seem like the most extreme option? It’s not as if there aren’t other possibilities:

1.Having characters be located somewhere else other than New York City or its fictional equivalent (Metropolis, Gotham, etc). There are other major cities in the US where crime happens, let alone other cities in the world. Los Angeles, Chicago, Minneapolis, Dallas, Detroit, Atlanta, Seattle, Philadelphia. Who doesn’t want to imagine a Spider-man or a Batman with a Boston accent? Wouldn’t it be a cool storyline if other Kryptonians not related to Superman escaped Krypton and eventually made it to Earth and moved to different cities and took up mantles and eventually the Kryptonian race could start rebuilding on Earth? Talk about a really interesting and positive way to show a diasporic community. And also, it doesn’t make any sense statistically that the majority of the world’s superheroes are in the US. Put some in Toronto, Paris, London, Cairo, Sydney, Tokyo, Beijing, Moscow, Rome, Athens, Rio, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Seoul, Istanbul, etc. If the Olympics happen there, then there’s probably a lot of people that need saving and crime happening. It’s especially dumb with the alien invasion stories where they show the audience aliens popping up in places other than NYC and suddenly the heroes have to get other there, like unless you got super-speed or teleportation, it’s going to take a while, and how are you even going to communicate with the civilians if there’s a language barrier?

2.Having characters be from other dimensions. Marvel and DC have a history of playing with alternate timelines and multi-verse theory. Into The Spiderverse was a super-popular movie that inspired tons of people to make their own Spidersonas, and the lesson that can be taken from it is that you can take a character and make it still feel unique or individualistic even if you’re using similar themes. Maybe instead of the dimensions having evil versions they have to fight or being fucked up in some other way, make the new version of Wonder Woman or Iron Man or whatever be from an alternate dimension and end up in the main because of science/magic, or a dimension-hopping villain they’re fighting, or an accident, or to get help from other versions of themselves, or even escaping from an apocalypse/doomsday from their own universe. It’s so easy to either send them back to their own universe when you decide you’re done playing with them or keep them around if you want them permanently. Wouldn’t it be fascinating if the Captain America we’re familiar with met a Captain America from an alternate universe where he fought in the American Revolution or for the Union in the Civil War or even in WW1 or Vietnam?

3.Having female characters take on feminine versions of the identity, or vice versa, or non-binary characters find a way to have a gender-neutral version. This has been done with Hulk and She-Hulk, Superman and Supergirl, Captain Marvel and Ms. Marvel back when Captain Marvel was a dude, Spider-man’s daughter May was Spider-girl at one point, Batman’s cousin or something is Batwoman. There’s also been some adjacents, such as AntMan and Wasp or Wolverine and X-23. There are definitely ways that you can use a familiar identity to put more female and non-binary superheroes out there. I mean, military titles (the Captains) or even names like Black Panther, Green Lantern, and Flash aren’t even gendered. You can feminize names if you want to, but I’m pretty sure the female Hawkeye is just straight-up Hawkeye. People like Thor I feel differently about because Thor’s an actual mythological character, not something Marvel came up with, but you could just use a different Norse god/goddess? And yeah, Dr. Strange is the man’s actual name so that’s also a little different, but if he had a daughter or a non-binary child who also got their doctorate, they are in fact entitled to call themselves Dr. Strange rather than something lesser. Not to mention, that whole alternate universe versions point I just made? Yeah, these can be characters from gender-bent alternate universes or a universe where humans are androgynous or something.

4.Have multiple characters use the same secret identity. This would be the perfect concept for twins or friends with the same build. The bank’s been robbed but A is on a date? B can totally show up at the scene! B got really hurt in their last fight? A’s got them covered. There’s a bit of risk to it, like if people recognize they have different voices or someone notices them at two different crises happening at the same time, but that’s just what makes the challenge of pretending to be the same person interesting. And it could get even more complex if you had triplets doing it, or four college roommates, or whatever. It’s also a great excuse to be able to write deep interpersonal relationships and identity struggles. Hell, can you imagine how much scarier multiple Batmans would be? They could play even more on the “you never know where he’s going to be next or what shadow he could be hiding in” thing, like, just when the crook thinks he’s lost Batman, another comes out out of nowhere.

And if superhero writers don’t want to do any of this, there’s also the C-List and D-List heroes that maybe got introduced in like the 70′s or 80′s or whatever but didn’t take or ended up being a blip in another character’s backstory. If you want more modern superheros connected to the major ones so you can use them in the same stories, it is totally valid IMO to try revitalizing these obscure concepts. I have a vested interest in seeing if Monica Rambeau shows up as her hero identity Photon in the Captain Marvel sequel. This idea is still using what you have, but it doesn’t capitalize the lives of the characters you have or make them expendable in any way. In fact, it’s also kind of like recycling, or the opposite of capitalism, because you’re trying to use alternative resources or all of your resources instead of very specific ones to the point of over-saturation.

Look, I’m just very tired of superheroes getting killed off to be replaced by someone else using the same identity or because it’s edgy or dark or whatever. Even a debilitating injury that leaves them in a wheelchair or blind or deaf is a hell of a lot more interesting. Once a character’s dead, they’re dead, there’s nowhere else you can take them unless you bring them back to life (which admittedly happens a lot in superhero universe) or have them hang around as a ghost or something. It’s boring, it doesn’t give the audience any closure and just messes with their emotions for shock value, and it promotes toxic capitalism.

#superheroes #marvel #dc #capitalism #killing characters #alternatives to killing characters

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chaoticoconut · 5 years

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BARBARA GORDON HEADCANONS THAT MAKE ME SWOON!!

(and so can you!! alfkvoekfndnej does anyone get that reference anyhoo)

I couldn't NOT post these idk I was showering and then I was hit with a mf tornado of hcs about my favorite gal and I figured I'd share :))))

Barbara and Tim are actually the most potty mouthed members of the batfam, excluding Kate. Jason is close, but only when he's upset (which probably seems trivial bc he's yk always upset but I hc him a pretty chill if not bitter and snarky guy). Tim cusses more when he's tired, but he consciously tries to bite his tongue. Barbara has no remorse and cusses very casually and openly, because she sees no point in abstaining. It releases endorphins guys. Duh. She uses those ridiculous "holy heck Batman!" lines as Batgirl unless she's genuinely thrown off her game. She limits her cussing a lot as Oracle bc she's not one to offend people, and you never know. It's most definitely a civilian thing for her, and anyone who knows Babs knows she's a fucking sailor.

Her favorite food of all time is pizza. Her dream house has a brick pizza oven. She has a food blog with every pizzeria in the greater Gotham area ranked from best to worst. Her favorite of all time is the Gotham Pizza Garden, which is located in Old Gotham near the police station. Technically it's the second best pizza in Gotham, second to Gargoyle Pie Company, which is renowned for being the epitome of Gotham-style pizza and is always busy. She has a lot of memories of GPG though, and loves both pies. GPG also has an incredible Chicago style pizza, which is her second favorite type of pizza. She does however believe Gotham style is superior and thinks less of Dick for disagreeing (@blanddcheadcanons tie-in heyo!!) Very few things make Babs as happy as gourmet pizza.

She grew up watching Teenage Mutant Turtles, Powerpuff Girls, and Star Trek. They all hold a very special place in her heart. There is totally a connection between her love of pizza and TMNT and turtles and mixed martial arts. She once got the boys to go as the turtles for Halloween, with her crushing it as April.

Speaking of turtles, she's had a pet turtle named after icon Nichelle Nichols since high school. Yes, she does call her Shelly. Yes it's cliche. No she does not care. She also has a calico cat named Cornflake that Dick gave her as a birthday present. She doesn't have pet dogs until she and Dick finally settle down. She never had them growing up because her father is allergic and her mother was a devout cat lady. She's not really sure why she never got any on her own, she's just more familiar with cats. After her mom passed away, she did get a bunch of bunnies whom she and JJ named after their favorite horror movie monsters and serial killers.

She loves slasher flicks. It's a family thing. JJ was creepy about it, Jim loves the thrill, Babs loves the mythos, and her mom was never really afraid of anything and found them funny.

She inherited her mother's love for baking. She left her her cookbook, which contains an amazing mixed berry pie recipe. Her pie baking abilities rival Alfred's. She even begins to branch out with her recipes and experiment with all sorts of fillings and even cake-pies (fanfic au tie-in heyo). Everybody loves a Barbara baked good. She knows everyone's faves and literally crushes holiday season. Dick is all about the og mixed berry pie, whereas Jay, who loves lemon everything (hc I saw awhile ago that I just love) prefers either a lemon meringue or a raspberry lemon. Tim is all about strawberry open face while Steph prefers cherry cheesecake or pecan pie. Cass and Bruce both love her cinnamon apple pie. Duke loves just about anything she bakes, but especially her more adventurous, contest winning pies like kiwi-blueberry-black cherry and other originals. Kate will die for Babs' cherry pie. Damian prefers blackberry or mixed like Dick. Alfred is a sweet potato pie kind of guy himself. There's a farmer's market in Blüdhaven her mother went with her to when she was a kid that Barbara still goes to get get all the fresh fruit.

Even better than Barbara or Alfred baking alone is them baking together. Roy Harper is also a pretty good baker. They all trade recipes with Martha Kent. M'gann brings wine to the manor and assembles them all for fun days of baking.

She's also totally the type of gal who made a shit ton of cupcakes when she ran for class prez and stayed I from Batgirl duties to finish them. Just saying.

She picks baking back up as Oracle but several hero emergencies lead her to burn perfectly good desserts.

She and Roy will always have puppy-love crushes on one another and be totally oblivious. They both did ballet as kids, love baking, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, shameless empty flirting, and tech. They're completely platonic and really great lifelong friends. They met at a Wayne gala as kids.

As if she wasn't already talented enough, she's completely ambidextrous. I'm jealous. Dick and Wally are left handed. Bruce is similarly ambi. Selina's a leftie. Maybe Alfred too.

She likes to enter contests and win for fun. She's a monster. Everything from baking to video games to weight lifting, she loves showing people up.

Dick, Babs, and Tim all snore atrociously loud. The batfam hates it. She's the quietest out of them all, but she's also a blanket hog. And a major cuddler.

Her favorite colors are grey and green. Purple does deserve an honorable mention however. Her apartment is a fair mix of green and grey decor and covered in books.

She was a total ballerina growing up, just like her mom wanted. That was until she discovered how kick ass martial arts were, and she got a little too jacked to continue with ballet as a formidable career option. Her next best option is becoming a cop at this point, but her father believes that not only would it be far too dangerous but a waste of her skills (like ballet cough cough). This upsets her so much she goes off and invents Batgirl, complete with a stole grappling gun from evidence.

In college she works as a barista and excels at it. Her dream is to open up a cafe/bakery/flower shop with Dinah some day. She wants to call her half Bean Me Up Scotty! (another hc I saw and fell in love with)

Babs is also a pretty good cook being that she became the family chef at a young age (Jim can barbeque and make spaghetti. That's literally it. Maybe some breakfast). Cooking lessons from Alfred certainly helped.

Her personality is so versatile. She can get along with pretty much anyone due to her wide range of interests and skills which is what makes Oracle so bad ass. She's also a Libra so she adapts fairly easily to any group without seeming fake.

She has a podcast where she rants about tech and feminism and politics and plays video games

She SO took Latin in high school and dominated competitions. She loves classical studies and is a dork for Greek and Roman mythology as well as linguistics. She has a pretty good grasp on all of the romance languages, and learns languages fairly quickly.

She always smells like mint and books. She has killer mint shampoo and conditioner, which is a Kean family thing (they just love the scent). She always smells refreshing.

She likes coffee but prefers tea always. She's like Ramona Flowers with tea

Her music taste is total 90s nostalgia (grunge, boybands, air pop, ska, hip hop) meets far too indie 4 u. Yes she's pretentious. Yes she loves chick rock and *NSYNC and Britney and Kurt Cobain and Biggie and deal with it. She also loves shit you've never even heard of. Was totally into the Gotham punk scene as a teen.

She collects vinyl and books and horror flicks ugh hipster queen

She loves spicy food and Dick cannot stand it. They both like sour candy though

If your Barbara Gordon didn't graduate high school at 16 she doesn't have rights

She was all of the Robin's first crush. Duh. Tim will always think she's the gold standard of women. He likes that she usually sticks up for him. He doesn't mind being seen as her male equivalent lmao

At some point Jay and Babs are roommates and it's literally the best I'll talk abt that later

Her type is guys with dark hair or blonde gals.

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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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New Titans #112

Don't you worry your pretty little head about Red Star's right leg.

I keep trying to organize my life so that I can read more actual books (as opposed to comic books which I'm not judging. I'm just differentiating) without having to sacrifice any of the other things I enjoy doing. What that generally means is that I wind up reading about ten pages every morning before going to bed (I work nights!). Which realistically means I need to do improve my time management if I'm going to be serious about reading. I have managed to read the first "book" of Alan Moore's Jerusalem but it's taken me a fucking long time to do it. I thought it would take me a long time because I was expecting a difficult read but I'm finding it enjoyable. Plus by the time I've finished, I'm fairly certain I'll be able to navigate Northampton with ease. I'm also wondering if all the descriptions of the characters' movements through the city are an encoded treasure map! Or, being that Alan Moore wrote it, it's more likely a spell to summon some sex demons. While organizing (and by organizing, I mean the main definition of organizing: moving shit around in a way that makes you feel like you're accomplishing something but really you're just engaging in an activity to forget about your mortality for awhile. Plus you can generally get some really fucking good dusting done), I managed to place all of the books from various book shelves that I have yet to finish reading (or that I simply want to reread) on the top shelf of the row of bookcases in my office. Jerusalem is first on that list followed by some books by high school friends (Rogue's Curse by Jason Beymer and Soy Rakelson's children's books that I'm willing to bet everything I own as well as my life and my mother's life on that they're black and white morality tales with a super conservative and possibly Ayn Randian view of the world). After that is There Is No Year which Doom Bunny gave me because it's supposedly a terrible book that I'm not sure he even finished and which I wanted to make fun of (but, hey, maybe I'll love it!) and the rest: Inside the Yellow Submarine, Trixie Belden Mystery-Quiz Book #1, Don Quixote, Gravity's Rainbow, Lost in the Funhouse (reread!), A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, And the Ass Saw the Angel (by Nick Cave!), King's The Wind Through the Keyhole (A Dark Tower book!), Crime and Punishment, Hey Nostradamus!, The Best of H.P. Lovecraft, The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren, The Boomer Bible (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-read), Six Volumes of The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night (finished with one and a half volumes after owning this set for twenty five years!), The Holy Bible (currently reading for my Patreon), The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry (Second Edition) (because I need poetic context for the 20th century!), Only Revolutions, The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick, and The Familiar (currently just book one but there's going to be like nine hundred of them, so maybe I won't even bother!). Oh, and I just added We Learn Nothing (reread) and I Wrote This Book Because I Love You, both by Tim Kreider. I'll probably start with those because funny essays are easier to get through than anything by Dostoevsky, Danielewski, Pynchon, Cervantes, Barth, Joyce, or Sakelson! I mean Rakelson! Oh man. Rakelson would have a stroke if he knew I listed his name with all those postmodern authors! Not that they're all postmodern. You can figure out which ones are and aren't on your own. I'm busy reading New Titans #112 which must be good since Starfire is naked on the cover. Okay, almost naked. She is wearing a dickie and a belt. I know a lot of you just skipped that big paragraph while thinking, "Oh, la dee da! What a fancy book reader you are! Fucking virtue signaler! Or whatever the term for listing or showing off your reading list full of classic literary texts is! Seems like virtue signaler works well enough! Better even than what idiotic fuck nuggets use it for on Twitter anyway!" But maybe you missed the part about how those are books I haven't been able to get through yet! I've owned some of these books for over a decade! And I didn't even put The Collected Works of Gertrude Stein on this shelf because do I need to be reminded that I used that book more as an address book than something to read? Although I carried it with me everywhere I went for a year or two (which is why it's full of phone numbers and addresses!). And I really did want to read it. I didn't carry it around so people could think, "Look at him with that book! Who the fuck is Gertrude Stein? What a ponce!" Although to be fair, I did leave off a few books on my "to-read" shelf! But it wasn't because they weren't smart enough sounding! It's because they were comic books and also pornography and also also fucking hilarious.

One of my friends in the state department who learns a brand new language every four years or so bonded with me over Oglaf last time he visited. He was all, "I'm glad I know somebody I can share my love of Oglaf with and not be looked at like a completely demented perv!" Although I do look at him like he's a completely demented perv, I didn't need to admit it to his face!

I embrace my delusion that readers merely skipped "one" paragraph of my comic book "reviews"! This issue is called "A New Home" and my brain continued to add to that title with "o-erotic Journey." Mostly because of this panel:

Fairly certain "bamming" a baby is illegal, even in space.

The Titans (and I use that term loosely since the characters encompassed by that shorthand are Changeling, Red Star, Pantha, Baby, and Starfire) have been stranded on The Terraist's space station. That name probably could use a hyphen so you don't first read it as terRAIST twelve times thinking "What the fuck does that mean?" before your brain finally sees the God-awful pun and you give up, finally letting go of that last gossamer thread that's been connecting you to the reality you just discovered doesn't fucking matter. How can there be any meaning to existence when an editor greenlights the name "Terraist"? I'm sure Wolfman's pitch contained at least two dozen "Get it?!"s. Anyway, maybe most readers never even noticed, shrugging their shoulders at every single moment in which a comic book doesn't make sense because at least Starfire is practically naked throughout the last few issues! I have a theory that most people don't really absorb much of what they're reading in comic books. They tend to just love a character for some magic reason and stick with loving that character no matter what terrible writer winds up writing them. And at that point, they just ignore plot holes and inconsistencies and terrible dialogue and whatever the fuck Ann Nocenti does with her typewriter. They simply go star-eyed and gape lovingly at the drawn images of Dick Grayson's throbbing buttocks. That was a hypothetical sentence and not a memoir. Here's a panel with evidence that might lead to proof of my theory if I could actually interview anybody who read this comic book in 1994 and ask them, "Did you even notice this panel?" To which they would all probably respond, "No, I was distracted by the opposite page where you can see tons of Starfire's side-boob and I think one of her outer labia." Um, anyway, the panel I mentioned:

Damn, Marv. Beyond the Forest was nearly fifty years old at the time this comic came out.

To be fair to Wolfman and Changeling, I did an Internet search on "Whatta dump" (and, yes, I spelled it differently than Marv did) and the first hit was video of the scene where Bette Davis says the line. What's odd is that she delivers it flatter and straighter than anything I would have expected out of Bette Davis's eyes...I mean mouth. Gar's rendition of it is terrible! The way Bette says it, I would never think to spell it any way but "What a dump." But that's not the point! The point is how is "What a dump!" a immortal words?! Granted, you're probably now thinking to yourself, "Well, how did X and Y and Z become oft-quoted movie lines?!" (where X and Y and Z are actual phrases from movies and not just letters. But I'm not psychic so how should I know what terrible oft-quoted movie lines you were thinking of? Mine would have been "Seven schools in seven states and the only different is my locker combination" or "William H. Bonny. You are not a god?" "Why don't you pull the trigger and find out?" or "Ziggy Piggy! Ziggy Piggy! Ziggy Piggy! Ziggy Piggy!") I suppose one can't help what phrases the zeitgeist picks up on. According to the YouTube video of Bette Davis, "What a dump" is Bette's famous bitchy line from that movie I'd never heard of. I guess I just haven't traveled in the right circles! Although I have heard the phrase "What a dump!" Has everybody in the world been quoting Bette Davis all this time and I just didn't know it?! Was this movie the first time that phrase was ever uttered?! To think I could have known all of this if I hadn't been distracted by Starfire's side-boob and — I'm fairly certain — one of her outer labia. To shut Gar up, Starfire admits that she doesn't remember any of them and then she punches Pantha in her vagina.

Starfire punching Pantha in the vagina is funnier than anything that Pantha has said in the last forty issues.

After punching Pantha in the vagina, Starfire knees Red Star in the balls for no reason. Unless the reason is that she's been wanting to do that for a long time and her pretend amnesia allows her this moment! I suppose I'd fake amnesia too to get away from being a Titan. I've been joking about seeing Starfire's outer labia but is this it? Is that one of those things?

Is my boner proof that it's her labia or is my boner proof that I'm a comic book reading virgin nerd?

I can't wait for everybody to message me telling me how that can't be her outer labia because that's not where it would be and anyway this photographic proof I'm sending you is what one looks like! Then I can actually them and say, "Well, you can't know that for sure! She's an alien and maybe her outer labia is fully engorged due to Pantha back-fucking her!" Also I'd really enjoy some of that photographic evidence!

This is not what I would do with those photographs.

Garfield turns into another monster because he can't do birds and rhinos anymore. He lies on top of Starfire and then reveals something that destroys every moment in DC canon where Garfield turned into a rhino to knock some hugely muscled bad guy on their ass. He tells Red Star, "Hey, I may be big and ugly but my mass doesn't change! I'm not as strong as she is!" Well fuck me! The whole concept of Beast Boy has been based on a huge lie! Or at least scientific principles that make the character utterly worthless. Why the fuck would he ever change into a huge beast if his mass doesn't change? Wouldn't he always change into something small and fast to be most effective?! This revelation is one of those moments where DC tries to make their universe more logical but only winds up fucking up the entire multiverse. Red Star and Changeling knock Starfire unconscious and then tie her up which probably isn't totally rapey at all, even if the artist draws it that way.

Yep. Everything is just fine here! Move along.

Meanwhile on Earth, Arsenal, Aqualad, and Flash consider a proposal from the United States government to get the Titans to work for them. They consider it over a couple waters at a local strip club named Ding Dong Daddy's." I mean, the comic book calls it a "retro club" but everybody either gets a private lap dance or laid. It's hard to tell what Marv Wolfman was going for with this scene. Proof that the young cool Titan men fuck? Proof that women are only to provide relief for men's sexual desires? Proof that Aqualad should maybe think twice before saying "Hey guys! We came together!" when women are throwing their vaginas at them?

How long does Aqualad think a lap dance takes?

Back in space while the reader was away, Red Star and Changeling have managed to put a gag on Starfire and tie her legs together. That makes things less rapey, right? If not, I'm sure Marv will improve the situation in a sensitive and professional manner!

Oh come on!

Starfire remembers everything while Changeling whines about how he didn't get to kiss Starfire while she was tied up and scared and beaten and suffering from amnesia. Poor kid! Maybe next time! After regaining her memory, Starfire says, "X'hal! That was dick I saw in South America!" and I snicker like a twelve year old. The first decision Starfire makes after regaining her memory is that she and Dick should get their marriage annulled, if it even took which I'm pretty sure it didn't. If you were a fan of reading the letters pages, whoever the letter answer person was constantly kept pointing out that they couldn't be married because the priest blew up before he could say they were man and wife. But now Wolfman provides more evidence like how no paper work was filed and nobody signed anything (although don't you sign the papers before the ceremony?) Anyway, they're not married and probably never will be if the last twenty five years of reading comic books has taught me anything!

Snicker!

Baby has an idea to use The Terraist's satellite as their new headquarters and the government is all, "Okay! But you have to work with us on a minimum number of yearly missions!" And Roy Harper is all, "That number is zero!" And the government is all, "Yes sir! What a deal! We will pay you a salary, give you the satellite, and get nothing in return! Let's shake on it!"

Who the fuck is wearing The Flash's costume?! First appearance of New 52 Wally West?

The epilogue reveals Raven needs to rape the Titans so that they'll all give birth to Trigon's children. So it should be a fun few final issues before either this comic book was cancelled or I finally recovered my sanity and simply stopped buying it. New Titans #112 Rating: B. It was all kinds of stupid but I enjoyed making fun of it!

#Teen Titans #New Titans #DC Comics #DC #Comic Book Review

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rason-rodd · 6 years

Note

SUP! Seeming as requests are open could I PRETTY PLEASE request a Jason X reader fic? Maybe it could have Jason taking the reader out on a date somewhere. And he’s really awkward and dorky because HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO DATE-. And maybe like super overly protective and the reader is so chill about it coz he’s just so adorkable >///

There you go. 100% fluff and funny. I hope you’ll like it ;-)

Warning: Language, Mention of alcohol, violence and sex.

An Adorkable Moron (Jason Todd x Reader)

“Start with the wide end of the tie on the right and the small end on the left. The tip of the small end should rest slightly above your belly-button…”

Hands struggling with the silk dark red tie, Jason’s blue eyes were occasionally glancing towards the screen of his computer to check if he was doing great. He was grumbling, frustrated, impatient and above all … stressed. How could a Windsor knot be that complicated, for fuck’s sake?

“ You have to be kidding me.” He heard an all too familiar snickering voice by the door and closed briefly his eyes to mumble a inaudible curse. Then, he glowered at the red-haired woman leant against the door frame that had dared disturb him. If his eyes could have killed, then Artemis Grace would be fucking dead by now… and possibly turned to ashes too. “You’re going to tell me that you can load and unload a gun in few seconds but you can not tie a tie.” “ I can tie a tie. I’m just … rusty.” He confessed as he let the fabric fall between his hands.Artemis chuckled briefly but eventually approached to help him. “There. Give it to me. Before you start sweating in your pathetically ironed black shirt.”“ What are you talking about? It’s perfectly ironed.” She glanced up at him as she knotted the tie around his neck with a look that meant everything. “I thought your butler would have taught you how to pass for a gentleman.” “Well he did teach me a few things but I never truly listened.” “There. All done.” She said as she adjusted the tie. “Now you definitely look like a penguin.”“ What?” He replied, obviously offended. “Yeah. But I’m guessing if you’re bringing your date to the Ice Lounge Bar that it should be fine.” “ Grayson advised me on the clothes to wear tonight.” “ Okay A/ Did he tell you to look like a member of Green Day with a pitchfork up your bottom? B/ As far as I know, he’s not a fashion icon.” “ Alright” Jason sighed, pitching the bridge of his straight nose. “Three things. One, it’s a poker up your ass, Ar. Two, since when do you know Green Day? and three, You’re right.” “ Of course I am … and don’t you ever underestimate my knowledge of your edgy musical taste again.” Jason shrugged and decided to stop he conversation right there. He knew he would not have the last word. “Where are you taking her/him anyway tonight?” “ Remember the restaurant I brought you on Valentine’s day?” Artemis’ green eyes widened in shock. “ You men are so lame.”

So he changed everything. No more stupid tie. Black shirt, fine but with a pair of jeans. “Be yourself … I mean, sort of.” His Amazon friend had said. Sort of? What did ‘sort of’ mean?” A bouquet in his hands, he walked up the steps leading to your apartment three by three as he cleared his throat, trying to think of the things he would say when you open the door. “You look gorgeous, tonight. No ravishing? Too much? Splendid? No … Shit” And for a second he wished he was Dick. He wished he had some real self-confidence and not this ridiculous insecurity hidden behind his bad boys looks. He wished he had that soft and charming perfectly white smile that would allow him to stay quiet and still be sure to have the chance to go on a second date. He wished he had that same lame humour that inexplicably made every girl laugh and not this deadpan sarcasm. Actually, he wished there was no date at all.

He hated dates! He hated first dates even more. He had been on three dates in his all life and not even once had it been a success. Artemis. Isabel. Essence (what is a date?). All failures! He had never brought the girl back home. Meeting someone in a bar, around a nice beer and chat that was more his thing. Not this wooing stuff.

Jason sighed and finally rang at the door. His hands were so sweaty. Why were they sweaty? “Damn it” He wiped them quickly on his jeans, placing the bouquet between his legs, and you opened the door with a grin, catching him off guard. “Hi. You’re early.” “Hi. You’re…” He looked for his words until you cut him short. “Not ready. Sorry.” You smiled confused. “But come in.” You waved him to enter and he did.

A hand in his pocket and the other tightened around the bouquet, you could tell he was a bit uncomfortable. He looked around the place, not by curiosity … well, maybe a little … but also because he didn’t dare look at you. Because if he looked at you then he would have to say something and right now he had no clue what to say. “They are for me?” You pointed at the flowers. He glanced quickly at the flowers and handed them to you even faster. “Yeah.” You took them and smell them. “ They are beautiful. Thank you.”“They didn’t really appreciate the ride.” He grimaced. “ They are perfect. You didn’t have too” You said to reassure him as you put them in a flowerpot. “What don’t you sit on the couch while I finish getting ready?” You proposed.“Yeah.” He tried to smile. Instead he had a weird sneer. You chuckled and disappeared towards your bedroom. “ Make yourself at home. I won’t be long.” You yelled. “ No problem.” Yeah, right. No problem, my ass. Jason sat on the couch and started tapping on his thighs. He knew he had to relax, that it was going to be fine. But right now, he had that poker in his ass –or pitchfork, as Artemis would say, since it was hurting like a bitch – and he couldn’t get rid of it. “Stop acting so scared, Jason. You’re a man. You’re the Red Hood.” He whispered.“ You can put some music on if you want” He heard you scream from your bedroom.Wait? Was it a test? Were you testing his tastes? His eyes widened. “No it’s okay. I’m cool.” “ You don’t like music?” You asked trying to make him talk a little bit. “ Sure I do.” He answered very fast. “ What do you like?” You rummaged in your closet looking at your clothes, not knowing what would be really appropriate for tonight, what would send the right message. The one that meant “We’re doing this date thing but I know it’s completely useless and hey! We should kiss already.” This shirt? Too see-through. You don’t wanna him to believe you want a one-night stand. This one? Turtle neck really? What are you? A nun/priest? “ Many things.” He mumbled as he observed the apartment to find a clue on what you liked. Hopefully the Spotify page was opened. He scrolled. Last titles played. “ Ariana Grande.”

You frowned. He liked Ariana Grande? “Really?” “ Yeah. ‘No tears left to cry’ is great” He declared from the living room. “Demi Lovato, too.” You almost dropped your top. Was he reading your roommate’s playlist? You shook your head with a mocking laugh and came back into the living room. “Didn’t know you liked popular music.” “ You look perfect” He said without thinking. You blushed slightly, definitely not insensitive to the compliment. “You’re not bad yourself.” He scratched his skull, keeping his distance. “ So where are we going?” “ I had booked a table in a fancy restaurant in Centre Gotham but Artemis made me cancel saying that I was lame or something like that.” You frowned. “You don’t wanna know why. So I was thinking that we could ride to Blüdhaven and stroll by the harbour and maybe have something to eat. I took a helmet for you and …” You smiled, touched by his embarrassment and his unexpected romanticism. “… or we can go elsewhere if you prefer.” “ That sounds like a good idea to me.” You admitted, sincerely. He smiled like a little boy. You could tell he was so happy you agreed and yet so stressed.

Once outside, you followed him to his bike and he handed you a helmet and a leather jacket that was way too big. You put them on and he double-checked if the helmet fitted you. “We’re never safe enough.” You chuckled, finding him irresistibly cute. “Look at you, all protective.” “ I’m serious. Security is not a joke” He put down the visor to annoy you and it worked. “Hey!” You grumbled to make him laugh a bit, hoping that he would loosen up a little but it didn’t. “Come on. Sit behind me.” He said as he got on the bike. You obeyed and wrapped your hands around his chest, holding him tight.” He shivered slightly, fining the sudden proximity quite pleasant and started the engine.

You loved it. The speed. The wind. The view. The sensation of freedom. It was amazing. “Woooo” You screamed as Jason overtook a new car. He smirked behind his helmet and accelerated. “ You’re okay back there?” “ This is awesome!!” He wished it would have lasted longer but you reached Blüdhaven in merely twenty minutes. You parked and Jason helped you take off the helmet. Your hair were completely dishevelled, you knew it. “ Why did I bother styling my hair?” You asked as you blew a strand of hair away from your face. “ You still look beautiful.” He admitted before clearing his throat. “Shall we?” “Yeah”

The night was great… Or at least that’s what you tried to believe. Jason kept his hands in his pockets the entire evening as you walked along the neon-lighted pier. He didn’t touched you, didn’t try to hold your hand or to brush your skin with his fingers when you had passed him his drink early on. Instead he remained face down, barely answering your question as you were relentlessly trying to make conversation. Why was he that nervous? You weren’t that intimidating. You were quite talkative and likeable on the contrary. What if he didn’t like you? You suddenly wondered. No. He wouldn’t have brought flowers and all. Or maybe he was disappointed. Maybe he found you boring. You lost your chill in a flash and your eyes widened in apprehension. So you asked. “ You’re feeling okay? Did I do something wrong?” He immediately stopped walking to stare at you. “What?! No. Why?” “ You’re very distant.” “ I am?” You nodded and he immediately sighed. “Look, Jay. If you don’t like me or…”“ What? No! Of course I like you. I like you a lot even.” He mumbled without even taking a breath. “ So why are you like this? Am I scaring you or something?” He didn’t reply and then you got it. “Oh my god! I am scaring you!” You laughed like you never laughed before even though it wasn’t that funny and he glowered at you. “ It’s not funny.” He muttered but you couldn’t help it. You needed to laugh. You had been way too serious tonight because of his uneasiness “Stop mocking me.” “ I’m sorry. I’m gonna stop.” You promised as you took a deep breath, small tears watering your eyes. “It’s just. I’m not a date kind of guy. I suck at dates. I hate dates.”“ That I understood.” “ And you’re an amazing girl/guy and … I … I don’t know what I was thinking. I was impressed. I wanted everything to be perfect even if that meant acting like someone I’m not. I almost put a tie, for fuck’s sake.” You chuckled and he continued. “ And I don’t even like Ariana Grande.” You burst out laughing. “ I don’t either.” “ I saw your playlist.” He shouted, outraged. “ That wasn’t mine. It was my roomate’s.” You swore for a second that he did all he could not to shout. “ Worst date ever.”“ I wouldn’t say. I found you quite adorable … adorkable even.” He sighed and leant against the balustrade along the pier. You did the same and you both remained quiet for a short while. “ Can you chill now?” “ I’m chill.” He retorted rather coldly. “ No you’re not. Come on. Let’s do something else.” “ Seriously? You still want to stay with a moron like me?” “ I happen to like morons like you.” You winked and you extended your hand. He watched it for a second and finally grabbed it with a smirk on his face. “ And I’m guessing that you must know a place where they are more at ease.” “Yep. It’s called a bar.” He curled his fingers between yours holding tightly your hand. This was way better already.

And it had been incredible. Nice music. Beers. Cheering and laughing people. And Jason being suddenly all relaxed and surprisingly physical and tactile. Holding your hand, caressing you and occasionally brushing your hair with his fingers. You had enjoyed it so much you hadn’t wanted it to end. But it had eventually. It had ended when after Jason had left you alone for a moment to order some new drinks a man had come to your table to flirt with you. It had made Jason see red and come back to you in a matter of two seconds. “Hands off, asshole.” They would have fought if you hadn’t held him back. You were sure of it. “ Come on, Jay. He’s not worth it. Don’t ruin the night because of him.”“ Yeah, Jay. Listen to your bitch.” The man had mocked him. You had both frozen and Jason had looked daggers at the man. “Excuse me, baby.” He had punched him. A nice right hook in the jaw that had knocked him out and silenced the entire bar. “Better. Let’s go.”

And now here you were, back at your apartment, on the doormat. You looked for your keys in silence, as Jason was again quite uncomfortable, looking down at his shoes. “You’re not mad at me about that asshole in the bar, I hope?” So that’s what it was now. “No.” You admitted. “ It was actually really nice to see you that jealous and overprotective. Sexy even. But it scared me too. Who knows? We could have started a terrible bar fight.” He snickered. “ Sexy, huh?” He repeated with a smirk. You blushed and bit your lips. “Let’s say it didn’t leave indifferent.” “ I know something else that would not leave you indifferent as well.” He whispered with a suddenly very seductive low voice as he bent over to approach your face. You didn’t move and gazed at him while he grabbed your waist to hold you still and caress your lips with his. “You’re an adorkable moron, you know that.” “ If you let me in, you will say something very different tomorrow.”

#Jason Todd #red hood #fans #Fanfic Request #fanfic #answer request #red hood and the outlaws

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addicted-to-dc · 7 years

Text

The Batfamily X Reader- Rescuing You?

Warning: Swearing, kidnapping, guns, fighting

Groaning, you groggily sat up, gasping at the pain in your head. It felt like the beginning of a migraine, but it was fading slowly. It was dark, allowing your headache to be less painful, and smelled like something took a long dump after going to a Mexican restaurant and then died, maybe vomiting a little bit before dying. Faint footsteps and voices could be heard a couple rooms away, but from where you were you could tell that you were not at the manor. Alfred would chop off his own hand before he’d let the manor smell like this, especially since Dick attempted to cook a meal. Pushing those thoughts aside, you focused on the room, trying to figure out where you were. Grasping a table, you pushed yourself up, barely able to stand properly. Yeah, you were definitely drugged. Scanning the room, you walked over to a boarded window and looked through the space in between the wooden planks. You could see a few buildings, but the most important clue was the homemade sign that had ‘Memory Lane’ poorly spray painted onto it. You were in the Joker’s territory, and that meant you had to deal with that asshole.

Knowing what you had to do, you looked up to see the wooden beams supporting the roof, smiling as a plan formulated in your head. You looked over to the door, listening for any movement before you climbed onto the table and pulled yourself into the rafters. Moving silently, you climbed through the rafters until you were right above the door, waiting for anyone to open the door.

“-let’s just hope she’s still knocked out when we get her. Joker wants her ready for the- What the hell?”

The door slammed open, two men entered with guns raised. You watched as they walked over to where you originally were, silently making your way down the rafters.

“You sure this is the right room?”

“Of course it’s the right room!”

Using this distraction, you ran up to the men and wrapped your arm around one of their necks while locking your ankles around the other’s, taking them down with your body weight. They crashed to the floor, grasping your arm or leg in vain before they lost consciousness.

“Two down, a shit ton to go.”

----------------------------

“Multiple gunshots are coming from the building, guys!” Dick shouted while navigating through traffic. “Are any of you guys close to (Y/N)’s location?”

“I’m about two minutes away,” Jason responded. “Make that one.”

“We are close, Grayson,” Damian informed him. “Father has also added multiple contusions to myself and the Batmobile with his infernal driving.” “Thank you for your much needed input,” Jason said sarcastically. “Tim, what about you?”

“I’m here,” he said, watching as the rest of the Batfamily stops in front of the building, “and I don’t think (Y/N) is okay.”

“There are still gunshots,” Bruce said, getting out of the Batmobile. “Let’s go.”

Nodding, they attached their grappling hooks to the roof and broke through the windows of the first floor room, readying their weapons for a fight.

“Guys,” Dick said, peering over a crate, “I don’t think (Y/N) needs our help.”

“What?” Jason asked, peering over the crate just in time to see you throw a gun at a goon’s head and take him down with a few hits. “What the fuck?”

“Language, Todd,” Damian scowled, watching you fight. “I agree with Grayson, sister does not need our help.”

They watched as you finished off the last criminal with one punch to the nose and a kick to the stomach, making some of the boys flinch.

Turning around, you say the boys and your father staring at you, “Hey, guys, what are you doing here?”

“Rescuing you?” Tim said confusedly, still trying to process what he saw. “How in the world did you learn how to fight like that?”

You scoffed, “Alfred taught me how to fight, I’m not that surprised that you didn’t find out.”

“Wait,” Dick said, “you know?”

“We live in the same damn house, Dick,” you scoffed, “and don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I was only kidnapped and scarred for life for a couple of hours.”

“I’m impressed, sister,” Damian said, glancing around the room.

“Of course you are, Alfred is the most bad ass member of this family,” you said, walking out of the room, “and you didn’t have to crash through the window like that. I swear you guys are more dramatic than telenovela actors.”

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ao3feed-brucewayne · 7 months

Text

Why Bruce Should Not Have The Title of World's Greatest Detective Anymore a presentation by Tim Drake

by Puppies_and_Nightlock Bruce didn't know the Super Sons were dating somehow, and Tim compiled a list of evidence of a bunch of moment here he should have caught on, but did not. Featuring Confused and Tired Dad Bruce, PowerPoint master Tim, Traumatized Dick, and an embarrassed Damian. Super Sons Week Bonus Day: Family and Legacy (this one won by a landslide on the tumblr poll) Words: 1238, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (Movie 2022), Super Sons (Comics) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Jonathan Kent, Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd, Duke Thomas, Dick Grayson Relationships: Jonathan Kent/Damian Wayne, Jonathan Samuel Kent/Damian Wayne, Jonathan Kent & Damian Wayne, Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne & Duke Thomas Additional Tags: Tired Dad Bruce, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, hes just tired man and that makes him stupid, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit, damian is very very done with life, jason thinks everything is fucking funny, Good Sibling Tim Drake, dick dies inside bc omfg they BABIES, they not babies but like, they his children sort of, jon and damian are sneaky litte shits tho, good liars, well damian is, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), they lurve each other, also its canon duke swears a shit ton so he says fuck via https://ift.tt/0VeMYL4

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the caped crusader #gotham #dcu #dc #ao3 #ao3feed

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ao3feed-superbat · 7 years

Text

Kryptonese

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2xEI6be

by Gothic_Lolita

Bruce learns Kryptonese and finally knows what Clark is saying. It had the effect of making him leave the Justice League, but Clark isn't giving up quite yet.

Words: 3132, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne

Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Justice League Characters - Freeform, I'm too lazy to list them all - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Like Way Worse, a shit ton of angst, It Ends With Fluff Though, TimKon Hinted At, Bat Family, Tim is a little Shit, Getting Together

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2xEI6be

#ao3feed #superbat #world's finest #Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne #Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

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linzerj · 7 years

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Responding to old tags

Y’all i have a lot of tags to respond to and I’m getting it all done here so:

Tagged by @puddingmcmuffin and @lilbluestem

Rules: Answer the 20 questions below and tag 20 people you want to get to know better.

nicknames: Linz

zodiac sign: Leo

height: 5′10″

orientation: asexual (???)

favorite fruit: plums or apples or grapes

favorite season: Fall

favorite book: Shit man don’t make me choose uuuuhhhhhh I’m really liking the Mortal Instruments books so far (and can’t wait to catch up on the show)

favorite flower: idk uh violets

favorite scent: COOKIES

favorite color: Green

favorite animal: DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE uhhhhh UUUUUHHHHHH stingrays

coffee | tea | hot cocoa: If i had to choose, hot cocoa, but I don’t really like any of these, i just want a glass of milk

average sleep hours: pffffft idk it depends on the night but probably around 7

cat or dog person: doggos

favorite fictional character: Blue Beetle, Korra, Pidge, Mabel Pines, Sokka, Toph.... shit man I like too many I can’t choose

number of blankets you sleep with: i’m assuming this doesn’t include sheets? usually just 1, unless i’m cold then i’ll grab a second

dream trip: Yellowstone national park would be awesome to see

blog created: pfffft i dont remember sometime in 2015 when i got real hype about gravity falls

number of followers: 299!!! (WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE?? I’M SO CLOSE TO 300 AAAAH)

random fact: my pup is 11 but still acts like she’s 2

Tagged by @fire-fira

Answer these 11 questions then create 11 questions for those tagged to answer (I’m not actually tagging anyone back I’m sorry)

1. What’s your favorite drink? Water? or orange juice

2. (I’m borrowing this question from @wondrgirl just because it’s such a good one.) If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? a lot but idk i guess I would fix the climate and restore endangered animals??

3. Who is one character that you like that you never expected to like in the first place? BLUE BEETLE oh my gosh when I first saw him in YJ i was like ‘this kid is weird’ and then after Salvaged I was like “I LOVE THIS KID AND NEED MORE”

4. What’s the weirdest AU you can think of for that character off the top of your head right this moment? An AU for my own character Liz where she’s actually chosen to be the next Grim Reaper. It’s weird because she’s pretty chill and positive and her ghost obsession is to save lives so her being the Grim Reaper makes no sense but it’s an AU that exists within my head

5. What’s one random fact that immediately comes to mind? Male platypuses (platypi?) have poisonous barbs on their feet (so why did Perry the Platypus never use these to his advantage when fighting Dr. Doofenshmirtz?)

6. Do you have a favorite word in your first language? What is it? What about a word from another language? Dude idk my favorite English word is probably “fuck” because it can convey lots of different meanings depending on context. In another language? Idk I like “mariposa” which is Spanish for butterfly

7. What food do you wish didn’t exist? meatloaf

8. If you could get a college degree in anything (and I do mean anything– tumblr, superheroes, fictional aliens, ANYTHING) what would it be? UGYREIJWOFGHU dude i dunno a degree in Dinosaur Movie Science or some shit

9. What’s the most recent song you’ve had stuck in your head? Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

10. Do you have the sort of family you’d want to introduce your friends to, or would you prefer to spare your friends ever having to meet them? I mean I guess? I’ve introduced most of my real friends, if not all of them, to my family already and they’re pretty chill so it’s no big deal

11. Has there ever been a character who you wish was part of your family if they were real? Which character? Shit dude idk, the Pines family maybe or Jaime Reyes or something

Tagged by @fire-fira again

name: Linz

height: 5′10″

hogwarts house: shiiiiit I’m one of those who could be in Ravenclaw, except I feel like I’d almost fit better in Hufflepuff, and idk which one i want, so I just call myself a Ravenpuff

go to SSBB character: I don’t play often, but when I do, I’m either Kirby or Yoshi or occasionally Pikachu

fictional character i’d date: Uh… Cassandra Cain/Black Bat? I’m kind of drawing a blank for the most part.

favorite band or artist: i don’t really have a favorite?

when did i make this blog: whenever the Gravity falls episode “Not What He Seems” aired, so March 2015

how many blogs do i follow: 157

what do i post about: A LARGE variety of fandoms that i dont feel like listing atm sorry fam

do i get asks on a regular basis: Nope

aesthetic: shit dude idk nature and the sky and forests and stuff???

(Okay Fira tagged me with 2 other suuuuper long posts (one’s 92 questions the other is 82 holy shit dude, i’ll do those later)

Tagged by @thearmada4231

Rules: Tag 10 followers you wanna get to know better! (I’m sorry I’m not tagging anyone, EVERYONE consider themselves tagged)

birthday: August 21 height: 5′10 time right now: 10:54pm ... i gotta pack and move up to college tomorrow fuck last thing i googled: ssbb because i had no idea what that stood for haha favourite fictional character: tooooo many but uh, Bolin, Korra, Toph, Sokka, Katara, Suki, Zuko, Aang, Asami, Jaime Reyes, Bart Allen, Khaji Da, Conner Kent, Dick Grayson, Damien Wayne, Starfire, Minerva McGonagall, Fred and George Weasley, Simon from Shadowhunters, Magnus Bane, lots more too shit favourite famous person: ??? idk favourite book: again don’t make me choose...what did i say earlier? Well now its Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold favourite band: um idk Imagine Dragons, Sleeping at Last, Mumford and Sons, Pink Floyd, a shit ton more song stuck in your head right now: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons last movie i saw: In theatres, Spider-Man: Homecoming. At home, Doctor Strange last show i watched: i don’t even know, i think it was a Gravity Falls rerun? or maybe Seinfeld dream job: ????????????????????????? what is your fanfic author name: Linzerj if you could be anywhere right now where would it be?: somewhere without bugs, like outer space

#tagged #long post

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