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sepia-stained-sunset · 1 year

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Bruce being so done with life because none of his kids treat their medical files on the batcomputer with the importance it deserves. And the worst part is, he can't tell if it's on purpose or if they're all Just Like That.

Dick:

He loves his eldest son but for some reason, he refuses to do anything but put down estimated recovery times in his injuries folder. It's usually in the range of "2 weeks" to "48 hours" but that just leaves Bruce worrying about what happened.

One time, he put down 3 months and he nearly had a heart attack till his son called and told him Kor'i had dumped him and that this was how long he was going to be wallowing.

Jason:

Is nice enough to tell him what happened but doesn't add the degree of injury.

So he'll put down "stabbed" but won't elaborate on whether it was a flesh wound or worse. Bruce goes grey very, very early after Jason is on the field.

Tim:

Gives him just the location of the injury and leaves him to guess what happened.

Could say "arm" or "back of the head" or, on one memorable occasion, "spleen", but won't say what the heck happened to any of those parts.

Was he stabbed?? Shot at?? Who knows. Certainly not Bruce.

Damian:

Only mentions the retribution he got for any injuries he received.

"It's been handled", "he'll never be able to get the drop on me again" and more often than not, just the word "avenged".

Bruce is surprised he has any of his original hair colour left at all.

Duke:

By far the worst one. He writes down injuries in terms of his own pain scale.

Could write "OW!" or "Not Gucci" or "Better than that time Jason hit me in the face with a TV remote".

Once wrote "Non-fatal" which sent Bruce into a spiral because "holy shit Duke?? What do you mean non-fatal?? Yeah I sure hope your injuries weren't lethal?!"

Cass:

Has never been injured on patrol. Often leaves him question marks in her file which...yeah, fair enough.

#batfam shenanigans #bruce wayne #tired dad bruce wayne #batkids #batsiblings #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #duke thomas #cass cain #long post #batdad #batfam #batfam shitpost

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therandomfandomme · 3 months

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I know it's not really canon bc Alfred is seemingly ageless, but I like the idea that he was like 30-ish when Bruce was orphaned. Like Martha Wayne was like 20 when she had Bruce and 28 when she died with Thomas being 23 at Bruce's birth and 31 at the time of the shooting, while the butler they hired was around their age too (Alfred x Martha x Thomas rights), but Bruce never realized bc Alfred goes gray early and is, again, ageless. So, he is like panicking at 21 having acquired a nine year old and he's like 34 when Damian comes in his life and by the time the batfam has settled he's nearly forty and he asks Alfred how the fuck he kept up with him before he calmed down a bit as a teen bc he had a purpose and then fucked off to go train and Alfred just goes "I was ten years younger than you're now, sir, I also don't know how you do it. Have you looked into the Batman retirement plans more?" and it's only then that Bruce learns Alfred also had not fucking clue what he was doing and was pretty young (though way more reasonable than Bruce with Dick's adoption) to have a whole ass child as a responsiblity. Just the idea that they're closer in age tickles me

#rrrambles #dc #batman #dc comics #detective comics #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #batfam headcanons #batfam #batfamily #dc headcanon #alfred pennyworth x thomas wayhe x marth wayne #martha wayne #thomas wayne #good parent bruce wayne #tired dad bruce wayne

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batblobinarobe · 9 months

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Oh joy.

Batman #383

#dad is slightly tired jason #bruce wayne #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #batman #dc comics #pink robe supremacy

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anti-the-glitch-bitch · 3 months

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Batfam at the Sunday family dinner arguing over who is Bruce's favorite for a bet. It's nearing critical levels and Damian is preparing to throw a knife at Jason.

Duke is nervously edging his way out of his seat preparing to run for it.

Stephanie demands Bruce just fess up and tell everyone that she is obviously his favorite.

Bruce who had not been paying attention just blurts out Danny.

Everyone groans and passes money over to a smirking Alfred.

#dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #tim drake wayne x danny phantom #bruce is a tired dad

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daydreamerwonderkid · 10 months

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I just love the implication that Bruce is so used to Jason pulling shit at this point that there's literally nothing he can say or do that could remotely faze him.

To be fair, Jason is definitely running out of new insane/overly dramatic things to pull after, ya know, everything.

But it's absolutely fucking hilarious that Jason trying to pull shit is such the norm now that Bruce's reaction is just resigned nonchalance LMAO

#batfam #batfamily #bruce wayne #jason todd #wfa #wayne family adventures #wayne family adventures spoilers #proof that bruce is a tired dad #this webtoon is a gift #lmao

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deadsetobsessions · 5 months

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A click. The closing and opening of a camera shutter. The whirr of film as it slides across the inner workings of his camera.

Timothy Drake heaved himself off of the concrete roof as soon as the vigilantes left his eyesight. He swaps the film roll, placing the used one inside of the tin with a barely restrained grin. He’d gotten good shots tonight- a confrontation with Harvey Dent, batarangs swooping to cut the new Robin free- and Tim was excited to race back to his dark room in order to develop those candids.

He climbs down the side of the building, the spelunking gear he’d splurged his parents’ money on working wonderfully on Gotham’s stone and concrete buildings.

“Mom, I want to be just like you guys!” He’d said, and his mom agreed to spare no expense for his new hobby. Well, their secretary did, with his parent’s disinterested permission. After all, spelunking is sometimes needed for artifact digs… probably.

Besides, the moment he had brought up Bruce Wayne’s propensity for “spelunking,” his father had immediately sent him more cave scaling stuff in order to “network with the other successful businessmen, Timmy!”

Tim slides away from the alley with full awareness. Even in Bristol, one had to be careful to avoid the multitudes of goons out and about. The Narrows are definitely worse than Bristol and Tim wasn’t about to let his hard work be taken away just like that. As he trudged home- taking a taxi once he was in a slightly more “trustworthy area”- Tim became slightly lost in his thoughts about the identities of Gotham’s vigilantes. Technically there’s only two.

Tim knows there’s three.

Batman.

Robin.

Nightwing.

Bruce Wayne.

Jason Todd.

Dick Grayson.

His sharp mind, now assuaged from the mystery of their identities, worked hard to match the fights he witnessed to the injuries the prolific Wayne family hid the next day.

Timothy Drake thinks he’ll never get bored following his vigilantes.

——

He’s bored. He’s so irrevocably, irredeemably bored.

Tim had been so excited to go, too! Perhaps for different reasons than everyone else because he was here to observe his heroes out of their masks, not for the Annual Wayne Gala that’s the end-all of high society life. As in, if you weren’t invited, that’s the end of your social life. Bruce Wayne held high society in his palms and Tim is only fifty percent sure he knew and/or cared. Regardless, he was prepared to be a pod-son to his parents’ fake good-parents act, and accordingly suffered thirty minutes of cheek-pinching and fake laughs just for the opportunity to see the three Bats in one place.

They’re not here. They won’t be here for another twenty minutes.

Anyways, he’s bored and irritated. Definitely annoyed enough for some bad ideas.

And Tim might not be aware of this fact about himself until much later when he’s more self-aware, but a bored and irritated Tim Drake is bad news for everyone.

He takes after Janet Drake, after all, and Janet Drake is only after Bruce Wayne in influence and cunning.

And his heroes, his beloved heroes, are the targets of his ire tonight. Tim smiles wider, pod-person smile widening to a baring of ravenous teeth incredibly off putting on a nine year old, and immediately changes course towards the delicate jello squares sitting at the buffet table.

The Waynes will be learning the importance of punctuality at their own galas by the time Tim’s done. He swears it. He even has a get out of jail free card!

Just. A small bit of petty revenge.

Tim nabs a bowl full of the jellos, snacking on one as he makes his way to the Wayne family’s most favorite balcony. Everyone knows it’s the one the family members go to when the Gala gets overwhelming. It’s an unspoken rule that no one else may enter it. Tim slips around the blind spots in the cameras.

High society might call someone a bitch in forty different ways, all hidden behind silk smiles and false eyes, but they’d respect the oddest things.

Tim… doesn’t care. He’s been breaking rules since he was seven.

He sets to his task, setting the jello cubes in the places he’d calculated that Jason or Bruce or Dick might step on. Mild revenge, yes, but Tim doesn’t want to bother Alfred too much. The butler had looked a bit tired earlier. Task done, Tim squeezes back into the party and smiles like his life depended on it.

“Brucie!” His dad boomed, and Tim felt his smile widen once more.

“Jack!” Batman’s Brucie personality bounced into the ballroom as the party kicked back up with the host’s presence. “How’ve you been, old chap?”

“The digs have been very fruitful!”

“I see you’ve brought someone with you today! Well, other than your strikingly beautiful wife, of course!”

“This is my son, Timothy!”

“Hello, Timothy. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Oh. My. God. He’s shaking hands with Batman!

“Hi. I’m Timothy Drake.”

“Oh my gosh, Tim!” His mom laughs, fake nails and laugh digging into his shoulders. Oops. Too informal.

“It’s alright.”

“BRUCE!”

Oh my god, it’s ROBIN. Tim’s smile twitches, barely containing his squeals.

“Jaylad? What’s wrong?”

“Someone left jello cubes all over the balcony!”

“What?” Bruce (Brucie, Tim decides is the name of the mask) turns to his parents and excuses himself.

“Mom? I’m going to go network with Bruce Wayne’s son.”

No, he’s not. He’s gonna go watch them lose their minds.

“That’s my boy!” His dad claps him on the shoulder and shoos him off. His mom narrowing her eyes at him but ultimately dismissing him.

Perfect. By the time he gets there, he hears Nightwing- Dick Grayson, oh my god!- asking “O” to figure out who left all those cubes on the floor.

“Drake?” Ah, shit.

“Weren’t we just talking to him earlier, B?”

“Yes, but I haven’t got the slightest idea why he’d leave jello cubes all over the place.”

“Assassination attempt?” Jason asks.

“Whatever it is, it ruined my running shoes!”

“Dick, please, just wash it off or give it to Alfred.”

“Ugh, we can just go ask him.”

“And make a scene?” Jason sounds eager.

“No. Alfred ordered us specifically not to.”

Silence. Tim grins and slips away, making his way through and voiding the cameras as usual.

—-

“Timmy!”

Tim smiles politely at Brucie Wayne while inwardly cheering. His dad looks at him with stars in his eyes and leaves him to work his magic.

“Yes, Mr. Wayne?” Pod-person smile!

“This is my son, Jason. And this is Dick.”

“Hi. I’m Jason!” He holds out a hand for Tim to shake. Dick smiles at him and Tim thinks he might expire on the Wayne’s ballroom floor.

“Hello,” Tim suppresses his urge to scream excitedly. “I’m Timothy Drake. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Woah, you sound so stiff.”

“Jason!” Brucie Wayne chides. “Anyways, Timmy, you looked like you had something to tell me earlier. Something wrong, kiddo?”

No, no he didn’t. But… they don’t know that he knows their secret. And they don’t know he knows that they don’t know.

Tim acts confused, but then clears up with his expression like he just thought of something.

“Oh! I was wondering why you were late, Mr. Wayne. Did Batman stop you on the way back?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I know you don’t really like Batman, Mr. Wayne,” Tim cackles inwardly. “But he saves you a lot. Were you stopping crime?”

“I… I’m not Batman.”

“Well, I know that,” Tim huffs. “It’s just weird no one’s seen you and Batman in the same room.” Tim cheerfully ignores the alarm making its way onto the trio’s faces and his dad’s frantic, further away, cut it out motion. “But obviously that’s because Batman’s busy putting on his gear, right?”

“And how do you figure that…?” Dick asks, tense.

“Uh, he always knows when you’re in trouble? He always comes in minutes of you guys getting held hostage. Is his base on the manor grounds? Oh, is it a secret that you’re funding him? Don’t worry! I know how to keep a secret! Can you tell the new Robin that I think he’s the best?” Tim grins cutely up at Batman. Ah, he means Brucie Wayne.

“Sure can, kiddo! Don’t tell anyone else, okay?” Jason swoops in, grinning back Tim.

Eeee!

As he nods, Tim can’t help mentioning the cubes. “Oh, sorry about the cubes! I thought I’d be able to track them with their shoe print if Batman and Robin came to save you guys but I guess that wasn’t going to happen. I’m really sorry!” He uses the “cute duckling” face and Dick visibly melts.

“No problem, Timmy! You should come over to play Clue with us sometime! I think you’d be good at it.”

“Oh! Really?” His words becomes a bit more genuine. “I’ve never played it. My mom and dad aren’t around much so. Um. Would it be okay if we do?”

“This weekend.” Brucie Wayne’s voice suddenly became more firm. “I’ll talk to your parents about it.

—-

As Tim waves the Wayne’s goodbye, he hears from Dick, “You only like him because he said you’re the best.”

And Jason’s reply, “Because he’s got good taste,” made the rest of his night. Not week, because tomorrow, he gets to poke around Wayne manor again!

#tim drake is a menace #tim drake #bruce wayne is tired dad with unhinged kids #bruce Wayne’s adoption senses are tingling #bruce wayne #batman #nightwing #Tim literally dngaf and is waiting for the bats to play catch up #dick grayson #jason todd #robin #jello cubes as a weird shoe print identifier #technically he did catch Batman and robin

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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 1 year

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There's no "I" in Team but there are two in Migraine

Bruce had no issue with teamwork, despite what his children and colleagues might think. Teamwork was great. If done properly it was efficient, and it was good to have backup. Competent backup, at least.

Bruce helped found the Justice League. Obviously he was a supporter of teamwork.

However.

Some teams he really could have happily lived out his life without them ever existing.

He had a list.

One: Dick and Clark Kent

Clark had been the first hero he had introduced Dick to. It was a move he had regretted ever since.

He was glad the two of them got along, of course, but did they have to get along so well?

He could withstand torture but the two sets of sad puppy eyes attacking at the same time was on another level altogether.

Two: The Titans

Pros: Dick was making friends.

Cons: Dick was either away with his friends, or they came home with him. Really, all Bruce wanted was to spend one week without putting out any fires caused by teenage superheroes. Literal fires, not metaphorical ones. Well, actually there were plenty of those kind too.

Three: Dick and Jason

When Bruce first brought Jason home he wasn’t sure how Dick was going to react. And so maybe he panicked slightly and didn’t end up telling him for three weeks. In his defense, the voicemail he had left asking Dick to call him soon was left before the newspaper article came out.

Perhaps not his best moment.

Eventually, though, the two boys were introduced.

There was some yelling that took place, mostly directed at him, but other than that things seemed to go rather smoothly. Assuming, that is, that smoothly meant neither of them seemed to care about getting to know the other one, and mostly kept to themselves and their own activities.

And then, four months, two weeks, and five days after Jason first came to the manor, Bruce came home to discover the two of them had bonded over some unspoken activity that neither were willing to divulge. Alfred knew and didn’t disapprove so it couldn’t be that bad, but from then on out it was…well…

Bruce began the daily habit of checking his blood pressure.

Four: Talia al Ghul and Lois Lane

Bruce didn’t know how the two of them had met and he didn’t want to. See, Dick, he was okay with not knowing things. Sometimes. In this one instance, at least.

Five: Dick and Slade Wilson

Worst three weeks of his life.

Six: Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

He was happy for them, he really was. He just wished they could be happy together somewhere less structurally damaging.

Seven: Jason and Harley Quinn

Explosion therapy was not a thing, despite both their arguments otherwise. They didn’t even give him a Joker effigy to blow up. They could have at least asked. He would have happily paid for that one and all the rest of them.

Eight: Tim and Barbara

He wasn’t that old. He knew how to use his computer.

Nine: Jason and Cassandra

Too competent. They should never have been allowed on the same team for any game ever. If he heard one more complaint from any of his other children he was going to seriously lose it.

And then there was that one time the two of them disappeared for a week and no one, not even himself or Clark, could find them. They had turned back up with grins and minimal injuries, and Bruce had tried to not investigate, he really had. But he needed to know, regardless of how much he regretted it later. (A lot. He regretted it a lot.)

Ten: Dick, Jason, and Constantine

Bruce hated magic.

Eleven: Jason, Diana, and Barry Allen

No one knew how or why the three of them had teamed up. It had been four months of secret meetings and pointed looks and minor heists that couldn’t technically be traced back to them but Bruce knew. And then there was the regular day-to-day hero-ing. Diana, he could understand. That’s what she did. Jason? Had always been vocally opposed to getting too involved with the Justice League, but had also always looked up to Diana, so maybe that was understandable? Allen? The man was retired. And he wasn’t suddenly out of retirement for some reason, no. He was just there to “lend a hand” to the other two.

At least Bruce could comfort himself in knowing Jason was spending time with two respectable individuals. It was certainly a step up from his unfortunately ongoing acquaintance with Rayner.

Twelve: Stephanie and Hal Jordan

They should never have been allowed to meet. It was a disaster. For Bruce.

Jason had been the one to introduce them, as he had proudly let Bruce know after the first breaking news cycle hit.

Thirteen: Duke and Damian

Bruce would have told Jason how thankful he was that he was acting as the moderating adult influence with those two if he didn’t think Jason would start doing the opposite out of spite.

Jason would make a great parent someday.

Bruce would love a six month vacation.

Fourteen: Alfred and Martha Kent

He didn’t really need to explain this one, right? Everyone could just move on, continue with their lives and so on and so forth.

Fifteen: Damian and Batcow

Because a boy needs a cow and a cow needs an emotional support duck, turkey, cat, dog, rabbit, goat, and raccoon. Apparently. Tim and Jason were, in Bruce’s opinion, far too enthusiastic to provide research as evidence whenever needed (or not needed, as was usually the case).

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bruciemilf · 1 year

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Comic book writers who still make Bruce hit his kids even after years of mass criticism from fans who TELL you it's a bad creative choice that pushes them away from the fan base and comics in general,,, you did this for what?

#no bc like lets talk about it. if you hate robins that much. just. don't include them. but it's a very specific case of brain rot for comic #book nerds and writers -- MALE comic book nerds & writers -- that just. stops them from understanding #we're here because we love seeing bruce being a good father? we're here because we enjoy seeing a male superhero capable of #care and love after being so heavily traumatized to OTHER traumatized people? like. why. why is it so hard #to believe we love bruce more when he's a good father? ik the answer -- its bc these creators and consumers are #shitty men in general and they're incapable of understanding we might find healthy traits cooler than the machismo toxicism they've #been regurgitating since the fucking 90s #please just let a woman or a non shitty mam write bruce because this is so tiring #bruce wayne #dc #batman #bruce wayne is a good dad

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xxfoulplayxx · 7 months

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Dick, sitting on the kitchen island: muttering about his in-depth and overthinking of something that is so simple emotionally then stops and sits up, looking over to Bruce.

"This is your fault" He points at his father before laying his head in his hands and resting back down on the island.

Bruce: "what?"

Dick: "all I want is to be emotionally available to my boyfriend but now it's this big thing where I'm overthinking everything and it's all your fault. You've infected me with your way of thinking Mr. Detective. All. Your. Fault." He turns to face the wall and sighs dramatically. "This is what you've done to me.

Bruce: *so tired. What.-*

#dcedit #batfamily #dcau #incorrect quotes #dick grayson #richard grayson #wally west #birdflash #bruce has too many kids #dc fanart #bruce wayne is a tired dad #bruce wanye #batman #dc robin #kid flash

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wondersinwaynemanor · 18 days

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you think the Wayne kids would try to get Bruce's attention all at once? one look among each other, they already know the plan and they want to be competitive about it.

like for an instance:

Bruce, in his study at the Manor, answering work emails when he hears the heavy footsteps of his children and loud voices from outside the door. he holds a breath, readying himself.

Damian, his sketchpad on his hand, opens the door: Father, no matter what they say, stay completely still. I'll work on a portrait of you.

Bruce, blinks, before offering a smile: Of course, son. Let me finish this email then I will-

before Damian can close the door, Jason barges in with a few car keys on his hands, almost hitting Damian in the process.

Damian, growls: Careless Imbecile.

Jason, grins and ruffles Damian's hair: Well, it's nice to know you love me, Dami.

Damian attempts to push Jason away from the table, but to no avail. Damian tts.

Jason, approaches the table with ease, lifting the sets of car keys: Hey, old man. I was thinking of going out tonight. What car should I take?

Damian: Don't let him, Father. He's a careless, clumsy, fowl excuse of a human being.

Jason tries to pinch Damian's cheeks before the younger boy moves away.

Bruce, blinks, before studying the keys: Anything, Jaylad. You're free to drive-

then Steph enters with a bag of chips on both of her hands, 3D glasses covering her eyes.

Steph, grins widely: Heya, B! Me and Cass are planning to watch Jurassic Park in the family room. Want to join us?

Cass also enters the room, 3D glasses perched on her nose, a gentle smile on her face.

Jason: So the others aren't invited, huh?

Bruce, blinks and smiles at the two girls: Surely after dinner, okay? Let's make it a family movie night. But first, I have to finish-

Damian, approaches Bruce's side: But Father, you already agreed that I will make a portrait of you.

Damian then looks at Steph and Cass: Traitors!

Steph, just grins even more: It might be too scary for you, Dami.

Damian, whines: I've seen it a couple of times!

Dick, enters the room next, smug smile on his face: You all better be talking about my charming personality.

Jason, rolls his eyes: Actually the exact opposite. We're talking about how annoying you are, Dickface.

Dick wraps an arm on Jason's shoulder, trapping him for a side hug: Awww Little Wing, you flatter me.

Jason pushes him away.

Steph and Cass giggle at the side of the room.

Dick, walks over to where Damian is, bringing him close to him as he faces Bruce: B, I need your help with a plan for the Titans' mission. I'm kind of doubtful about it.

Bruce, blinks and nods at his eldest: Sure, chum. I'll be down at the cave-

Cass, goes near Bruce this time, holding him by the arm: No, you said we watch.

Bruce, touches Cass' hand: Yes, sweetheart. Don't worry, all of us will watch, okay?

Damian, groans: That film can wait tomorrow night.

Steph: It has to be tonight.

Jason: I have plans with Roy tomorrow night.

Dick: I think I'll be off world tomorrow.

Duke, enters the room, a bright smile on his face: Hey, everyone. Hi Bruce, want to check out these new puzzle boards I got? Seems like you need a break.

everyone replies with something.

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: Will everyone please not talk at once? Better yet, will everyone give me some peace first? I need to plan the rest of my day so I can be with each of you.

Tim is the last to enter the room, wearing a suit: B, I need you to come with me to Luthor's meeting. He's planning something and I need you to help me figure it out.

the rest of the Wayne kids erupt with different conversations.

Damian: I was here first. The rest of you can just go on with your lives without Father.

Jason: B, just tell me which car I should drive and I'll be off your shoulders.

Steph: You're not going anywhere after dinner, Bruce. We're watching the movie with and without the rest.

Cass: You already agreed.

Dick: So we're just going to ignore that I need help? This is an important mission. The world can be at stake here.

Duke: Well, I'm at stake here. Plus, Bruce needs to rest.

Tim: So we're just going to let Luthor do whatever he's about to do. We're better than this.

Bruce, stands up from his chair: Okay, okay. Everyone, just give me a few minutes and I'll let you know what happens next. Please, just... Please.

everyone grumbles under their breaths and leave the room.

Dick, speaks by the time they are away from the study: Is the bet still on?

Steph: I think I'm winning cus Cass is B's favorite and I agreed with her on the movie.

Jason: It's probably baby bat.

Tim: My money's on Duke.

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